I didn't give up

So here we are, another week halfway done.Where is time going??   I looked at my last post and I was like "where in the world did time go" , I honestly feel as if I posted yesterday, yet it was 10 days ago!  I've gotten back into the 'normal routine' and have been working on the new normal.  So here is what I have been up to.

Word of the Week

Last week my word of the week was routine.    This week I chose the word Trust for my word.  I knew that I really needed to trust that my healthy habits would bring me the desired results.  It's hard to continue to watch what I'm eating, exercise daily, get my miles in, etc etc etc  and just TRUST that my efforts will work.  So that is exactly what I needed this week.  Trust that my efforts WILL parlay into weight loss.

Little did I know that it would REALLY be a week of trust when I chose the word.   Yesterday I hopped on the scales and I was aghast!  The scales were showing me up!  WAY up!  What in the world.  I know that I made some cookies over the week, but I had accounted for them in my tracker!  Why was I up so much! I stepped into the shower and stood under the stream of hot water reeling from what I saw.   And I had to tell myself to "trust".   Trust the healthy habits that you have put into place MaryFran, is what I had to tell myself!  

After I got myself calmer and over the shock of seeing a number that I didn't want to see, I was able to remind myself that I had been working on a healthy habit that almost always causes a spike in my weight before an eventual drop.   And even if that's not the reason for the weight spike....well.....trust!

 

Water 

 I bought a new water bottle this past weekend!  YAY, I love new water bottles!  I always think that a new water bottle will be the magic that I need to get my goal amount of water into my body! But even before I bought the new water bottle, I was working on getting in my water.   It took me a few days to realize that the cramps that I was having in my legs every night while I slept (waking me up)  were most likely caused by dehydration!    Yes, I was quite dehydrated.  As soon as I realized that, I started pounding water.  What typically happens though is that our bodies will then store all that water.  It's like a camel...we store the water because we fear that the drought will return.  Eventually, my body will catch up with the news that water is free flowing again and will then release the water (lots of potty breaks) and my weight will regulate!  So, I am hoping that holds true this time also! 

GERD

During the week of my mom's funeral, I just pushed things aside.  So when I got back into the swing of things I started to go through emails and notes of things to attend to.  One of them was to pay the bill for my barium swallow.  I logged onto mychart for that facility and noticed the results were there for the swallow.  I won't be going back to the doctor until the end of March, so I was just expecting to get the results at that time. But hey, I got a heads up earlier!

I have been living in denial that I have Gerd.  Yes, I have been living in denial, I was sure the doctors were wrong!  So I was excited to see the results, sure that the results would show that I do NOT have Gerd!   Imagine my disappointment when the results showed a "HIGH LEVEL" of reflux.....going up to the clavicle area.  Oh my!   I guess I can't deny it any longer!

Emotions 

I am still blown away at the way I feel.  I seriously thought I would do good with my mom's passing, after all, I had handled my dad's like a champ.   But I'm just thrown for a loop.  The absolute depth of loneliness I  feel is mind boggling. I feel alone and drifting. (maybe I never really grieved completely for my father too)  I don't know.  I just know that the thought of both of them gone brings tears to my eyes.  I'm alone, with no parents.  I know I'm not alone.   But it just feels lonely.  Tears are frequent.  And that's ok.  I'm paying the price for having been given an amazing childhood with amazing parents.  As much as it hurts, it is well worth it!

  2024 Miles in 2024

I was ahead in my miles before my mom passed away.  During that week, I used up almost every one of those banked miles.  Quite literally, I ended that week with only 1/2 mile extra.   I was fine with that.  Life events are what I like to bank miles for, because sometimes, getting in your miles just isn't going to happen.  But I knew that I wanted to start banking miles again.  I don't like to be just getting by.  I like extra miles so that my back is not against the wall.  So the first week back to work I came out swinging and I banked miles!  I banked a lot of miles!  So I am feeling good about that (and not letting up, I"m still banking those miles like crazy!)

February may have been a bust on a couple different levels.  I may not have lost the weight I wanted to lose (official weigh in tomorrow but it's not looking good), I may have not got all the steps/miles in that I wanted. I may have lost my mother.  But you know what?  I survived.  I kept putting one foot in front of the other and I didn't give up.

 

Getting back to Normal

 What a week. My word for last week was Hang On. I did just that.  I held on for dear life and tried to not let go.   

  I never expected to be burying my mom last week.  Yet we did. As a family we had some laughs and some tears.  I had handled my dad's death so well that I thought I would breeze through mom's death.  But no, this has hit me hard.  The best way to put it is that there is just this overwhelming sense of loneliness. I think when dad died I knew I still had one parent there and it gave me comfort.  But now.....there is nothing and just a hole in my heart.  I know...it will get easier.  

