Teeter Totter

Life is like a seesaw sometimes.   A little up....a little down.  This week has been one of those instances.  In so many ways!      Highs and lows.  It can be debilittating when it's a low and totally enpowering when it's high.   I know as well as the next person that the only thing to do when that happens is to ride out the lows and build upon the success of the highs.  But it's so difficult and these things go hand in hand with each other.....a low in one aspect of life (weight loss) can lead to a plummet in a totally different arena of weight loss.  It's frustrating....but there is nothing to do other than suck it up and move on....accept that it will happen and just roll with it!

A high fromt his week......On Monday I had some toast for breakfast.  It tasted SOOOOOOO delicious.  I wanted some more.  I wanted another serving so incredibly badly.  I wanted to savor the flavors and textures some more.  I wanted to feed that amazing feeling.  (Dare I say the that I wanted to feel the 'high' of my addiction?)   I walked away though.  I walked away and told myself that 'food is to nourish my body and I had just given my body what it needed....it didn't need more toast because I wasn't really hungry, I just wanted the euphoria of eating something that tasted delicious at that moment.  I hit a high in my week.  I resisted.   I was empowered.  I was on top of the world. 

On Tuesday  I weighed myself for my typically sneak peak of my weekly weigh in.  It wasn't looking too bad.  Maybe not a loss but a close maintain, maybe a half pound up.   I knew that if I held on tight that I could squeek by on a maintain for the week.  I KNEW that a maintain....or even only a slight gain would be a huge gift because my eating was not where it needed to be and my level of exercise was lacking from the normal level.

 I was feeling grateful and totally balanced with my sneak peak weigh in.   No high and no low. 

Tuesday after work Jason and I hit up the movies.   Tuesdays is cheap day at our theater....$5 movie tickets and popcorn is $1.  Not bad.  (We made it even cheaper because for the last month or so we've saved our pocket change and I cashed it in the other day and we had enough to pay for our movie, popcorn and drinks....with some left over which we dumped back into the change container to save up for our next movie date!)   The movie was good.  (The Conjouring 2)  The popcorn was delicious.  The popcorn was SALTY!  (of course it was because I added salt and yummy cheese topping!).  Hey....I ate a salad for dinner to help accomodate the calories expended for the popcorn. See......a balancing act.....the popcorn was a low...but the salad swung me higher.  But don't forget that sodium!

On Wednesday morning I woke up and I kinda figured it would be bad.  I woke up thirsty. In case you didn't know...by the time you are actually thirsty you are already dehydrated....better start drinking up.  I weighed myself......my heart just about stopped and my teeter totter dropped me low!  I gained!  Not the half pound I expected...but 2.5 pounds!  I knew immediately that it was most likely the sodium.   I knew it, yet I was bottomed out at seeing the numbers!

And then the hunger hit........and it hit again.....and again.   I was already still low from the weigh in and it just built.....it built in the way of a Skinny Cow Heavenly  Crisp bar, a cup of Party Mix, some dark chocolate candy bars and a box of macaroni and cheese.  Yeah, I was over my calories!  And quite frankly, I was at a low point and  just didn't care!

There were a few higher points on Wednesday.  I did run a few miles.  (Go me!)   I also picked up on the water consumption a wee little bit, I got about 80 ounces in.  (Go me!)  I also got a hug and a kiss or two from Jason.  (Go me!)   Oh wait...that last one isn't weight loss related....my bad.  

This morning I woke up and weighed myself.....I dropped the two popcorn pounds...thank heavens.   So I swung high again.  I'm on track thus far with the eating....lets hope the high stays in place for a while!

The pendulum took an upswing.....Jason's knee seems to be mostly healed and we went for a walk the other day!

And back downward.....last night I was in bed and went to shift and had a sharp pain in my foot.  I felt it a few times throughout the night.....and while it didn't hurt the first few steps this morning...the pain has grown as I've moved around.   WHHHHYYYYYYYY

I'm just going to ride out this demonic playground device and know that it will even out sooner or later!!!

