Bummed

I don't really have much to say today.....

My weight was showing down pretty much all week.   Then today for my official weigh in I was right back up there...so I showed absolutely no lose!  Isn't that ducky?

I have made a discovery....and bare with me while I lay out  the backstory...

I left my marriage pretty much penniless.  I was ok with that.  I bought my way out is how I look at it.   I work full time but the pay is  laughable....seriously.  (And yes I am looking for something different!!). Building a savings is difficult ...near impossible (unless I literally do nothing as in only work and sit at home doing nothing and sucking down the food that my parents have in the house...but if anything comes up...such as buying cat litter and cat food...or a bra...shoes....whatever there is no saving that pay period).   And admittedly a huge chunk of my expenditures is food as I eat out a lot. My savings has consisted of what I get in my tax refunds.   In December I had a huge car repair bill....and it emptied my savings accounts.   (Well not totally emptied...I have 67 cents in one and 44 in the other!!  Woo hoo I was rich!!).  I wasn't too panicked because tax season was soon and I would put the money into savings and voila...back where I began.  But some stroke of misfortune and somehow what was deducted from my check was much less (don't ask me how....I never saw any change in my income that I wasn't expecting!)   So my federal tax refund is $5 Yes I'll be rich!  So no replacement savings.   (As a wonderful side note...I owe money for state taxes....Then my car broke down on Monday and the repair is an estimated $700...that's huge for me!!)

So I sat down and started thinking of a new budget and ways to cut corners.  I had a plan!  And it would still allow me to eat out!  It involved me only spending $10 a day in food.  (and yes jason pays for some of my meals and that was calculated in!). I was doing it.  It was kind of a fun challenge....trying to cut corners...choosing cheaper options when I could to allow for an extra buck here and there for those days when what I wanted to eat something that was 11 or 12 bucks!   It was working too!!!  (Until my car broke down and that budget plan went up in smoke...I haven't really formulated a new one yet..I'm kinda still reeling/depressed/stressed)

But even more than the budget working, I made an amazing discovery!!!!  When we would hit the local Chinese place for food...I would always order the large dinner...and maybe add an egg roll and or soup...12-14 bucks.  But with this newfound budget looming I looked more carefully and ordered their combination meal, a lot cheaper than what I usually ordered; for something like 7 or 8 bucks (perfect because it gave me 2 extra bucks to play with!).  My food came out and I looked in the bag (take out) to check it out!   Wow...it seemed sooo small!!!  I was sure I was going to be hungry!!!  There was no way that would fill me up!!   But hey...that was the budget!   I figured I would supplement with a piece of fruit or something from my mom's kitchen.   But guess what????  It was the perfect amount!!!!!!!   

Yeah I know....blew me away too!!!

I just have to remember this lesson!!!!!  I apparently order waaaaay too much food!!!!

Who knows what the new and improved budget will look like..I'm looking closely at what I can sell! (Luckily I had already started the purge process...so the thought of selling these extraneous stuff isn't a complete shock to the system!). I know that it will work out eventually...but right now I'm just kinda bummed about life in general.    In the meantime....I'm just trying to hang on tight and not succumb to eating my worries away!!!

Meanwhile...the stress of worrying about money....or should I say the lack of money and some other pretty unsavory issues at work and I'm a hot mess.

I was so messed up this morning that I skipped my run...blew my 3 runs this week challenge right out the window.....my eating has been less than stellar...and when I do eat my nerves make me feel ill.   So what have I eaten today...a belvita bar after I got to work...the thought of eating earlier than that made me want to hurl.   I felt fine after I ate that so at about 1:30 I had some mandarin oranges, some apple sauce and some dry cereal....and now I feel icky.  So calorie wise I'm ok...but not the healthiest options (well except for the fruit!!). And biggest of all...I am still tracking my intake!!!!

I know for some crazy reason the stress seems to melt when I'm with jason....so this upcoming weekend is very much anticipated!!!!

Meanwhile I'm just hanging on!!!  (And while my weight hasn't dropped back to where it was all last week it has dropped back from that official weigh in weight...go figure)