Another week bites the dust

Well well well...I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth.  I'm still here, chugging along.   

My week was actually NOT a collossal failure in terms of actions...but I will say that my week was not good on the scales. Yes, I am up.   Now, it could be an excuse, but I believe that I am dehyrdated.  I woke up a few times last night and grabbed for my water bottle to get a drink of water.  If thirst wakes me up...that's a bad sign.  This morning I woke up dry mouthed and thirsty....not a good sign and that little sign usually heralds a few pounds up on the scales.  Now I'm not going to say that my gain is all water...I will freely admit that I ate more than I should have last night.  But I think the main part of my gain is the water.

Here are my stats for the last week!

See, not that bad in the grand scheme of things.

So my last week....filled with lots of things.

Lets see there was work......

Geocaching...... this is at an old apparently Quaker graveyard....with weirdly enough only one grave stone 
standing in it. 

On a side note...I was doing a gadget geocache and needed to heat up a rod to 110 degrees and then cool it down to 77 degrees.  I ended up going into a nearby store to buy some hot coffee (heated it to 150 degrees in seconds) and some diet soda (and an extra cup with ice for the cooling down segment).   I drank the diet soda...first time in a while 
that I had diet coke.....it was NASTY!

This weekend the weather kept us planning more inside activities (although I did run really early on Saturday morning).
We hit up Washington DC again.  This time we walked through China Town.....

I was disappointed that the picture didn't turn out well...but it is a picture of a row of cooked ducks...with heads attached
hanging in the window/cooking area of a chinese restaurant.  I got to giggling when I saw it...stuck on the line for "the ChristmasStory"   "It's smiling at me!"  

We went to the Air and Space Museum (the Dulles location remains my favorite...although the Amelia Airheart display will always be a 
favorite of mine).

And I'm not sure why a Lucille Ball lifesize picture was in the museum (other than a passenger in an airline back in the 50's) but I had to get a picture with her....especially since I was wearing an I Love Lucy teeshirt!  (I must remembber to wear that teeshirt a week from
this upcoming weekend on August 6 to commemorate her birthday.) 

We just wanted our pictures in the aircraft....

From the Air and Space we headed to the American Indian Museum.....it was also really neat.....and blessedly, not as crowded.

After that museum we were whipped...so we headed back to the metro for the ride back to our car!

The weekend.......the running, mowing, geocaching, walking around the lake and shops on Saturday, and the hot walking in DC on Sunday....
Totally dehydrated!  That's where I think my weight went wrong.

I leave with a picture of my precious old girl, Ethel.

Goodbye

So I have officially decided to end the 'I don't care' stage of this journey.   I think the week of really just not having a thought and doing and eating what I want was probably good for me.  It gave me a much needed break from thinking about my food all the time.  This journey is a full time 'job' so to speak......and I needed a vacation. 

I honestly wouldn't recommend a 'vacation' from a healthy lifestyle.  It could have been BAD for me on the scales, even just one week.  It could have started a downward spiral that led to months of unhealthy choices.  It could have been bad.

However, even as I decided to take the break, I still knew that I want to lose the weight....BADLY.  I knew that the great burning desire was still present.  I knew deep down inside that I wasn't quitting.  
Luckily for me my week off had some events and revelations that helped fan the flames of that desire.
Pictures.....usually on our weekends I end up taking pictures of places and sights.  For some reason, this weekend I ended up with some pictures of myself.   Wow....I did NOT like the pictures of myself.

I was going to type self deprecating remarks as a caption for this photo......but that is not a healthy behavior.  So I'm just going to say that I am not happy with how I look.

And while I love the picture of us together (yes, the one I posted the other day).......I'm not happy with how BIG I am in the picture.

So the pictures were a biggie for me.  On a couple different levels.  One, I just look at myself and say "what in the world makes me think that this is ok?"   I want to live a full life and be healthy......and at this weight these is no way that I am 'healthy'.   But secondly it makes me look and say "why in the world does he love me and find me beautiful".   He does....and I am grateful and blessed.  However,  doesn't he deserve the healthiest version of MF too?

