Wither Away

 

I would love to say that this past week was a rousing success.  I would love to say that I lost an amazing amount of weight.   I would love to say that my health efforts had been spot on.  I would be absolutely over the moon to be able to say that the elephant in the room, my mobility had improved.   I would love to tell you all that.   But I can’t.

I started this past week super focused and dedicated.  A coworker and I had been talking and she is big into fasting.  She has decided that she needed to lose weight by Thanksgiving, 10 pounds was her goal in 20 days.  And she was going to do it by fasting.   She and I had had this conversation before and I had been impressed with her losses from fasting a day or so here and there.  I had previously looked into fasting as a regular tool in my healthy living lifestyle.  I even read books on fasting.    And lastly, I tried fasting at that time. And it was a colossal failure then (you can read about that here.)   So why in the world would I decide to try fasting again.  Yes, I for some reason decided that I was going to fast again.  I was going to join my coworker on this thrust to lose mad pounds by Thanksgiving by fasting.  I wasn’t going to do the 2-3 day fasts that my coworker was doing, but I was going to follow the OMAD fasting schedule, one meal a day.  What could go wrong?    (I’m telling you; I had completely blanked out the previous experience.  There is no other explanation.)   EVERYTHING went wrong.   I got hungry during my fast and when that eating window opened, I descended upon food like there was no tomorrow.  I have always said “I can do a lot of damage in one hour of eating”.  Once again, I proved it.  My weight is UP on the scale after a few days of fasting.   NO MORE FASTING FOR ME!

So I had a failure with eating, surely exercise went better!   Except, that didn’t go any better either.   I started Monday so strong.  On my word was I on top of things.  I exercised at 5AM.    I even did a short 20-minute exercise video after work!    Twice in one day!  I was on top of it.  Nothing was going to stop me!   Tuesday, I started out right with another 5 AM exercise and then it went to hell in a hand basket! 

 It was about 7:30 and I was outside with the dog.  In the mornings I pick up her toys and straighten up things that were left out the previous day.  (I swear Jason has some type of attention deficit disorder, he will be in the middle of something and just walk away and let it lay when he moves on to a different project). We were also forecasted to get our first deep freeze.   Because of that, I wanted to get a few summer things put away, namely our hoses. So while the dog was on her lead (after the dog ran away at 5AM, I have not been brave enough to let her loose while I am home by myself and if truth be known, I haven’t let her outside without a leash while Jason is in the shower either!)

   So Zoey was rambling around on her lead while I flitted around the yard doing this and doing that.   I saw something across the yard that needed my attention so I stepped over Zoey’s lead.  I was very cognizant of doing it.  But she was just serenely watching the sky, so I knew that I had time to take that step over without any concern.   Except, that dog can go from zero to 60 in no time at all!  She saw something. (There was probably an airplane flying high over us leaving its jet trail.  You see, for some reason that infuriates this dog.)  Off she took running, while I was straddling her lead.  Next thing I knew, I was kissing the ground. I must have twisted when I dropped because my left knee was bruised and sore but it was my right upper side that took the brunt of the fall.  From my shoulder blade, up through my shoulder and down my arm it hurt.    It was bad enough that the first two nights after this happened, I struggled with sleep because of the pain.  It has diminished and I am starting to feel better.  BUT you know what that did to exercise!  From that point on, exercise didn’t happen.

So it was a week of failure in terms of my weight loss and healthy living efforts.    On Friday I spent the day with my oldest nephew at the Gettysburg Battlefield’s museum, film and cyclorama.  (Yes, we took pretty much the full day to do those things.) As we went through the museum we were talking, of course.  And of course we touched on my parents.   We touched on my mom in particular, and how much we miss her.  (She had a knack in later years for saying the rudest things to me, but she still loved me to no end and I loved her and I can see where her comments to me where frustration and unhappiness in her, especially after dad died.)   We talked about how when my nephew left to go to London for grad school that he resigned himself to the fact that his grandmother would likely pass away while he was gone.   And when he came back to the states how he was so shocked at her decline. (Those of us that were able to visit frequently didn’t see it as much because it was just a steady decline…but looking back it was a pretty big descent.)   We talked about that decline that was so visible to him after almost a year away. We talked a bit about the decline and if there could have been anything that could have been done to slow down that descent.  (We agreed that better physical therapy in the first home may have changed the outcome.  MAY.   But the PT at that home wasted so much time on inefficient therapy.   Seriously, for most of her time there, PT had mom lay in bed and do leg lifts and arm raises.    They didn’t have the manpower to actually get her out of bed to start walking….and didn’t dedicate that manpower until literally 2-3 weeks before her medicare paid time was up….when they realized that if they wanted to have a ‘success’ that they needed to get her walking.  So yes, I think she may have gone further if PT would have been more efficient at that first place she was at. IN fairness though, mom was in a reduced state of physical mobility before her stroke!     But The specialists at the hospital in Pittsburg where she was airlifted had seemed to think that she would make a full recovery….so who knows.  But I digress.   My nephew and I were talking about the decline and in my head, I realized that I am letting my health and fitness levels decline.  I recognize it.  I see it.  I know it’s not too late to change.  But, if I would have a stroke right now, I am already in a reduced situation in terms of my mobility.  I would be starting at a deficit, much like mom had.  Would I have the strength to overcome, or would I just slowly decline and wither away into …….