Happy New Years

Another year has gone by.  The beginning of the year signals a time for refection.  What a crazy year it has been! It has certainly been one of changes...  it has also been a year marked by stagnancy, and for that I’m not happy!  New year...it’s time to make some changes!!!

Let’s break it down into different categories of changes and concepts that are/were important to me in 2018...

A Big Move

The biggest change for the year was the fact that Jason and I took the plunge and started looking for a place to live....together!!!  We found the perfect place and moved in on Easter weekend!   Wonderful decision!!  9 months later and I’m still happy as a clam!!! 

There are no plans to change this status.  We are happy with where we live and our apartment. 

Work

My work is relatively the same.  I have accepted new responsibilities and tasks. This was extremely beneficial when they changed the job structure of my position at work.  I was moved from the lowest level to the highest level within my job title.  The nice raise that came with it was the best part!   I have been applying for other positions and applying myself in an effort to move up within the company.   I am getting great feedback from people I interview with, my managers and other people above me that has come in contact with me...so I am hopeful that something will pan out.  (I have been told that I was approved for hire for one position...just waiting for that position to open...who knows how long that will be...).

  In the meantime, I just keep putting out my feelers and try to the best employee I can be.  Good things come to those that wait.

Love

What can I say...I am in love...I love Jason more and more every day.  Living with him had been a great change in our relationship.  I was/am  tickled with my Christmas gift ..and the ‘promise’.  (Ok...I already knew that this was a forever thing...but hey, a ring/some bling is never a bad thing!!)

I do believe there will be another change in the relationship at some future point...a change for the better.....the next step beyond the promise ring!  But I am just sitting back and enjoying his company and love, knowing that when the time is right, it will happen!!

Exercise

I tried!  I really did!  Not enough apparently, because I can feel my fitness levels weakening.  So what DID I do?  Let me bullet point what I did...simply because ..well it’s my post and I feel like it!

* I walked on my lunch breaks as much as the weather would allow (what a rainy wet year we have had!!)

* We rode our bikes most weekends throughout the summer...and after I purchased my new bike  we started to ride locally for about 30 minutes each night free work. (Until the time changed....darkness wasn’t our friend!)

* I started to wake up a half hour early to get some exercise/activity in before I left.  This worked until my hours at work changed to earlier hours.  

* I managed to accomplish some runs outside.  Each and every time I was reminded of how much I miss it.

This has GOT to change this year.  I don’t like feeling unfit!  I don’t like feeling winded upon climbing the stairs to our third floor apartment. (Yes I’ve been feeeling winded lately and it scares me....however, I do think that could have been an upper respiratory situation that is finally after a long long build up... coming to a head and working it’s way out of my sustem.)

Weight

I am sadly enough ending the year in the same 3 pound range that I was in when I started the year.  I had about two months where I was losing...I lost 15 pounds...and then I fell apart.  I regained what I lost over the summer and now I sit struggling!

This is another none negotiable change that has to occur for me this year!   I’m tired of being overweight!  I’m tired of it all!  The only way to NOT be tired of it is to change my behavior in order to change the results!  I have motivation galore!  I have a promise ring..and the hope of more to come!  I have a tentatively planned vacation for this year .and the thought of a bigger one in a few years  I have a vision of how I want my life to be...and fat doesn’t play a role!!! 

So where does that leave me?  While I’m not in love with my job, I am in the right path.  Jason and I are doing well and we take the time to protect and build what we have. Those two things are covered and I’m happy with. The areas for improvement are in the weight and fitness arena!  

It’s time to take the bull by the horns.  Back to basics!  That means tracking my food and  holding my food to a specific calorie goal.  Every day!   It’s time 

to make fitness a priority again (ok...as soon as I am not sick and this feeling like a dump truck ran over me is no longer present!). It means making the changes necessary to be the Maryfran that I envision!!!  

Last post of the year——maybe

Food for thought as we head toward the new year!!

Listen: our bodies are smarter than we think

Christmas is over.  The whirlwind of activity has come to an end.   Yes, I know that the ‘holiday season’ isn’t officially over, we still have New Years.  But we never really do anything for that...so there is no crazy whirlwind associated with that holiday. We will stay home on New Years Eve and I will attempt to make it to the ball dropping!    But that is about it.  Thus, for me the holidays are over!   This holiday season I learned remembered a few things.  I had my eyes opened to the fact that our bodies really do try to tell us what is going on...they really do try to direct us to what they need/crave/want.   We just have to listen.  

There had been an interesting phenomenon happening.  It seems as if every time I have a long weekend that my body shuts down and demands sleep!  What is up with that?  I heed the call and at least relax away the days.  (Annoying though because I don’t want my vacation days to be sucked up by sleep!). This past long Christmas weekend was no different. I took off Christmas Eve, so I had a long weekend.   Saturday I (we) felt sluggish so we sat back and relaxed.   I relaxed a lot (as much as I could) amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday.  But on Christmas morning....I woke up, showered and got moving....and ended up sleeping the morning away on the couch.   I felt horrible to waste the morning ...but I have to say...my body was demanding it.  I started to feel it on Christmas after long.   Not totally sick...but not totally well.  My body was asking for sleep and a slow down in activity, because it recognized earlier than I did that something was going on!  

I didn’t do too badly on my eating over Christmas.  I did manage to mostly keep my Christmas challenge . I didn’t do any formal exercise...but I did spend about an hour or two walking  around outside while we played with Jason’s new drone.  I did get a second plate of food...but only of sourkraut which I had somehow missed on my first go round...and sourkraut is non existent in calories and ‘badness’ so I call that a win!    I did not eat until I was stuffed or sick!   I did eat a lot...and my weight is up a bit this morning.  But I navigated it pretty well...I though!   Until wednesday morning at about 4AM when I woke up feeling sick with a bit of an acid reflux problem.   My body tells me when I’ve eaten too much....or the wrong thing!  And it told me!  Not exactly sick to my stomach...but not exactly right!

So maybe my post should have been entitled no mans land between not exactly sick and not exactly healthy!

Regardless....I have listened to my body.  I am pattering my actions after what it had told me.   I woke up today (Wednesday)  and when I packed my lunch for work, I packed fruit and some cheese.  Nothing heavy....but packed with nutrients!!!  

I have sat up and taken notice!   Changes are happening!!!

I will leave you with my new bling!  A cool promise ring....and from hints I get I don’t think the next ring will be too far behind.....maybe (apparently it will compliment what is coming my way...which he, I believe may be making payments on)! Sorry for the not so great picture...I also burned that hand this weekend so it was/is near impossible to get a picture of the ring without a burned up and blistered hand, and especially with a hand that wasn’t stiff and unnatural (Thank heavens I didn’t burn that finger, how awful that would have been to be gifted a ring that I couldn’t wear!!!)

Listen to your body....it is smarter than you think!  It DOES tell us when we need sleep, rest, healthy food, and to lay off food!  We just have to be willing to listen!!!!  

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!!!!

Have a safe fun holiday!     I am ready to embark upon my holiday challenge     And I am still determined to make this holiday season a ‘maintain’ or better.  I have lots of ideas and plans percolating...it’s time to embark upon living healthy again!!!!  But first...let’s get through this holiday!!  (And that sounded like I’m not excited...I am...but I don’t plan on huge changes until afterward!)

At a loss for words

I am at a loss for words today. It doesn’t happen often so mark the date in your calendar!!!    But health wise I’m just mute!   

Why is this?  Let me bullet point it!

* I am disgusted at my current weight

* I am holding on with a maintain through the holidays...and that makes me happy but I still don’t like to see the numbers I am seeing on the scales!