Along with the pictures there were some discussions about hikes we want to do, Activities we want to partake and plans for the future.  


So today I stepped on the scales for my official weigh in.  I somehow managed to have a loss this last week.  I KNOW I ate unhealthy.  I had shoo fly pie, oreos and chips and dip.  I didn't worry about my calories or anything.  I did however put my calories into my tracker after the fact....and the results were not that bad.  Here are my compiled stats for the week...

So not too bad....could be a LOT better.   But I also know that I can't expect that if I keep going down the 'throw caution into the wind' path.  

So with a renewed sense of purpose, a clear mind and a ready heart.....I embark upon a new week!

Roar like a lion

So the other day I wrote a post and just expressed my utter feelings of despondancy over this journey and where I am right now.  I really did feel like giving up.  I do feel as if I'm beating my head against a brick wall.  There are factors and forces in my life that is making this difficult.  I felt (feel) that I am doing the best I could but it just isn't enough.

So after that last blog post, I stepped back and said "for a few days I'm doing what I want......no scales....no tracking....no real thought about it."

It gave me some time to think...it gave me some time to reflect.  It gave me some time 'away'.  (In fairness...I still popped onto myfitnesspal to keep my streak going...how lame is that?)

You see,  I'm tired of this journey.  I've been blogging about the journey for more than 10  years.  I actually just celebrated my 10 year blogiversary in January of this year.  But I was actually trying to lose for a while before that.   I've celebrated some amazing victories.....but for most of that time, I have been 'chasing the dream'.  That's a long time.... (and yes, I do know that this is a life change....something that will be done for the rest of my life).

Someday maybe I can live a life where I don't track religiously.  Maybe someday I can live a life where I don't constantly have to watch. Maybe someday I can live a life where I don't watch the numbers on the scales (once a week).   But I know that right now....those things are necessary for me.  When I don't do them I start to sink into a bad place.  (How do you think I gained some of this weight back after I reached my goal weight......I got disgusted with my initial weight gain and I stopped tracking....and I stopped weighing .....and well.....the weight came back on at an alarming rate).

So.....I took a few days off.   I did have a Reeces Cup.....not the king size...but the normal size package.  I did have a piece or two of shoo-fly pie (hey, my parents went to Lancaster, PA and they brought back a little bit for me!)   I did eat some Vanilla Oreos with some delicious chocolate ganache icing that my mom had leftover in the fridge.  I don't feel guilty.  I don't feel bad.     Other than those sweet treats....I actually ate pretty reasonably.  It was a huge relief to not have to worry about it for a while.

The question?   How much did I gain...or lose?   I have no clue.  I'm not worrying about it until official weigh in day.  

Last night I got home and I actually felt ready to track my food.  Furthermore, I felt interested to know how much food I really ate over the last few days...where my calorie count was.  I debated if I should put my food in for the last few days.  But curiosity won out.     The first figure is base calories and the second is with whatever exercise calories I earned netted out.

Wednesday   1023  -     721
Thursday    1339   -  1314
Friday     2217    -  1537
Saturday  1828    -   1801
Sunday   1689   -  983   

Soooo, while I'm still just kind of disillusioned and unsure of what direction to move....I'm going to stay the course....work on drinking my water....work on eating more fruits and veggies....work on limiting the sweet treats.

 This weekend Jason and I headed toward the mountains. We figured some good long hikes in the mountains were just what the doctor ordered.....especially since we spent the last two weekends exploring and hiking at more 'coastal like' places.   (Point Lookout State Park two weeks ago and Leesylvania State park last weekend).     It felt good to be surrounded by the mountains.  But on Saturday afternoon/evening we got stormed out....(that's ok, we relaxed, talked, laughed and watched tv together....sometimes you need days like that)  and on Sunday we woke up and looked out the window and we just decided we didn't want to sweat and suffer in the heat.  So we regrouped and came up with a new plan.  The new plan???   Lets go into DC and hit some of the Smithsonian museums.

The walk across the parking lot to the metro and the few blocks of walking from the metro station to the museums was enough to make both of us pinken up with a slight sun burn (not really a burn...just a nice pinkish tint that tanned by the next morning).  So it was probably a really good change of plans! 

