Internal Dialogue

I am so strong in the morning!   I make all sorts of vows.  Stuff like , I will ride the bike (trainer) for  “6” hours when I get home.  I will never eat cake again.   I am going to do my push ups, and only eat fruits and veggies for the rest of my life!

Ok, maybe not that strong.....but this week I DID vow to ride the bike trainer 10-15 minutes.  

I also made a plan for when I could eat cake. 

I vow to run after work.

But, I am stronger in the mornings.   I wake up and I’m so determined and convinced I can ‘do it’.  I make my vows.  I make my plans!   But something happens throughout the work day.  And it’s an ugly something! 

Last night I saw a group of kids running and ‘training’ on the loop that I run here at our new place.   (girls on the run I believe).  I have loved running amongst the girls in races.  So last night I had a brief moment of thinking it would be cool to run in our place, throw on my running clothes and head out.  It was a brief moment!

I got inside after work, Jason wasn’t home yet.  PERFECT time for a ride on that bike trainer!   But no, I ate some cheetohs instead.  

Yesterday was rainy… So I didn’t get all of my walks in during my break. I did not make my step count for the day. According to my newly laid rules, no steps equal no cake/sweet treat. So when my dinner was over I sat there for a while because I didn’t earn my cake but then I started talking to myself in my head. And this is how the conversation went. You really didn’t have control over the rain and the ability to walk on your break! You did walk in the dreary parking garage during your first break and your lunch break, should that be rewarded? I think it should! I at least didn’t throw my hands up in the air and give up! Yes, my calories are in line so at least one of my criteria has been met totally and I tried for the other one… I do believe I deserve a piece of cake. Oh but I’m not supposed to have one because  I didn’t make the goal… So what about a Half piece of cake? That seems reasonable...one criteria met half of a piece....both criteria met a full piece! Splendid idea!

I ate the blasted cake… A small piece… But I ate it!
So now it’s the morning… And I’m vowing no cake tonight if both criteria are not met!   Oh and I am going to ride tonight… Famous last words right?

The only good news… Even without the bike, a run, and the extra steps… By weight dropped on the scales this morning! In fairness it could be just from my steps and activity from the weekend and Monday.

I know for me exercising in the morning is the easiest. I’ve known this for a long time. It is just not working with my schedule. And I am already exhausted when I get home, and I’m not going to bed all that late… So I hesitate to wake up any earlier. But maybe I have think about what’s more important in my life?

So what is the most important thing in my life? Number one for sure, It’s Jason. Before I met him I didn’t worry about how I was going to age. But now that he’s in my life all of a sudden I’m concerned about aging gracefully… I’m not talking about looks although that would be nice also. I’m talking about not needing a walker or a cane or even a wheelchair as I get older.  I’m talking about being able to be on a bike when I’m 60 or 70… To be able to hike a mountain when I’m 80… To go to an amusement park and enjoy the ride at age 90. And who knows maybe skiing at 100. There are no certainties in life. I could live the most healthy life style and still die young. But healthy lifestyle can definitely have a positive effect on how I live out my older years.  And I want every second of time I can get with Jason!   And I want those moments to be active and energetic!

I have plenty of motivation.. I just need to garner that motivation in the evening. I guess I should sit back and say at least I didn’t just eat the cake without thinking last night, there was a huge internal dialogue. Can I take that is progress?