Hope or Despair

I have been doing quite a bit of reflecting these past few days.  I have been reflecting quite a bit on this long and arduous weight loss journey.   It has been a ride of a lifetime for sure.  From 330 pounds 180 pounds and then back to 250 pounds, what a journey!  And my  journey is far from over.  

Helping the mood of reflection was a simple task that I completed one morning.  I noticed that Jason had pulled a picture of me off of this website and had it on the background of his phone. As you may suspect, this resulted in a lesser quality picture.  Now come on now, if he is going to look at my face every time he picks up his phone the least I can do is make sure it is a good quality shot, right?  So I went on a hunt to find that picture in my files.  And that caused so much reflection.   I spent quite a bit of time looking at pictures of me when I was down near 180 pounds.

 
 Holy Cow...was that really me?

 My oh my...I was showing off my slender legs too!

 My face looks so tiny!

 I just look like I was at a healthy weight!  Not obese!!

And a picture from the night I made lifetime at weight watchers.

I haven’t seen some of these pictures in years!  And I will admit, sometimes when I have seen them, I sit back and stare with sadness because of how I have let myself go again.

But this week I was filled with hope! 

I was filled with excitement for the future. 

You see, I am going to get back to that weight!  This change in plans, by switching back to weight watchers (which I talked about in my most recent post…..here) has given me the motivation and renewed excitement about this journey.  This weight loss journey is far from over.  I, for one am super excited to see where this road takes me.  And the beauty of the journey this time?   I have a good idea where I’m going, all I have to do is look at these pictures!

The temptation to give up

I waltzed into January with high hopes and dreams.   January was going to jumpstart my stalled weight loss efforts.  January was going to be my month.  I was going to be on fire!  This weight was going to drop off.  This weight loss journey was going to be going full speed ahead!   But that is not what happened.  Instead I have struggled on the scales.  I have cleaned up my eating by quite a bit....but the weight is not dropping.  My body is clinging to this weight...and honestly, I am thoroughly disgusted and so tempted to give up!

I have kept my food intake within the confines of my caloric goal....which is between 1200 and 1550 calories a day.   High end or low end of that goal is still a range that I SHOULD be losing!   Seriously, I am tracking every bite religiously!   There have been one or two random days where my calories were a night higher ...as in 1700/1800 calories.  But those were also days that includes long hikes and extended periods of activity/exercise.   There is no reason!

So in answer to the questions that pop into the mind....

1.  I already imit my complex carb intake.

2.   I do indulge in a sweet treat on the weekend...but track it and account for it....and try to make sure it is on a day where we have hiked or biked and been really active. 

3.  I am moving and try to be active most days of the week...most week days I strive for at least 20 minutes of activity...the weekends are usually quite a bit longer.

4.   This was never this hard before.

So that left me with a few thoughts.  The first thought was going really strict with my food intake.   I know from past experience that I lose better when I am only eating around 1200 calories.  So Should I be heading back to strictly 1200 calories? It makes it tight in my food budget and does not give me much wiggle room for a higher calorie meal. But...oh well.

The next thought was that I have been doing overnight oatmeal every morning recently and I’m debating dropping that....too much carbs?    I recently took the time to look at some of my nutrients...here is a brief look.  

So I can see that I am slightly over the goal on carbs and fat...but it’s not a huge overage!  

And then last week I had another thought...and that was to totally switch up everything in my plan.   Total change!  So I came up with the idea to go back on weight watchers.   It worked before.  I haven’t done it in years so it would be fresh and new.  Could it work?

So late last week I bite the bullet.  I joined online weight watchers.   Attending a meeting would be difficult/a hardship with my current schedule and life commitments.  But if I need to go to a meeting, I can always add that back in.  Jason told me that we can make it happen if we need to.   But right now I’m doing online.   I took the little quiz and I am going to be following the green plan.  I am actually excited to do this.  I’m excited to sit back and follow their plan and trust...and lose weight!  (Surely this will work...right??). 

 In the first few days of being back on WW, I noticed a difference in my attitude and behavior....I don’t want to go over my daily points!  With calories I was always thinking ‘1275 is close to 1200’ and calling it a day!  But there isn’t that wiggle room with points.   This might be a good thing for me!

This weight loss journey is not for the faint at heart!  It takes constant evaluation and constant adjustments.   This is just one more adjustment.  Just as stepping away from WW years ago when I stopped working for me was an adjustment I needed to make.  (Maybe because I needed fresh and new back then and I wasn’t working the program).   To lose weight we need to learn, grow and adjust just as to be an affective person in life we need to learn, grow and adjust.  This is just a new chapter in this weight loss journey.