*I have been rocking the first holiday events    At the dessert fest on Wednesday at work I did not partake in ANYTHING!    At the team potluck...I managed to stop eating when I was confortably full.  NO stuffing myself to the point that I felt sick!  I nailed those two events!   I have a few more....

*The  different schedule has messed up my work outs....I am struggling to get anything done!   I want a better fitness level but attaining it seems to be out of reach!  (I know..it’s my choice!)

*The desire to lose weight is as strong as ever....for various private reasons!!

This is it!

Why oh why does December pose such problems for weight loss?  It’s just not right!!!!    I’m not throwing in the towel and saying ‘January is when I start’.  No!  I’m trying now...two weeks is a long time and I CAN make changes between now and then.  I can take small  steps and find skills that I can refine and build into a habit!!  Even if I don’t lose a pound because of crazy Christmas functions, I can at least set myself up for success so that when holiday functions are over I will be ready to rock this weight loss thing!

Why is it so hard?  December is birthday month in my family.  Now as I get older it’s not that big of a thing to navigate...but since my birthday is one of the ‘holidays’ it is hard to ignore!  And I failed on my yearly cookie gift from my mom!   Ohhh they are so delicious...and if she had more for me this week I would be eating them this week also...maybe a bit slower though, since it would not be such a once a year treat that I gobble up!    Why else?  Holiday functions. Work/site wide dessert day is on Wednesday.  My specific team is having a pot luck meal on Thursday.  On Saturday...another function.  Christmas Eve...Christmas Day.....food food food everywhere!

So what am I planning to get myself in line?

In terms of eating,  I will not be partaking in the desserts on Wednesday for the work site dessert fest!   I usually do ok at potlucks at work so I’m not too concerned about Thursday...a pot luck  is ONE time when having a tendency to closet eat  hide my eating) comes in handy!!  

I will also be utilizing the same challenge that I gave myself at thanksgiving.  It was successful...if not for weight loss...at least for maintaining!!!  The challenge is easy.   Exercise the day of the holiday....only one plate...no second helpings....no nibbling on food while cooking...only food on the single serving plate!   The original challenge that I copied also had the added item of ‘picture of your food’.  That one did nothing for me and actually just didn’t work for me ...so I am ditching that one this go-round!

My goal for my eating through the next week until Christmas is over is to control my eating.  To NEVER feel that stuffed sick feeling that I get when I overindulge!!   If I don’t lose weight...that’s ok.  I just want to be in control!!!!

My next big change is to recommence with tracking my food!  I’ve been really really bad of late!  Tracking for me is important... vitally important.  I tend to lose control easier when I’m not tracking.    So I will track in the next weeks.   As best I can for this holiday food events...but religiously for everything else!   I will rebuild this habit!!   Once again, I’m not looking for any certain caloric count right now or anything.  I am just tracking!

This is definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever attempted to do....losing weight is not for the feeble minded!  It takes work, persistence, ongoing motivation and desire.   It’s difficult!   I am stepping back ...I’m out of control.  So it’s time to work on this small skills that I will use for success!  I’ve done it before.  I can do it again!

Failure at it’s Best

I want to just erase this past week from the books!  Can we? Huh?  Please?   It had been a week of failure on a few different healthy living fronts!  Eating was a failure!  Exercise was a failure!  It was just...well two steps forward, two steps back!   So let’s figure out went went wrong!

Failure Number One

My eating!  As aforementioned on this site, I had my mother’s filled cookies that she makes one time a year...especially for my birthday. (She calls them a labor of love because they are fine intensive). I ate a LOT of cookies!  It’s a once a year thing....but I still ate a lot of cookies!  Otherwise I didn’t eat too poorly...but did I mention I ate cookies...2-3 for breakfast...with a banana.   2-3 For lunch....with my regular lunch.  One or two as a snack when I got home from work.  Oh and I ate 4-5 each night after my normal dinner.   Maybe a dozen cookies a day. That’s a lot of cookies (they are gone. I got them on Monday afternoon and by Wednesday night they were mostly gone...I had two on Thursday to end this years cookie fest).  I ate so many cookies that on Thursday morning I was feeling icky and stuffed and just not well.  Don’t worry...I still finished up those two cookies that were left!   And since there was no sweets left...I STUPIDLY made brownies.   I was stuffed and feeling icky while I was eating dinner...yet I continued to shovel the food into my mouth...and I of course couldn’t pass on the brownies!!!   Why???  So here I am on Friday morning super early, once again feeling icky...stuffed and half sick!   I swore after New Year’s Day when I ate so much I was physically sick, that I wasn’t doing this again....yet here I am??

As a side note. I finally got the recipe for the cookies this year...which could be a bad thing...because if I can make them then I have the chance for the deliciousness all the time.  BUT I am looking at it this way.  If I make them...and know I can make them myself....it will take away the utter frenzy of eating them when I get them.   Mom’s will always taste sweeter and better...but I won’t be as crazed.  That’s my theory anyway...and I don’t plan on making them anytime soon!!!!

Failure Number Two

Exercise.  I was doing so good with waking up early to exercise for almost two months.  Last week my schedule changed.  I go in a half hour earlier......I just can’t force myself to wake up even earlier...5 to 5:30 is early enough in my book!  I do make it home a half hour earlier now.  I swore that I would start running again during that half hour.  It just has not happened!  It’s hard when Jason is already home to kiss him hello, change my clothes and walk back out the door...even when I know it is only for a half hour!   When he isn’t home yet, it is too tempting to start making dinner, cold the laundry, etc.  so I have been a colossal failure in the exercise front!  Next week maybe I’ll nail this on!!!

And yes...I laid out my running clothes early this week...ready to hop into them after work.  I figured have them out and ready and it would make it easier to switch gears and get out there!  Well, the whole week had passed and they are still laying on the trunk nice and clean and ready for use.

Another failure!! Big time!!!

Failure Number Three

Everything...this change in hours while seemingly small is really throwing me for a loop.  I’m tired (ok maybe that’s also because I’m in training at work..).  I’m sluggish.  I’m not getting things done.  I feel like I’m falling behind (blog reading...blog writing for example).  Grrrrr

Failure Number Four

My weight.  It’s up.  It’s also the monthly ick, it has arrived...and my weight usually goes up when that happens.  But I can’t  honestly blame it all on the monthly ick.  Seriously...lots of cookies. (That I did share with Jason!). My weight as of yesterday is back to my high of this year.  I lost weight steadily from May to September...and I have slowly regained that weight back.   Grrrr!   Well....almost...maybe a pound lower.   But still!!!!!!!  I did it to myself, but it is still super frustrating!!!

So lots of failures to report this week!  I’m ashamed to write this post.  But it’s how this journey is.  I just lost a battle in the war..  But I haven’t waved the white flag of surrender just yet for the war itself.   I retreated and I’m immediately going back on the attack.  The next battle is upcoming!!!  Part of a war is losing some battles and winning others. Most wars are not won without some losses. But to win the war we must pick ourselves up, reevaluate and head into the next battle stronger and smarter.   That is just what I am doing. I know where some of my mistakes happened. (Eg Not packing a lunch yesterday because I felt icky...then eating junk food at work because I got hungry...and snacks at home because I was still hungry) I can correct those mistakes and move on stronger and smarter...and I will win the next battle!!!  I’m determined!!

I leave you with my work in progress.....the living room of my one dollhouse.

47: COULD versus WILL

Year 47 has started for me.  Yes...I just celebrated my 46th birthday and that ushered in the beginning of year 47. What will this year hold for me?  Will it be full of victories or will it be continual failure at weight loss?   I have some suspicious about what the year may hold for me in terms of personal life and some of those things are out of my control....I’ve just been given hints!   But  what about the things that I control?

