how has it been a month since I last wrote anything? It feels like yesterday! I wish I could say that I was doing fantastic and had dropped weight, was always happy and felt confident in my job. But I can’t.
My job. What to say? I am thankful to have a job. I am so very grateful. They have laid off people. My team is a trial. I am made to feel like I can’t to anything right. The stress of that gets me flustered and that just causes me to make errors….a vicious cycle.
I remain stressed about a few aspects of life. Can anyone say finances? Jason being off work for six months with no pay really hurt it’s going to take quite a while to recover.
My health. I am on protonic for acid reflux. It doesn’t seem to help. Some meals are worse. Some things don’t seem to affect me. I mean, my morning bowl of cereal doesn’t affect me! But a girl can’t live on cheerios alone can she? I also seem to be good with a pb&j sandwich at lunch….only the sandwich. Adding anything to it is a crap shoot to the appearance of ‘the flux’. I have decided to add a bit of probiotics to my life. Maybe my gut health is playing a part in this mess. So far no change. Honestly, am I eating too much? Am I eating too fast? I’m trying to curb how much I eat and how fast…but I find myself shoveling food in. It’s a bad habit that is proving hard to break. I have an appointment in about 2 weeks with a gastroenterologist. I needed to go anyway to have a colonoscopy (my dad died of colo-rectal cancer). But one of the main topics of discussion at that appointment will be the GERD diagnosis and acid reflux. Jason made a comment a few days ago…and it’s not something that I haven’t thought….he said ‘I’m wondering if you were misdiagnosed’. Since the medication isn’t touching it, it does make one wonder. So I’m just waiting for the appointment with the specialist.
My weight. Exactly the same. I dropped weight the week after I was at the ER. I felt so miserable I could t eat…and didn’t eat for about 3 days…and then for the next week I only at about 300-600 calories a day. And I lost weight. I was looking fabulous on the scales. The following week I got back to it and ate between 1200-1500 calories and my weight went right back to the ‘unhappy happy weight’ that I am stuck at. It is super frustrating! I’m not giving up…tracking my food (for the Flux as well as for weight loss. And I have vowed that I will get back to my daily workouts. This journey to lose weight is so difficult.
So that’s where I am at…my angst and worries in life. November flew by and I can’t imagine December will be any different.