We went into the Natural History Museum first.   This was Jason's first choice of museums as he is fascinated by nature and animals.     Lions....tigers.. bears... squid..... whales........ gems.... mummies...  dinosaurs... butterflies...... insects...... neanderthals.  You name it, we saw it!  

Next we headed to the museum next door.....the museum that is my all time favorite in the Smithsonian.  The Museum of American History.  

 How can an American not be enthralled by seeing the actual Star Spangled Banner (which was fitting since last fall I did the flag thing...by visiting the Betsy Ross House in Philadelphia which is credited with being the place and the person that sewed the first American flag.  AND a few weeks later with  visiting the Star Spangled banner House in Baltimore and is coincidentally  the location of the creation of the actual star spangled banner flag.  (Just for a laugh and a neat memory...I went to Baltimore the day after my first date ever with Jason....I was really coy in that blog post saying 'I met up with a friend that evening....ha ha ha...it was a first date with Jason...but we had been talking for a while and we were technically already friends!)     Sorry no pictures allowed of the Flag....it's not allowed to help preserve the artifact.

So we saw the flag..... the sit in lunch counter that really sparked desegregation..... Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz's ruby red slippers..... Julia Child's kitchen..... the dresses that many of the first ladies wore at inaugurations and other major events during their husbands presidency..... artifacts from the presidents and their families through the years.... neat rare money.... cars and trains and boats and bikes that show the progress of transportation in America.... and so much more!  (Sadly, we either missed the Fonz's jacket or else it was not on display at this time)

It was a great way to spend a hot day....a little crowded, but not too bad.    Lots and lots of walking....in fact my legs were more sore from the miles we walked (well over 5) plus all the standing as we looked than if I had hiked up the side of a mountain!

I give up!!

UI'm giving up!  Throwing up my hands!  Calling it quits!

Ok, the numbers on the scales weren't good my weekly weigh in.  I was up a few pounds.  But seriously?   It is disheartening.  I am not eating way out of control .  I moved.....ran and hiked and walked.   Disheartening!!!

Look at my stats...I'm doing well!   

Ok, I know that I don't REALLY want to call it quits.  I know that I still really want to be healthy....to be thin....to be active.  I want to live a full life....and I know that being healthy and getting my weight under control is a big factor.  But something has to give.  I can't keep banging my head against a brick wall.

Hot off the......

Do berries picked off the bush and shoveled down my gullet count as calories?  I'm thinking no.  I mean, seriously....the work to pick the berries has got to negate the calories right?

Another week down.  I have no earthly clue how the scales are looking.   I can say that while I haven't eaten great, I haven't eaten horribly.  Have I had some calories over my low ball goal of 1200 a day?  Absolutely?   Have I most days earned calories to help offset the over expenditure?  Yes.   

Have I had some days where I was just HUNGRY?  Yes.  Saturday was like that.  I mowed early in the morning and the rest of the day I just had a hunger within me all day.  I tried to drink a lot of water, thinking that maybe I was thirsty and my body was misreading the signs....but no....it was definitely hunger.   I did fairly well.....I indulged but I kept it pretty close...my calories topped at 1789 (with earned calories netted in  it was 1500).   
Did I have days where I earned mad calories?  Yup....hiking and running...and both of those days my netted caloric intake was really low.

Time will tell if my weight was affected by my activity and my eating habits.

So.....Lets catch up from where I left off.....which sadly was when I updated last week about my weekly results and my previous weekend inFredericksburg and Point Lookout State Park.

On Wednesday, I got my butt up and out the door early.  I got a 2.31 mile run in. It was hot and humid!!!   On Thursday, I repeated the feat with a 2.67 mile run.  Luckily it was hot but the humidity wasn't as overwhelmingly horrible (at least at the time when I went out running...which was super early!)   

Friday when I got off work I did some geocaching.  It rained....so I got a little wet.  But I got about 2 miles of walking in....and found a lot of caches!

Saw some cool things like this old wrought iron fence

 And found some new trails to hike!

