The mind tricks

For the past week my mind has been playing some nasty tricks on me.   Ironically not in the arena of weight loss...but for life in general.  But I guess that affects everything...even that weight loss effort!

I have been looking deeply at where I am in life.  No, not in my relationship.  I couldn’t be happier with Jason!  I am more in love each day and couldn’t be happier to be engaged and thinking about a wedding.  No, I am talking about my professional and financial life.

What do I want put of life?   I know my current job isn’t my life passion.  But what is?

What is my mission in life?  What are my passions?  What are my likes...my desires?  I’ve been diving deep.    And somehow I have come up blank!  Sure I have some things I like.  I like to read.  I like my dollhouses.  But I dabble with those things.  The question is, what do I want to do with my life?   

Is this a mid life crisis??  I am 48 you know!

Passions....the only thing I came up with for myself is that I spend a lot of time focusing on weight loss.  Not successfully so it seems a lot of the time (although I don’t weigh 330 pounds anymore and while I am not at my goal weight, I’m no where close to that so I guess it is somewhat successful).   Weight loss....really?    I don’t even know if it’s a passion or just that it has been the sole focus of my life for so many years and that has maybe squeezed out everything else.

What in the world?  How do I even know what direction to turn?   I just feel totally discombobulated and lost!

As for weight loss????   I am holding on...by the skin of my teeth it appears this week. My bike riding on the exercise bike to get my mandatory miles continues without fail.   We continue our evening walks.  I even got in a lunch walk in this week.  

While I did manage to avoid the deluge of sweet treats over the weekend, I immediately got hit with the monthly scourge.   And that skewed my weight for the week.   I was slowly recovering and it was looking like a maintain for me!  And then last night I ate a super high sodium dinner.  Yup.  I knew it was not going to be good when I woke up and laid in bed.   I could see the signs!   And so I ended up with a gain this week. A gain of exactly one pound!

I’m not out for the count with my weight loss....I’m just regrouping...drinking lots of water and planning another one sweet treat weekend!!!

I will continue to ponder the direction of my life....and my passions. There had to be an answer out there for me!!!!

Weight loss is like a Bank Account

 More inspiration to stay focused on this weight loss journey!!!!

   

Ending the cycle

So..... did I break the cycle that I wrote about on Friday?  

On Friday I wrote about my vicious cycle that I have been struggling with.  I wrote about how my weeeknda were a huge struggle.  We naturally tend to eat more junk food and with that junk food comes a tendency to have a sweet treat each night.  And some nights a LOT of sweet treats.  Seriously a few weeks ago I ate two crepe filled donuts as dessert and that was after a full dinner!  Two!  (They were delicious!).  The weekends would make my weight pop up o the scales....and then I would need to play catch up.  Through the work week I would be eating ‘perfectly in an effort to lose the weight I gained in a desperate attempt to not show a gain!  Sometimes I was lucky and even showed a slight loss.  But I wasn’t always lucky.   I knew (know) that I can’t continue that cycle!  So on Friday I made that vow to break the cycle!

I am not aiming for perfection.  So I decided that I could resist a sweet treats...mostly.   I would allow myself ONE sweet treat!  Not one night of sweet treats (which would allow me to have two or three donuts. Or a half gallon of ice cream). One serving would be allowed over the whole weekend!   That allowed  me to have something I enjoy but in a severely limited and managed manner.   A good balance between living my life happily but in a healthy manner.  (In other words, a sustainable balance.)

All day long of Friday I stressed about this limitation.   Should I get dessert on Friday night when we ordered our dinner?  It would be tasty.   I would enjoy it for sure.  But what if we had a better option for desserts on Saturday...or Sunday?  Then I would be faced with a monumental choice of trying to resist when something better came along.  But what if I turned down dessert on Friday and then Saturday and Sunday rolled along and no delicious dessert came my way?   Then I would have lost that delicious dessert and I would be high and dry with no sweet treat!  (The tragedy!) 

You may laugh, but I pondered this decision all day long on Friday!

Luckily the decision was made easier for me.   We ordered form a place that didn’t usually tempt us with desserts and I was tired and felt no desire to make anything.  On Saturday I resisted the Reece’s cups at the store while grocery shopping ...I was saving myself for something awesome. (And I was tempted with the Reece’s Cups thin!)  Mid afternoon went to a farmers market and picked up donuts.   I ordered ONE and I will be the first to admit that I savored that donut!  It was delicious.   When Sunday rolled around, surprisingly I wasn’t tempted to grab anything.  