Weekly weigh In

Another week has come and gone!   In some ways this weekend was fantastic but in other ways this week was a bust.

Let’s talk about fantastic first.  

The weekend that started this weigh in week started out with an ice storm.  We ran a few errands and did some chores around the house.  It was a nice relaxing day.  On Sunday we decided to get out and hike.  The weather had cleared and the sun was out, it was perfect!

Ok up at the trailhead it was a bit icy (solid showed of ice).  Surely the trail would be clear...right?

Not exactly, but we hiked anyway....carefully!  It was a good time!

Monday was back to work.  I managed to get in multiple rides on the exercise bike (at 4:45AM).  Go me!

My food wasn’t perfect...but I did stArt to pull on the reigns to slow the bad spiral down.  However my weight was just being wonky.  I was continually disgusted with the scales and with myself!

And my official weigh in for the week has me gaining 0.4 pounds.  So a half pound up!  (Yes, it could have been worse and looked like it was going to be all week long!)

So I did some soul searching.  What did I need to do to change this course!  What cha fed did I need to make to start losing!   I want this to be a lifestyle that can last forever.  I need to not give up my favorite foods.  It have to live my life.   I want to find that balance.  But I know I need to make a change.

This journey is full of pitfalls and land mines that cause us to take a detour and to chose other paths.   This is one of those times in my weight loss journey.  A new path is in the works.  Stay tuned!!!

Foodie Friday: Homemade Granola Bars

Sometimes we just need a snack!  Sometimes a granola bar is just what we need!  I have purchased granola and snack bars countless times.  That is until I figured out how to make my own granola bars! 

This recipe is easy and delicious!   The end results stores well and is the perfect quick snack to have at the house!

Chocolate Granola Thins

3 cups rolled oats (pulsed in a food processor)

3/4 cup packed brown sugar

1 cup flour

3/4 tsp salt

1/4 cup peanut butter (melted)
1 egg, beaten

1/2 cup canola or vegetable oil

1/2 tsp vanilla

12 ounces semi sweet chocolate chips (for melting on the top of the granola bars)

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees and generously grease a 15x10x1 inch baking sheet.

2.  In a large bowl mix together all ingredients except the chocolate chips.  Mix it very well.  (it is easiest to just use your hands.)

3.  Pat the mixture evenly into the prepared pan, making sure that it's pressed together well, especially along the edges and in the corners.

5.  Bake for 20-25 minute until the granola begins to turn golden at the edges.  Allow to cool completely.

4.  In a microwave safe bowl, (or double boiler) heat the chocolate chips, stirring every 60 seconds until melted.  Spread melted chocolate over baked granola.

6.  Allow to cool and harden before cutting into squares.  Store in an air tight container

Choices

Life is a series of choices.   I made choices in my life that took me to a whopping 330 pounds on the scales.  I made choices that maintained that weight.  I didn’t get there because someone force fed me.  I made choices.  On the flip side, I made a choice to start a weight loss journey and each day I made a choice (many choices) that carried me along that weight loss journey and toward my ultimate goals.

It is a hard pill to swallow but I made choices in my life that brought me to that point when I stared at the scales and saw a number that I did not like.  It was actually a multitude of choices over many years.  That day I looked at that number and I made a different choice.  I decided to choose health.  I decided to change my life.  I made a new choice.   Changing isn’t easy, but it is necessary if you do not like the path that your life is currently taking.

I was satisfied with the change that I had made for quite some time.  I was proud of myself.  I had accomplished some amazing success and even though I had regained I figured my ‘choice was made.’  It wasn’t until I recommitted to this journey that I realized that I have to actively make a choice time and time again.  Multiple times a day I have a choice to make and each time I choose one thing over there other it will have a direct effect on my health.

But you see , everything we do is based on a choice.  We make a choice about where we are going to work.  We make a choice each and every day when we decide to get up and go to work.  You may say “that’s not a choice….I have to go to work.” But do you really?  You could call off sick?  You could quit?  You could go in late or you can chose to go into work on time.  I choose to go to work every day not because I HAVE to and I don’t’ have a choice.  I go because I am an adult and I know that for myself, the proper choice is to go to work so that I can afford to live the life that I have CHOSEN!      I CHOOSE to brush my teeth…sure it’s a good habit and is beneficial to me, but I MAKE that choice each day.   I choose to do laundry.  I choose what outfit I’m wearing.  I choose  to put gas in my car…..sure, my car needs it but I don’t HAVE to do it….it is a CHOICE that I make.  I also choose what I’m going to eat for my meals.  I choose what activity I am going to be doing.  EVERYTHING is a choice.   