I was thinking about this the other day.  Next Christmas I COULD be sitting here writing a post about how I am reaching my goal weight.  Why yes...it is a doable goal.  I am about 60-70 pounds from my lowest ever adult weight.  That is quite doable in a year!  WILL I?   

Next year I COULD be in incredible shape. I COULD get off my butt and start running....even if it is after work...in the dark...colder than an icebox!  I COULD become an absolute demon in my new mountain bike, attacking any trail with confidence and ease.  (Or at least handle more trails than I do now!!). I COULD be a hiking fool with lots of miles on my boots.    WILL I???

I am in control of all of these things.  I could do them all!  I am totally capable of losing weight.  I am totally capable of running a bit in the dark, and even the cold. I am also capable of getting on my bike and learning the skills needed to progress.  I am capable of hiking so many miles that I need to replace those boots!   I want to.....I just need to do it!

We have talked here about some changes that we are talking about implementing that will help with these ‘could’ do things.  I’m even excited about some of these ideas and I will share them as we work on these ideas.  

So how has year 47 started?    I have been kinda off the rails.  Not as bad as you think....it is the ‘once a year’ treat I get.   A special cookie...mom makes them every year for me....because the cookies as she says are ‘a labor of love’ due to the work involved. She has a customer (farmers market customer) that loves them...but she still only makes them once a year.  She gives /sells him a dozen and gives me the rest.   This guy actually reminded her at the beginning of December that ‘it’s your daughters birthday soon...so I’ll take the extra dozen again’.  He even called the weekend of my birthday to see if she had actually made them before he headed to the market that morning.  They are good!  I have been eating some cookies.  Ok a lot of these cookies.   It really is a ‘once a year’ treat.  They will be gone though tonight and then back to healthier living.   (Ok so I’m not totally unhealthy...still eating fruits and veggies with my meals and such....just cookies also).

I predict that year 47 is going to be one of success!!!!

MIA: here I am

Ok, so I missed posting on Friday...oops!  It wasn’t because I have given up or anything like that.  Life just was crazy last week!  

 Last week was a blur.  I had off Monday...Tuesday and Wednesday were my last days on my old team at work.    On Wednesday I had multiple meetings concerning my new team.  Thursday and Friday were the first days of training.  So just crazy!

The weekend rolled around and we were happy for the time to relax!

  I was really happy because my official weigh in day showed me down about a pound.  Not exactly on target for the 10 pounds I want to lose in December...but down!   I’ll take it!!!

However.....the weekend was sure to bring lots of food....birthday cake/treats.  Really?   I wasn’t giving up eating a little treat for my own birthday!!!  

We went away...grand plans to hike a lot.  Well that didn’t happen...a late start and some planned stops and. Visits along the way and we decided to just hike on Sunday.   We made our way south and checked into our hotel.  The idiot owner had left the windows open...the room was as cold inside as it was outside...20°!   We cranked the heat but got totally chilled as we waited for the heat to warm everything up.  No problem...we would just take really hot showers to warm up!   Except that there was no hot water!   (Barely lukewarm) That was the straw that broke the camels back...we got a refund and made a switch to a different hotel.  

Sunday we both woke up feeling icky....and where we wanted to hike was closed due to an impending storm. Well then.....we gave up and went home and curled up on the couch.

Today, my actual birthday and we are hanging out...both off  work.  We are both still ‘snotty’ but plan on heading out to hit some stores and run some errands...before coming home to curl up on the couch and watch movies.  Not an exciting way to celebrate your 46th birthday...but just what we want....maybe the earlier plans falling through were a blessing in disguise!!!

I did get my birthday gift from Jason while we were in Virginia...a new good chain to replace the one I lost on his birthday weekend!

You can kinda see it in this picture sparkling on my neck!!

Taking the first steps toward health: getting started

Changing is so difficult!  In my mind I can know 100% for certain that I want to change and live a healthier life!  I know what I want!  I know that the end result is better than anything that I could ever imagine.  Yet why is it so difficult to make the changes?  Why is it so difficult to take the first steps!!

It is the Christmas season.   For the first time in many years I’m totally excited about the holiday!  I was happy the last few years but this year, the first year in my own place again...with Jason....is proving to be extra magical!  We have taken the time to revisit some of the childhood classic cartoons (yup...we started watching on December 1!).   What fun memories ....and seriously...you can’t beat the classics!   We checked out the classic cartoon version of the Grinch  and that first night we also watched ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’.   (Amazon Affiliate links)  My dad always loved the Winter Warlock and would always sing/hum the song sung as he transformed from grouchy Mr. Warlock to nice Winter.  I never understood his fascination with the song...i guess i though that it was just really catchy.  But this year I really listened to the lyrics ...and holy moly, if they don’t speak to someone that is hesitant about taking the first steps to changing their life...than I don’t know what is!!!  (And now that I think about it, I think dad may have referenced this in a sermon once!). As the song (and speech parts)  says,  it really is OUR choice to change and it starts with one step...one foot in front of the other...and soon you are walking cross the floor...one foot in front of the other and soon you’ll be walking out the door!     Is that not so apprapos for a weight loss journey also?   Just take the first steps...

Here are the lyrics (with the speech parts included ...really...take the time to read them...but if you don’t want to read them...listen...I have a video included at the bottom!

It’s time to take ‘one step’ and put one foot in front of the other and change my life into one much more healthy and active!

Lyrics

[Speech]
Winter: I really am a mean and despicable creature at heart, you know. It's so difficult to... [sighs] really change.
Kris: Difficult? [chuckles] Why, why look here. Changing from bad to good's as easy as...taking your first step. 

[Chorus]
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor.
You put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking out the door. 

You never will get where you're going
If ya never get up on your feet.
Come on, there's a good tail wind blowin'
A fast walking man is hard to beat. 

[Chorus]

If you want to change your direction,
If your time of life is at hand,
Well, don't be the rule, be the exception
A good way to start is to stand. 

[Chorus]

Winter: If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn...
Kris: Oh, you do.
Winter: You mean that it's just my election?
Kris: Just that.
Winter: To vote for a chance to be reborn? Woo-hoo! 

[slowly]
You put one foot in front of the other, and
Soon you are walking
'Cross the floor
You put one foot in front of the other, and
[a tempo]
Soon you are walking out the door 

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you are walking 'cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon...
You'll be walking...
Out the door!

And now for the video ...enjoy!  

Addiction addled mind: rationalizing my food choices

Happy Monday!  Luckily for me I am off work today, so my weekend is not ending!  In a way I almost wish it were!  Why?  My eating has been out of control and it is typically easier for me to regain control with the routine of work in place. Regardless,  I found myself awake at 3AM.  Not exactly sick, but unable to sleep.  Other than that we had a fabulous weekend.  Relaxing, eye opening in terms of my food addiction and even a bit of exercise amidst the rain and fog.

