LIfe is crazy! That should be enough said. Life is crazy! From house hunting to weight loss to crazy dreams. It' all nuts!
House Hunting
We spent some more time this weekend and saw some houses that we really liked. One in particular. We REALLY lilked it. It had the a few acres and trees (which Jason and I both would love to have) It had not just a fireplace, but also a woodstove (Jason's wish list). It had a hot tub (which is on my wish list so every house we look at, I look for a location to add a hot tub). It had what we wanted. So of course, we made an offer. It's so difficult to wait until the offer is reviewed and either accepted or rejected. This is not the first house where we placed an offer. The waiting doesn't get any easier after the first. Honestly, it is probably worse, since you already have first hand experience. But we placed our offer this past weekend and then waited. We did everything we could to make our offer look good. We had an escalation clause to bump up our offer if needed in order to be the highest offer......to a certain limit that we were willing to pay. We wrote a heartfelt letter to include. We did it all. Monday evening we got the text.
The answer? The seller went with another offer.
Yes, we were/are bummed out. It is frustrating. The market is insane. At the houses we toured last weekend at each house we saw the people touring the house right before us and the people touring right after us. The tours were booked that tight and solid. It seems a bit hopeless.....almost insurmountable. Yet people ARE buying and getting their offers accepted. So with that said, we keep looking.
The house hunting process has been stressful for me. I'm a worrier. I stress about making the right decision, the offer, the wait, the aspect of moving, the process of the lease that we are in...everything. SO I have had some sleepless nights. That part of this has been no fun either! I told Jason that I will probably be a nervous wreck until we have signed on the dotted line, moved our stuff into a new place and handed the keys back to our current apartment complex.
Crazy Dreams
As if being stressed about buying a house and having issues sleeping as your mind races isn't bad enough, I have been having some nights recently where I have been having dreams. They are dreams that I am back in a relationship with my ex-husband. They are dreams that emphasize the emotions that I lived with daily during my marriage with him. (At least the end of the marriage......like the last half if not more.) Last night I dreamed that I had left him and then I went back. In my dream I was blown away at the pain and disappointment in my parents eyes. (As if dreaming about the sadness of my previous marriage isn't enough...my dad made an appearance in the dream....my dad who passed away 4.5 years ago and seeing my dad in my dreams always messes me up.) In this dream I had gone back and I struggled to move around the house, but everything that was in the house that was mine was broken, covered with dirt, decrepit. My ex's stuff was all pristine and well kept. And in seeing that, I saw the undervalue of myself in that marriage. I didn't matter what I did during my marriage, I was not important and the dream highlighted that. As I slept, those heavy weighted feelings and emotions drove me down. What a load I was carrying back then that I am reliving during my dreams. Because while they return to me in a dream, they are well known from my time in that marriage. The emotions of a dream where the dreammimics real life events that you have lived are hard to put into their place. Because these emotions are based on memories. Memories that I would sooner forget. But yet, after these dreams I find myself in tears and reliving the sadness and pain of those times.
I don't know what is causing the dreams.....very odd I tell you!
Weight Loss
I am maintaining. That is a good thing! Through the stress of house hunting and getting our offers rejected and all of that, I am maintaining!
The bad thing? I'm NOT losing!
So why am I NOT losing? Well, because I haven't tracked a bit of food in WEEKS! I am cognizant most of the time what I am eating, but the longer I go without tracking, the more food creeps into my day. Honestly, most days aren't too bad. I'm not eating a ton of stuff. But I know that I am eating more than I should......not if I want to be losing weight! I'm disgusted with myself! I feel bloated and icky and like a failure. (man, this weight thing keeps doing that to me doesn't it?)
I keep saying 'enough is enough'....but I keep failing. This has to end. The question is what end is it going to be? I know I know, I know. I hold the cards and I can write the next chapter to my book (which will affect the end) anyway I want!
Sooooooo, crazy life happenings here. Some of the craziness I don't have control over. I can only chose how I will react to the craziness......so how will I react?
1. I am vowing to continue to rely on my prayers and my faith that the perfect house will come alone in the perfect time for us.
2. I am vowing to now let the memories of those bad years in my life affect me. I will remember them and then thank God every day for the healthy relationship that I have with Jason
3. I will stop being lackidaisical with my weight. At the point where I am in life, not trying has the same damaging effect as eating like a mad woman! So TRY TRY TRY....never give up. (and that means tracking...like NOW!)
Life won't beat me!