This revelation came to me years after I first started my weight loss journey.   All of a sudden it hit me.  This journey isn’t easy…but it is all about choices.  What do I want more?  Do I want to be thin and say no to a food or do I want to indulge and stay the same and be overweight?     Do I want to be fit and healthy and go for that bike ride or do I want to allow my muscles to disintegrate to a place where I stuggle to even walk.    This really is my choice.  What do I want more?  Do I want to be thin or do I want to eat that super high calorie treat?  Do I want to be fit and healthy or do I want to sit on my couch and watch TV?   What choice am I going to make?

We have a choice about our future.  Now let me preface this paragraph by saying that we are all going to die.  But we have choices that may affect how we meet our end.  We could not take care of ourselves and we could die at the age of 55 (Right around the corner for me) when we are confined to using an electric scooter because our health has degnerated so badly that we can't walk and can barely breathe.  We might be riding on our Lark or Hover-round and ride off a curb and break our neck and die.  Death by lark while we struggle to survive...which is not living.  OR we can make the choices to be healthy and maybe just maybe we will be 99 years of age and climbing some amazing mountain and die in an avalanche....living life!  It's a choice that we can make to better the odds!

There is a crazy thing about making choices.  You see, today you may sit back and say “No way, I am NOT having that food, I want to be thin more than I want that treat! If I splurge today it will hurt my efforts”   That is an awesome choice for sure.  But you know what?  Tomorrow you may look at that same treat and say “I can manage to eat that today.  I am strong enough.  I’ve got enough calories left in my day.  I’ve worked out enough….I can do it today.”  It is a choice.  If I decide to splurge each and every day then I am choosing to not lose weight.  I am choosing the life that the constant splurges will bring to me.  I have made the choice.

So how can we make a wise choice when we are staring at that sweet treat? How can we override the salivation that occurs when we think of the deliciousness?   I won’t lie to you, it’s not easy.  One of the things that I started to do was to make myself wait at least a half hour before making my final decision.  For example if the thought popped into my head to have a Reece’s Cup at  7PM, I don’t just  run to the kitchen and grab the candy, gobble it up and say,  “By golly yes, I’ve been good and I have a few extra calories today.”   I make myself wait.  I wait for at least a half an hour.  Sometimes the thought passes and I honestly forget that I was even contemplating the sweet treat.  Other times I find that by waiting my mind catches up and I am no longer hungry.  (It takes a while after you eat for your body to actually recognize that it is full/satisfied).    As the time rolls by, if the urge to splurge is still there, I will look at my food intake for the day (and expenditure if I exercised) and I try to decide if I have enough calories or how it may work into my plan and goals.  Sometimes realizing that I don’t have the calories available is enough deterrent.  There are times though that during the half hour wait that I decide that it’s not as important as my end term goal, but sometimes I do decide that I can splurge.    Each day is a different and new choice.

Those months where I splurge and splurge and splurge (or even binge). I was still making a choice.  I was just making a choice and I didn’t care about my weight.  The weeks surrounding my dad’s death I didn’t care.  I made choices to eat.  Sure, I reaped the consequences, but there was absolutely no motivation to lose weight for me….and my choices reflected that.   And do you know what?  That is ok too.  But If you want to lose the weight bad enough you will make the choices that will bring about change!

Weight loss is all a choice.  Do I want this or do I want that!   Make the choices that reflect what you want and your life will reflect that in your fitness levels and in the size of your clothes and the numbers on the scales. 

Weekly weigh in: rough

So another week in my weight loss journey has passed.   And let me tell you...in some ways it was a rough one! Oh the weather was fantastic and I got some activity but my emotions were a train wreck!

First and foremost let’s talk about activity.   The weather at the beginning of this weight loss week was off the charts awesome!  It was literally high 60’s!   We did our best to get outside as much as possible.  We went for a long hike.

And we went for a long bike ride.

I also walked on some lunch breaks and rode the exercise bike a few times.   So that wasn’t the problem....but it sparked the issue.

I was so sore after my hike...I went home and I literally cried from the aches and pain.  Ok not so much from the aches...but from the pain of the arthritis!   And maybe it wasn’t really the pain....it was the utter despair and fear that my arthritis is always good to be this bad.  Sure,   I lost weight before and the pain almost totally went away.  But I was younger. And what if I only had one ‘get out of jail free’ pass.  What if I had once chance to fix it and I did...but then with my regain and current state of unhealthiness I blew it and I am now consigned for a life of pain?  Yeah...despair!

So I struggled with that...but kept moving!  I also kept my calories pretty much in line.  Sure I ate a bit more (as in 100-300 calories over my upper limit) on two days but they were also the days that we hiked for 4 hours and the day that we hiked for 2 hours.  I did good!

