After my fabulous weekend when I smashed my goals but showed a gain on the scales I headed into the work week super motivated to knock this weight loss into high gear. I had already stocked the house with healthy snacks and nutritious foods so I was ready!
On Monday I rolled through my day pretty well. I kept to my plan and honestly feel as if I did well. And the scales still didn’t budge! So on Tuesday while I stayed on plan....I really dealt with a whole lot of emotional angst! My underlying thought that tippled through my brain at regular intervals was the concept of ‘is this even worth it?’ I mean, I like myself. I’m head over heels in love and he doesn’t seem to mind my excess weight. So seriously...why am I torturing myself? What in the world am I doing?
Now even as I write this a day later, part of me just wants to end the post right there. But I have to be fair....I am doing this for a variety of reasons.
I want to be fit and active. I want to be able to hike and ride my bike and do things. I want to wear neat clothes and not be self conscious about my body. And I want to be the way I was when I lost the weight. I had so much energy, I had so much pep in my step, I felt on top of the world! I want that.
But yet...on days where progress is just not happening I question my determination to do this to completion!
I am still working on this. I don’t know what the problem is. In an e-mail to a friend yesterday I talked about where I’m at. It seems as if the only thing I can do is drop my calories to 1200...because I’m not losing at 1500 calories. I didn’t want to do that because that level is very ‘restrictive’ and I have been trying to find a balance...even if it is a much slower weight loss journey for me....it would be a good trade off. But that said, I’m barely maintaining at 1500 calories. Tracking every bite...my food for yesterday?? Banana for breakfast...side salad with cheese (for protein) with honey mustard dressing (the only non veggie things in the salad was the cheese and salad dressing) and I also had some cut up fresh pineapple for lunch. For dinner I had a cup of leftover spaghetti and a bowl of vegetarian three bean chili ....I had fat free sour cream with the chili....I was still hungry so I ended my dinner with 1/2 cup cottage cheese....which hit the spot.
That is a typical day. Banana for breakfast, fruit and a salad (or a pb&j) for lunch, and a nututious balanced dinner. (Tonight is a Parmesan Chicken, Baked zucchini Parmesan and another side veggie or roasted potatoes...as yet undetermined...pretty balanced)
So who knows! I have not given up...just allowing my emotional angst to play itself out and hopefully go away!
We had snow lasts night...and now cold. Lucky us (and lucky most people in the stares as the cold is pretty widespread!). So I will leave you with a snow picture!!
In the meantime....I’ll keep fighting the emotional demons down!!!