  Hanging on is exactly what I did.  Oh, I wanted to eat horribly, but I kept my eating in line most days.  The final day was the toughest of all.   I have taken on a project where I am taking a pile of papers that include my mothers recipes and I am digitizing them.   What I am doing is typing the recipes onto the computer.  I am then scanning/taking a picture of the recipe that mom wrote (some with stains and hard to read) and I am placing that on the page with the recipe.  So we have a nice version to recreate some of mom's baked goods but also so that we have a picture of her actual recipe.   IN this way, we can have things organized neatly and not taking up scads of space.     The problem with this project?  It makes me want to bake!  Many of the recipes that she made are already in my personal recipe file...but that doesn't matter...it makes me want to bake!  I resisted the temptation....UNTIL I upgraded my Kitchen Aid mixer.  I had a tilt top.......I have taken one of mom's kitchen aids.  So I had a 'new to me" toy to play with. (once again, it was mom's I've used all of her mixers many times...but it was new to me and in my house).   So I caved and made cookies yesterday morning.  I did take half of them to my in-laws to share with them!  (got them out of my house!)   Even so, my calories for yesterday was still until 2,000.  (right at about 1700 so I"m good with that).

My word of the week for this week is ROUTINE.  I need to get back into my routine.  I need that routine in place in order to have success!    I fell back into the routine this morning and I"m counting on that old routine to carry me through this first week back.

2024 miles in 2024.  I was so happy a week and a half ago because I was ahead in my miles for the year.    I knew that being ahead was important for a 'rainy day'.   Well, last week was rainy.  I didn't do much riding on the bike (I did get one or two days in) and while some of the days my step count was great, others my step count was in the garbage!   I did not meet my weekly goal....no where close!    Luckily I had those banked extra miles.  They saved me from not getting behind for the year.  I literally have about 1/2 of a mile extra now!  There is no wiggle room!  I have to get to moving and start banking miles again!

It wasn't an easy week....but I think I can say it was a successful week, all things considering!  

I Love You Mama

 I think my post title sums up everything I need to say.

Friday morning started as any other day.  I woke up and started my day like normal.  I was only awake for about 15 minutes when my phone rang. It was my brother telling me that he had just gotten off the phone with the nursing home.  Mom had died.  

 

It was unexpected. Sure, she had very limited mobility.   OF course,  she had been in the hospital for a week earlier this year.   But there was no indication that she was at the end.   So it was a bit of a shock.

I'm filled with grief and sadness.  But being honest, this is a good thing.  I know where my mother is now.  I know that my mom is no longer struggling with the most basic of life functions.  You see, she never recovered after the stroke 1.5 years ago and she struggled emotionally  with the loss of her mobility and freedom.

 The arrangements have been made, and we are in that stage between death and services.  Limbo land.   When my father died, I ate my way through my grief.   Seriously, I ate anything and everything!  I also gained about 8-10 pounds in that one week!   Within an hour of receiving the news that my mom had passed away I had already told Jason, "I'm not gaining this time, so no scads of donuts, ice cream, cakes and candies!"   

Let me tell you, it has been difficult!  That first day, I wanted to drown my sorrows at Burger King or Mcdonalds on the way to my brothers where we met to start making the arrangements!   I didn't!  I stuck to my cheerios!   The next day when Jason and I went down for the identification before cremation I wanted to stop again for fast food!  I wanted to pick up donuts!  I wanted it all!  I didn't!   I did have a higher calorie day (1700's) but the other two days since I received the news my calories have been in the 1300's!  The scales?   Right now I am maintaining!  I"ll take that as a victory!

 My word of the week for this week?  It's another phrase....... "hang on"

Word of the Week

​How is it already Wednesday and I haven’t posted my word of the week yet!  I’m such a slacker!!!   It just seems as if every moment of my day is sucked up with activity.   By the time I do sit down to relax in the evening I am just plain and simple tired!   But here I am now, so let’s catch up!

Word of the Week

My word of the week for this week is consistent.     Consistent just seemed really appropriate for me this week.  My January report actually kinda surprised me, I wasn’t expecting it to be as good as it was, but it showed me that my efforts were making a difference!  Because of that, I knew that I couldn’t let up!  I needed to stay the course that I am on.  I had to stay consistent!   

I am happy to say that this far this week I have been consistent!

Accountability

I have long resisted the idea of actually posting my food on a public forum such as this site or on my YouTube channel.  I know a lot of people do, but it just seemed as if I was opening myself up to ridicule as people decided to make comments about what I’m eating because of course my eating plan is MY plan and may not fit in with what someone else thinks is a good plan. So while I have toyed with it quite a few times over the years, I have never actually done it.   I also lacked the discipline (and memory) to actually film/photograph my food for each meal!  Hahaha. So I never did it.  That is, I have never really done it until last week.   No no no, you didn’t miss anything on here.  I decided to try something on my YouTube channel and I started posting what I eat in a day videos. Yeah, not really sure what possessed me!  Must have been a moment of insanity!