Motivational inspiration

Motivation is a huge factor in success.  It takes long term motivation to get through the tough days where we just want to gnaw the doors of the kitchen cabinets in an attempt to get to the food.  Motivation is what will drive us to get up before the sun comes up in order to get in a good workout.  Motivation is the tow-bar that pulls us along toward our final destination which is our goal weight and our fitness goals!

Over the years I have been motivated to lose this weight by so many different things.   Some of them, I am actually ashamed to admit.....but I'm sure I'm not alone out there!  So I thought that it would be interesting to make a list of different things that have motivated me over the years.  This is by no means comprehensive....it is just what I can think of and remember at the moment.

1.  Money.   

Years ago at my highest weight I had a friend that wanted to lose weight.  I was fine where I was at weight wise (315 pounds ....but I was fine with myself) but when she challenged me to a weight loss challenge....where the winner would have to buy the loser a pair of jeans....well GAME ON!  (Huge motivator...not so much to win...but to avoid losing...if money was going out of my pocket for clothes, they were going to be clothes that went onto MY body!)

2.  Peer pressure and social acceptance.

  While at a job years back, I had some friends that were always dieting and trying to lose weight.  We walked on breaks and talked about food and through the social aspect of the friendship, I tried to lose weight.  (Not very effective....but it is a start!)

3.  Pride. 

  I sadly at one point had to say goodbye to a good friend.  I decided that I wanted to lose weight.  I wanted to see her walking down the road and have her look at my awesomely thin body.  I wanted to be able to hold my head high and in my head stick my tongue out at her as she walked by still overweight!  (Childish but strangely effective!)

4.  Love.  

 My marriage started to fall apart years before I actually ended it.  My husband withdrew emotionally, physically and sexually.  I was living with a roommate, not a marital partner and for many many years, I took the blame upon myself.  (Thanks to idiotic people...including a marriage counselor that we saw who actually told me that the problem was obviously mine because what man wouldn't want to touch their wife!)  In taking the blame upon myself, I tried to change myself to be 'more desirable',  'more lovable', more useful' and yes, "more attractive".    I decided that I needed to lose weight...because if I wasn't overweight, he would obviously love me....right???   I completely overlooked the fact that he married me as an overweight woman so obviously it didn't bother him!!!  This was a HUGE motivator for me!  (Highly effective....but when I found out that my greatly reduced weight didn't make a hill of beans different, I fell and I fell hard.....gaining some of the weight back in defeat!)

5.  Clothes.  

      A. Clothes shopping at a smaller size is so much more fun!  I hate clothes shopping when I am limited to the 'fat womens stores and departments'.  But when I was in 'regular sizes'....I LOVED IT!  So clothes are a motivator....cool clothes....any clothes!!! (I've never been a clothes horse so this isn't particularly effective for me all that often....on occasion, yes!)  

     B.  I love vintage style dresses.  I have always said that when I am at my 'long term' size in clothes that I will then sink the money into lots of vintage style clothes. (I hate to buy clothes in my current size because I want them to be temporary...so I tend to spend as little as possible on my clothes.) Years ago when I was close to my lowest weight I was at a yard sale and found a vintage (style at least) dress for an excellent price....I bought it!  I hung that dress on the door of my bedroom and looked at the dress everyday as a reminder of how badly I wanted to be thin.  (This was effective, but only short term as I soon got used to seeing the dress hanging there and it lost it's potency as a motivator.)

     C.  It doesn't have to be a vintage dress.  Way back when I was a size 24 I saw a cute dress on sale for $2.....in a size 12.   For $2 why not!   It sat in my closet for a long time while I lost weight...but eventually I did fit into that size 12! I called it my 'goal dress' when I wore it on March 20, 2008. 

6. Events.  

  A wedding?  A meeting with a friend you haven't seen in ages?  A high school/college reunion?  Anniversary party?   We want to put our best foot foward and that sometimes means trying to lose weight for that event!   What wonderful motivation!  (Short term motivation usually, but it gives us the focus needed!)  (I may be motivated right now about an event that may or may not happen....who knows....but if it happens I want to be ready!)

