Eating our Emotions
An update on how things are going at work? So the stressful situation at work is obviously still there. It will be there until either I switch jobs or this other employee leaves the team/company. Friday and Monday were much better....she didn’t show up for work. Furthermore more of my coworkers talked to me and told me how they are behind me 100% and confirmed my suspicions that this other person is just highly jealous. That makes it better..somewhat. But in the morning my stomach still clenches tight waiting for whatever fresh hostility would be coming my way, because I’m sure it will read it’s ugly head again....sooner or later . I am relieved when she is MIA (which she is quite often!).
Ok ok ok, enough about the update...what about my revelations? On Thursday night I wanted to eat but I chose to not eat my emotions. (And yes I was proud of myself.). On Friday morning I wanted to dive headfirst into some kind of amazing food as I worried about the day to come. But I didn’t! I didn’t because I realized a few key factors.
* I recognized that my desire to eat all sorts of food was a coping mechanism. A very unhealthy coping mechanism. This coping mechanism is to eat my emotions....food will bring me comfort. Af least that is what my mind tells me. I recognized the desire to eat for exactly what it was....not as true hunger but as an effort to eat my emotions.
* I recognized that eating my emotions would only delay this process of losing weight. If I was LUCKY it would cause me to have a maintain on the scales. But an indulgence would most likely lead to a gain in the scales. I sooooo did not want that!!
* Once I recognized the previous two things, it was an easy conclusion to realize that caving to the desire to eat my emotions would only lead me to be more stressed...because I would then have the stress of the scales not moving on top of the work drama stress.
* In conclusion, the biggest shock of them all? I got as much comfort....ok more....from the arms of Jason wrapped around me holding me tight as he listened to everything. So seriously...find a good man (life partner) and problem solved! Sorry ladies...Jason’s taken! Now just to remember this lesson next time...no food, hugs from Jason instead...no food, hugs from Jason instead...no food, hugs from Jason instead! (How many times do I have to repeat this until I remember it!!)
Food
I have been on target with my eating. I had one minor bobble on Sunday night. I made muffins for work.
I ate some. It was totally accounted for and I remained within my caloric goal!!!!
The beautiful bike
We rode on Sunday...a nice long ride! On Monday we started a new habit! We got home and immediately took the bikes out on the local little path!!
Granted we weren’t out there long. But that was my fault. The trail was flooded and I didn’t want to get my bike dirty!!!
On Tuesday we repeated it! But this time the water had receeded and I deemed it ok to take my little beastly baby onward!
It’s amazing how good I feel from that extra exercise in the evening!!!
Weight
My weight was at a low this weekend...and it has popped way up. I’m disgusted. But I’m ok with it. Well not ok with it...but not distraught about it!!! I think the biggest thing for me is the mystery of why! Why has it popped up? I know the first day was because I had inadvertently gotten dehydrated. But that was taken care of. The next day was the muffin day...was it the carbs? But that was a few days ago. I have ridden and excercised more so my muscles are getting a workout ...could that be it??? I just know that my weight is standing still at this higher weight. I’m not giving up...the scales will catch up to my efforts!!!!
I gained all my weight with that eating to cope. My job was so stressful we had nothing else to relieve our frustrations but food. When I was smoking I would take a break and go have a cigarette, but when I quit, I joined the others in their eating habits...and they were out of control. A lunch would not only be baked ziti, but chicken parm on top of it. That's just an example of one day, but this went on day after day. I ended up gaining 70 pounds in a little over a year. And once started, it's not an easy habit to break. I still find myself reverting to it.
ReplyDeleteOld habits die hard!!!! Kudos for making the changes!!!
DeleteSounds like you have the support of your other coworkers and just remember that when the nasty coworker is mean to you. It sucks, but she's doing it because like you said, she's either jealous or she is not happy with herself. With regards to the weight gain. My bet is in the exercise. Your muscles retain water after exercising to repair and heal them. I'm sure it will be gone in the next day or so.....
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteHow can some people not show up for work and still have a job?
ReplyDeleteMaybe her attendance will shorten her employment there.
I have been wondering that same thing myself!!!!
DeleteSmall favor, I realize, but at least knowing that your coworkers see the bad one for who she is might mean they'll have your back if she ever really escalates the situation...still, I know how horrible it is to have to face a stress like that on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteIt does make it easier!!
ReplyDeleteSo very proud of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks!!!
DeleteLOL didn't want to get the bike dirty. I only laugh because I'm that way with a new pair of walking shoes. "I can't walk... it rained this morning and my shoes will get dirty."
ReplyDeleteGreat job of recognizing why you wanted to eat. Enjoy the hugs! He's a keeper.