So why did the scales jump me up by FOUR pounds overnight!  What?  How frustrating.   So all week I worked to stay on task and I watched those higher numbers!  And by about Wednesday I was done.  I literally stood in the shower one morning and said “ok, I’m tired of all of this. I’m fine being fat!  No more weight loss journey.”  

I didn’t give up.   I stayed the course and on Thursday my weight dropped a bit and by my official weigh in my weigh had returned to exactly where it was last Friday.  So I weeks out a maintain!    And I’m happy with that!  

So this week of my weight loss journey has been an emotional roller coaster.   I have always said that a good portion of this journey is mental and this week the mental portion was struggling.  But I’m still in this game.  I’m still ok this journey.  

Conquering the Reece's Cup: A weight loss Saga

My all time favorite candy is a good old fashioned delicious Reece's Cup!  Ahhhh just the thought of the perfect mix of peanut butter and chocolate just makes my mouth water!  I can open a pack and tear through them so quick that if you blink a king size package is GONE.   Absolutely delicious!  I literally have had no self control when it comes to Reece's Cups!  

A few months ago I was walking through a store and saw a display in the distance.  (Should I be ashamed that the beautiful orange color of the Reece's packaging draws my attention, even from a distance?)  As we walked closer I was happy to see a new product. 

Reece's Thins.  Of course I picked up the package to see what this was about.  I was pleased to see the calorie count (about half of a normal cup....give or take).    But, I was skeptical.  I am really old school.  I like the perfect ratio of chocolate to peanut butter that the regular cup offers. (I don't usually even buy the egg shaped cups at Easter or the tree shaped Reece's Cups at Christmas.  Nor do I buy the mini's....why?  It messes up the perfect ratio.)  I had to try the Thins though!  So I bought the package!

Honestly, they aren't too bad. The perfect PB and chocolate ratio is not messed up too badly.  They hit the spot.   They are also individually wrapped so that it is easier to stop at one!  It was a good fit for me! Furthermore, I was happy with just that one Reece's Cup.   The process of eating ONE cup (and a half sized one at that) helped me come to terms with an important concept.

I don't HAVE to eat every Reece's cup out of a package!  Just because I open the package doesn't mean I need to eat it!   I have a CHOICE. And that choice can be to just eat one 'normal sized' cup out of a package and leave the rest for another time.  I know....REVOLUTIONARY!

Really, something clicked in my head and it is easy! I buy a package of Reece's cups, open the package and just eat one!  The package then just sits on the counter until the next time I decide to splurge.....which might be the next night but it might also be a week later! 

The crazy thing about it?  I savor that ONE cup!  Before I would practically shovel the whole cup into my mouth in one bite!  Now I take my time.......and bit off small pieces that I savor!  I make that one up last me!  Probably even longer than I used to eat the whole PACKAGE!

So, I live with someone.  What happens when Jason sees my open package of Reece's Cups and decides to help himself to one.....or two.....or the rest of the package?    Why nothing!  I have crossed over some line where I am quick to say "If I really want another one I will just run down the street to the store and grab another package"   And guess what?  I never run down the street.   I am just fine without it and don't even miss it!!!!

Am I delusional to think that I have conquered the Reece's cup forever?  I wish it was forever, but I don't expect it. Life will happen and I will lose control and bury myself in a vat of Reece's Cups!   But I am learning all I can during this time of success!  I am learning that I can make a choice to leave some behind.  It doesn't hurt and so what IF they are eaten by someone else.......I am pretty sure that the grocery store, gas station or convenience store will be more than happy to sell me another one!  Just one more step in the right direction as I work to conquer this weight loss journey!

Of course I have a Reece's Teeshirt.  It's getting old though and I only wear it to exercise now!

Vegetarian??

It is definitely part of life to change and adjust, but there is one thing that for some reason just keeps coming back to me. It's like my North Star!   What in the world an I talking about?  Why I'm talking about the consumption of meat!   I am talking about going to a more vegetarian lifestyle.

When I was young, still in school and living with my parents young, I went through a stage where I didn't eat a whole lot of meat.  It just wasn't something I liked.  I can remember eating steak, sitting at the kitchen table at the house my parents owned in Johnstown, PA and chewing a piece of steak and thinking, "This really doesn't taste like anything I want to eat".    At that point I became extremely picky about the meat that I would eat.   I remember many meals where I would have the jar of peanut butter beside my plate.   But, eventually I grew out of it. (ok, maybe college and cafeteria eating had something to do with that....).    I was still never a huge proponent of a lot of meat, but no one around me picked up on any alteration in my diet.

