Giving up: the future

Sometimes I wonder about what I’m really doing in regards to this website/blog.  What is my purpose?  What is my mission?   Why am I here.  Why do I even continue trying to lose weight.

Let me start with the basics.   I struggle.  I struggle big time.  Yet I continue to write.   I feel like I write  and do the same things over and over.  And over.  I make plans....I have excuses.   I have some success...I have failure.  It feels like a repeating cycle.

So why do I continue to write the same things each and every week?  

After a bit of a pause (had to drive to work),  I have come to the conclusion that I write for me.  I continue to write because I am constantly learning and evolving.  I continue to write to chronicle this difficult journey that I have been on for so many years.  I continue to write because it gives me some small sense of accountability.

Why do I continue to try to lose weight when I am so obviously in a vicious cycle of small success then failure..success then failure?

I continue to push forward because I want to be healthy.  I push forward because I want to live to be an old woman with Jason....and in a healthy manner.   I continue to try because I want to buy cool clothes.  I continue to plot and plan because I want to be fit and active.

It is hard.   So many people stop writing when things get into this vicious cycle.  But I’m going to continue on.   I have big reasons to lose weight.  If I keep writing I will keep learning and keep evolving.   If I keep on, eventually this will all click and I’ll be victorious once again.

Mountain bike failure: cardio catastrophe

We had a nice weekend.  We managed to get some relaxation and some activity in.   The activity however...well...it went kind of  poorly!   Let’s start at the beginning.    It was rainy on Saturday so we ran our errands and hit up he movie theater (we saw “Halloween”...it was pretty good.). . It was a good day.   We relaxed and enjoyed each other’s company.  Sunday was clear...so we decided to go biking!

We headed out for the same place that we had hiked at last weekend    (That was the purpose of last Sunday’s hike...to reconnoiter.). It was even prettier this week...we explored further down the trail.  But alas I didn’t take pictures of the scenery this weekend!

It was (is) a great trail, very flowy.  And yes flowy is the proper mountain bike term!  A flowy or flow trail is one that....well...it flows.   It isn’t very rocky or full of exposed tree roots.  It isn’t very steep and instead more gently rolling hills.    As we rode along I actually talked to Jason and mentioned that this trail was perfect for me.  The hills were rolling which pushed me to the edge of my physical limitations and the trail had just enough rocks and tree roots to push me to the edge of my technical/skill limitations.   I was feeling GREAT!

We rode on!   We were about an hour into our ride when it happened.  It?   Did I wreck?   Nope!   I hit a wall in my limitations.  Oh boy did I hit a wall!   I found myself unable to breath.  I got off the bike and stood there...trying to catch my breath...but the dizziness was rolling over me.   I sat down beside the trail.  Wow!  It took me a while to recover!

I did recover....or so I thought.  We travelled on....assuming that the person that talked to us the previous week was correct and that this was a big loop!  But I had this gnawing fear that this was an out and back.

And then it hit me again!   I found myself once again sitting beside the trail trying to recover.  I was half crying and miserable!  

Yes I did have a helmet...it was just off my head while I rested.   I recovered and got back on that bike.  But that gnawing fear had grown....seriously if this was an out and back trail, I was in trouble because I was already well past shot!   We rode a big further and ended up seeing two other bikers.   We asked them about the trail....it was not really a loop. They showed us the map.   They advised that wecould make it a loop only if we rode on the road for about 3 miles...a busy, no shoulder, narrow road....about 3-4 miles further down the trail and navigated a very steep ascent to get to the road...a one mile side trail.  They advised that most bikers made it an out and back ride and that’s what we decided to do.  Yes, we actually continued on to complete the trail.

I made it to 2 miles from the end of the trail....and I knew there was NO way this was going to happen. I was already completely wiped out and I still had the complete return trip!   We turned around.   The return trip was brutal for me.  I ended up doing a combination bike/hike.  I would walk a whilethen hop onto my bike and ride a bit before I would end up getting back off and walking....repeated over and over.   Yes, I am ashamed to admit I walked a  part of that trail!!! (Ok I walked maybe 1/4 of it).  

We eventually made it back to the car...what a lovely sight!!!    I was in tears at the horrible ride that I had just had.

I was fine though and we headed to the car wash to give the girls a bath.

My legs were sore and tired.   But it wasn’t my legs that made the ride horrid. (Well they contributed.)   My cardio capabilities is where my problem was!   My meltdown was due to my lack of cardio conditioning.  This has GOT to change! I realized this during vacation while we hiked with bears.  But I didn’t realize how bad it really was, until today.

That trail chewed me up and spit me out this past weekend.  But I WILL be back.   I will make it to where I turned around and I will do it without sitting on the edge of the trail multiple times before getting there .  I will also make it without tears!   I will make it back to the car with less walking too!!!  And eventually I will make it to the end of that trail!  I will also eventually be able to make a complete out and back ride without getting off my bike to sit on the side of the trail or even walk any portion!   Before this is over I will conquer that trail!!!!

All in all I rode about  a two and and a half hours. I walked probably a half hour. (Rough estimates because I wasn’t exactly watching the clock when I got off to walk segments...or when I got back on to ride.). We were out 2.5 to 3 hours.   And regardless of whether I was riding or biking....I was active...so while the ride was a colossal failure...it was an an exercise victory!

Friday Fun Facts:

It’s Friday!!!  One would think that after a full week of vacation that I wouldn’t be sooo ready for the weekend.  Right?   Nope!  I’m ready for the weekend, probably even more ready than normal!  So not my normal chit chatty post...more a bullet point ‘let’s get caught up’ post.

