I
have always cringed when I hear someone say that they are losing weight in
order to find their perfect partner. They say that ‘if only I was thin I
could find true love.” These people talk about not being able to live a
life and have friends because “I just need to be thin”. Being
thin becomes the holy grail! Losing weight becomes the solution to all of
their problems. But I am here to tell you that the solution is NOT to
lose weight. The solution is to realize that your self-worth comes from
within and NOT from our looks.
Self-worth
starts with sitting back and realizing that who we are has so very little to do
with the way we look. It doesn’t come from how much we weigh or how we
have styled our hair. It comes from our personality. It comes from the
intrinsic goodness of our souls. It comes from the kindness of our words
and the gentleness of our smiles. (Or the flip side, it comes from the
darkness and nastiness that burns within you if you are one of those people
that are mean!) Who we are comes from our hearts and it is THAT facet of us in
which our self-worth really comes from. What the world looks at is
only the outside layer. It’s the skin that protects us. It is just
the packaging for who we are.
I
received the birthday gifts in the mail. They were wrapped in the brown
packaging that they were shipped in. I kept staring at the packages as
the date of the birthday drew nearer. I knew I needed to wrap them.
I had the birthday gift wrap but I just kept delaying it.
Eventually (hours before the gifts were to be presented) I wrapped them in the
festive paper. Whew…I had done it! But why? I
literally took off the original packaging and replaced it with a ‘prettier’
packaging. Did it change the gift at all? Absolutely not! The
gift was the exact same….it didn’t matter if it was a pretty package or a bland
package. It was what was inside the packaging that counted and mattered
to the person that received the gifts. At the end of
that day when the gifts were opened, where did that pretty packaging end
up? It was in the garbage, it wasn’t worth ANYTHING!
Aren’t
we just like the packaging on that gift? We can be in an overweight body or we
can be in a thin body but does it change who we are inside? Just
like that gift it doesn’t change who we are. We can wrap
ourselves up in a pretty package. We can lose the weight, restyle our
hair, work on our tans and otherwise take care of any and all issues that we
think we have with our bodies but what difference does it make? We
are the SAME PERSON no matter what we weigh!
This
is a difficult concept to accept and to believe. Our society has placed
so much emphasis on our weight and our appearance that many people are focused
on it. Many people have been ridiculed for their weight (hair,
acne, etc) and it isn’t easy to get over. I get that. But we need
to step back and say ‘It’s just the packaging and those people are too shallow
to see that the inside is the same!’
I did
an experiment a while back. I flat out asked people to say something
about me. I wanted to hear what people said. It was awkward because I
felt like I was fishing for compliments….but I truly wanted to hear and to
share what people REALLY think about me. So here goes….
· always
available and ready to help
· approachable
and easy to talk to
· Vibrant
personality
· Great
training
· amazing
instructor
· Awesome,
biggest supporter, great listener, non-judgmental, persistently keeping goals
in mind and strives for those goals
· Inspirational
· Always
pleasant and treats you like a friend from the first hello
· Pleasant
and genuine
· The
real deal
· Go
get it attitude and meticulous and organized
· Someone
who gives her heart and soul to each task
· Contains
more creativity in her little finger than most people have in their whole body
· Nice,
sweet, helpful, friendly, outgoing
· Loud
· Outgoing
and loyal
Not
ONE person said anything about my physical appearance. They all talked
about my personality. They talked about my work ethics. They talked
about my knowledge and my natural gifts. Not ONCE did they say anything
about my weight…..yet some of them have known me at my highest and lowest
weights. In fact, after I explained what my experiment was to one friend
she remarked. “I don’t see people for their size but for their heart. I
don’t have fat friends….but I do have GREAT friends.” That sums it up so
perfectly.
I
once heard this remark. It was in regards to someone that had made a bit
of a negative remark about how someone was overweight. The overweight
person responded with, “I can lose weight and look great…my issue is totally
changeable. However, you can’t change your personality. I can
change and be thin and gorgeous….but you will still be mean and spiteful.
Honestly, it’s you that I pity!” How true was that
comeback?
Still
think that the weight is important? Sure, we all like a certain type of
body, hair color or skin tone (just to name a few) when we are looking at
potential partners. But WHY would you be with someone that is so wrapped
up in that one physical attribute. What happens if that attributes
changes? Will they throw you to the curb like yesterday’s garbage if you
gain a bit of weight? What happens if you lose your hair through some
horrible disease or accident? Would they still love you then? I
don’t know! I would NEVER want to be with a partner who says they
love me but in reality only loved me if I was thin. Love me fat….love me
thin….love me with a curly thick head of hair or bald as a new born baby.
Love me in a variety of different ‘packages’ because the packaging that is me
can change….but my heart remains the same!
So
that said, I do want to say that it IS ok to try to change the outward
appearance of ourselves. It is perfectly ok. There is nothing
wrong with saying, “I am awesome just as I am…but I want to lose weight to make
myself even better.” There is nothing wrong with saying, “I like me but I
would like to be thinner for ME” Or you can be thinking, I love ME
and it is quite ok to not love the packaging. It’s ok to say “I would
like to be in a nicer package.” Just remember that It doesn’t change you
are, it’s just the packaging…..it doesn’t change the ‘gift’ that inside!
I
have been there. I have totally tried to lose weight for the wrong
reasons. I lost a WHOLE BUNCH of weight once in an effort to make my ex
love me. He was always looking at this or that type of person and I tried
my hardest to be and achieve what I thought he wanted.
I lost the weight. But guess what? It didn’t make him love
me….because I just changed the packaging on my body and nothing else changed in
our relationship. He wasn’t in love with the internal facets of me….he
wasn’t in love with my personality and quirkiness. It didn’t work….you
can change the packaging but that is all it is, just the fluff
package. Consequentially, I regained a good portion of that
weight. I had lost it for the wrong reasons. I had not learned the
valuable lesson of learning to love ME just as I am.
Find
happiness within yourself. Think of your internal attributes. Think
of your sense of humor, your gentleness toward animals, your kindness toward
the elderly, your vivacious personality, the way you try to help
others….whatever makes you…..that individual you. THAT is what is
important. The packaging/external