First let’s recap the weekend.  I was off Friday.  (Jason has had to work both Friday and today...but I still have some use it or lose it time...I’m not losing!!). On Friday I spent my day running and doing all kinds of errands AND all of those chores that you keep saying ‘I really need to do it....next weekend for sure...’.   (ie a new shower curtain liner, bra shopping, etc)  I was on the go from the time I woke up until about 20-30 minutes before Jason got home.  Felt good to knock so much off my to do list!!!  On Saturday it was rainy...so we ran a few errands.  I knocked another big to do off my list.  When I reached my lowest weight I got rid of all of my big clothes....including winter coats.  As I regained I simply wore layers of sweatshirts to make do in cold weather. Not the optimal option but I didn’t want to spend the money if I was going to lose...it was kinda the same mindset with the bras and the bra shopping I didn’t want to buy until I was a lower size. (The bras had become a necessity though you know it’s bad when one comes out of the washer in two pieces!). So when we walked through the mall and I saw that most places had their winter coats on sale for 50% off I started to look. (It helped that this was my three paycheck month versus the normal two...so no rent/bill money was deducted!!).  I fear this winter...we are due for a bad one..and with how wet it has already been, I think we are going to get walloped!  So I purchased a coat that fits me!  It fits me perfectly ...no room for weight gain!!  And the best part?  It was 50% off...and I signed up for the store credit card (which I will never use again) and got another 50% off on top of that!  I got my winter coat for $40!  I hate winter...but after so many years without a coat, I want a cold day!!  On Sunday it was wet and foggy.  We visited Jason’s parents and hit up the canal for a bike ride. (Notice the multiple layers on me...it wasn’t supposed to be cold...and Besides, I didn’t want to get my new jacket muddy!!!)

Today will be spent with my mom!!!  I told her she can take me out for lunch to celebrate my upcoming birthday!  Hahaha. We will be shopping and who knows what else today!!

This weekend I picked up a book I had read a while back.  It is called ‘Do life’ by Ben Davis. (Amazon Affiliate link).  I haven’t gotten too far into it during this reread....but it has already really struck a chord.  He talked about his addiction with food (and with gambling). He discusses how our minds (the addicted and messed up mind) can convince us to do the exact opposite of what we had planned or what we want to do.   As I read,I could see it in my behavior of the weekend.  I made a vow/challenge for December....I am going to try to drop 10 pounds!  So why in the world did I on Friday...November 30’th make my all time favorite cookie...a cookie that I refer to as my personal crack?  I convinced myself that I would make them...eat them on Friday and by December be done!  (Seriously...I KNOW that this cookie recipe makes about 6 dozen!). But, make them I did!   Surprisingly enough on Friday I kept it under control...mostly.  Saturday not so much. I had vowed  a ‘two a night’ limit!  Somehow my addicted mind decided that two a night had nothing to do with eating 8 at lunch! (Excuse me...for lunch...I only ate cookies for lunch!). So then when night time came along I still had my nighttime two to eat...but then my addicted mind proclaimed the day already a failure...so I figured that I may as well eat 4 or 8 more!!!  And I did. What’s worse? I started to repeat the cycle on Sunday!   The whole time I was doing this I wasliterally nodding my head and saying ‘this is exactly how he said an addict thinks’. But it didn’t stop me!!!   I am proud to say that on Sunday night I packaged what was left into packages of four  (I don’t make them huge  maybe 1.5 inch in diameter...oh heck...there is the addict brain speaking and rationalizing again) and  popped them in the freezer.  Yes they are still in the house but they are not as readily accessible!  Thawing then out will make me take the time to really decide if I want them,versus sneaking one cookie when I go into the kitchen (and that one cookie turning into 4 or 10).   

As I laid here this morning unable to sleep this morning, I started to think about the nights I can’t sleep.  Without fail they are followed by either a night or a period of time on which my eating was not exactly healthy.  (Hmm And water consumption has been non existent this weekend also....). Coincidence?   I think not!!!!

So I’m kinda back on track.  It will still be a rough month food wise...lunch out with mom today...birthday celebrations....Christmas...eiiyiiyii!   But I am hot on the trail!  I can do it!!!

December plans

November...what can I say?  It’s been a month...how is that for vague and bit really informative!!!   OK...this is me and I am open and honest if nothing else.  There were extremely happy moments and utterly sad ones.   There was victories and failures in terms of my weight loss journey.   Through it all, there came a plan for the future.

Emotions

 Emotionally,  was it good or was it bad???

It was a difficult month.   We made it through the first anniversary of dad’s death   I still miss him like everything and can’t believe that he is gone!!!  Oh if only I could talk to him at least one more time!  

The month wasn’t all tears and sadness.   Jason and I celebrated our third year anniversary.    Yup..we have been together 3 years now! That is amazing!!!  I’m still amazed at how amazing a GOOD relationship really is!!!

 Victories for the month

I started to workout in the morning.   Ok, don’t get too excited, I am not working out hard core intense!!!   But it’s 20-25 minutes of activity...four mornings a week...at 5:30 AM!!!  Other than one or two days where I was fighting off a sickness, I’ve not skipped any days!!

The other big victory was definitely my eating on Thanksgiving Day   I had the eating challenge ...and it went perfectly and I felt in control!!!!

Failure for the month

Yeah, my weight...totally failure.  I am about 3 pounds higher at the end of the month than what I was at the beginning of the month!   Yes...I’m ashamed!!!

Future 

So what’s up for the future?

I am going to have some changes at work. I am being moved to a different team.  That in itself is a change...and lots of learning.  But....on top of the new team and new knowledge,  my schedule is changing.  It’s only a half hour...but it is going to eat up that exercise time that I just carved into my daily routine.  I started a habit and now I don’t know what to do.   I will be waking up at 5:30 each day to get ready to go to work....and yeah, I could get up at 5AM...but...well.....    sprightly now my thinking is to try to do something for a half hour when I get home each night.  

The other thing?  I am challenging myself.  I’m saying 10 pounds in December!!!   It’s a lofty goal...especially since it’s a holiday season!!!  And birthday season in my family.  (December 10th is the best one ever...my b-day!!).   I have set the 10 pound goal, but I’m just hoping to have the downward trend happening!!!!!  Anything down on the scales will be a victory!!!!

So there you have it...the good, the sad, the shameful, the plans!!!!

Mind over Matter

Years ago when I was running consistently, I bought a road of bracelet.  (It is an armband/ankle band that has your identifying information on it should someone find you  unable to communicate while you are out biking or running). Mine had my name and contact info on it...and I also put the phrase  ‘mind over Matter’ on it.  For me it meant that my body would be telling me that I was dying and my body would be telling me that I couldn’t do it....but if I put my mind to the task then I could accomplish unimaginable goals!   It worked for me...and I latched onto that phrase for quite a while.  But eventually my focus shifted and I forgot the phrase...until recently.  Recently I had my eyes opened to how much power the mind really does have when it comes to attaining seemingly hard to reach and even unattainable goals.

 I have the best brother in the whole wide world.   Growing up, sure we fought (like cats and dogs my mom may say) but I have many memories of amazing times with him. You see, I had a brother that played with me.  He played restaurant with me (yeah...I had a kitchen set and since my grandmother owned a restaurant, we used to pretend we owned a restaurant!)...he was willing to play something more ‘girlie’ with me....but then on the flip side, I played army men with him....I had my own collection of matchbox cars that I pulled out to play with when I wanted to join him in his play.   Growing up, he really was my best friend.   We have grown up and while life keeps us busy and running in opposite directions...I know my brother still loves me just as much as I love him....and I know he would raise an army for me if I needed it.  I just wanted to share about my amazing brother before I wrote and share the story about him!

About two or three months ago (on Labor Day to be exact) my brother was out riding his bike.  My brother rides road bikes...a LOT so this is not uncommon.  He was riding with a group of people. They actually got off the road and onto a rail trail for something a bit different.  My brother was second in line.  The person that was leading the group had an accident (from what I was told he hit something and lost his grip on the handlebars and went down).  Going the speed they were going (probably about 20 -25 mph) and being only inches off of the lead persons wheel, my brother couldn’t avoid it...he ended up crashing. It was bad...bad enough that he had to take a ride in an ambulance to the local hospital....and from there he took another ambulance ride to a hospital in Baltimore (70 miles away) for a specialist.  Why the extra ride?  He broke his pelvis and it would require surgery (and a more delicate surgery due to where the break was located).  He was in the hospital for a few days, had the surgery and added some hardware to his body (screws and I think a plate) and then came home.  I am a google person...so I researched his injury, surgery and recovery.  6 months if someone is lucky...but usually closer to a year.  Wow...that was a tough pill to swallow for me, and I worried about my brother.   But, here is where mind over matter comes into play.

