What is wrong with me?

It started recently.    Well, relatively recently.  January  first to be exact!   My clutzy tendency’s have become scary!  I seem to be falling more and more!   Yes...quite frequently!   What is happening to me???

Now let me get this straight, I have always been a bit accident prone.  But the amount of falls I am having is really concerning.   I don’t know why...is it really just a freak of nature that I’m having a run of bad luck?

Yes, it started January first.   We went hiking on the Appalachian Trail.  We were almost back to the car and I was doing a stream crossing and something happened and I slipped and fell.   We attributed it to us not having hiked for a while and my legs being really sore and didn’t think anything of it!  We continued to hike each weekend and my legs grew stronger.   

I didn’t have any more accidents in January....that I can remember.  But  February brought about another fall!   We were on a light walk.  I’m not even going to call it a hike because it was so tame!   I tripped and went down.  Again?   I was kinda confused...two times in two months.  What are the odds?  

It doesn’t end there though....I fell on a hike in mid to late April.  As best we can figure out, my foot caught on a rock and I went down.    We were concerned at that point because that was accident three in just a few months.   But it didn’t end there.  One week later I had my bike accident.  ONE. WEEK!  

Surely my luck would change!   But no, two weeks after that, just this past weekend I went down again!  I kid you not.   We were out on a light easier bike ride on the canal towpath. (Seriously, I’m still in near constant rib pain...it had to be easy).   We stopped to go explore a tunnel/cave.    

I had to go down a small slope into the canal and then back up on the other side to get to this tunnel.   Jason was taking care of our bikes so that I could be safe.  I was being careful.  I swear I was being careful!   I was moving slowly and the next thing I knew my foot slipped on gravel.  I landed with a thud on my butt.   Wow, the fall jarred my ribs (which are still really sore!)!    Luckily, I walked away with only a few scrapes on my arm and my ribs and after the initial rush of pain didn’t suffer any more damage in that area. 

But you can see, these accidents are happening with greater frequency.   Looking back, we hiked a LOT the first year we were together.   I didn’t fall every hike...or even once a month.  I do remember one fall while hiking about two and a half years ago...but nothing else.  ONCE.  One fall in four years.   And here in about three months I am heading toward double digits.  Ok not that close, but enough that I’m concerned.

We aren’t sure what is the problem.  It seems to be mostly when we are hiking.   It doesn’t happen when I’m just walking.  I don’t fall and stumble at the grocery store.  I don’t trip or slip while walking around our apartment.  We walk outside every day after work and I haven’t fallen once!  (Just writing this scares me though...I hope I haven’t hexed myself!!). We originally thought maybe when I get tired my legs just give out.  We have wondered if I’m just not picking my feet up and if they are catching on any uneven surface, rock or tree root.   Is it something to do with my weight...has my weight shifted and has it messed up my balance?  

I just don’t know.  But While Jason has  jokingly said that he is going to start making me wear knee and elbow pads and a full face helmet when I go out, I think there is an ounce of truth to his suggestion!  These calls have got to stop though!   I’ve been somewhat lucky and most of the falls have garnered nothing more than some scrapes and bruises. But I fear that my luck will run out!!!!  I am not giving up on exercise, but I am nervous!!!!!

It is however becoming a more regular occurrence and it is scaring me badly!  

I hate exercise

For a while there, I was actually loving to exercise!   Yes, me!  The overweight gal that prefers to read and do crafts!  I actually loved and craved exercise! But something happened and it is just not my friend any more!

 I was going to zumba and doing as many sessions as I could each week.  (Can we say 4-6 hours of Zumba?). In the same week I was riding my bike, doing exercise videos and running at least 4 times a week.  It was insane!  But I felt strong and healthy!

And then something happened.    I have evolved back into the lazy Maryfran, the ‘I’d rather be crafting’ Maryfran!  Exercise comes when Jason says its is so nice today, we have to get outside!   I go...somewhat grudgingly.  The good thing, I never regret going!   

This past weekend we went out for a bike ride .and I realized that right now I am doing better when I can forget that what I’m doing is exercise.   We went on a section of the canal that I have not been on in years.  I was so busy looking at everything that the miles passed by and I almost forgot that I was exercising!  

Masking exercise in some fun activity is a great way to get it done. 

 However, I want to bring back the Maryfran that couldn’t wait to get out and go for that run. I want to be the Maryfran that wouldn’t skip a zumba class unless I was on my death bed!    I want that hot sweat dripping down my back.  I want that feeling of exhilaration that infused me after a workout. I want it.  But I hate it and dread it right now. 