Week in review

The week went by at a pretty swift pace...thank heavens! I was worried about it since it was the first week back after vacation.   I spent quite a bit of my time training my counterparts at our site in Indiana....while I remained in Maryland. (Challenging) .  But that also helped make it go fast!    But the long 11 hour days again took their toll and I’m running on fumes at this point!  We have a couple plans and thoughts for the weekend...and of course lots of sleeping in and if history proves correct maybe even a nap or two!

Victory for the week

The victory for this week was my eating!  I was able to pull it under control pretty well!  I didn’t let the one bad week of vacation eating turn into the new norm!  I may have roamed the kitchen one or two nights looking for a sweet treat but I did not cave!!   Furthermore, we had lots of fruits and veggies this week....they tasted delicious!

Failure for the week

Ok, there were actually 2 failures.

1.  Exercise.  I did not sacrifice my time to exercise more. I got no exercise!!!  Furthermore, I didn’t even walk on my lunch or breaks!  (One day I did....but that means the rest of the week I didn’t!)

2. I totally failed at tracking this week!   I tracked the whole way through vacation and somehow fell apart this week!  Ok...I only missed the last two days (and I will probably go back and put in what I ate)...but that’s a bad slip up for me....tracking is instrumental for my success!!

Weight

I am happy to say that after a week at home,l that my weight has regulated to exactly what it was the week before I went on vacation.   I’m pretty happy with that!!!!!!!  And as of Saturday it was actually one pound lower than it was the day before vacation commenced!  So I recouped AND lost!!!!

Plans

I am planning on having one night this weekend with a sweet treat (maybe two) and of course Friday nights are pizza and wings night for us (we are so wiped out by Friday night that it’s the relax night...). and then I’m back to healthy eating.   I’m hoping to get the exercise stuff started this upcoming week!    But regardless, I’m happy with whee I’m at and I plan on continuing and letting this weight slowly melt away.

All in all this was a pretty ok week for me...a little bummer to be back to work, but I think I did pretty good with my quest for a healthy life!!!

The fallout: return from vacation

Three days into my work week. Let me tell you it was hard to come back after a week off. But I must work.    But being Wednesday, it also means I am three days into my return to healthy eating and A healthier lifestyle.

It’s no secret that I ate very poorly over my vacation. I had dessert of some sort each and every night. I thoroughly enjoyed it also!!!    I also vowed that when vacation was over the poor eating habits were ending.

Yes, I know that in some regards, going  crazy (if that’s what you call having dessert every day) for a week is not good. However, how often do we go on vacation? Once a year???  And for me in the last couple years it’s been even longer. I have been preaching for the last couple months about how I want to live my life… In a sustainable way… But remain healthy. For me, at this phase in my life,  indulging on a vacation was well within the boundaries that I have set up for myself. I expected a small gain. I also know that it’s stopped now that vacation is over.

It’s Wednesday, vacation ended Sunday night. How did I do?

Let’s backtrack to Sunday night, my last night of vacation food and eating. I did eat a piece of cake. I also ate two Reesie‘s cup that day. (I should be awarded a medal, I only ate 2 cups out of the king size  package.) When we were done with the cake that evening, there was still a small piece left on the cake plate. Now is where the major decision making time came upon me......I had a major decision to make. If I wasn’t eating cake through the week, what do I do with that piece of cake?  I made my decision, pretty quickly also. I scraped that piece of cake right into the garbage can. Yes, I did… It amazed me too!  By the time I went to bed on Saturday night, there were no sweet treats left in the house. Step one of keeping my vow had been completed.

On Monday evening, I planned a healthy dinner for us. It wasn’t lasen in grease or butter. It had lots of vegetables. We both enjoyed the healthy home-cooked meal. (I had only made one or two dinners the whole time we were gone… It was all eating out.) after dinner, I found myself in the kitchen wondering aimlessly. It was rather odd. But eventually  I realized what was happening. My body was subconsciously looking four that sweet sugary treat. I had gotten  rid of everything the night before (thank heavens), so there was nothing to eat. I could have easily made something, But I did not. I had a banana… It tasted delicious.

On Tuesday we also had a nice healthy balanced meal with lots of vegetables.  And I avoided any sweet treat!   

I’m not giving up the sweet sugary delight or dessert. I still plan on indulging a bit on the weekends. I’m sure when my next vacation rolls around I will probably also indulge. This is all about  finding that balance in my life.

So how was my weight affected? That is a loaded question. I will also say that we were very active during our vacation. We hiked. We biked. We walked. Sadly, I do not have the exact weight results. Yes, I weigh myself every day. However, a few days before my vacation started my scales went on the fritz. They just needed batteries… But of course I didn’t have that size. So I have to go with what my weight was a few days before vacation started.  I know what my weight is the first day after vacation. I gained 3 - 4 pounds. Now let me also backtrack and say that I did horrible with drinking water the first half of vacation. The second half of vacation, not so good. On Sunday I don’t even think I finished a full bottle of water. No water equals dehydration which conveys to weight gain on the scales. Couple that with the monthly ick ....Which also usually equals a pound or two on the scales. I’m pretty darn happy with the three or four pounds. Sure, I would love to have lost or even maintained. But in the grand scheme of things, with those other two factors… 3 pounds is good. And I’m drinking my water like crazy to get back to where I need to be.  So as of Wednesday morning I’m only one pound up!  Not bad!!!!