As the week in the hospital unfolded we were told that he wouldn’t be able to put any weight on that side of his body for a few weeks....but that soon changed to crutches and minimal weight.  I don’t know if the doctor sensed his drive, but even that soon changed to ‘use the walking assistance as needed’. He was sent home from the hospital with crutches (he declined the walker as that seemed like an old person’s option...and he said a cane seemed too permanent).  

Jason and I stopped by for a visit sometime within the first week of him getting home. We knocked on the door and my jaw dropped ...my brother answered the door...walking on his own two feet...unassisted!  Yeah, he had a limp but where were the crutches?  They were in a corner in the other room.  The doctor said as needed...and he didn’t need them...not at that moment for short walks and jaunts.   Somewhere in those first two weeks I was talking to my mom and she mentioned that one of my brothers first forays into the world after getting home was to drive to the bike shop.  You see, he had pulled the trigger on a new bike a day or two before his accident.  He had to go to the bike shop to check out his new baby.  They has put the build on hold because they knew the extent of his injury....and my brother had to go to get them working again...and to see his buddies!

I saw my brother  again two weeks to the day after the accident and a week and a half after the surgery.  He was walking most of the time unassisted.  And he said this to me.  ‘They tell me that the average recovery time is a year.  A year recovery time is unacceptable’.  Unacceptable?  I wanted to look at him and say ‘sorry big brother but this is NOT something you have control over’. But I didn’t. He started to talk about getting back on a bike...his indoor bike.  And when he went to his first follow up appointment the next day he was cleared for 15 minute rides on the indoor bike...low resistance.  Let me say it again...two weeks and 1 day after the accident (or to make it sound  even more amazing...1 week and 5 days after surgery) my brother was on his indoor bike trainer riding!

My brother picked up his new bike...and he rode it around the block!  And then came the day.....right around the two month mark that I was talking to my mom and brother on the phone (hey I call mom and talk to her during my commute home from work each Tuesday and Thursday...she puts the phone on speaker phone and I talk to whomeever is visiting her also...yes I’m hands free also!!). I heard the news.  My brother had been riding outside...each day that week...about 25 miles .  That’s 25 miles each ride...not an accumulation of miles.  Not his new bike...he was riding his old bike just because he knows how it handles and how it feels...feels more safe to be on a bike that he knows...and as he said he didn’t even have bottle cages on the new bike yet.   But I noticed over thanksgiving while I was feeding his cat...and I was checking out his new bike...cuz that’s what a good sister does (and let me tell you..his new bike is SHARP looking...) but I noticed that he is gearing it up...it now had bottle cages!  Apparently two weeks after starting to ride, the doctor ok’d him to ride anyway...so he isn’t doing anything harmful..just maybe a bit earlier than the doctor may have wanted (of course some of that could be because he doesn’t see the doctor all that often...and I’m sure he probably spoke of it to his physical therapists). 

A year was unacceptable....his mind made that proclamation.  And he had ignored all the ‘year recovery’ babble.  He decided to forge his own recovery. And it is amazing to see. I can well imagine that there are people (even people younger than my brother...he will be 50 in March) who had the same or similar surgery and at two months in are still walking using crutches 100% of the time. I’m not downing them...their minds haven’t declared the prescribed recovery time as unacceptable!  (My brother wanted to be back on his bike badly...and the business he owns is  very physical as he builds the most incredible furniture and he needs to be back to 100% for that also).

Mind over matter!  Put your mind to something and you can achieve the most amazing results.....against all odds!!!

Ephiphany: Weekend recap and some revelations

It was a long weekend and I enjoyed it thoroughly!   I had some thoughts and revelations about my journey.  I had a victory.   I also suffered a bit of a set back.  So good and bad all rolld into one.  So lets take it one day at a time..

Thursday
Thanksgiving was actually a victorious day.  I had set a challenge for myself and I nailed it!  It was the perfect challenge for me.  It gave me the freedom to enjoy the holiday and the holiday eating, but yet still keep me reigned in!  I will definitely be revisiting the same challenge at Christmas! 

Friday
This is where it started to fall apart.  I had off work (that part was good) and spent the day with my mom (that part was good also).   We went out to lunch and I actually chose a place that I could get a good salad.  I was craving a salad!   I knew my calories would be higher because...well a salad with all the fixin's isn't usually low calorie. I was ok with the higher calories because I would rather eat something that is packed with nutrition versus eating a higher calorie meal that has limited nutritious value.  BUT then they said "would you like the endless soup for 1 dollar more".  Of course I got it...and of course I chose the Broccoli Cheese soup..  I ate two bowls of that soup.   I was STUFFED.  Mom and I hit up a few stores...but pretty much just hung out and avoided the crowds.  Dinner rolled around and it was our standard pizza and wings night.  I wasn't really hungry...but I still managed to eat a few wings and two slices of pizza.   See....bad.....why was I eating when I wasn't hungry?

Saturday
It was raining and miserable...and borderline freezing so in areas of our travel it was freezing over.  We relaxed and headed to Hagerstown to run a few errands and see mom.  I tried to stay close to mom this weekend.  This weekend was  the year anniversary of dad's death..Sunday the 25th to be exact.  (And I still cry at the drop of a hat when I think about life without my dad). 

Dad with his high waters and me with my short short dress!  Christmas 1977

I nibbled on some food at mom's...but nothing major.  I fell off the wagon when dinner rolled around.  I was hungry....and I ate way too much food.  I was stuffed but I STILL managed to shovel in some dessert!  Why oh why???   And then I felt miserable the rest of the night....and I woke up with a stomach ache Sunday morning.  It is SOOOO not worth it!

Sunday
 We woke up and headed to the Christmas tree farm. We took the hayride out to the fields.

We picked out the perfect tree. We (Jason) curly the tree down and we carted it home.

Of course we decorated our tree. And that took most of the day.   We relaxed in the evening and enjoyed the tree!!

So what is the revelations?

We talk about doing things.  We talk about our dreams and plans. A few months ago we sat back and said "enough is enough, next year we ARE going to Maine (Acadia)..and tentatively it is scheduled for August."   When we had our vacation in October  one of the lessons we learned was that we have to be in good shape if we plan on having an active vacation in Maine.   Motivator for sure! 

Well....we took it a step further this weekend.  We have talked about hiking the Inca Trail and seeing Machu Pichu for years.   We have set a date....well...a year.  2022    Why that year?  Well 2019 is Maine.   2020 and 2021 will be less expensive vacations while we put money aside for the biggie.  AND 2022 is the year that I turn 50.  So I will be hiking the Inca Trail the year I turn 50 (technically I will probably still be 49 when we do it......since I don't turn 50 until the end of the year).    Jason will at that time decide what big vacation we do on his 50'th year which will be in 2025. 

If we are hiking the Inca trail....I have to be in shape!   Just like all the hiking and biking in Maine will be more enjoyable if I am in shape.

Did we stop there?  No....we talked about the fact that we have always talked about doing section hikes of the Appalachian Trail.  We have talked about it for 3 years now (yup, we hit out three year anniversary on November 20th).  But we haven't done it.  We haven't even started to purchase gear.  I have no gear...and Jason is partially geared...he purged all of the stuff that needed replaced when we moved....so he needs to replace some of his stuff.  SOOOO we sat down and have started a list of gear we need.   And we will be starting to get our stuff slowly but surely.  This is going to happen. 

