Life as an obese person is not free. There is a price one must pay if they are obese and I don’t mean actual money. Although; the cost of healthcare for obesity related illnesses is astronomical, that is not the cost that I am referring to. What I am referring to is the gut-wrenching realization that your weight is once again inhibiting you from living your life to the fullest. It could even be that split second when you have to think about your weight. It is the panic that there will be a weight related snafu. It is staying ahead of any potential 'fat trauma'. The financial cost of obesity may be high, but I actually believe that the emotional cost may be higher yet.
Jason and I just enjoyed a vacation. We didn’t go anywhere special. We slept in our own bed each night. We spent some time around the house working but we also did a few little day trips to explore, get out and just have fun. Even with all that relaxation and fun, I had some moments that stood out to showcase the rising cost of my obesity.
I have already written about the first moments on my
vacation that was a gut wrenching expose of the rising cost of my obesity. That was when I talked about my diminishing
fitness level. Yes, walking around museums and racking up a
whole measly seven thousand steps caused my legs to ache and scream in
protestation. Seven thousand. Not seventy thousand. SEVEN THOUSAND. That is shameful! It was embarrassing and it's utterly emotional for me.
The second thing that happened was the day we went to Crystal Grottoes. This is a cavern relatively close to us. It has been years since I have toured a cavern and I was looking forward to it. We entered the building and I was standing in line to pay for our tickets while Jason used the restroom. My eyes fell to the signs giving guidelines. The first item said “No large purses or backpacks.” My mind immediately thought. “No Problem” but then I kept reading.
You see, they went further to give their reasoning as to why they didn’t allow backpacks or large purses. The reasoning was because there were tight passages and backpacks would be in the way. Immediately I began to worry. What was I worried about? If you are obese, you probably know where my thoughts had gone. I was worried that I would be too big for some of the passages. Yes, I began to fret, internally; about being so big that I would brush the walls or worse have to take the fat man’s route through the tunnel. I didn’t let on that I had this internal dialogue rolling through my head and I was able to calm myself down when I thought about the fact that they didn’t say anything about overweight people, nor did the person taking my money seem anything but pleased that I was visiting. And yes, it was all ok and I did enjoy the tour. But the fact that I had that dialogue in my head is sobering. It’s the emotional cost of obesity.
I can’t even tell you how many times this has happened in my life. During school I worried about those blasted desks that had the chair and the tabletop attached, they are a tight fit for someone that is larger. The same with some restaurant booths. It’s a worry. It’s a struggle. It’s an uncomfortable fit sometimes. Finding clothes that fit and yet look decent while covering my body in a sufficient way is another one. I’m always worried about my shirt riding up and exposing my belly (which we all know would cause the world to stop spinning right?). Eating out, especially at a buffet strikes emotions because you feel as if everyone is looking at the ‘fat girl’ to see what she is eating! What about the fact that my mind is constantly searching for potential embarrassment. When I find something I preemptively made a disparaging remark about myself and my 'fatness'. You see, it's easier to make fun of myself then it is when others make fun of me. I could go on and on about the emotional costs.
These are just the
icing on the cake in a world of obesity created emotions and fears. It pervades every aspect of life. It seeps deep into your bones. It is a world that is foreign to anyone that
has never lived this life. It’s not
pleasant. It’s not fun. It’s just …….life as an obese person.