Now to just make it to the weekend so I can relax, this working stuff is no fun!!!

Vacation: the end

We had decided to split our 9 day vacation into three segments.  That decision proved to be an awesome one for us.   You can  read and see pictures from the first sections in the following links! We started off at the beach and had a wonderful time!   It was really hard to leave the beach and that is the only regret...that we didn’t take an extra day there (mostly because Jason was fighting some illness for the first two days there and he didn’t get to thoroughly enjoy it!).   After one night at home we drove to the mountains and spent some time hiking and enjoying the beauty of the Appalachian Mountains.   We were home by Wednesday evening late and ready to start in on the final phase of vacation.....relaxation!!!

We didn’t break down into total relaxation.  We still did some walking...quite a bit on Thursday actually.   We went out geocaching to a park that has something like 20 caches hidden...so we hiked all the trails to get to them!  Netted around 5 miles of walking and some cool pics that day!

We also took a day to do all the normal errands to prepare to return to work.  Stuff like groceries and other adult responsibilities.

We watched a lot of movies at home...and even hit up the movie theater...twice.  We carved pumpkins and enjoyed each other’s company.  We relaxed and just tried to recharge our batteries.

 

But alas....the vacation had to end.  The last day of vacation was a bummer for me.  I felt like I had been hit by a train!   I think it was part depression that the end of vacation had arrived...but I was also fighting off whatever Jason had been struggling with earlier!   Yeah, I slept quite a bit of the last day of vacation away!  Literally!   We did get out and hiked for about 3  short miles before I was completely wiped out!

But like I said...vacation ended!

With the end brings a new beginning.  I’m NOT looking forward to returning to work.  However I AM excited about getting back into the swing of things and actually losing weight.  (I am ending my vacation one pound higher than I was at the doctor’s office last month...which isn’t bad because it’s the monthly ick water retention AND I know I’m dehydrated from not drinking enough water!!) We have both vowed that our diets and our activity levels will be different upon returning to ‘normal’ life.  The food plans are in place. Now I just need to get the activity routine going!  The activity was to start today..Monday...but with how I felt yesterday I felt it wise to sleep as long as possible this Monday morning.  But activity will soon commence!!!

Vacation part two: the mountains

We had decided to break down our vacation into three segments...beach, mountains and home.  The beach segment  flew by in a flash!  It was fun...but over. We went home for one night repacked our bags with fresh clothes and our hiking boots and in the morning headed off for the next segment....the mountains!

The weather was cool.  The mountains were gorgeous and we enjoyed the drive down to Front Royal.   Jason was having his first day of actually feeling ‘well’.  We contemplated a hike...but knew that the planned hike for the next day would be more strenuous, so we decided to take it easy.   We roamed around the town in the shadow of the mountains that we love so much.  We picked up some geocaches....hit up a few local shops and just had a relaxing day.  The photography bug has been rekindled and I played around with my good camera a bit....nothing fancy, but some.....

After we checked into our hotel,  we spent the evening  watching movies.  (

Hiking day arrived.  The air was crisp.  The leaves on the trees...still pretty green but we still had a vague hope that the top of the mountain would reveal some fall colors.  Truth be known, when I awoke...I was worried about the hike.   Really worried!  I knew I wasn’t in any shape for a strenuous hike.  But I vowed to push through, suck it up and just do it!

Jason at one point mentioned being a little worried about a strenuous hike (like the one we wanted to do).  Together we decided to tone it down and do a trail that was labelled as 'moderate' versus the 'strenuous' one that we had originally planned on doing.

We laced up our hiking boots and off we went!

We got to the trail head and checked out the overlook at the trailhead.

 Then started off.   Very early on I rounded a bend and boom....5 feet away from three bears.  (A mamma and two cubs).  We quickly retreated a somewhat safe distance away and we both grabbed a few pictures.  (no....sadly enough I didn't have my good camera with me.....I had a hydration pack...not my camera pack).

We enjoyed the bear sighting for a few minutes and then went onward with our hike (eyes peeled for more bears).

We made it to the top....and enjoyed that overlook before we continued on to complete our hike.

Now let me backtrack and say that the trail we chose to do was one that we had done a few years ago. I remembered the trail as relatively easy!   Uhhhhh what a difference a few years and a drop in fitness level makes!  This trail beat us up this time!  It was CRAZY!   But we did it!!!  We felt fabulously beat when we were done...but we were happy with our hike!

We drove home and enjoyed a home cooked dinner and some relaxation!   The rest of the vacation is relaxing...maybe a movie or two at the theater....some errands....maybe a bike ride....maybe a hike....just roll with some heavy relaxing times!  

Take away from this segment of vacation.......well it is still my fitness level that is first and foremost.  But it was very obvious that my cardio endurance has suffered.  My legs were sore by the END of the hike...but for most of the hike (mostly climbing) my legs felt great.  (My feet at the end were the worst).  It was the cardio that slowed me down.  I was huffing and puffing like mad!!!!  

beach segment

Vacation Part One: The Beach

Welcome to the vacation recap...part one!   We had originally planned to spend the whole week down at the beach...the outer banks.   It circumstances changed (clean up from a hurricane that hit the Outer Banks) and we decided to spend a few days at a different beach.....day or two in the mountains....maybe visit to a Halloween attraction (field of screams) and then a few days of recouping at home.  (Recouping and preparing to go back to the grind of every day life.)

