It’s been a hot minute…again! I’m here. I think about posting. However I am always thinking about it and saying to myself, tonight…or tomorrow. And those times never come. Well they come but they are wicked up with other activities and responsibilities. So here I am at 5:30am writing.
Weight
I guess I should start with my weight since this was created as a weight loss journey. So the down and dirty about my weight? Nothing. I have thought about it…made efforts to start. (Ok, so what if those efforts were mostly in my mind.). But I have done pretty much nothing to get the weight off. I have not recommended tracking. I have not recommenced exercise. I’ve thought about it a lot. That counts for something right?
So I am here to tell you that my weight is exactly the same. I want it to change, but I just can’t seem to find it in me to add anything else to my life. Which is crazy because I know that if I got the weight under control that I would feel so good physically!
Work
Work continues to really drag me down. I’m not going to say much because it is my job…and I do need to retain my employment status. But the team I’m on is extremely toxic. BAD! I won’t go any further than that…but it’s not healthy.
Genera life
The life concerns are still there and they are overwhelming at times. I try to deal with everything but the pain just bubbles up. Yesterday I was walking the dog on my work break and was thinking about work. And I just wanted to talk to my mom. But while she is alive, she is not really there for me. It’s hard to explain, but she just isn’t ‘there’. Her attention span is gone…and she is so buried in her thoughts and misery or whatever that if I do talk to her she usually interrupts me mid sentence to say something random and not at all related, something like ‘where are my shoes’. So I was outside sobbing because while I still have my mom, I really don’t have my mom. The finances overwhelm me at times. It’s just a continually cycle of being overwhelmed…work…money…mom.
Jason has been my rock. He is the bright spot. I know it bothers him, because he has commented about never seeing me smile anymore. And I try….I really try.
Survive…not thrive
So this morning I was thinking and praying and the best way to describe my life right now is that I’m surviving but not thriving. I’m surviving. I’m going to work. I’m paying all my bills (yes, all bills are paid and paid on time). I’m doing everything that needs done….but it’s seemingly just enough to survive. Not getting ahead…not thriving. I’m surviving.
I’ll leave you with a pic of the dog!
