Weight loss journey gone wrong

It’s confession time! Uhhh yeah, I think the title says it all!  This weight loss journey has taken a wrong turn!

 I am so struggling to get back on track!  I want to!  Oh how I want to!   I am ready to.   But....woah...I just had an epiphany  while I was writing my confessions.   Like right when I wrote the word woah It all became clear to me!  

I have a food addiction.   Over the past few months I’ve actually had a pretty good handle on my addiction.  I have been in control.  I have managed.  And while it hasn’t been fast, I have been losing.  Queue in the sound of tires coming to a screeching halt!  Yes, and then I hit that wall.  I gained unexpectedly.  I gained 4 pounds unexpectedly!  And I took a mini vacation from weight loss.   And that mini vacation set the addiction free.   

Oh I’m still in the game.  I still am working on losing the weight.  But more of my time is spent in regrets for eating what I ate!   Seriously, I sit there and KNOW I shouldn’t eat something!  Yet a few minutes later...almost without any control over myself I find myself eating said item!  I’ve lost control!

So back to square one.....controlling the addiction!   This is hard work...and a total mental game.  But I know I can do it!  I am going to starting to get myself back under control at the most impossible time....two days before thanksgiving!   Two weeks before my birthday....one month before Christmas!   But I can do this!!!

What a week!

This week was a rough one!    I just wasn’t mentally in the mind game of losing weight!   I fear what the scales are going to say!

So why was this week rough?   

Well....to start off.   That large weight gain that I feel was largely unwarranted really threw me for a loop and I kinda threw up my hands and said ‘I just don’t care’.   Luckily for me I didn’t totally stop caring...but it was bad enough!   I ate more food then I should have!  I ate mode junk than I should have!   I just stopped caring!  Luckily that mindset only lasted half of the week!  But it was enough I’m sure!   So yeah, I had a bit of a vacation from weight loss this week.

On Thursday my work had our annual thanksgiving dinner.  The company has the main portion of the meal catered and we bring (are supposed to bring...it’s crazy how many people don’t feel the need to participate) the desserts and drinks!   I feel as if I did pretty good with my choices...but I did indulge in a bit of dessert!  

Exercise?   It’s cold!!!!   We didn’t do ANYTHING active over the weekend!   I didn’t run after work....but I have a valid reason for not running!    There was some ‘incident’ at our apartment complex!  It was bad enough that they put flyers on all of our doors and sent us all emails advising us that there was an incident and that we need to be aware of our surrounds...uhhhhh ok!  Oh and then it threw in a sentence saying ‘don’t open the door to strangers either’. It was a very ambiguous...it could have been any nefarious act!  Jason’s comment was that he wished they gave us a bit more information....so we knew exactly where to be extra vigilant.   Meanwhile...we are in the early stages of pondering getting an exercise bike/spin bike for our house...something to help progress our biking skills/endurance and keep us active this winter.   Problem is...I just bought a car and I’m a bit tighter on my money right now.  Hmmm. So I’m looking at some of the cheaper alternatives to the good ones.   Because sure...if I could afford the peloton bike or Nordic track one...I would certainly go with those!  But....

I have walked outside on a few days during my lunch break...so that’s a plus!!!   

I haven’t given up.  I just hit a bump in the road.  This is part of the journey to lose weight.  And the fact that I got back up and started to care again after my vacation from losing weight is the victory!   I’m still in this game baby!!!!

Out of nowhere

Last week was....well....ok les just get to it!

I had  been training new hires at my job for about 2-3 months.  All of the classes are through training and last week I went back to my normal job.   It was interesting to be doing the actual work again after such a long break.  The first day or two I was still relatively slow with the work but by mid week I had picked up some other projects and tasks and by the end of the week I was so busy that I could barely breathe.  Yup...crazy busy!   It makes the time go fast for sure!  I’m tied to my desk though...not walking around a training room and on my feet all day.  So that was a small adjustment!