So here is  Vacation part one: The beach

 Saturday...day one

We woke up relatively early and headed out to the beach.  It is about a three hour drive and we wanted to try to garner as much time at the beach as possible.  As we drove along the roads I was quietly contemplating the weather...overcast and rain.  Yuck!  I kept telling myself that the forecast was for sun in the afternoon!   We arrived at the ocean and the sun was shinning...but it was cold!   Where had the 85° days earlier in the week gone!  It was  only in the 50’s maybe low 60’s!  No worries...we like off season at the beaches just wear sweatshirts!  (Less crowds) And while we wouldn’t have been adverse to a swim in the ocean had the temps been conducive, we were not at the ocean for a dip in the water...well maybe just my toes at some point!!  We parked at our hotel at 11:00 but couldn’t check in yet as check in wasn’t until 4pm.  We had our bikes and there was no way we were leaving them on top of the car unattended...so the bikes came off the car and we headed off to explore Ocean City on our bikes.  Up and down the boardwalk we road.  We also road on the streets.  For over four  hours we road!! (Oh we stopped for a single slice of pizza from a boardwalk vender which we ate standing by our bikes). I hadn’t  ridden in weeks and my butt was starting to feel it for sure!!!  My legs not so much while riding!  We did stroll with our bikes down to the water for a few minutes.

  Finally at about 3 we went back to the hotel because they had advised that we might be able to check in sometime after 2pm.   Voila!  We were good to check in!!  We unloaded the car and relaxed on our balcony.  We may have even taken a wee nap!  What woke us up from our nap?  The loud revving of engines...and it sounded like it was coming from the ocean.   We headed out onto the balcony and by golly...it was indeed coming from the ocean...the ocean side of things. We had known that  there was a corvette show in Ocean City this weekend (we had seen parking lots full of vettes while we were out riding).  But apparently they were doing a parade of vettes down the boardwalk!  We watched for about 45 minutes  from our balcony.

Time was ticking (we knew our dinner option was likely to close early) so we cut our viewing from the balcony short and grabbed our bikes.  Down the boardwalk we went...and thus viewed the vette parade up close and personal. As in we were right beside it!  We grabbed pit beef sandwiches and biked back to our hotel to have dinner! (Just for the record...the ride to buy dinner was about 2 miles there and 2 miles back so four miles of riding just to get dinner!).  We got ‘home’ and stayed in our hotel the rest of the night....spending lots of time on the balcony watching the sunset!!!!

 We were in bed early as we were tired and Jason was fighting a cold!

Day two

We had slept with the sliding glass door open and the heat cranked! (Both nights actually!)  It was fabulous sleeping!  I woke about 6AM and listened to the pounding surf and waited for sunrise.  At about 6:40 when the skies started to slowly pink up, I headed outside, wrapped in a blanket and watched the sunrise.  

It was neat as I tried to get a picture of the different stages and colors of the sunrise!  We relaxed a bit in our room in the morning.   My legs were so stiff and sore and Jason was still fighting off the cold and feeling a bit rough and ragged.  But eventually we made our way out...on foot today.  (My butt may have been a bit tender from all that time in the saddle the day before!) Being  on foot and not having to worry about the security of our bikes afforded us the opportunity to shop!   We explored the many shops on and around the boardwalk...for hours!   We grabbed a lunch of Thrashers boardwalk fries....and a donut from the Fractured Prune donut shop.   Then we kept walking!!!  Jason found a pair of shoes that he has been wanting to find for 2 years (I kid you not...every time we go into a mall or any shopping expedition he looks for a certain shoe and a certain color.  He can usually find the color but not the style...or the style and not the color..). We walked into a shop and saw the exact shoe he wanted.  We both commented that they probably wouldn’t have his size...but they did!!!  AND while he was trying them on...the guy was like ‘end of season, I can knock 25% off of them !!!  Sold!  (We would have purchased them  at full price but a discount is even better!   I also bought a pair of shoes..but mine were 50% off!  Laden down with purchases we headed back to our hotel.  Ok, ok ok..we had also  purchased two big buckets of fishers popcorn (Amazon Affiliate link...because why yes...you can order a beach boardwalk treat delivered right to your house!!!), some chocolate covered strawberries for me and a caramel apple for him.   We walked a bit more later in the day after another much deserved vacation nap...but we were still wiped out!  Plus...I had somehow picked up a blister...most likely from a grain of sand between my toes...from when I took off my socks and shoes and waded into the ocean!   We spent time on the balcony overlooking the ocean and enjoyed the playful ‘show’ that the dolphins were giving!  Food...way too much.  But so tasty!!!  

Day three

It was raining!!!!  Boooooo!!!  We spent most of the morning on the balcony talking and enjoying the beach views, sounds and smells.  Jason was feeling better, thank heavens!!    We had to check out of our hotel at 11 (we were so tempted to stay another night...but the rain deterred us....and the fact that we had other plans upcoming).  We hopped in the car and explored a bit further up the shoreline.  We spent some time in Delaware.  The sun actually came out for an hour or two...so we enjoyed the beaches and roads up there before heading home.  Sorry...only one pic was taken on this day...so you will just have to look at our sappy lovey dovey  picture!!! 

The trip home good FOREVER.  We knew to try to avoid rush hour...seriously, we drive it every day...we know!  But a small detour and a few extra stops and we found ourselves smack dab in the middle of rush hour...grrr!  Oh well...we were still together and we did make it home safe and sound!

