Mini me war

This past weekend I battled a war!    I battled hard!  I fought the good fight!  I slayed the beast....well maybe not slay it, but I did face off with the beast!

What is the beast I so freely talk about?   It is the voices in my head.  Now let me say I don’t really hear voices.  Don’t sign me up for Prozac or whatever medicine helps quiet the voices.  I am talking about the conflicting wants and desires that flutter through my head.  Don’t eat that versus eat two! These are the  thoughts that tumble through our heads at any given day.   

Fat Mini Me

For a long time now, I have referred to the voice/thoughts  that try to steer me away from good healthy living as my Fat mini me.  This is the thought that comes to my mind when I am planning to go for a run.  It is the thought that tells me to not go, it’s too cold, it’s too hot, you have a boil on your butt (nope, it doesn’t get old to make fun of the butt boil!), or whatever reason that darn fat mini me can come up with!   It’s the voice in my head that tells me to stop running while I’m out for a run, ‘stop running, your dying’. Or the voice that says ‘who do you think you are fooling, you are not a runner, you are just a fat girl pretending to run’.    Fat mini me is the voice that urges me to eat a piece of cake because ‘you can always start tomorrow’.  Fat mini me is the thoughts that make me throw up my hands in defeat and give up just because of one slip up.  ‘You screwed it up now Maryfran, you may as well have another piece of pizza...and one wing or ten....heck add in some garlic bread also!”    The fat mini me is the destructive thoughts in our head.  The excuses!  The mental negative talk that we all have going on in our heads.

Thin Mini Me

This ‘voice’ is much more quiet!  Unfortunately, because this voice seems to get drowned out by the unhealthy comments from the fat mini me!   This is the voice that quietly reminds us that we have a goal to reach.   “You are only 1 pound from your next weight goal, stay strong!”   This is the voice that tells us to keep running even though you want to quit. “I can see the end, don’t quit now!”  This is the voice that reminds us that we can restart right here and now when we have messed up.  “You ate too much, learn from your mistake and don’t compound the mistake by a continued binge”

See, they are two conflicting thoughts!  When we are living a more unhealthy life, the fat mini me has a much louder voice.  But as we slowly change our habits the thin mini me gets more assertive and loud!   The fat mini me will never really go away though. That voice is just waiting for a sign of weakness!

So this past weekend these two voices/thoughts were at war for each other.  It was brutal.   

“EAT THE DARN COOKIE!” 

 “no you will regret it if you eat the cookie”.

 “HAHA, YOU ATE THE COOKIE AND YOU HAVE MESSED UP ANY HOPE OF LOSING WEIGHT! HAHAHA”

“you ran and rode your bike for two hours and only had a cottage cheese double and some strawberries you  are fine within your calorie count.  all is not lost”

It was tough.   And I listened to the sane thin mini me (the lower case voice in case you didn’t pick up on that.).  And do you know what?   That voice was right. It’s proven in my calories for those days...so let me give you that week...ending on Sunday night!

Here is my total calories.

If you notice I am still under the 1550 that is my top end of the caloric goal range!

But let’s now add in my exercise!

So as my report shows...I didn’t listen to the fat mini me.  I listened to the sane voice and felt more empowered from my good choices!   (And for the record o think the exercise calories are overly inflated on myfitnesspal...thus making my net calories seem more drastic...but I didn’t eat any of my exercise calories so there still would have been a dip!)