The weather turned nasty!  It was cold!   Ok Monday was super nice with the temps in the mid to upper 60’s!  But by Wednesday we had days with a high in the 30’s.   Ok, that’s a wild fluctuation!   And I caved and didn’t walk at all!  Nope!    Furthermore, I didn’t get that second run in after work either!  I thought about it...but the cold really played a number on me!

So this week...this week I am doing it!  I’ve got to!!!

I did a thanksgiving collaboration video last week.  It is where a bunch of you tubers get together and all post videos of similar things.  This collab was a lightened you thanksgiving dish. We all chose a dish (or two) to make that was healthier than the original version.  I made a caramel apple salad (more desserty than anything....8oz cool whip, small box of butterscotch instant pudding, large can of undrained crushed pineapple, two apple peeled and chopped....mix it all together....makes eight servings....72 calories a serving) and I ate it in 4 days.  So about 150 extra calories a day.  Not the end of the world right???

When I stepped on the scales for my official weigh in I was sickened!  I gained a lot of weight!  Like over four pounds!    What?  Nope, it’s not that time of the month!   And yes I counted my calories.  I was a bit high...I aim for between 1300 and 1500 calories a day...I was right at about 1700 calories for a few days. So not crazy high.   And not high enough to warrant a 4 plus pound gain!  Crazy I tell ya!

Admittedly I gave up a bit the day that I had my weigh in.   Seriously...why bother when the scales are going to do what they want to do.  But that day was only one day (and my normal cheat day/meal...so not too out of the normal) and I am back on track.   (The scales went down a pound after that ‘I don’t care say’. But not by a whole bunch).  I’m still in this.   I have really important reasons to lose weight.  Most importantly my health...I want to be fit and healthy....but I have valid reasons and a definite goal for some weight loss....which is unnamed and secret now...but hopefully be revealed sooner rather than later!!!

A more clear view of my last week and my exact weight (I am laying in bed typing this and can’t remember the numbers of my exact gain). can be seen on my YouTube channel. So that’s the latest report in my weight loss journey.   Back to work today!

Surprise...I did it!

I know I know...I sometimes make bows and don’t keep them on here...but on Monday night I kept one of my vows!

I have been saying that I need to start exercising during the work week...and Monday night I took the first step.

Yes...I went for a run!   Oh my word...it was slow!  My arthritis in my knee has been kicking for a few weeks and I wasn’t sure how it would go.   But I didn’t dwell  on that and just went out.   I only did a mile!  It wasn’t pretty but I did it!    Ohh and while I was slow I was running/jogging every step of the way!   Go me!!

The weather has taken a sharp nose dive since then...it was about 60° when I ran on Monday evening...it is about 20° right now.  But I plan on doing something tonight or tomorrow night...two nights a week!   I want to run...but I will allow myself to default to the stair step thing that I have...20 minutes on that should suffice!

So here we go!   I can do this!!!  Exercise is my friend and will bring me close to my long term goals!!!

A Loss!!!

I had my official weigh in on Friday!  I can't even write an opening paragraph.  I need to get right to it!!!!!!

I lost weight!   The week before I had gained some weight...and I knew that it was mostly water retention from that icky time of the month......but I still showed a gain.  Even so, when it came time for me to step on the scales I was so nervous! 

WOOOHOOO!  I lost weight!!!!

No more words are necessary! 

Ok, yes there are.  I am SOOO close to reaching that 100 pounds gone mark......again....but I am just as excited...or even more excited this time around!!!!!  Somehow, the first time around 100 pounds gone didn't really register!  I'm not sure how....but it did!

Anyway....lets celebrate!!!!

When the going gets tough the tough gets going

 When the going gets tough ...what does MaryFran really do?   What do YOU do??

A few weeks ago we stumbled upon a series of videos on YouTube.  They are created by RaceFace....which is a company that has quite a few products for bicycles....so naturally these videos are about mountain biking.   (Search for Race Face....and it is the creator series).    These videos are so incredibly well done.  The production is top notch and the content is inspiring!