I'm tired of being fat.  I'm tired of being out of shape.  I'm tired of it all!  It's time to change!

Turkey day challenge

On Monday I wrote a post and threw down a challenge for myself (and for anyone else who wanted to join me!   The challenge was simple....it had four diffeeent facets and didn’t focus at all on calories...but allowed me to enjoy the holiday but still have restrictions in place.

1. Exercise

2. No bites licks or tastes while cooking (all food must be eaten off a plate..at the table)

3.  One plate/serving

4.  Picture of plate of food

So how did I do???

1.  Exercise 

I knew that I wanted to go for a run  since time wasn’t an issue....little did I know that it would be one of the coldest days of the year thus far!  It was in the mid 20’s!!!!  Brrrrrr.   But I went!!!

So how rosy my cheeck/face was...that’s a combo from exertion and coldness!!!

I was curious how I would feel!  I haven’t run in ages...but I’ve been faithfully getting on the stair thingy.  I managed to run the whole time (slowly).  And I managed it without too many aches...just the backs of my thighs!

One down...three to go!

2.  No bites, licks or tastes.   I though that this one would be easy....but it was really difficult!   ‘Hey Maryfran, taste the mashed potatoes to see if they need more salt’. ‘Does the stuffing have enough...’. Grrrrr.  So many questions...all relating to something needing a taste to check it before finishing it and calling the dish complete!    

I didn’t take a bite...I deferred and had mom taste it all.  

Victory

3. One serving/plate

This one also proved to be a bit more difficult.   I had a plate of food...(my roll laid beside the plate, I didn’t want it touching my food on the plate...lol). I ate it and then had to sit while everyone else ate...and the baked corn and stuffing were both beside me..two favorites!!!     Finally I DID cave and grabbed my small, previously unused appetizer plate and went and grabbed some raw veggies off the veggie platter to nibble on while every one else was stuffing their faces.  

So was that a victory or a failure???  I didn’t have another saw one serving  of anything.  I had a FIRST  serving of raw veggies.    I actually felt pretty good after our 1pm thanksgiving dinner.  Not stuffed or anything..but full and satisfied!

I did about two hours later have a piece of pumpkin pie when we served dessert.   And for dinner, I had some leftover corn and stuffing...I wasn’t really hungry!

4. Pictures

You can see my dinner roll. I had a small scoop of mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, baked corn and  a stuffing.   Delicious!! 

I failed to get a picture of my veggies...but I had some crisp sweet bell peppers, carrots and broccoli.

I did get a picture of the pie. (With the crust that fell off)

My dinner...I failed to get the pictures...it was leftovers  (corn and stuffing...my favorites...carby but what I wanted! So I ate what I wanted and skipped what I didn’t!!)

So a partial victory...but at least I photographed the important meal!!!

Overall I feel as if I did really good! I put my food into myfitnesspal this morning and came up with 1778...a bit high,but I wasn’t aiming for perfection...I was aiming for under control indulgence! I feel like I achieved that!   As for the calories,  I thought I did much better than that (the pumpkin pie is what I’m blaming!!! Hahaha. Well yeah I guess it was the pumpkin pie...300 some calories!)   I’m ok with it.  Furthermore, it would have been much much worse had I not had these ‘rules’ in place!!! 

So now the big thing...my weight....it is looking a bit higher than yesterday morning...but right on target with what it was last Saturday. (official weigh in is  Saturday so I’ll know for sure then.) so as for right now it will probably be a maintain for the week.  My water consumption was in the toilet yesterday though ...so that’s skewing today’s results a bit I imagine.  

Sooooo...my thoughts on the challenge!  It certainly worked for me!!!  Had I not had a set plan that I was 100% determined to meet, I would have done much worse!  (MUCH worse!). My plan was NOT to stay within calories.  My plan was set in place to enjoy the holiday food but yet keep it under control. I feel as if it worked absolutely perfectly!  I will definitely be revisiting this challenge again  at Christmas for sure also in future years!  I will personally adjust it though.   The picture of my food did NOTHING for me...other than to make me stress because I was at the table with others and it was awkward....and then I stressed when I went back with my previously unused appetizer plate for the raw veggies....I was halfway through the veggies when I realized I hadn’t taken a picture...so more stressful than anything else.  But the rest of the rules...definite keepers!!!!

Amazing bodies: perseverance and a little sadist all thrown together

A few years ago, when I was running consistently I heard about a little known race.  It was of the endurance variety...so while it was interesting, it wasn’t on my radar of races to train for.  However, it was something that I wanted to hear more about.  I tucked the name of the race in the back of my head and vowed to look into it first chance I got.  What is the name of the race?  The Barkley Marathon.  

It wasn’t until 2016 that I had the opportunity to really learn about the race.   Jason and I were looking for a movie to watch and saw this movie called “The Barkley Marathon: The race that eats its young”.  (Amazon affiliate link) My brain immediately regurgitated the information that ‘hey, this is the race I heard about a year or two ago!’  So we decided to watch it.    I was glued to the screen while we watched...totally intrigued....and the fascination has not gone away!  

In brief....this race is brutal!  The title of the documentary ‘the race that eats its young’ is well named.  It is the mastermind of a man named Laz who apparently  has a wicked sense of humor. (Come on now...entry is based on an essay and a $1.60 entry fee....if you are accepted you get a condolence letter, there is a bugler that plays taps...quite frequently, the race starts with a cigarette lighting, just to name a few quirks.).  The race is held in the mountains of Tennessee and was inspired by a prison escape.  Yes a prison escape. A prison is/was nestled in these rugged mountains in in the late 70’s an inmate escaped.   They caught him 55 hours later....he had made it all of 8 miles in those 55 hours....Laz began to mock the story and said ‘I could make it at least 100 miles’.  And the race was born.  To say that this race is brutal is an understatement.  This race has been held yearly since 1986 and to date there have only been 15 people to ever finish it...and only 18 times someone has completed it! (This discrepancy in the numbers...one person finished it two years and another person finished it three times).  When someone does complete it, Laz makes the course more difficult.  What does the race entail?  5 loops of running/climbing/crawling and sliding your way through the rugged woods...with a 60 total time cut off. (No stopping the clock to sleep...if you sleep it eats into your 60 hours)  Each loop is between 20-30 miles....and the whole race requires just under 70,000 feet of climbing.  Oh did I mention that this course is unguided...you have a map and a compass....and it’s mostly NOT on trails.  Brutal!

I watched that first documentary and I was hooked.  I knew the race was held in March or April, so I started looking for reports of the race .  We had a winner!  And a guy local to me!   I devoured the reports..and the winning runner’s blog.   And I actually got emotional when I heard about the guy who made a navigational mistake that cost him time.....in the last 10-30 minutes of the race....and he came in exactly SIX SECONDS after the time cut off. 

I watched again in March/April of 2018 and saw a few reports....no one was able to complete it.. not one person!  If I’m correct no one even made it to attempt a fourth loop!  Not even the guy that was 6 seconds late the previous year.  

And then the other week I noticed a new documentary that came out. Of course we watched it!   It is called “where Dreams Go To Die”.  It follows one runner as he makes multiple attempts to complete this brutal race. Once again, I was enthralled!

The intrigue in this race is very real and strong for me.   I can’t get enough of it....  My mind circles at the training, perseverance, dedication and fortitude to complete something like that. Ok,not even to complete it...to even attempt it.  Most people are lucky to get one loop done.  It blows my mind!    I have no desire to complete it (although Jason said never say never!) but I just can’t atop contemplating and reading about it!  