Mertz, the cat was happy to see us!  We threw clothes in the wash...ordered dinner out...watched a little tv and I was out cold asleep early!    

Take away from this portion of our vacation?   Since we decided to go to Maine next year for our vacation I have said I need to be in shape to really be able to fully experience and enjoy that vacation.....these few days of more than normal physical activity at the beach emphasized how much I do need to be in better shape before that week!!!  No time for sore muscles that week!!!!

Achieving greatness: it can be achieved with one word

But how can I?  How many times do we utter that s entence when we are talking about changing our life?   We get comfortable in our lives and when faced with the need for change we just don’t have a single clue how in the world we will ever enact that change.  How can I?  How can I find the time?  How can I do that with the terrible arthritis in my knees?  How can I when I don’t have a membership?  How can I when I weigh so much?

It’s been no secret of late that I am unhappy with my fitness level.  Ok, so maybe I’ve been rambling on and on about it...just a wee bit!   It’s seriously been on my mind a lot!  It came up in a conversation at work the other day.   A gal that sits near me who loves to exercise and I were talking.  I shared my struggle.  I talked about my long days...how I leave my house at 7AM and don’t get home until 6PM (if I’m lucky) and how that doesn’t leave a lot of time for exercise in the evening. I mentioned how I hesitate to get home at 6 and break into exercise because I would never have a moment to relax.  I would literally get home, exercise, shower, cook dinner, eat, clean up and then I would be within a half hour or so of the time that I crash and head to bed.  Is that truly sustainable?  For me no.  I want a healthy life and a healthy body...but even more I want a healthy relationship with Jason and we honestly treasure that time we have together each evening. I mentioned to my coworker that I’ve thought about waking up 30 minutes earlier each morning to  at least get a 20 -25 minute run in the books..or a 20 minute ride on the bike trainer.   But in this conversation I whined, “but that’s early”.  (Yes, I really did whine!)

And that is when she said one word that puts it all into perspective and reminded me on how to achieve greatness and success.

Sacrifice

Oh yes...’if you want something bad enough, you will sacrifice something in order to achieve it’. For me and my fitness level it’s the sacrifice of time that has to be made.   My week days are full and I honestly like my routine (well...I don’t like the long commute that makes my day so long...but that’s just how life is...I need to work to pay the bills so that one is kinda non-negotiable at the moment).  But if I want to achieve greatness and reclaim the level of fitness that I had achieved a few years ago I need to sacrifice something in my schedule.  

What to sacrifice?  My mind was in a whirl for a few minutes as I pondered.  But I didn’t have to ponder long.  I will definitely NOT be sacrificing my evening time with Jason on a consistent basis!   Just not happening.  We need that hour or so each evening after the evening/post work activities of life (cooking, showers, etc) is over to reconnect and recharge not only our batteries but to help keep our relationship strong.  That time also doubles as our ‘relax after a long day’ time...which is equally as important.   I’m lucky in the fact that sometimes we do go out for a bike ride or a walk in the evening as part of our time together.  But I still need to figure out a consistent long term solution.  It leaves one thing.....waking up earlier.

If I’m going to be so adamant about not consistently infringing upon my time with Jason them I have to sacrifice in another area.  Waking up earlier!   And if truth be known, I am usually awake earlier than the alarm anyway.   I play on my phone, write blog posts (yup...this was written at 5:30 AM on my phone), read blogs and respond to blogs.    So it’s not really a complete stretch to actually remove myself from the bed and do something active.  I will just need to sacrifice my personal quiet time in the morning!

So....decision is made.   I want to achieve greatness....I am ready to sacrifice in order to achieve it!!!

Why diets fail: food addiction

I have a food addiction.  I know this and have known this for many years.   I have readily admitted it for many years too.  It’s no secret. The sad part about a food addiction?   It is accepted by society because a food addiction is not illegal.  In fact, it’s embrassed and encouraged (just look at the portions of food we find acceptable at restaurants)  in our society of obesity.  It’s not illegal...but regardless, it is killing its victims.  (Obesity related diseases).   So maybe we need to start really treating food addiction like a real serious problem!

So how does one fix an addiction?

I saw this on Facebook a few days back and it really hit me.

Aren’t we only ‘stopping the use’ when we go on a diet???  A diet is not creating a new life and fixing the underlying problem...it’s only treating the symptom!

Years ago I saw a show following patients that had undergone weight loss surgery.  The surgery took away the problem of overeating, but guess what happened to a multitude of the people they followed?  Those people transferred their addictive personality to a different addiction.  Drugs, alcohol, sex....the addiction didn’t go away...they just weren’t latched onto food anymore, they were using other ‘substances’ to fill the void.

Now I’m not saying that everyone that has weight loss surgery is going to turn into a drug addict.  I’m not saying that everyone that simply restricts their food intake will fail.   I’m just saying that we didn’t get to the point of obesity without some major issue....and unless we treat the issue as well as the symptom we will fail in the long run.   And I have personal experience with failure...I lost a LOT of weight and I regained half of it back.  I treated the symptom but not the problem!

Changing and creating a new life is difficult. It’s taking a lot of preconceived notions and habits and running in the exact opposite direction!  It’s changing the norm and distancing yourself from the factors that brought you to the place of obesity.  It’s retraining your mindset to view and see things differently.    It’s creating a life where it is easier to not overeat because the consequences of such behavior will impede you in your new life.    (Need an example?   When I’m running a lot...or hiking a lot, I tend to eat better.  I like those activities and they are easier, less painful and a whole lot more fun when I’ve got my addictive eating problem under control!). It’s a thing of creating a life where eating out is not the sole focus of your day.  Mine used to be.   When I planned out my day  I planned  my activities around food places!!!   I am much better now...It helps that my friends (and Jason) are not as ruled by food...it’s a new lifestyle for me.