I swear I’m a hot mess!  How can I want something but hate it?  Hopefully if I just push myself to do it, I will learn to love it again!!!!!!   

So yes, the running WILL recommence...as soon as my ribs are capable!!!! 

Back to the basics

As I fell off the weight loss wagon I stopped doing some of those most basic things that for me are intrinsic for weight loss.   Well honestly, I stopped doing a lot of things.   But let me start with the most basic items.

The first and most basic thing is water!   I stopped drinking my water.   I stopped really caring.  I stopped even preparing my water for the day.  Oh I would make my flavored/vitamin packet water every morning, but I would only take one or two sips of water through the day.   That is not good.  My minimum goal for the day is 64 ounces!  I am still trying to struggle to get my water intake back to where it needs to be.  But I am preparing my water every morning and I am trying to make a real effort to drink....drink again ...and then drink some more!

The second thing that is utterly basic is the tracking of my food.   I used to have a rule that I would track my food intake, no matter what!   The process makes me aware and cognizant of what I’m eating.  The process and act of tracking grounds me.  It keeps me honest.  It also reigns me in with my eating.   So even if it’s crazy high food intake, I need to track

Those are the two most basic items that I’m working on right now.   I need to have those two things in place first!  It might be enough to turn the ship around.   :-)

As I get those two items in line I will be starting to focus and think more about what foods I’m eating (that comes naturally for me as I track). It then becomes a ‘is it worth it to eat this and use the calories?  

I am working on this!!!

Weight loss failure

I am such a failure at this weight loss stuff!  Seriously I am a  colossal failure!

I swore that this past week was going to be my epic return to actual weight loss!   However, on this official weigh in day, I find myself still sitting at the upper end of the scales!   I have officially gained 10 pounds since our world went topsy turvy!    

I’m embarrassed. So embarrassed!

Why am I sabotaging myself.   Now let’s be clear,  I’m not standing in the kitchen saying ‘let me self sabotage’.  Of course not!   I actually start each and every day with a positive spin.  ‘Today is going to be the day!’   I track my food!   I get my 64 ounce water jug and my flavored vitamin water ready for the day!

I track my breakfast!  I think to myself, ‘I have this!’   And then sometime ...usually at lunchtime, my good intentions go down the drain...or should I say that the food goes down the hatch ...as I shovel God knows what into my pie hole!   Self control flees and I am left with a terrible sense of failure and I don’t track even a single bite the rest of the day!

That loss of self control then gives me the self perpetuating thoughts of ‘may as well go all in’.  Oh you know the feeling.   It’s that sense of saying ‘I already messed up, I may as well just have the good ...but unhealthy foods for the rest of the day...tomorrow I’ll get back on track’. This past week that brought around a situation where I ate a lot of the rolls from our Texas Roadhouse Takeout order.  

It also led to a package of Red Velvet Chips Ahoy cookies.  I recommend NOT buying them if you are trying to lose weight...they are DELICIOUS!!

I indulge and then I am infused with a sense of guilt.  Luckily the guilt doesn’t spur me to give up.  The guilt I feel each night spurs me to start my next day hot on the trail of weight loss.   I prepare my water and track my breakfast!

I can do it I tell myself.   But then it’s like it is a wash rinse repeat deal....and somewhere around lunchtime I lose all vestige of self control!

It doesn’t help that my ribs are still giving me a pretty good amount of pain.  (Will this pain ever end?). So just the thought of exercise makes me cringe.   I have been walking after work....but only because Jason asks me to walk with him when I get off work and when I waffle about going he says ‘I’m going if you go or not...’ and I drag my butt out the door.  (Thank you Jason!). 

I don’t have a magic solution to fix this.  I want to lose weight so badly.   I fear what is going to happen to me if I do not get this under control.  Meanwhile, it’s early morning on the first day of my weight week...my water is prepared, my breakfast is tracked....I’m starting the day and week out strong!

Weekend fun

I am not sure if my weekend fun is coming back to haunt me or if I am just still much further away from recovery then I think and want to be aftermy bike accident...but boy oh boy do my ribs hurt today.

We had a nice weekend.  We saw our mothers to wish them Happy Mother’s Day and that was nice.  On Sunday we decided to go for a bike ride.

I’m not going to lie.  I was nervous about getting back on my bike.   It’s not that I’m afraid of riding...or even wrecking again!!!  I am afraid of actually falling on my ribs!!!  The pain if I fell would do me in I fear!  

But we had a good ride.  No accidents !   I did take some Advil as a preemptive strike against any pain before we went out.   I won’t lie and say it felt great.  But it didn’t feel too bad.   