I think the thing that gets me the most is the mindset.  What these people display is awe inspiring....and SHOULD  translate into my quest for healthy living....because what they are doing is exactly what I SHOULD be doing.. maybe just  in a slightly smaller and less extreme way.   These people have the uttermost determination. They prepare  for months and push through pain and hardship!  They sacrifice...time and comfort.  They lost sleep to finish workouts...they didn’t indulge in certain foods that were not beneficial to their goals.    They figure out how to make this work within a full schedule of work, life and family!  The finisher from 2017 did so with twin babies and a toddler at home...while working a full time job....he commuted to work every day on his own two feet ..more recently on a bicycle as he was training for an Ironman since his Barkley finish.  (as a side note...his shoe leather express commute is probably faster than my commute in a car in D.C. traffic!!).  The second documentary...he has a wife and young son...he makes it work also. 

So what excuses do I have?  My measley half hour workout in the morning is NOTHING compared to the hours these people spend training.  My aches and pain are nothing when I compare myself to the conditions that these people willingly put themselves through.   Being intrigued and immersed in something like the Barkley Marathons puts my excuses into perspective.  They are null and void!!!!

  

Temptation and a bit of a challenge

So it’s the week of thanksgiving!  Happy early Thanksgiving!   And with this holiday comes the knowledge that there will be lots of food to eat....lots of food to make...lots of food to see...lots of food to consume.   It is sooooo tempting to throw in the towel and just give up!!!  Especially this week!!!

Yes, I did just say that I am tempted to throw in the towel and give up on this weight loss thing until after the holidays.  (And I mean after Christmas...). I’m not losing weight as it is...so my natural inclination is to say ‘screw it’ and just eat what I want. However.  I don’t want to go into the new year with even more weight...I would ideally like to start the new year weighing less than I do now...but I would be happy to go in with a maintain!

So for that reason I am throwing down the challenge.  A nice Holiday (let’s just focus on Thanksgiving right now.) challenge.  It’s simple really.   (And I blatantly grabbed the idea from a blog I read.).   Four different facets of this challenge.

1.  Exercise the day of the holiday!   

2.  No bites licks or tastes while cooking and cleaning up...food must be on my plate at the table if I eat it!

3.  One serving ...no multiple plates!

4.  Take a picture of my food eaten!!!!!

Simple...but doesn’t it sound effective!   So no...I’m not throwing in the towel...I’m issuing a challenge!!!

Friday: brrrrr winter is here

What a week!!!  It wasn’t a bad one, thank heavens... But it sure was crazy!!!   It sure ran the gamut in terms of what happened.  So without further ado, I give you my recap of the week.

Workouts

I started off Monday still reeling from my weekend of being sick.  I decided to put my newfound early morning workout routine on hold until I was fully recovered.  I did not call off of work.   I trudged into work.  By the afternoon I was really dragging!  But I made it.   Because it had been so rough to make it through Monday afternoon I decided to not workout on Tuesday morning also.  Part of me wonders if I didn’t make that decision more out of ‘I don’t wanna wake up early’ versus ‘I really don’t feel right yet.”  But regardless, I am ok with my decision.  On Wednesday though...no excuses!  I got up and did my 25 minute workout.  It’s not super intense...but it’s at least something!  I received an email on Wednesday from my good friend Julie (she lives about 8 hours away from me...we primarily communicate through email...occasional texts and visits every once in a while...rare visits sadly enough).  She just happened to mention the fact that ‘luckily my fit bit alarm went off and that woke me up’.  I had a lightbulb moment.  A Fitbit alarm???  I imagine that at some point may have known that I could set an alarm on my Fitbit .(Amazon Affiliate link)..but then again...maybe not!  Either way, an alarm on my Fitbit  would eliminate my guilt at the loud alarm going off and waking both Jason and I up when it only needed to be me sacrificing sleep!!  Let me tell you...it worked like a charm!!  Yeah, he stirred when I slipped out of bed...but he didn’t total wake with the rousing alarm!  So yes...on Thursday I worked out too!    

This week I added in weights and some arm work!  I also got smart and threw my headphones on and listened to music to help pass the time on the stair machine thingy!  This weekend I may look into my supply of DVD’s and add in a video or two!  Anything to keep it fresh and different!

Work

I did some more training this week.  On Tuesday and Wednesday I worked with some reps in Indiana to train and prepare them for the next step in doing this job.  They are definitely on the fast track of learning everything.  Necessary since they are taking over my position.  Sometime  in the next month or so I’ll be the one learning a new position (my team’s work is being moved to our Indiana site and I’ll be on a new team.).  

The discontinuation calls continue.   These are calls regarding the end of the assistance program for one of the medications that I support.  Some of them are difficult...which we expected....after all we are taking away the free medication that people have been receiving...and it is a life saving medication! But let me tell you though...I’m amazed.  Simply amazed.  A few times a day I get the call and someone is obviously upset about this change...and worried.  But then they still stop to say ‘thank you for the medication that you HAVE given me for free’. I didn’t expect that at all...and even though it’s only a few it does restore faith in the human race.

Eating

My eating was pretty good this week.   I never went crazy.  I never binged.  I stayed steady. My calories were pretty well in line. 

I thought I tracked over the weekend..but I apparently didn't...I have since gone back and done so and my calories were in the same range.

I have my goal on myfitnesspal set to have me lose 1.5 pounds a week...and as you can see I come in below that goal....so I SHOULD be losing!!!!

Weight

I’m holding steady within the same 2-3 pounds.   Grrrrrr!  I don’t want to go lower in my calories...but it seems I’m going to have to.

Weather

Welcome winter!   I didn’t get any good pictures of our first snow...I left home on Thursday morning right as it was starting where I live and drove straight into the storm.   I made it to work with out much fuss...and I was inside all day and missed the bulk of the snow.   I commutes home in the aftermath and continual rain -and ice.  Jason was sent home from his job...they closed down...lucky boy!!!   He sent me this picture taken from the couch at about 10:30 when it was just getting rolling.

Our area got about 4 or 5 inches...but then the temps rose a bit and the rain helped melt the snow.   We are still in the clean up and residual ice from all the snow and rain stage.  But we weathered our first winter storm.

Overall I would say that the week was an ok one. From sick to health.  From 60° to winter storm.   Exercise....no exercise.   Just a total crazy week of opposites!  I didn’t have any great success in my weight loss...but I will say continuing on with the exercise instead of not restarting is a huge victory!!!!

When it’s just not working: quit or adjust

I started to work at my current job about a year and a half ago.   I quickly fell into a couple habits.   Honestly, they were pretty decent habits!  And they were working for me!  But just this morning I realized that one of the habits is no longer working for me!  That means I need to either give it up or alter it!!!  Continuing on with something that is not working is a futile attempt at success!

So let’s talk about some of these habits that I fell into:

The first habit was that I began walking on my 15 minute breaks and on my 30 minute lunch break. When winter hit it was more difficult but I continued on days that were not ‘too cold’ and when it was too cold?  I walked the steps on each break.  Not exactly a complete workout, but it was at least some activity in an environment that has me sitting for hours on end while I do my job.   I feel better when I do this and however small, it’s doing my body some good.    I have admittedly gotten lazy on this one and I need to alter my behavior to get back into this and to stop being lazy.

The next habit I got into was eating a small snack in the morning on the way to work.  This was mainly when I was leaving the house at 6AM and had a two hour commute. When I moved closer to work I just accidentally stopped eating breakfast.  It worked for me and I found that I felt better not struggling to force myself to eat when I was  not really feeling it.  I later found that what I was doing was intermittent fasting.  And it worked for me in terms of my lifestyle.   I am not a sadist.  Ok those days that I can think of nothing other than food in the morning?  I will break from my routine and actually grab a bite to eat.   So this habit stays.