We can stop the use of our drug of choice, food....but it’s only temporary....which is exactly why diets fail!!! We need to change our life from the ground up to truly fix the problem of obesity. That means changing how we view food..how we deal with emotions...how we move and are active....and maybe getting your friends on board with your new you...or finding additional friends that do fit in with the new you lifestyle!  Until we find the new life that does not include a simple ‘take away the problem’ we will certainly fail....just like the drug addict that never changes their lifestyle. 

Friday fun: tired but excited

The end has come. It is Friday. I have finally reached the last day of work before my vacation starts! The end of my long wait has come. It’s been quite a while since I took an extended period of time off for vacation. (I am talking like more than two years…maybe three) this upcoming vacation is long overdue. To say I’m excited is an understatement.

Before I roll into vacation, I need to wrap up this week. (And get my last day of work done.). So let’s get on with it.

Highlights of the week

I work my normal schedule every day this week, and I stay busy every evening with working Through my list of things that needed to be done before vacation. What kind of things? We needed to clean out the car and his work van, (the  work van so that if his boss needs it, his personal stuff was out of it) laundry, packing, organizing… Etc. I am a list maker and us started gathering things as early as Monday night. It made for a busy week, But will pay off tonight and tomorrow morning when we just have last minute things to do versus running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to pack everything at once.

Eating for the week

I went off target this week.I want to say I did really bad. I kept my calories right around  1600 to 1800 calcal each day. It could have been a lot worse. But, it could have been a lot better. I don’t know what happened, one night I ate dinner and found myself ravenous before bed. One day I found myself exceedingly hungry at work. I did not binge on any of those occasions but I did indulge.

Weigh in  results for the week

The indulgence from my hunger...well I maintained at least!

Failure of the week

This weeks failure actually pertains to commenting on other people‘s blogs and replying to comments on my blog post. About a week ago I became unable to post any comments or replies using my iPhone. It doesn’t work on my iPad either. I can post on my computer and I did a test, and using Jason’s  phone and it worked just fine. I am frustrated beyond belief. I comment almost solely using my iPhone or iPad and have for years.  I do a lot of my reading and posting at times where I find myself having a few minutes, but not enough time to go get a computer or be near my computer.  Have I mentioned how frustrated I have been? I think I may have fixed it!!! (By downloading a different web browser on my phone...). But any other suggestions would be appreciated!

Vacation

I have had lots of deep thoughts this past week.  Concepts and ideas  hit me in regards to weight loss and my healthy lifestyle that I am trying to create. There have been way too many for one post… They are written (for the most part) and will be posted while I’m on vacation. So stay tuned for my thoughts on addiction, sacrifices and One or two other thoughts that are swirling around in my head.

We have a fun vacation planned. We are spending some time at the beach. We are spending some time in the mountains. We have hikes and bike rides planned. On the agenda is a trip to Field  of Screams. And we plan on getting some relaxation in. The hotels are booked so I know for sure where we are going… The rest will happen as it’s meant to happen.

I know that there will be indulgences in terms of food. I also know that if history is any indication that the trip to the beach will result in one of two things… Maybe both.  There should be lots of walking and/ or lots of miles on the bicycle.

Of course there will be a recap post when I return. Until then…

An inspiration like no other

Throughout my weight loss journey I have come across people that have greatly inspired and influenced me.  While my drive and motivation to lose weight is my responsibility,  these people are what helps me to push a little harder....to go a little further....to stay the course.  These inspirational people have come into my life at random times and through many different ways.   Sometimes it is a virtual influence....I might read  an article about someone’s weight loss success online  and it inspires me.  The inspiration sometimes may come from my friends who double as accountability partners.  I have even received inspiration from people that I call angels...random steangers that make comments and compliments...for me this is usually while out running.  Such as the touchy guy and the safelite guy. Inspiration is awesome!

The other morning when I was out running a song started to play in my headphones. It was a song that we  used in Zumba. Immediately memories started to flood  through  my mind. I remembered my first night at Zumba  and how I hid in the back room. I remembered the emotionally battered woman that I was when I started. I remember how I had to exert my independence and wishes within my marriage just to  attend Zumba. I looked back and could clearly see how my independence and confidence grew each and every week of Zumba. Zumba, was a life saver and a life changer for me.  My fitness level skyrocketed and I was inspired almost weekly with each and every class I attended. It wasn’t just the hour of exercise that changed my life and inspired me. It was one lady… The instructor.... Anita. (And yes, I was indeed crying while I was running and reminiscing... it was from the incredible onslaught of memories. Doesn’t everybody cry while they run?)

Anita. I don’t even know where to begin. This lady is just all around incredible.

Anita  is my mothers age, but don’t let that fool you. This lady can out exercise most people. I remember after one class talking to a group of people and we mentioned how the hour long class had been a real tough workout. We were blown away when we realized that Anita had already taught four such classes just like the one that had wiped us out....that day alone. Anita is constantly searching, learning and bringing new techniques and exercises to her classes.    She also practices what she preaches. When you talk to her or glance at her Facebook page you will quickly see and hear that she take the steps to secure her own fitness levels. She doesn’t just rely on the 20 some classes that she teaches to stay in shape...she works out on TOP of leading multiple classes. (I think at one point she told us she was teaching over 20 classes a week… but I could be wrong on the number.).  She leads her classes in a way that all levels of fitness are reached and made to feel welcome and pours herself into these classes.   She reaches everyone in that room, in spite of how she is feeling personally.  And we all work harder because of her example!  This lady is a true dynamo!!