We rode for about 3 hours.  We covered about 23 leisurely miles.   We enjoyed our trip.   While it wasn’t exactly comfortable, it was fun!

Even better, my legs felt fine!  Yay!!!   Now last night I wasn’t hurting any,  but this morning I am in misery with pain...not legs...my ribs!! I don’t know if it’s a side affect of the ride or if I slept wrong.  But eii yiii yii!  (I naturally tend to sleep on my side and my back is where it doesn’t hurt...but I keep waking up laying on my side...and in pain!)

I am happy with my efforts to stay active though!  I want to keep my riding legs so that I can rip down the mountain bike trails when I am feeling better!!!!   And meanwhile, it’s time to get this excess weight off!!!   It’s time!!!

Enough is enough

I’ve had enough.  I know I need to take time to heal.   I know that my body isn’t back to normal.  I know that my injuries are still hanging around.  But enough is enough. It’s time for action, not the time for dreaming!

What am I talking about?   I am talking about saying that it’s time to stop wallowing in pain and start working on this weight loss thing again.

Yes, I’m still on pain    But yesterday I could feel that I turned some sort of corner.  The pain dropped in intensity.  Well maybe not intensity.... but, the pain dropped from constant intensity to bursts of intensity.   The ache is constant still.  I also dressed myself without anyone’s assistance and I did it without crying or gasping in pain!  Go me!

Over this last week, I didn’t go hog wild with my eating.  In terms of weight watcher points, I ate my daily points and all of my weekly points.   In calorie counting terms, I ate around 1600 calories.   By the book, that should be enough for a wee tiny loss!  But  for me that is a maybe maintain (if I’m lucky) but most likely a gain.  Yes, I ate my pain!  I’m a food addict.   I eat every emotion and ever feeling.   I’m not proud of it, but that is unfortunately who I am.

But if this really is a broken rib (ribs) the healing is going to take weeks...6-8 weeks.  I can’t eat my myself silly for that long!   I also can’t go that long without some kind of formal exercise.   And....I started a challenge in the month of May that I am shamelessly copying from Another blog I follow    I started off gung ho...and on day two I fell apart when I had that accident!

Sooo....a week late but here I am, presenting myself for the challenge.   You see.  I may have messed up and/or missed the first week of the challenge but there are still three more weeks where I can have success!  If I throw in the towel and say ‘next month’ I lose three weeks of opportunity!   That would be a travesty!

So here I am....ready to rock out the next three weeks of this challenge.    

So what are the parameters of the challenge?

Here are the goals that were set over at

Lessofme108days

1. Stick to between 1,200 and 1,400 calories a day
2. A minimum of 7,000 steps per day
3. Lose 10 pounds by May 31
4. Post progress on my blog

So how are my goals different?

1.  My calories will be the same....low because that’s where I lose.

2 So I knew that the 7k steps were going to be rough.   I am aiming for 5k OR a bike ride.  (Yes, I plan of still riding).   

3  lose weight...7 pounds is my goal   Since I have ‘lost a week’ I would say that I’m ‘hoping’ for 10 pounds but that may not be realistic. 

4.  Share my progress...of course!  :-)

So here we go.   It’s not going to be easy because the pain does persist, but I can’t lay down and let the weight come back!  I want to win the war against this weight...that means that I need to fight the battles...even when I don’t feel at my best!  

Taking it Easy

Why does this happen to me?  I just start to get into a routine and boom, life happens and upsets the balance!

It happened with my exercise bike this February.  I was riding 3-4 mornings a week.  And then my back got all jacked up and I stopped riding religiously.   The other week I decided to start yoga and I actually was doing it and enjoying it and boom....a bike accident!

Let me tell you.  It’s frustrating!

I am hanging in there with my injuries from my bike crash.    My face doesn’t seem to be as swollen and my lips is no longer puffy.  The eye is still black and blue And the inside of my lip is still sore. 

The bruises are  All. Over. My. Body. And they are still in the process of popping up and getting darker and darker every day.  Jason has made the remark that he almost doesn’t even know where to touch me because it’s either covered with road rash or a bruise.  (Seriously though, it’s not that bad...my left side is almost unmarked by wounds.....almost.) 