The content would be inspiring for anyone that was watching, even though they are about mountain biking.  Most of these videos have a similar plot/concept.  They are about a place or a person that has faced unimaginable loss and has persevered to overcome the obstacles that their loss has brought them.

There is the story of a mountain biker that through an accident found themselves in a wheelchair...or without a leg....yet they found a way to get back on their bike and ride the trails. Or maybe you want to hear about a gal that had a routine surgery that left her with nerve damage, unable to walk and in constant pain....yet she relearned to walk and the video picks up when she decides to not let her injury/disability stop her...instead she signs up for a 7 day mountain bike race..  Those  stories don't strike you?   What about the very small, isolated town that suffered a landslide and lost 50 town members in about 6 seconds.  The town was so small that everyone suffered the loss of at least a family member or a close friend. In an effort to honor the lost they created world class mountain bike.  All of these stories...they could have shrivelled up and went deep inside themselves due to the loss.  They could have allowed these tragedies to turn them bitter.  They could have given up and/or lost the will to live.  Yet they pushed forward.

Somehow....someway I think I am missing that little piece of personality that those people had.  You see. When the going gets tough......I tuck my tail and flee.  I lack perseverance. 

How many times have I started a weight loss journey.  (or should I say restarted)   I have written about a restart on this website so many times!  Yet look at me?  Am I thin an svelte?  NO.  I don't persevere!  I give up when it gets difficult!

I say I have a book or two floating around in my head that needs to be written.  I have even started them.  Yet are they done?  Do I have a finished product....even though it has been YEARS!  (I just have this one finished product....)

How may things have I tried.  Running?  Yup.  Biking?  Yup?  What in the world is my problem?

I was seeing incredible success on the bike.  This summer I was pushing myself and I didn't give up.  I was working to get up a hill on my mountain bike.  I failed but went right back to the same place the next ride and tried it again.  I tried it again for a few months.  And guess what?  I did it!  I had success

 I headed for my next hill.....and I kept going back until I could climb that and I had success again.  I was ON FIRE!  And then October came and I had a few bad rides.  Ok...almost every ride in October was bad.  Yes, I shed some tears on one of the rides.  (The video honestly cracks me up...because yes, we got my meltdown on video). 

What changed within me to go from September and awesome riding to October and pitiful rides?  I do not know.  But my will to persevere seemed to disappear.   I want it back!  To be successful, you need to have perseverance!  Luckily my perseverance in my eating and keeping that under control is still alive and well.  I am still eating within my calorie range and feeling pretty good about what I'm eating.  I"m not losing weight fast...but I feel in control and I really do like that feeling. But that drive to push myself and to keep going when it gets touch on the bike trails......that is slipping.  I need it back!  Any suggestions would be appreciated!

I need to live up to the mantra...when the tough gets going MaryFran gets going!   I have it somewhere deep inside me.  I think we all do.  we just have to find that missing piece and start using it!

I found my winter challenge!!!

I found my winter challenge!!!  Why yes I did!   We have been talking about how we want to stay active throughout the winter and not let the cold weather keep us from getting outside and moving.  We have talked about substituting hikes for the bike rides when the weather gets to cold or snowy. We have both been happy with this plan and actually have looked forward to hiking again!

Well this past weekend was a bit cooler so we laced up the hiking boots and out we went!  I had never been to Greenbriar...a local park that has a lake and hiking trails.  So off we went.  It started off deceivingly easy with a path/trail around the lake. But then we veered off onto the red trail. 

And oh boy did it get rough!  It was a STEEP incline.  Like stair step steep...but not steps!  Eventually it did level out!  (but it was a bit of a rollercoaster the rest of the way...down a bit,  up a bit....down a lot..up a lot!)  Adding to the joys of the trail were the rocks.  This trail was ROCKY!  Now in all honesty, this MAY not be a problem when there are not leaves covering everything on the ground.  But with the leaves on the ground it was hard to see the rocks and thus it was difficult to place your feet accordingly so that you were not stumbling and constantly off balance.