Anita is inspiration like no other. I have seen this lady push through tiredness, pain and sickness to still lead a kick butt exercise class.  I have seen her dancing and exercising with what she suspected was a broken toe… She still stomped her feet in time with the beat!   Surgery/ Procedure on her hand earlier in the day that required her to keep her hand elevated? Anita didn’t cancel the class that day! She arrived, got on stage and lead that class with the same energy level that she always did. She did it all while  keeping her hand elevated for the whole hour. I even saw her lead a class with a case of stomach bug. What an incredible inspiration. She truly leads by example. It’s easier to push through the pain of a hard workout when you see your leader push through her pain.  ‘If she can do it...so can I!’ When you have a leader like that, it makes you realize that you can push through and accomplish so much.

Have I mentioned how fun Anita is?  She makes her classes smile.  Holidays are always celebrated... She dresses for each holiday!!!

Yes, those are indeed her legs!!!

Last but not least, I want to talk about the compassion that Anita shows. She is very passionate about making sure that the attendees in her class get a good workout. But what really sets her apart from any other leader, is her compassion for each and every person in her classes. I can’t tell you how many times I arrived for my hour of exercise and received a hug and words of encouragement about life issues I was  facing.  One of the  best examples of her compassion was the last week before I announced my pending divorce in 2014. I was an emotional wreck and could barely hold it together. Anita took one look at me and gave me a long hug but didn’t say a word...just gave me her silent support. A week later  when I announced  that I was getting a divorce, Anita made this comment, “I could see the turmoil within you last week.   I could see that you were barely holding it together. And I knew the only thing I could do was hug you to let you know you weren’t alone and that whatever you were dealing with was something you had to wrestle with on your own.”  Once I made it public,  she was right there continuing to offer her support for me as I went through that difficult change.  How’s that for compassion?  But the compassion doesn’t end there,   I had to stop attending zumba due to schedule changes that prohibited me from attending her classes. Yet, three years after I stopped attending,  she arrived at the viewing when my father died. (I’m sorry for sobbing all over you when you hugged me that night… I was working hard to hold it together, seeing you and feeling your compassion gave me the much needed release for all that pent-up emotion.). Anita is the real deal.    If I can have half the compassion that she  displays, I will consider myself lucky.

This lady is the complete package.  Incredibly fit, tough as nails,fun and compassionate!  I have been blessed to have her in my life.  

A few years ago the local newspaper did an article about me and Zumba. It alluded to and talked about how Zumba had change my life and it even mentioned lightly the inspiration that Anita had on me.  But the article didn’t make it clear enough.   Anita has inspired me in so many ways.  I want to be her age and in the physical shape that she is in.   I push myself through aches and pains when I exercise because of her long lasting influence.   And I try to show the compassion and love toward others....the same behavior she has continually shown toward me.  She really is my inspiration.  And Anita, I thank  you from the bottom of my heart!

Exercise: when is the best time

How many times have I (we) said ‘“I’m starting my new routine tomorrow”?   Or on Monday, the beginning of the month, New Years?  Basically a plan to start at anytime in the future?   I know for me it’s been plenty of times.   

I have been writing a lot about my fitness levels lately. I’ve talked about how they are in the gutter and how I really need to fix it!  That was just one link to a plethora of posts...all within a few week period!  It’s been on my mind a lot!

I’ve worked out some thoughts and ideas in my mind...a plan has been created.  And I was ready to roll.....except one thing.   Do I want to try to start a new routine a few mere days before vacation?   Why start now?   Why not wait until our vacation week is over and I’m back in the groove.

My mind was warring on Saturday!  Why start my ‘new/old’ routine when I know that it will be not happening next week when vacation time hits!  Seriously...a waste of time right?  But then I had a different thought?   Starting now, right before vacation  might be good...I will roll into vacation on a high....I will be active on vacation.  (How can you not be active at the beach..which is the first few days of the vacation.....or the mountains which we will be visiting toward the end of vacation.).  There will be lots of walking, hiking and biking....and yes our bikes are traveling with us for this vacation!  And when I get back from vacation I’ll already be in the ‘active’ mode and ready to create new habits!

I eventually decided that there was no time like the present to start working to get back into shape.  Why wait two weeks?  True I won’t be able to get into a good consistent routine until after vacation (this week will be nuts as we try to get stuff done in the evenings to be ready to roll bright an early on Saturday.). But every little effort is a step in the right direction!  

So this weekend I laced up my shoes and I went out for a run!!!  

It was my first run since July 7th!  Almost exactly three months since my last run!  I went out with a bit of trepidation...I didn’t expect this run to be ‘pretty’ at all!  I expected it to be brutal.  I expected to have to walk a fair amount.  I expected it to be slow.

It was slow.  Very slow!  But I ran every step!   It wasn’t brutal at all.  It was actually a good run...with the exception of the really slow time. It was so good that I didn’t even take a picture!!!

Now is the time!!!!

We got a fair amount of walking in this weekend also.  And I even played around with photography a bit!

