Goodbye

So I have officially decided to end the 'I don't care' stage of this journey.   I think the week of really just not having a thought and doing and eating what I want was probably good for me.  It gave me a much needed break from thinking about my food all the time.  This journey is a full time 'job' so to speak......and I needed a vacation. 

I honestly wouldn't recommend a 'vacation' from a healthy lifestyle.  It could have been BAD for me on the scales, even just one week.  It could have started a downward spiral that led to months of unhealthy choices.  It could have been bad.

However, even as I decided to take the break, I still knew that I want to lose the weight....BADLY.  I knew that the great burning desire was still present.  I knew deep down inside that I wasn't quitting.  
Luckily for me my week off had some events and revelations that helped fan the flames of that desire.
Pictures.....usually on our weekends I end up taking pictures of places and sights.  For some reason, this weekend I ended up with some pictures of myself.   Wow....I did NOT like the pictures of myself.

I was going to type self deprecating remarks as a caption for this photo......but that is not a healthy behavior.  So I'm just going to say that I am not happy with how I look.

And while I love the picture of us together (yes, the one I posted the other day).......I'm not happy with how BIG I am in the picture.

So the pictures were a biggie for me.  On a couple different levels.  One, I just look at myself and say "what in the world makes me think that this is ok?"   I want to live a full life and be healthy......and at this weight these is no way that I am 'healthy'.   But secondly it makes me look and say "why in the world does he love me and find me beautiful".   He does....and I am grateful and blessed.  However,  doesn't he deserve the healthiest version of MF too?

Along with the pictures there were some discussions about hikes we want to do, Activities we want to partake and plans for the future.  


So today I stepped on the scales for my official weigh in.  I somehow managed to have a loss this last week.  I KNOW I ate unhealthy.  I had shoo fly pie, oreos and chips and dip.  I didn't worry about my calories or anything.  I did however put my calories into my tracker after the fact....and the results were not that bad.  Here are my compiled stats for the week...

So not too bad....could be a LOT better.   But I also know that I can't expect that if I keep going down the 'throw caution into the wind' path.  

So with a renewed sense of purpose, a clear mind and a ready heart.....I embark upon a new week!