Courageous Lion: fighting fear

I was recently reminded to be fearless.  It  wasn’t said to me in the realm of weight loss, but it still nailed me on the head pretty squarely.  I was reminded about how I have let my fears hold me back so many times.  I don’t lose weight because of my fears.  I lose weight because of my fears.  I allow my fears to stop me from doing things that would be healthy for me, emotionally and physically.   I can quickly drown in my fears and I don’t want to be like that!

 

Let me start by talking about what sparked my thoughts about fears this week.  At my job we have recently started a “huddle” in the mornings before it gets busy.  Each person has a few minutes to present something to the team.  We are encouraged to be creative.  I like to bake, so for my last inspirational moment, I shared a quote and provided cookies. One girl wrote a poem for the team, we’ve played games, eaten donuts, drank virgin mimosa’s and been given candy.  The other day there was an inspirational thought that we have to believe we can do it and be it ..that is the first step to success .  The presenter then handed around a basket with some candy in it.   (A  Three Musketeer if you are interested in knowing…and yes, I love Three Muskateers so yes, I ate it!)  The candy was wrapped in a slip of paper.  When we unraveled our paper to get to our candy we received a word.   That was what we were to strive to be.   My word?  

 

Fearless!

 

WOW.  The presenter couldn’t have planned that one better.  I have long struggled with fear!  It can be debilitating!   Many times I have allowed fear to keep me from doing something.  Many other times I find myself paralyzed with fear, but I force myself to do it and low and behold I survive…and find that it wasn’t bad.  And what’s even better?  When I push through my fear, I come out so much stronger!  I did this when I flew by myself for the first time many years ago.  I wasn’t afraid of flying, but going by myself scared the dickens out of me.   I wanted to see my brother and his family bad enough, I did it!  I look back now and ask, Why was I even fearful?   I was petrified of running a race with no one there.  I begged people to run with me. I begged people to go spectate.  But to no avail.  I almost didn’t go because of my fear.   I’m so glad I did it...it’s my best run to date!!

There was also a time when I realized that I was totally afraid to lose weight.  I wore my excess pounds around me like an armor.   I used my weight as an excuse for everything.  “Oh, I didn’t get that promotion because I am overweight.”  “I can’t do that because, well…because I’m overweight.”  Things that didn’t go right in my life?  It was obviously because I was overweight!  Right?  Absolutely not, but in my warped sense of thinking I certainly believed it.  “My ex-husband cheated on me, didn’t love me, etc …it was obviously because I was overweight.”  Seriously, I believed it!   Excess weight was a convenient scapegoat.  And I wore it around me like an armor.    How so?  Well, if I lost the weight…would I have to face the truth?  Would I have to face the truth about my marriage. (Well that should have been done a lot earlier!)  Would I have to face the truth about my capabilities?  Why yes, I would….and I didn’t like it.  I was so afraid of losing because then I would lose that safety net….I would lose that excuse for why my life wasn’t what I wanted it to be!

I figured out the fear. Or so I thought.  I lost the weight.  I faced my fears.  I took responsibility for my errors and stopped blaming everything on my weight, even when I regained!

So why in the world did this single word on a piece of paper throw me for a loop?  Why did I feel like I was going to cry every time I looked at the slip of paper?  Why indeed?   The fear has crept back into my life.

In my weight loss journey ....I fear I will fail.  So I sabotage myself...and thus I DO fail!   I have other fears too...some pertaining to weight loss but most not, and I let these fears rule me!

How does one stop allowing fear to rule their life?  In my experience it really is just recognizing that this fear is irrational and forcing myself to do it..even as my knees quake and nock together with fear!!!

Now is the time!  It’s time to stop dreaming, kick those fears in the arse and start living!!!!

Happy Father’s Day!!!!

I miss you daddy!