But even with the difficulties....it felt AMAZING to be out in the woods on a crisp cool day!

So my challenge?  I need to return to that trail and I want to be able to power up the trail without my calves screaming in freakish agony.  I want to be able to practically dance up the trail without my lungs feeling like they are going to burst.  I want to be able to talk and even sing (should I choose) instead of breathing like a steam train.   Sure I've already conquered that hill....but I want to be the boss of that hill!!!!!

So welcome to my challenge!   Lets get hiking!

October is in the books!

Well here we are at the beginning of another month!  It’s crazy how time flies!  I do have to say that the older I get the faster time flies!  It’s nuts!

October was a busy month!   We started our month at the beach!   We were on vacation!   Woohoo!  

 The rest of the month was pretty routine with work...but we still got some bike rides in. 

We got the news that my car was dead and not fixable.
We bought a new car.

And the old car revived itself!

It was crazy! But the real question is...how did I do on my monthly goals?

So here we go!  Here are my monthly goals.  These goals were my October goals and will be my November goals also! (I tweak them when needed but this month they will remain the same!

1.  Track every bite of food!
2.  Put money into my savings. (The tweak for November is to hold steady on savings...I have some expenses I still need to cover in relation to the car issues!)
3.  Weigh less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week and aim for at least three sessions of formal activity (bike ride, run, hike) a week!  

5. Keep my eating in check for at least 6 days a week.   

6.  Walk and average of 5000 steps  per day. (total monthly steps divided by the days in the month....bike ride days on the trail are exempt from the 5K step goal...cuz it's hard to get  steps when you are riding)

         My Not so Secret Goal:   Lose 5 pounds!

So how did I did!

1.  I tracked my food every day but two!  Surprisingly the two days were NOT during the vacation week. I tracked religiously during vacation!  They were random days that when I went back to check for this post, that I found were missing information (both weekend days...different weekends)

2. Savings....hmmmmm.   I did put money in savings at the beginning of the month...yes, even with vacation my savings went up at the beginning of the month.....but then I bought a new car and that savings went way down!   So call this one a failure or a victory....some of the savings was earmarked for a car anyway...so it’s not really a failure.  But the end result is that my savings is a couple thousand less, so if you think that’s a failure then so be it. But the fact that I had the savings to use when I needed it and for what I been saving so hard for...that’s a victory!   It’s a wash in my mind!

3.  Weigh less than I did at the beginning of the month...hmmmmm... I recouped my vacation weight gain a week ago...but then had some stress eating and the monthly hormonal water weight gain is upon me...and today I find myself 1.6 pounds up...so in October I officially gained 1.6 pounds!   Grrrrrr

4. Do something active at least three times a week.   The vacation week was super active...hours upon hours of movement each day!   We got home and we rode on the weekends but that was it for the next two week....until the end of the month when I saw my endurance slipping on my bike rides.  So we kicked it into high gear and we rode 4 times that week and I walked every chance I had on my lunch breaks (not when it was rainy though!). 

5.The next was to keep  my eating in check for at least 6 days a week!  So I gained weight on vacation...but my eating was in check.  I was not eating more than mfp (myfitnesspal) was telling me I could eat....when I added all my activity calories.  (even though, I gained four pounds that week!). The rest of the month there were four days I was over the top end of my range.   Two  days I was only over budget by 100 calories ...and two days I was over budget by 400 calories.   

6.  The last real goal was to walk an average of 5000 steps per day for the month.  I struggled with this...for a good portion of the month while at home I was averaging about 4K steps.  What saved me was the week of vacation where I was walking 25k steps a day and the weekends where I was walking 10k steps!   So I nailed this one!

And my not so secret goal to lose 5 pounds...failed! Colossally!

So this month had a lot of ‘failed’ attempts.  But that is ok.  Life happens and we have to accept it and roll with it!   I’m not giving up.  I’m still going strong!!!