What about peanut butter cups????

Lots of things are conspiring together this week to really bring me to a crossroad.   I know what road I want to take.....  but let's look at these events first.

I read an article in the last 24 hours that size eighteen (in fairness they said sixteen to eighteen at one point in the article) is the new average in the USA.    10 years ago it was a size fourteen.   When I read the article ten years ago I was a size fourteen and was happy to be average. (Because I had just achieved a size fourteen (and shortly hereafter a size twelve and even a ten once for about a minute!).   I'm a solid 16/18 right now.  (Ok that means that I can suck it in...lay down on the bed and zip myself into 16's. But I'm comfortable in 18's).   And even though I am apparently now considered average....I'm not at all happy with  being average!!!!     No way...no how!!!!

I learned while I was losing the weight the first time that when I'm eating unhealthy that my stomach hurts a whole lot more.    When I am a larger size it is a common thing to wake up with a stomach ache that takes a while to subside. It's not fun.   But sadly for many years it was my way of life.  It wasn't until I had lost maybe 50-80 pounds when all of a sudden one day I woke up and realized that I hadn't felt sick in weeks!!!   Sadly when I reach a certain weight and/or start eating poorly it comes back.   (Maybe that's not a sad thing...maybe that's a good thing!).  Guess what came back this week?????    

My brothers wife and kids just recently went to her family's home for a visit.  They got back about a week ago...and yesterday I was talking to my oldest nephew.  He mentioned looking through old pictures while there.  And he mentioned a picture of my brother and I at his college graduation.   And guess what?   My nephew looked at me and said 'I didn't realize you were so fat'. Ok I paraphrased....but he was talking about his shock at how big I was way back when.   He was actually complimenting me for how I look right now. (Remember I'm an  average 18 now!).   And I accepted the compliment.....but I also said...and just think I'm 50 pounds higher than my lowest.  (But yes...I'm also 80 pounds or so lower than that picture he must have seen!).    

Last night I was just simply craving ice cream!!!   So when I suggested it to Jason he was quiet for a few moments then said 'I've been wanting to try a chic fil a peach milkshake'. Yum!!!  I have always known that their milkshakes are calorifically ungodly!   But after we ordered and pulled around to the window Jason exclaims 'woah....for that many calories that better be an awesome milkshake!'    He doesn't watch calories!   He doesn't usually pay attention to those things!!!!!   And he wasn't doing it against me...he was making comments about himself saying 'well I will only eat half of it tonight so that's not too bad'.      Well let me tell you...I didn't split mine into two treats.  I practically licked the cup clean!!!     And the verdict from Jason???   He states that it was worth it....and he may have to have one more this summer before the peach milkshake goes away.   So yes worth it and I don't regret it...but it really made me think about those calories!!!

Last night I just flipped on the tv for noise.  The channel was sitting on TLC...and I got suckered into a tv show....my 600 pound life.  I've seen the show before but last night the lady just hit me hard.   She talked about the high/happiness from food.   She talked about eating when she is sad...when she is happy...thinking about her next meal before the one she is eating is even done.   All thinrgs I've written about numerous times on this blog! So it hit close to home.   And then when they talked about changing her diet and she said 'I can still have my peanut butter cups I just about fell off the chair.   I love Reece's cups!!!   I got scared thinking how easy it would be for me to eat myself into that situation!!!!!   

I took steps yesterday morning.  I said no to the Reece's cup at sheetz (a convenience store) when I stopped for a drink for work!  (And his morning also!!).  That is a huge first step!!!!  A customer is buying us lunch at work today and I ordered a salad versus a sandwich and fries.  (Yes a salad may be as calorically horrific as a sandwich and fries but it's at least more nutritious!!!). I'm taking steps.  I'm determined to do this!!!! I know it won't be an all or nothing deal.  I know I'll still have pizza ...and various less healthy foods.  But I can navigate it.  I can eat less...make better choices and make this work for me!!!!

I don't have grand dreams.  I'm not saying that I will lose tons of weight in august.  I am saying that I will lose!!! Something!!   It's the month of changes and any loss and steps in the right direction will be good!!!!

And on that note I'm going to get serious about noting my exercise/water and tracking on my calendar again!!!!  I haven't for the last week or two!!!!

Mf