Fast forward to my early to mid 30's and I was driving down the interstate and happened to be riding alongside a cattle truck.  I looked over and those cows on that truck looked out at me and they had such gentle sad eyes.  It broke my heart as I knew that they were going to the slaughter house for their death.  And that was the day that I stopped eating beef.    A while later I read a story about how pigs are actually quite intelligent and how they are raised make them literally go crazy.  Crazy enough that they bite off their own tails.  What????   Oh heck no...I can't eat pork was my next sentence!  Bye bye pork!   On a rare occasion I would indulge in either pork or beef, but the longer I went without, the less I liked it!   I went quite a few years in that manner.....either eating no meat with a meal or defaulting to chicken or turkey.  (As a side note, someone once asked me why I could still eat chicken and/or turkey and my response was "they have beady eyes"   So I guess it's the eyes and intelligence that get me!) 

When I met Jason I was eating meat about once or twice a week. He jokingly made the comment "Give it six months with me and you will be eating meat again."   His comment was made as a joke, but it was so true!   I started eating meat...regularly!

But about midway through last year we started to talk about our health and what changes we need to make and Jason started talking about eating less meat.  Yes, Jason!   I started to talk about incorporating more vegetarian meals into our weekly menus.  And I tried.  I really tried!  But it was so much easier to default to the tried and true recipes......which almost always were meat laden.  One vegetarian meal a week was a struggle most weeks.  But we kept talking about the benefits.

I talked to a coworker who mentioned that she gave up meat when a personal trainer told her that her love handles would disappear if the meat disappeared from her diet.  So she gave up meat  And guess what?  The love handles were gone in a month!  REALLLY?   I sat up and took notice!  For sure!

In December Jason and I had a serious conversation.  Ok it was a random conversation that was serious.   We decided to just dive into eating more vegetarian.  Jason was all for diving all in 100%...but from my experiences, I fought for less than 100%.  I told him that I would be happy with eating 5-6 days of vegetarian existence.  I reasoned that starting that way would allow us to still have the foods that we do love and would definitely miss.  (I know from experience that the ONE beef item that I would occasionally crave was a burger......and the pork item would be bacon!)  I also reasoned that we could go 100% at a later date if we wanted.   

So on January first we started.  Thus far it is going well.  The first weekend in the new year I broke the vege-fast with a Jimmy John's turkey sub.  And the second weekend I broke the vegetarian fast with some homemade ham salad.  (We had some ham left in the freezer.)    I'm really not missing meat at all though and we have been eating lots of fun unique meals.

If you have any awesome vegetarian meal ideas...pass them along!

So what goes around comes around is so very true in terms of eating meat....at least for me!   I don't know how long this will last for us....but I'm enjoying it for sure!   The question is this....how is this going to affect my weight loss efforts?  Will eating a more vegetarian diet help the weight fall off? (I can only hope!)

Weekly Weigh In

Another weekly check in on my weight and to see what I did over the past week.   This is the first full week of the new year and I had vowed that I was going to rock out this journey in the new year...the question is,did I do it?

My week started strong.  Jason and I spent some time roaming through the stores and shops downtown.  It is a neat little area and some of the shops carry such neat things.  It was threatening rain, so this was the perfect way to be outside and still have cover should a rain squall blow in..

On Sunday the nice weather from the day before turned decided un-nice.   It got cold and windy!  But we didn't let that stop us.  We headed out to hike.  This time we went to Gathland State park and looked at the history for this tiny park.   (A news reporter from the Civil war made a monument to all war correspondents after the civil war and built his summer home here at this site)

We also then walked a few hours on the Appalachian trail. 

Lots of calories burned there!

Monday was back to work. I had a fair amount of use it or lose it time at the end of the year and then with the holidays and those days off.....I have not worked a full work week in a long time. This week was the rude awakening!

I still managed to ride the exercise bike twice this week.  I'm disappointed in myself.  My goal is a minimum of 3 times.  Why didn't I ride?  I was just feeling off all week long!  I was cold ALL the time.   My head has hurt near constantly (sinus pressure) and toward the end of the week even my ears were hurting.  I chose to rest and try to allow my body to fight off whatever ailment it was at war with!

Walking at work?  Yeah, that didn't happen either....same reasons as above.

So how did I do????

I"m pretty happy with that.  My week was not 'perfect' in terms of my food...but I was within my caloric range!   I still was struggling with the sweet treat after dinner. (I ate some wilbur chocolate buds.....best chocolate.....almost like fudge in my mouth!   Amazon link)    And I just admitted that the exercise wasn't all that either!   So I'm happy!!!!   I have grand plans for my food consumption (or rather a lack of) and exercise plans for this upcoming week!   I am planning to rock out another 2 pounds!!!!   (I'll be happy with ANY loss!)