The last habit  is the lunches that contain ‘portable’ foods that I could eat while walking.   Typically this was a piece of fruit and a piece of cheese...easily nibbled on  on while walking.  This is the habit that I’m struggling with.   In the last few months I  found it more and more difficult to be ‘satisfied’ physically and emotionally with this light lunch.  And I often cave and go to the cafeteria.  The other morning while I was packing my lunchbox I had a lightbulb moment.   Two of them really.   The first was that it makes sense that that type of lunch no longer works for me.  I started intermit fastening and I’m breaking my 16 hour fast with that meal and it’s virtually nothing.   Well then.....

The second thing is the memory of lunches I ate when I was losing weight years ago. I still ate a meal that was heavy in fruit and veggies (mostly fruits and veggies) but I always had some kind of  carbohydrate ...or something crunchy...without it I felt dissatisfied.   A lot of the time I ate a Wasa cracker   (Amazon Affiliate Link).  That’s a cracker that is high fiber, low calorie and relatively nutritious...it added the crunch needed. Sooooo...realizing and remembering these two things helped me come to the conclusion that I will be altering my lunches to include a bit more food...I don’t want to be ravenous...or unsatisfied.   Sustainability requires satisfaction!!!

So that is my main change...I will be adjusting how and what I pack for my lunches at work!!!   This weight loss thing is an ever adapting every changing life!  What works today may not work next week...we just have to roll with the punches!

Derailment: knocked off the exercise path

I swear!  Every time I get myself in line something happens to detail me!!!  I did so good last week!  I tracked my food intake.  I woke up early and exercised each morning!  I was hotonthe trail of health!!!  Ok, so I may not have posted a loss on the scales...but I had a maintain and I felt like I was FINALLY back in the right path....and then bammm.....derailed!

By the end of my typical work week I am always exhausted.  So on Friday afternoon when the exhaustion hit I wasn’t too concerned.  I did wonder a bit about the fact that I was crying on my drive home...crying because I was so darn tired!  But I got home and settled in and my tears were gone so I forgot about them.   

On Saturday I took it easy...I just felt ‘off’ but I felt fine.  

But on Sunday it hit! I slept most of the morning....I slept a couple hours in  afternoon.  I felt like I had been drug through the mud.   I’m pretty sure I was running a fever.  I just tried to give my body what it was demanding.

In talking it over, I decided to turn off the early ‘exercise alarm’ for Monday morning.. It just didn’t seem wise to push myself!   So my good habit that I was in the process of building is being put on hold.   There is NOT relief, surprisingly enough.   I’m actually more upset to delay my quest for fitness.

I did stumble around and get my dumbbells ready to add that into my morning workout routine!  

Meanwhile...my baby girl had to go into the bike shop, she wasn’t sick....she was getting an upgrade though.  My one tire was not holding air.  Instead of buying a tube and fixing it, Jason has given me one of my Christmas gifts early...my girl is going tubeless for her tires.  I should get her tonight!!!  I don’t like my pretty girl not being in the bike bedroom!

So a temporary delay in my quest for fitness...but I vow to only let this be temporary....I will not be totally derailed!  And an upgrade of equipment.  I want fitness and I’m still pushing onward, but I have to listen to my body and when your sick...your sick!

Amazing bodies: perseverance and a little sadist all thrown together

A few years ago, when I was running consistently I heard about a little known race.  It was of the endurance variety...so while it was interesting, it wasn’t on my radar of races to train for.  However, it was something that I wanted to hear more about.  I tucked the name of the race in the back of my head and vowed to look into it first chance I got.  What is the name of the race?  The Barkley Marathon.  

It wasn’t until 2016 that I had the opportunity to really learn about the race.   Jason and I were looking for a movie to watch and saw this movie called “The Barkley Marathon: The race that eats its young”.  (Amazon affiliate link) My brain immediately regurgitated the information that ‘hey, this is the race I heard about a year or two ago!’  So we decided to watch it.    I was glued to the screen while we watched...totally intrigued....and the fascination has not gone away!  

In brief....this race is brutal!  The title of the documentary ‘the race that eats its young’ is well named.  It is the mastermind of a man named Laz who apparently  has a wicked sense of humor. (Come on now...entry is based on an essay and a $1.60 entry fee....if you are accepted you get a condolence letter, there is a bugler that plays taps...quite frequently, the race starts with a cigarette lighting, just to name a few quirks.).  The race is held in the mountains of Tennessee and was inspired by a prison escape.  Yes a prison escape. A prison is/was nestled in these rugged mountains in in the late 70’s an inmate escaped.   They caught him 55 hours later....he had made it all of 8 miles in those 55 hours....Laz began to mock the story and said ‘I could make it at least 100 miles’.  And the race was born.  To say that this race is brutal is an understatement.  This race has been held yearly since 1986 and to date there have only been 15 people to ever finish it...and only 18 times someone has completed it! (This discrepancy in the numbers...one person finished it two years and another person finished it three times).  When someone does complete it, Laz makes the course more difficult.  What does the race entail?  5 loops of running/climbing/crawling and sliding your way through the rugged woods...with a 60 total time cut off. (No stopping the clock to sleep...if you sleep it eats into your 60 hours)  Each loop is between 20-30 miles....and the whole race requires just under 70,000 feet of climbing.  Oh did I mention that this course is unguided...you have a map and a compass....and it’s mostly NOT on trails.  Brutal!

I watched that first documentary and I was hooked.  I knew the race was held in March or April, so I started looking for reports of the race .  We had a winner!  And a guy local to me!   I devoured the reports..and the winning runner’s blog.   And I actually got emotional when I heard about the guy who made a navigational mistake that cost him time.....in the last 10-30 minutes of the race....and he came in exactly SIX SECONDS after the time cut off. 

I watched again in March/April of 2018 and saw a few reports....no one was able to complete it.. not one person!  If I’m correct no one even made it to attempt a fourth loop!  Not even the guy that was 6 seconds late the previous year.  

And then the other week I noticed a new documentary that came out. Of course we watched it!   It is called “where Dreams Go To Die”.  It follows one runner as he makes multiple attempts to complete this brutal race. Once again, I was enthralled!

The intrigue in this race is very real and strong for me.   I can’t get enough of it....  My mind circles at the training, perseverance, dedication and fortitude to complete something like that. Ok,not even to complete it...to even attempt it.  Most people are lucky to get one loop done.  It blows my mind!    I have no desire to complete it (although Jason said never say never!) but I just can’t atop contemplating and reading about it!  

I think the thing that gets me the most is the mindset.  What these people display is awe inspiring....and SHOULD  translate into my quest for healthy living....because what they are doing is exactly what I SHOULD be doing.. maybe just  in a slightly smaller and less extreme way.   These people have the uttermost determination. They prepare  for months and push through pain and hardship!  They sacrifice...time and comfort.  They lost sleep to finish workouts...they didn’t indulge in certain foods that were not beneficial to their goals.    They figure out how to make this work within a full schedule of work, life and family!  The finisher from 2017 did so with twin babies and a toddler at home...while working a full time job....he commuted to work every day on his own two feet ..more recently on a bicycle as he was training for an Ironman since his Barkley finish.  (as a side note...his shoe leather express commute is probably faster than my commute in a car in D.C. traffic!!).  The second documentary...he has a wife and young son...he makes it work also. 

So what excuses do I have?  My measley half hour workout in the morning is NOTHING compared to the hours these people spend training.  My aches and pain are nothing when I compare myself to the conditions that these people willingly put themselves through.   Being intrigued and immersed in something like the Barkley Marathons puts my excuses into perspective.  They are null and void!!!!