I did it!  I limited my sweet treats and I did great.  Now I will be clear and say that I did ‘indulge’ in a banana with a bit of chocolate syrup. But I’m not even going to count a banana and a bit of chocolate as a sweet treat!  It’s a healthy snack!

So my weight. How do my daily weigh ins look?   Grrrrrr! 

I was so excited to step on the scale this morning.  I wanted to see the number because there was no way that my weight popped up!   It had stayed steady through Saturday morning and Sunday morning weigh ins...I just needed a good weigh in on Monday to carry myself through the weekend and break that cycle.  

Three pounds UP!   Exactly three pounds!   Yes..  three pounds.   You see...the monthly scourge (my female cycle) decided to visit...a week and a half early might I add.     I have long known that my weight pops by 2-3 pounds with that.  But seriously....why!  I wanted to see the success!!!!

Water water water...that is the plan for today (not only the hormonal water weight...I know I didn’t drink enough water this weekend).   If I stay the course this weight gain should disappear!!!!!!

Go away

I’m done with winter!   Thank you, but I’ve had enough!   It’s time to move on to better things...like spring!!!

We had more winter weather this week.   I’m over it!  I want balmy weather!  I want bike ride weather!  I want to put my hat and gloves away!

Ok I’m done complaining!   (Maybe).  I am blessed to be working from home this winter!   I haven’t had to stress and worry about getting to and from work in these storms.  It’s been totally stress free for me.  (Well mostly....I still worry about Jason!). 

We have been just continuing onward.  Work during the day and relax during the night.  We enjoy our evenings and our time together...with our pets.  :-)

My eating has been spotty.  I am teetering on the edge of collapse.   Meaning I’m not being horrible but I’m barely doing enough to maintain....if there is any loss it is minimal...and most likely to be regained.  I have not been totally serious about this journey.  I’ve been trying to have my cake and eat it too...pun intended!!

The sweet treats on the weekend get me every time!   One night turns into two which turns into three!   And the the damage is done so all of my work week is trying to play catch up for my weekend indulgences!  It’s not working!!!

I’ve got to stop the cycle!   But even as I type that, I struggle because the weekend is upon me...what dessert!  Should I have my dessert tonight and then just hope and pray for willpower the rest of the weekend?  Should I resist tonight and then take the chance that I won’t get something delicious the other nights?   Yes these are serious decisions  and worries for me!!!

And yes....that is a good addicts brain talking!   

How does one beat that mentality?  I just wish it would go away...just like winter...disappear into oblivion!

One Pound at a Time

 Today's mid week inspiration is the reminder that this journey is not insurmountable.  It is quite attainable...we just have to do it one pound at a time!!!!

Playing catch up

I was totally shocked at my official weigh in.  How in the world did I manage a loss?   The stress got me.   The weekend desserts got me.  It was just not a good week!

Let’s start with the good.   I got my miles in for my 2021 mile challenge for the year.  I am unfailing with that.   Determined to complete this goal and prove to myself that I can do it!  I try not to think about the long term aspect of this goal.  I try to not dwell on the amount of miles that I have yet to complete.  I am laser focused on each individual day...get the minimum 6 miles...don’t worry about anything other than the days miles.   I have been consistent with getting my miles on the exercise bike and then we usually walk after work so that nets me another mile or two.  I also made a slight change in my calculations. The official rules of the challenge is that you can’t count your daily every day steps...only specific workouts.  I followed that for the first two weeks.  But then I realized that it was not really pushing me to add steps to my life.  My step count was still barely reaching 5k each day.  So I made a little equation.  Through studying previous days, I know how much a sedentary day (no after work walk and just a lot of relaxing) gives me in steps.  So I decided to take my daily steps...and I subtract that ‘sedentary number’.  The number of steps I have left is what I count.   I have been happy to see that while I used to struggle to reach that 5k mark, I find myself consistently over 5K.  Nothing changed in my life...I am just trying to move more.  For example, I fold clothes and instead of folding all the pants and placing them in a stack on the bed before putting them away, I fold a pair of jeans and then walk them to the dresser.  I walk back to the bed and fold another pair of pants and walk them to the dresser and then back.   I do the same with clothes that go into the closet.  On trip for each item.  It seems small but it does add up.  

So I’m doing well with that.

My eating.  I am struggling with breaking the weekend cycle.  I eat sweet treats on the weekend....and pop up on the scales.  I spend the weekdays trying to be good...and I can usually negate the weekend gain.  But barely.   I vow to keep it in line...but then I cave and have too many sweet treats.   And this the cycle begins again.   

I have such good intentions...but wow.  I am spineless!