Foodie Friday: Baked Zucchini Parmesan

Zucchini, the vegetable of the summer.  It seems as if zucchini is super plentiful in the summer, to the extent that people are sometimes inundated with zucchini.  This happened to me a few years back.  I was determined to let NO produce from my garden go to waste.   I scoured and searched for different ways to prepare and use zucchini and I stumbled upon Baked Zucchini Parmesan.

What a find.  This recipe quickly became one of my all-time favorite ways to prepare zucchini.   No, not one of my all- time favorite ways.  This is the BEST way to make zucchini.  The light breading that coats the outside gives the vegetable the bit of a crunch but gives way to the soft and tender flesh of the zucchini.  The flavor of the parmesan bursts to life in your mouth.  This is truly heaven!

When I was young my mom once told me that making homemade onion rings was a labor of love.  We loved them and she loved us, so she took the time to bread the onions herself.  Every time I make Baked Zucchini Parmesan I think about the statement.  You see, they are a labor of love.  And while Jason knows that they baked zucchini parmesan is breaded and takes a few minutes of my time, so he rarely asks for them.  I quickly offer them because they are a labor of love.  I would definitely make them for him because I love him.  BUT, they are a labor of love for me also because I really do love these delicious bites of goodness!  I may think to myself for a hot second “I don’t want to take the time” but within seconds I am slicing and breading up my zucchini!  

I’m telling you, they really are that good!   Now honestly, if you wanted to you could mix the breadcrumbs and parmesan together and bread them as normal and fry them in a skillet of vegetable oil.  And admittedly, they are good that way but why bother?  That little dot of butter on top of the baked ones gives it the same flavor and taste and is so much easier!  

So here goes, I give to you the perfect Zucchini Recipe!

2 zucchini (medium) 

1 cup of plain breadcrumbs

1 egg

1 tbs butter

1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Spray a cookie sheet with a non stick spray.

2.  Wash and trim the ends from the zucchini.  Slice the zucchini into 1/4 inch slices.

3.   In one bowl place bread crumbs.  In a separate bowl whip egg slightly with a fork to break the yolk.

4.   Doing one zucchini slice at a time dip first into the egg and then dip into the breadcrumbs to coat and place on the cookie sheet.  Continue until all slices of zucchini are breaded.

5.  Using the butter cut off a small sliver and place on the top of each zucchini disk.  Sprinkle the parmesan cheese over the top of the breaded zucchini

6.  Place in the preheated oven for 20 minutes or until the zucchini slices are golden brown.

For more recipes, visit my recipe page!

Weekly weigh in

It is that time again.   It’s time to review my week and see what I did in terms of fitness, food and weight loss!  Let me tell you, this was the last week of the holidays and I was just hoping that I could hold on.  And boy did I hold on tight!

So let me be clear.... it was actually weekly weigh sharing time on Monday!  BUT, Monday was my blogiversary…my 14^th actually and I needed to do the obligatory post to commemorate it!    So here it is…my week in review…just a wee bit late!

We started out the last week of December with a family get together.  I love spending time with my family so I was tickled!  The weather was nice so we did get outside to fly Jason’s drones.   So that was a bit of time outside.  And in keeping with my error over the whole holiday season, I got exactly NO pictures of the holiday event.  OOPS.

On Sunday we were gung ho to get outside……except that it was raining.  So we headed off to the mall and to an antique store.  Hey…it was steps!  At least I was moving!   As always, we had a hoot and of course I tried on some hats at the antique store.

I went back to work on Monday and that is when I realized that I had a heck of a lot of steps to take if I was going to make my monthly step goal for December!  I stepped up to the plate and I walked every chance I could.  It was raining…but I walked out in the parking garage on my lunch break AND two 15 minute breaks!  I was NOT going to go down without a fight.  

And guess what?  I was so proud to be able to say that I did it!  I was also getting up at 4:45 AM and riding my exercise bike for those first two days.  I was a machine!

Throughout this time my eating was ok…but I was still indulging a bit in the desserts.  OOPS.

On Wednesday I was determined that the holidays were over and I was going to get a fresh start!  That included eating……which I managed to do GREAT with.  But it also included my fitness.  So we started off the year right.  We headed out to hike!  We went to a tail that we both love.  We have hiked this trail a gazillion times before. It was just as gorgeous and fun as I remembered.  It was just as hard….let me tell you.  

The Thurston Griggs Trail is a pretty steep incline.  I think Jason referred to it as ‘the devil climb’ when we were going up!  The arthritis in my knees were kicking, but I knew that when we got to the top of Thurston Griggs and entered the Appalachian trail that things would level off as we were on the ridge at that point and I wanted to get to Black Rock!  