This weekend we headed south (Virginia seems to treat us well so we head to Virginia a lot it seems!)    We hit up a few geocaches and went to Leesylvania State Park where we hiked quite a few miles.   We have not been hiking as regularly (weather and health issues) and the 8.5 miles on Sunday really did a number on us.  Oh wait.....it wasn't the miles...it was the heat!  It was the heat that wiped us out.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

We had a great hike.....we drank lots of water and the berries along the deserted trails were plentiful so we snacked quite a bit!  (Those are the calories that don't count!!!!  Right???)

The trails offered lots to make us happy.....

Pretty views of the Potomac River

Nice trails

Old ruins 

Remains of Civil War Fort 

Lots of colorful fungus on the trails

And a wee little snake that turned around in fear and high-tailed it away from us! (ok, maybe not wee little...but nothing huge!)

I was planning on running this morning...but I just couldn't do it.  Even the alarm going off at 6AMwas too much....I usually am awake before the alarm...today I hit the snooze button 3 times and walked around the house like a zombie, even as I was walking out the door to go to work......a run......just not in the books this morning!

So what's on tap for this upcoming week?  I'm planning on trying to clean up my eating just a bit more.......running a few more times....walks.....maybe a mid-week hike and just moving forward one day at a time!

Undeserved

Undeserved....Sometimes weight loss has results that are undeserved.  Last Wednesday I posted a gain.   It was an undeserved gain.  It was most likely water retention from movie theater popcorn....because seriously...that stuff needs butter and salt!  So short lived, undeserved but a gain none the less.   The last week was NOT stellar.  I didn't exercise a whole bunch.  I didn't eat overly healthy.  I wasn't within my calories....it was not a stellar week by any stretch of the imagination.  

 Yet, when I grudgingly stepped onto the scales this morning, I saw that I was back down to my pre-popcorn weight.   To be honest?  I knew that the popcorn water weight had disappeared by Thursday......but I ate....Specifically, I ate Chocolate chip-peanut butter-banana cookies. (These things are like crack...and I don't make them often for that reason!)  It started with the cookie dough and it continued to the finish product....a soft delicious cookie. (or maybe a dozen....or so of them).  So I stepped onto the scales this morning I was expecting to be the same as last week.....or worse.   To find myself back down to the pre-popcorn weight was wonderful.   But more importantly to find myself down to the pre-popcorn weight was undeserved!   

Weight loss is that way.  Sometimes the losses are undeserved.  Sometimes the gains are undeserved.  But we need to use the undeserved gifts (Or curses...depending on which way the scales are tilting) as little kicks in the arse.   When the scales tilt negatively for no reason than we need to kick it up and hold steady to 'show those scales who is boss' and for the undeserved gifts we need to use it as a kick in the arse to say 'you gave me a leg up.....I'm going to use that and expound upon it!"

So why was my week bad?   Oh it wasn't any reason...other than a holiday weekend.  Jason and I had planned on having a picnic....so along with the normal hot dogs on the grill, potato salad, deviled eggs and chips I made those cookies.  We were out and about and had our normal weekend pizza and wings.     On top of the cookies...we didn't do any heavy duty hiking to burn mad calories.   But we still had fun!

We went to the Fredericksburg Masonic Cemetery (OLD....as in Revolutionary War old)

We hit up downtown Fredericksburg and toured the Old Stone Warehouse...the river out back and the basement where they are doing acheological excavations.

We visited the Ellwood House (Neat because of it's location on the Wilderness Battlefield....but also neat because a previous trip to Fredericksburg had us visiting Chatham Manor which owned by the same people as the Ellwood House... Summer/farm home versus winter/town home.

We walked a bit on the trail at Ellwood Manor

And the highlight of Ellwood Manor????   We visited the grave of Stonewall Jackson's Arm (it was amputated very near this site....about a week before Stonewall Jackson passed away)

We hit up the White Oak Civil War Museum 

And visited Point Lookout State Park and saw...

The lighthouse

The bay.....

Civil war prison camp memorial

The one trail....

In the pouring rain!!!

It was a very good weekend!