So that is what happened last week.  I weighed in on Friday...and I lost 0.8 pounds.   I was determined to come through the weekend without a gain.   But then...boom.   It happened.  So here I go again...playing catch up.  It’s getting old.  And the only thing I can say is it so my shame because I know this issue is mine!!!

So here is to a work week of ‘catch up’!!!

Stress and more stress

These last to weeks have been fraught with stress. I have been trying to keep a lid on the stress and continue my journey to a healthier me.   I know that journey is so important!   But that urge to eat me stress away has been simmering the whole time.

Work is insanity!   The changes tgg he at were made at the beginning of the month were rough.   The preparation for the changes were not sufficient at all!  Not one coworker that I have talked to is feeling ok about it!   The most unflappable people are talking about the stress and tension!  Added to that is the fact that the work load increased but the work force decreased again is not helping!

I try to remind myself daily hourly that I need to be thankful that I have a job!!!

Then in monday mom fell again!  This is the third fall in a little over three months.  The first two were bad enough but didn’t cause any serious physical injuries.  But this third fall has been tough with injuries that are making it difficult for her to function.  I have been stressed and worried  to no end.  These falls have to stop because I fear what the next fall may bring!

So you can see..,.stress galore.   I know it’s an excuse...but I fear my weight on results due to the stress.  I fear that the stress and the stress eating will affect my efforts and if nothing else about my mom’s situation is good.....her lack physical fitness should be pushing me to lose this weight once and for all....and get fit!  

The good thing in all this?  I have not missed even one day of my time on the exercise bike!!!!

Be Strong!!

 Just a little mid week pick me up and inspiration!!!

There are so many excuses about why we can't get fit, why we can't exercise, why we can't lose weight.  I'm not here to say that they are NOT valid....but they are just that.  Excuses.   If you want something bad enough, you will make it happen and there will be no such thing as an excuse!!!!

Recovery

 So I was honest last week and admitted that I gained weight.  I actually admitted that I gained 3 pounds!!!  ! I wasn't happy about it but I vowed to change it!   I swore up and down to myself that I was going to get this under control and take care of it so that I wouldn't gain any more and so that I could recoup my gain.  It's time for the weekly weigh in.....did I do it?

Let me start and talk about this week.  This was immensely tiring and stressful! We had a big change at work that was a bit.....well lets just say it was a bit rocky.  I will admit to shedding a few tears.   And I know some of my coworkers have admitted to it also.  It has caused stress galore...and tension headaches!  And on Monday, it caused some stress eating!

I wasn't happy with myself though.  So by Tuesday I had cleaned up my act and I was back to eating healthier!  That was awesome and I was happy to turn it around!  Even better?  I can honestly say that I NEVER missed a day of my miles for my 2021 challenge!  So that is a good thing!  

It was just a week!  Finally by Thursday, I experienced one of those days where I went to the bathroom CONSTANTLY!  I hoped that my body was getting rid of water weight in time for my weigh in!  BUt I was still nervous to step on the scales!!!

But let me stop babbling and give you the numbers!

I lost 1.4 pounds!  I didn't recoup what I gained!  But I had a significant loss and for that I am super thrilled!!!   This puts me at 85.6 pounds down from my highest weight!  GO me!  I'm about halfway there!!!

I am watching my food intake closely as I head into the new weight week!  I'm going to rock out this week!!!!!!

Get busy living

 I love love love the movie Shawshank Redemption.  It is just a really good movie.  But in particular there is one line that really resonates with me.

Get busy Living or Get busy Dying.  Every time I say it I can hear Morgan Freemans deep voice saying it.  But in actuality, the quote is said a few times in the movie.....because it's that important!  And I've written about this in the past...way back in 2009....but it's so good I want to repeat it!!!

In a weight loss journey this is particularly true.  Because you see, I have a choice. One choice really.  I can take the steps to control my weight and be healthy  or I can ignore it and eat myself silly while laying on the couch with no exercise or activity!  One choice.  But that one choice has SOOO many ramifications!

I can get busy living....making my life one that is really living. Eating healthy, moving more, being active and living my life to the fullest!   Or I can continue to eat poorly and exercise little and allow my health to continue to erode until I am in a place that I can't recover from......a place that will bring death.  Because you see, ignoring my weight issues and my inactivity is hastening my death.  Sure, that sounds way over the top melodramatic. But lets look at the leading causes of death.  Obesity is a contributing factor to each one of those ways to die.  Those diseases are caused or at least exacerbated by excess weight!   

SO you see, get busy living or get busy dying really does pertain to that single choice we have.  We can eat healthy and get active and get busy living.   Or we can continue to eat junk food and allow our weight to skyrocket and not get any exercise and in essence we are going to at that point be 'get busy dying'.  We have a choice.. I want to live.  I want to live the best life possible and that life I want is NOT plagued with health conditions that I have control of!