Once we got to Black Rock and looked around, I knew that I wanted to get to Annapolis Rock.  Afterall, it’s a flat nice trail up on the ridge!  So off we went!

The way back was fine too….until I got to the Thurston Griggs trail.  My knee was SHOT by that point.  The trail down was just as difficult.   My poor woobly knee made me feel like I was drunk and staggering around.  I was going SLOW.  When I got to the very last stream crossing I was in my glory!  I could actually see the car!  I don’t know if my knee just gave it up or if I got careless……but I went down!   It could have been bad.  I was in a really jagged rocky area.  This wasn’t just  a matter of falling into a pool of water.  This was a thing of me falling onto large rocks….jagged uneven rocks.  SOMEHOW I managed to NOT hit my head.  I was twisted around…and shaken up.  But with just a scraped up knee and a brush burn on my finger I managed to escape unscathed.   I was super sore the next few days…every things hurt. My hip…my arms…my wrist.  But I know how lucky I was!   But hey….I got over 20,000 steps that day AND I got to be out in nature and see some gorgeous sights!  It was worth it!

So with that said…I got no more lunchtime walks or exercise bike rides the rest of the week as I recovered.   This is a journey toward health…..my body needed to heal!

So how did I do on the scales????? 

Why I maintained!  I would have LOVED to have shown a loss for this week.  But I am perfectly fine with a maintain.  My goal was to maintain through the holidays….and it has only been two days since the holidays!   So I managed to do exactly what I wanted to do for the month of December.  BUT now it is January….it’s time to get this weight loss show on the road and lose some weight!!!!!   I’ve got this!

14 year Blogiversary

Holy cow!  How has it gotten to the point that it has been 14 years since I started this blog/website?  What an amazing journey!  I have had incredible success with weight loss.  I have had some set backs in my weight loss journey also.   But through it I all I can honestly say that I have been continually learning about myself.  

So here is the fourteen years  in review and some lessons learned along the way post.     I have struggled with taking pictures of myself along the way.....a regret of mine.  (pictures are SO important on this journey) so the pictures are somewhat sparse in the earlier years of my journey!

I started this blog as a heavily overweight woman.  Here is a picture or two from that time....or rather, these pictures were taken December 2005....the closest pictures of myself I could find in conjunction with the start of this site.   I was probably right around 260 pounds at this time..  I had actually already lost about 50 pounds by this point in my journey because I did not start my online journal (aka blog) when I first embarked upon this weight loss journey.

Yeah, those pictures are definitely NOT easy for me to look at.  I am saddened that I let myself get to that point and thought it was ok.

But I had a mission.  I was going to lose the weight.  I sadly, was losing the weight for the wrong reasons.....NEVER lose weight to try to make someone love you the way you want to be loved.  They need to love you for you and not the number on the scale or the size of your body.  It took me quite a few years to figure that lesson out. 

Right or wrong reasons, I started working  diligently on this weight thing!!!! I walked.  I rode my bike. I became a collector of exercise videos and I actually used them....EVERY DAY!     I watched everything I ate.....and guess what?   It worked!   I can see my face had started thinning out in this picture.

By mid 2007 my weight was lower than ever and I was feeling fantastic!!!!  I wasn't done  I kept moving!  I kept working it!  And the weight just kept dropping!!!

By 2008 I had reached my goal weight (as prescribed by my doctor).   Oh my word.  I can't even describe how fabulous I felt.   I was on top of the world.  I had never felt that well physically as an adult.   My arthritis in my knees all but disappeared.  I felt confident.  I just can't describe how life was...I just felt GREAT! (Size 10 shorts in the picture below..my lowest size)

I even managed to make it to be a lifetime member at Weight watchers!!!!!!  GO me!!!!!!!

I still had some weight to lose.  I was still about 15 pounds over where the BMI charts told me that I needed to be in order to be healthy.  I pushed..and pushed.   Family and friends started to worry about me and told me that my face looked gaunt and started asking if I was sick.  I knew I wasn't.  But I still struggled with self image.  I never saw myself as a thin person.  So I pushed forward.  But I can NOW see how my face was SOOOOO thin!  

It was shortly after this picture that I realized that losing the weight in an effort to make my husband love me the way I needed to be loved was NOT working.  My marriage was still on the rocks, and nothing I was doing was working  (I had tried everything, not just a massive weight loss!).  I stopped caring about my weight....after all the purpose for losing weight had crumbled and proved to be ineffective so why continue?. Ok, I still wanted to be thin, but I didn't want to bother with watching everything.  I didn't want to worry about the work it would take to complete my mission.  I started to slip.  

By late  2009 I had done something I said I would NEVER do.....allow my weight to creep back above 200 pounds.    