But I’ve done a few now.  And it hasn’t been too bad.   Sure I got a comment from someone to eat more veggies (I have always been a bit heavier on fruit versus veggies, so no surprise there).    I have forgotten to film one meal.  But since I’m a creature of habit it was luckily just a bowl of cheerios that of forgot to film.  So I’ve done it for about a week. And it’s been….well enlightening.

For one, the accountability multiplied tenfold for sure! And secondly, I realized how much of a rut I really am in, and it did make me sit back to try to think of different options for lunch.  (Although if it’s working for me, why change it?)

I don’t know how long I will do it.  Posting a video everyday is a commitment. It takes time to not only film (I am throwing in other things from life into those ‘what I eat in a day videos…and some videos are two days lumped into one), but it takes time to edit the footage.  It takes time to get everything ready to post and it even takes time to post.  But for now, it’s working as I’m working to set up some kind of routine to allow it to happen within my normal daily schedule.  (And in that schedule I am looking at adding a regular time to write here because I am always THINKING about writing a post but time gets in the way.

You can check out my what I eat in a day videos here.  

The Homestead

It’s no secret that when Jason and I bought our place that we bought it with grand visions of the property.  We don’t have a lot of land, but you can do a lot on a one and a half acres.  Fruit trees, a strawberry patch, garden, chickens, etc etc etc.   However, shortly after moving in life went upside down and well….I started to struggle emotionally.  And if you have ever suffered from any level of depression you will know that it is a monumental task to even do simple things like cleaning and cooking.   The yard progressed a bit..and we did plant a few things, but nothing major.

I decided that it was time to change that.   So I’ve been trying to spend a little time outside each weekend doing SOMETHING to better our ‘homestead’.   It’s winter so there isn’t a whole lot to do.  But we have a big brush pile to burn!  So we had a fire one weekend.  And my nut trees needed pruned…so I pruned one weekend.   We still have brush piles and stuff to clean.   That’s a good winter chore!  (Can you get poison ivy in the winter?).   I am looking at getting strawberries, grapes and blueberry bushes this year.  I want the fruit trees, but I need to watch the finances and don’t want to bite off more than I can chew in terms of time commitments!

I’m pretty excited about the homestead work!

We remain busy with life and all of our commitments, but I’ve been doing much better emotionally.   And of course, Zoey the Newfoundland is as cute as ever…she got a bath this past weekend!   She wasn’t happy about that!!!

So life is moving nicely..and things are going well!

January Check in and a Weigh in!

 January is in the books and it is time to look at how I did in January and look forward to what I am going to be doing in February.  I have to say, when I was looking at my stats and what I did, I was pleasantly surprised.  I was expecting the worst, but it was actually pretty good!

Exercise 

I nailed my exercise!  Sure there is always room for improvement but I did quite well!  So lets see what I did!

*I was able to complete quite a  few mornings of exercise videos (thank you YouTube). They were each about 30 minutes in length

* I rode my exercise bike 28 of 31 days in January. My mileage for my bike was 117.28 miles. 

* I walked an average of 4500 steps each day (about 1500 steps above my average for December). 

* I was able to complete 188.23 miles toward my 2024 challenge!  I have about 20 extra miles banked for a rainy day!

* I had two personal trainers....but they weren't too interested in my exercise!

Word of the Week

    I utilized my word of the week each week.  Two of the weeks were the same word, but the next three weeks were different.  I opened my day planner and a different word just came to me, so I rolled with it! Each word turned out to be absolutely perfect for what I was going through, feeling and experiencing!

   Here are my words of the week!

    *Week one - Control

    *Week Two - Control

    *Week Three - Fortitude

    * Week Four - Just Do it

    * Week 5 - Drive

Healthy Habits

I did fabulous on my tracking!  I tracked each day.  I pulled my information into my day planner.  I was amazing with tracking.  What I wasn't amazing with was water consumption!  I averaged about 50 (being generous here) ounces a day.   I was very cognizant of my water, it just didn't segue from something I kew I had to do, into a habit!  My calories were in line for most days!   That is exactly what I want, most days.  I am not seeking perfection.  I am looking for sustainability! 

Weigh In

I was so happy to see that my weight was down by 6 pounds!   I'll take it!  It's been fluctuating greatly for most of the month and only this week really seemed to settle!    Sure, I would like it to be more, but 6 pounds is respectable! I had to sit back and think about how much 6 pounds equals for a full year.  That is 72 pounds for a year!  That wee little 6 pounds that I was boo-hooing about?   That adds up to an impressive number!!!  6 pounds?  I'll take it gladly!

Plans for February

So what am I planning for February?
**Track my food!

**DRINK WATER

**Continue the Word of the Week

**Eat Slow  (slow is a no for acid reflux!)

**Continue to limit my carbs

**Focus on being healthy....and not stress about the number on the scale!

**Catch the rogue mouse that is running wild through our house!   WE have traps, but this little sucker is wiley and is outsmarting us!!!

The month is wide open.  I can make it whatever I want it to be!  I am choosing successful!