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying.  It's your choice!!!

Hello February

February....you are more than welcome to come into my life! I am ready to say goodby to January!   No, January wasn’t that horrible, but I don’t like cold!  So while I don’t want to wish my life away, I’m already dreaming about balmy spring days...so bring on February because that will herald in March...and warmer weather!  

Sooooo. Let’s talk about some goals!

I have three main goals for the year 2021.  I want to build my savings account by a specific dollar amount. ($5000)  I want to propel myself 2021 miles in the year via biking, walking, running, etc.   Last but not least I want to lose weight and be at or under 200 pounds  (Roughly 47 pounds to lose this year.)

For my monthly goals I have simply taken those three goals and divided them by 12 to get my monthly goals.  These goals are big and I was getting really panicked within the first days of the year as I looked at the sheer numbers of what I needed to accomplish.  So by turning them down into the monthly goals it tricks my mind by making the goal more doable and attainable!

So the goals for each month....

1.  Ride/walk 168.42 miles 

2.  Lose 4 pounds (one pound a week)

3.  Save $415

I smashed my first goal of mileage!  I got my required miles and I banked an extra 56 miles!   Why yes I did!!!   I call this a huge NSV!   I honestly half expected myself to quit after a week or two.  I think for me the biggest thing was that helped me is that I stopped thinking of exercise as optional.  I made my miles mandatory...as mandatory as brushing my teeth and taking a shower is for me!  

My second goal was to lose weight....specifically 1 pound a week.   I was killing this goal during the first weeks of the month!  I kid you not!   At the beginning of the last week I looked at the figures and I was so excited because I realized that I could pretty much maintain and all would be ok....I would still be well above my minimum needed to call this goal completed!   I could even gain a bit and I would still attain my monthly goal!   But I had a huge gain that last week!   So I ended the month at 1.2 pounds gone.   So I did not reach this goal for the month.  I know I know...it’s a loss overall.  And for that I’m happy.

Third...savings.....I nailed this goal easy!   No problem!  Money in the bank...and I even out above and beyond the minimum needed into my savings account!!!

The goals remain the same for the month of February! I have big goals for the year and I am going to chip away at them one month at a time!    For the miles and my savings I am on track and actually even ahead of schedule for my year goals.  (And I want to keep it that way and keep building that cushion).   For the weight I had a few pounds extra  built in as I had 48 pounds or so to lose and there are 52 weeks in the year.   But I have blown some of that cushion this past month.   No worries.  I can still accomplish my big goal. But wait, I’m not looking at the big picture....only 4 pounds needed this upcoming  month!

Well if that isn't ducky

 I had a fabulous week!  It was absolutely spectacular!!   I mean, it could have been better in some regards...but by the book and by the numbers it was pretty good!

I continue to rock out the mileage!   I rode every day of the week and didn't let up, even after I knew that I had reached the miles that I needed for the month of January, I kept pedaling!  I did not let up!  My exercise has become something that 'just has to be done' each day.  It's kinda like brushing my teeth....it has to be done.  I don't try to talk myself out of brushing my teeth so why would I do so with my exercise!  And whatever I'm doing...it's working!  I have exercised and gotten my mileage each and every day this month!

Food.....well  I kept my calories at an somewhat even keel!   Ok ok ok, there was one day where I was up around 2000 calories...but my average for the week was 1550 for each day.  That is a theoretical LOSS.  HOwever we know that my body doesn't work that way!  Soooooo....I gained!  I gained 3.2 pounds!

Yes, I am incredibly frustrated to gain 3.2 pounds.  That wipes out most of my progress in the month of January!  It is infuriating!  

These are not excuses....but possible causes and factors in my demise this week. (Ok, that was a bit melodramatic....it's not a demise...it is just a bump in the road.).  So anyway....these extenuating facts......

 Factor number 1, the monthly ick!  Need I say more?  I have long known that I can sometimes gain up to 2-3 pounds from that joyful event.  

Factor number 2, we are going through a huge change up at work...as in a huge change up in the system that I operate each and every day.  THis week was the last week of training....the swap of information from our current system to the new system will happen this week and when I log in on Monday I will be using a different system. One that I am not feeling confident about.  One that I feel that I was only half trained on.  There are so many questions in my mind and I am stressed to the max!

Factor number 3.....could I be building muscle???  I am riding my bike a LOT!

Ok, so factors number one and two are quite valid and real.  Three may just be a little wishful thinking!  But there you have it.  I had a HUGE gain this week!!!!!!!