By the way...I don't like the weird mouth thing going on...but my hair was AWESOME in this picture!!!    In 2009 I met a blog buddy for the first time  and we rode Girls with Gears!!! What a fabulous experience and what a fabulous friend!!  I was about 210 pounds.  

Donna and I had so much fun doing the Girls with Gears Bike ride that we decided to do Pedal to Preserve the same year.  You can see that I gained weight between these two rides...two short months.  My hair was still awesome though!!!

I vowed over and over to stop the weight gain.  But I'm ashamed to say that it kept creeping up and up.

I took steps to try to eliminate the weight.  I just struggled.  I rode in Pedal to Preservethe following year, 2010  (I have no pictures of me doing it)   I had gained even more.     

I never gained everything back as evidenced in this 2011 or 2012 picture. But I had done some serious weight gain!

My salvation during this time was that I never stopped exercising.  I still rode my bike.  I had started going to zumba religiously.  I was still moving  and being active.  I was just gaining.  Weight is lost in the kitchen....NOT the gym and I was living proof!

In 2013  I decided to start losing weight for ME.  I didn't care what anyone else thought.  This was a mission for ME.   My weight started to drop again.  I was well on my way.   Things were looking GRAND for me and my weight loss.  I was featured in a newspaper article talking about my weight loss.  I had this in the bag I was on my way back to my goal weight!!!!!

Yup.....a picture from the article.  Not the grandest picture...but it was out there for the world to see.

Remember when I said I 'had this'?   I thought I did.  But my already crumbling marriage took a blow that no marriage should EVER have to endure.....and I lost my focus again.

I'd like to say that I got that focus back.  But I didn't. Once again I kept moving.  I was running.  I was going to zumba.  I was riding my bikes.  I was walking.  But the weight was not coming off. 

I ran in 5K's and even a few 10K's and the weight just wasn't dropping......

 In mid 2014 I started to lose weight again.......

Then my life changed drastically.  My marriage ended I was forced to admit to the world what I had known for years that I was in a dead end relationship and leaving that relationship!      Life was upside down and I still couldn't get a grip on it...but I kept moving!!!!  I kept pushing....but gained again. 

2015 was rough for my weight.  I regained what I lost in 2014.....maybe I needed that year to come to terms with where I was in life.  My life had turned upside down in so many ways.  I had to come to terms with being single.  I had to come to an understanding with the dating world (wow.....just wow....you can purchase the book I wrote about that experience here. I had to figure out where I stood in this world.  And my weight suffered.

It took quite a bit of time....but in October of 2015  it  clicked and I got back on track.  AND....I met Jason!

I was in amazing shape.  We hiked mountains 

 And then we started to ride bikes together!

We were on FIRE!

And then we both switched jobs in 2017. The evening walks got a lot shorter due to our long commutes.  The weekend rides and hikes happened less and were shorter also due to the lingering tiredness from the long work weeks.   We still moved...but not as much and it started to show in my weight.  I started to gain!

2018 rolled around and I was so sure I was going to be successful.  But the year turned out to be me maintaining my weight but  losing some of my fitness levels.  I saw it happening and just lacked the willpower to stop the train.  I DID buy a new bike and plan on using that new bike in 2019 to get healthy!

In may of 2019  I got really serious about losing weight....again.  But the weight dropped slowly.  Some of that is my age...but I took a decidedly different approach to weight loss this time around.  I was not restricting anything.  This was moderation.  I still had a piece of cake here and there. I also still had a reese's cup on occasion. But it was not everyday and I learned that it IS possible to eat one Reece's Cup out of a package....the one that is left doesn't go bad and will be waiting for you when you want it!   Amazing discovery!

2019 saw me making progress on the bike.  I rode and I learned.   We rode as often as possible!

I tried to walk as much as possible on my lunch breaks also.

At the end of the year we purchased an exercise bike.....this is going to help boost me into a new stratosphere.  My long work days won't be a hindrance anymore to me getting a good workout in and I couldn't be more excited!

2019 did not see me reach my goals...but I learned some huge lessons.  I feel so much more equipped to handle this journey and carry it into a maintenance phase.

See, I told you...it was a journey!   It IS a journey.  It is emotional to write and read this.  It is hard to see some aspects of the journey.  But I am in awe at the journey.  I am amazed to see the confidence on my face when I was a thin woman.  It is definitely torture to see the weight creep back on and my continual lack of change.  But through it all I an see the value of the effort.

This journey has shaped me into the person that I am right now!   I am now making this journey PERSONAL.  This weight loss is for ME!  This journey is because I want to live a long and active and healthy life!    I am in control of the next chapter of this book.  I can write it as a overweight woman or I can write it as a healthy woman.  The choice is mine!   Stay tuned!