Vacation: the perfect motivation

I have written about motivation so many times. It’s crazy how many times I’ve probably written about motivation.   I wrote about it recently when I wrote tips for motivation   But it happens because  motivation is fleeting and ever changing.

In the past I have been motivated to lose weight for various reasons. Sometimes it was competition with a friend, once it was even a personal competition with an enemy who I didn’t want to show me up. I have lost weight to get into goal clothing. And I lost weight trying to make my ex husband love me.  I have probably been motivated by a gazillion and one different things. And that’s OK, because it worked.  

I have a few current motivations running through my mind. There are one or two things that I am not quite ready to share  here yet. But let me tell you, they are good reasons!

But a real big motivation?

We have vacation in one week!  We are planning and hoping for a very active vacation. I know that my fitness level will hold us back a little bit. I also know that my lack of fitness will mean that what I do, will cause me to ache. I am OK with that. However, we are starting to plan our vacation for next year. It’s going to be a big one.  I am not OK with passing on some opportunities that may crop up during that vacation due to my lack of fitness. Nor am I OK with pushing myself through and then aching  miserably for the rest  of the vacation. I WILL have my fitness fixed before then. How’s that for motivation?

Combating headaches

I keep vowing to start exercise and to get back in shape. I have the greatest and grandest intentions. But it seems like something always happens to keep me from starting and continuing the fitness routines.  Honestly, they are always valid excuses and reasons. We have had a lot of rain and that has kept us from getting on our bicycles.  We get home from work late.  We have also really struggled with headaches. Sinus pressure and allergy headaches to be exact. Debilitating on some days… And it take everything in us to just make it through the workday. Exercise gets pushed way far down the line in importance. I told you these excuses were valid.

This past weekend we were lounging around at home. We felt sluggish and exhausted. We had massive pressure headaches. The gorgeous weather? We forced ourselves to enjoy it as much as possible, but we felt horrible. That horrible feeling sparked a conversation between us....

When Jason and I first met, I was in incredible shape, probably the best I have ever been in. I was doing Zumba multiple times a week, I was walking a lot and I was consistently running., I was coming off of my training for the aborted half marathon. I do not remember any weekend that I had to cancel a hike because my head hurt or because I felt sluggish. In fact, many Saturdays I would wake up… Go for a 3 mile run… Get home push mow for an hour… Shower and then meet up with Jason to go hiking. I wasn’t kidding a few posts ago when I admitted that my fitness level is currently in the garbage can, because I don’t think I could do that right now.

That first year that Jason and I were together, we never had to cancel a hike because of his allergies. Oh yeah, he may have mentioned them in passing but they weren’t the debilitating kind that make you want to curl up in a ball and do nothing. We talked about this the other day. It was almost a year to a year and a half before his headaches kicked in really bad. Now I have mentioned that his headaches are allergy induced. So did we just luck out with easy allergy seasons up to now???  Maybe. However I think it has more to do with our fitness levels.

During that first year or two, we were hiking mad miles. In the afternoon and evening when we were free from work, we got together end went out for long walks. Miles of walking. Our relationship grew strong during that activity. Our bodies grew stronger during that time too. And I personally think that we were healthier and that our bodies were able to fight off the allergies and the symptoms that go with the allergies much easier.

Last week I was in charge of The morning inspirational quote at work. I chose two quotes from Theodore Roosevelt. While I was looking at them, I read a little bit about our 26th president. As a young child he suffered from severe asthma attacks. By accident, he figured out and learned that strenuous physical activity actually made him stronger and his body reacted in such a way that the asthma was contained and managed… It was under control. Some skeptics will say he just grew out of it, but he fervently believed in the strenuous activity… And strenuous living. Push oneself to the max was his belief. He actually lived his life strenuously… Choosing the hardest route and then reaping the greatest rewards.

Maybe I’m way off base here. Maybe the allergy seasons have just been that horrible the last two years. Maybe I have picked up allergies that I never had before. But maybe… Just maybe the fact that I have become a slug is playing a part. Well, do you know what? I can’t change how bad the  allergy season is… Mother nature decides that. I also cannot change how my body reacts to these pollens (not without medicine). But, I can change my fitness level.

You don’t see old fat people

A few weeks ago Jason and I saw a clip on tv about an eighty seven year old triathlete.  It was inspirational. So much so that I wrote about it a few posts back .   I wrote about it but it hasn’t left my thoughts.  

Again yesterday the one concept from his list of  attributes to his long lasting activity levels was brought up in a conversation.   That concept?  “You don’t see fat old people”.   Now when I think about this I am not talking about old as in 50 (since I’m going to be 46 this year, we are definitely not calling 50 old!!) or even 60...I’m talking about old as in 80 or 90.  Ok ok ok, there are probably exceptions to the rule...but these words ring true.  You don’t see overweight older people that are living life to the fullest....if you see older overweight people it’s typically ones that are usually struggling in some way physically.  

So as I get older...do I want to be living life to the fullest?  Or do I want to be overweight and struggling?   The answer is obviously living life to the fulllest!!!

We went to the zoo and walked quite a bit this weekend.  It was a good time.  But after hours of walking?  I was so sore!   Just a few short years ago I was able to walk for hours upon hours and it didn’t affect my legs.  I was strong.  This zoo visit was an eye opener.  Because I know I have to get it fixed!  We are planning on going to Maine next year (Acadia National Park amongst other places) and it will be a very physical vacation with lots of hiking and biking and other activities.   I have about 10 months or so to really fix this problem...because I want to enjoy that vacation to the fullest!!!!