Chaos Be Gone

This is been an interesting week thus far. In some ways I feel like a complete failure. In other ways I feel totally in control and on top of the world. It’s crazy how weight loss and this journey can be so conflicted at the same time.

For the first time in a long time, I feel totally in control and on top of the world with what I’m doing in regards to my eating. I am consciously making wise choices. I am consciously making healthier choices. I am not over eating. I have even done really really good with the after work snacks and with the evening sweet treats. When I say really good, I mean that most days I have not indulged and when I have it has been managed and in moderation. That’s an awesome feeling!  I like feeling in control and so often my eating is out of control and it that gives this feeling of chaos to my life. I like this control.

I’ve been consistently walking...not quite active exercise but movement nonetheless!   I enjoy my break time walks!  Yesterday I saw babies!

In the midst of these really good strong feelings of control, pride and peace,  I find myself feeling despair. I told you these emotions were conflicting and off-the-wall!

So what am I talking about when I say despair? My weight. My calories have been in line with where I want them to be. True, they may be at the higher end of the range that I have set up for myself. (I am aiming for anywhere between 1200 and 1500 cal a day.) Even at the higher range I should be still able to lose a pound a week… Strictly by the numbers. Yeah, that’s not happening this week. My weight is actually up higher than it was last week at this time. I can rattle off the excuses… The monthly ick was here, I accidentally allowed myself to get dehydrated on Monday, I’m battling sinus issues, it’s my age or any number of excuses. But I don’t care about the excuses. I want results.

I did have one day where I was super high in my calories… But one day should not cause me to gain 5 pounds! And that one Day? I was only about 500 to 600 cal over my budget.

So I vacillate between happiness over the control and despair over the weight gain. Yes, I said 5 pounds!

So what’s the plan? Well first and foremost, I want to retain the control. That means I’ll continue tracking, I will continue being in control of my eating versus letting the eating be in control of me. As for the wait. I am going to try to work on cutting some more carbs out of my food intake. I’m going to try to have more lower budget days… Meaning I am going to try to be at the low-end of my range on more days. And maybe, just maybe I’ll get this exercise things started.