The shoulder continues to be the point of worry and pain.   Work has been a bit ‘fun’. (Not the sarcasm).  Anytime I move my right arm from the mouse to the keyboard I am treated to a stabbing pain.  Reaching forward with my right hand to dial a number on my phone is torture.  And don’t even get me started on what a cough, sneeze or even a hiccup feels like.   I can’t bend forward without pain shooting through me. (It’s almost like the weight and pressure of my body is too much)   I finally gave in on Tuesday morning and reached into the medicine cabinet and took some muscle relaxers hoping for relief.  It may have taken the edge off...slightly.  But so minor that I couldn’t even tell for sure.  So today (Wednesday) I am going to up the meds to two pills.  They were prescribed for me last year and the instructions were 1-2 pills every 6 hours as needed.   I don’t like to take pills so I tried to start with the least amount.  Uhh yeah, that did diddly squat.  So I’m going to go big with two!  Hopefully that brings some  relief!

It annoys me...because last year when I was taking this prescription  (along with another temporary prescription med...which I may default to trying also). And my weight popped up.  Grrrr.  At least I know that when I stop that my weight SHOULD drop again...if history stands true.

So I’m frustrated!  I am really frustrated with the slow healing.  And I am extremely annoyed with the interruption of the new habits I was setting for myself!  Yes, I know it’s only been a few days, but I want to see progress with my back and while it’s not exactly getting worse, it’s definitely NOT getting better.

(Not a picture of me...but still funny because that’s what I surely looked like....and it was definitely the same words that I mumbled to Jason shortly after the accident)

A bit of an accident

Oh. My. Word.  How in the world?  I feel like a nincompoop!  

I had a bit of a bicycle accident.  Just a wee accident.

We opted to ride on the canal...most of the mountain bike trails were closed due to the rainy days preceding our ride.  The ride was great!   We saw neat things, I felt great!

I felt so good that when we made it back to the car after an hour and a half of riding we weren’t done.  So we decided to go another 3-4 miles down the canal in the opposite direction.   We reached our turn around point and we decided to ride through the picnic area.   We headed down a hill and it was great!   Until my hat flew off my head.  (Yes, I said hat and not helmet..it was an easy gentle ride on a graded flat surface, I never wear a helmet on the canal!). But, when my hat flew off my head, I jerked and lost control of the bike on a small patch of gravel. At the same time, we assume that I grabbed my left brake...front wheel brakes and locked them up....which caused me to go over the handlebars.   I remember hitting and watching my glasses bend and scrap across my face as I landed. 

You see, I flew and fell face first.  Yes.  Face first.   My bottom lip rolled back as I came to a heaping halt....filling my mouth with dirt and mud and causing lacerations and brush burns inside my mouth.  That was the first thing I noticed as soon as Jason got me untangled from my bike.  

I was shaken up.  Really bad.  Dirt covered my face.  

Why yes, as any true blogger would, I took a picture within a few minutes. I did wait until we got the blood to clot and basically stop but I snapped the pic before we cleaned my face up.  It was obvious that my eye and cheek were swelling mere moments after the accident. 

I eventually got myself up...and back onto the bike.  Why yes, I rode the 3-4 miles back to the car.  Slowly...and crying from the pain in my shoulder/chest/back the whole way.  Not sobbing just silent tears of pain.

So injuries?  

***Cut on my eye and a black eye.

***fat lip and cuts inside my mouth (thankfully my teeth remained intact with no breaks or issues)

***my right arm has a road rash (brush burn)

***bruises all up and down my right hip and leg

***minor brush burns and bruises on various parts of my body.

*** ‘something’ is wrong with my upper right quadrant’. It could be a broken/cracked rib.  It could be a pulled muscle.  It hurts to move in certain ways.  It hurts to bend over.  It hurts to cough....laugh...sneeze.   I am leaning toward a pulled muscle.  I did opt to not go to the ER.  A cracked rib or pulled muscle would just result in an official diagnosis and a bottle of pills  (which I wouldn’t take anyway).   The risks of going into an ER in the middle of a pandemic outweighed the benefits of a true diagnosis! We are watching carefully my heart rate  (which has regulated back to normal after the first 24 hours but boy was it high for quite a few hours) and my breathing (which is fine).  If anything changes I will be at the urgent care quicker than anything!  

I’m healing....slowly...the worst is the pain from the ribs/muscle/whatever.  It is debilitating.  I can’t even dress myself without gasping in pain.  Yes, Jason is dressing me.  Hahaha

The bike injuries?

*** I mangled up my grips.  I will be replacing them as soon as I can!!!  Jason has to put my chain back in place before I ride it...but she seemed to ride ok.

I’m banged up good...but I’ll be ok.   I will never again ride without my helmet.  I still would have gone down.  I would still be bruised and battered and have a fat lip.    I probably wouldn’t have a black eye though!   I also wouldn’t have come close to having some kind of major head injury.    So wear your helmets please!!!!