7.  Health.  

 Obesity kills!   It is an 'illness' that can affect so many aspects of our health. And some of those ways are quite deadly!    This is a peripheal motivator for me.  I know that my health is important....I know that I have been lucky to have escaped thus far with very minor health issues!  (I will call  high cholesterol and arthritis in my knees minor.)

8.  Fitness.   

       A.  This running thing.......running with fat is more difficult. (Notice I didn't say impossible...it is DEFINITELY possible!!!)   I have seen reports that every pound you lose is seconds off of your mile.  I've heard 2 seconds....I've heard 4 seconds.  There is no way to prove it...but I know that running without the fat is easier!!!!!

      B.  Hiking up mountains has GOT to be easier without the excess pounds!  Nuff said on that one!  (Once again....totally possible to do at any weight!!!)

9.  Challenges.  

 Jason and I currently have achallenge going.  It's a fitness challenge where the person that runs the most miles each week is the winner and can procure a 'reward' from the other one of us.  It is so hugely motivating for BOTH of us as we are both highly competative.  The rewards are secondary (and usually something that benefits both of us!).  The smack talk and the competition talk are what motivates me!  This is HIGHLY effective for me!

10.  Side affect Benefits.   

There are so many wonderful side affects of losing weight that are their own motivators.

    A.  Ride any ride at an amusement park.  (Last year I fit into the rides....barely.  So barely that the next day I had some bruising on my shoulders where the shoulder harnesses had bruised me because they were so tight!)

    B.  More Energy!   At my lowest weight I was a bundle of energy!   I want that back!

    C.  Sexual positivity.   Hey....less weight...more flexibility....and all that.  Plus,   I have never personally used this one (and quite the contrary....I am almost afraid to lose weight to invoke this little side affect)....but I have heard a lot of people say that they lost the weight to get pregnant....they struggled while overweight but it happened easily when they lost.

    D.  Towels.....to wrap a normal sized bath towel around my body!  (This was a HUGE thing for me when I first discovered that I could do it way back when in 2007/2008)

    E.  Crossing my legs....like a lady and not have my leg sticking out like a broken disjointed appendage!  
    Sooooo many more positive side affects....I could go on for DAYS about how fabulous the side affects of weight loss are!

Motivation.....ever changing.....ever shifting....utterly important! 

So it's back to work today.  We had a nice relaxing weekend.  Jason's knee is still bothering him a bit.  He claimed he could have hiked, but I didn't want to push it.  He was still a bit achy and I knew that it would be better in the long run for him to rest it.  We did get a little walking in...very minimal....and mostly flat even surfaces.  Mostly we hung out.....talked....laughed.....and yes, we geocached!  
This week saw us finding some interesting things in our geocaching....
We didn't expect to find a Beaver on the side of the road in Hagerstown ...not in the country...in town!   Yeah, sadly it was dead....

And a carcass right near ground zero of one cache... (we didn't get that cache!)

At one cache...the coordinates were off...so I found myself standing in an ant pile proud of myself for avoiding the poison!  OUCH!   We couldn't find the cache, so I looked through the old logs and found a set of different coordinates and voila!   

Later, we saw a very interesting building that was made in the 1930's for the local residents to gather water from a spring high on the hill behind.

We visited grave yards.

We saw cool plants and flowers.

And 

Jason  grabbed a plant out of the woods to cart home. 

We even got to pick some berries at one cache!!!

It was a great weekend!!!!!

Wednesday weigh in day

Yes, today is my official weigh in day!  It was actually a pleasant weigh in day!  I am down 2.2 pounds.   It puts me firmly back where I was  a week or two ago before my weight popped!!!  (WHEW!)  I was nervous to step on the scales though!  Last night I started eating and just ate WAAAAAY too much food.....I lucked out, and I know it. 

Yesterday I didn't get my extra walk in.....the weather was stormy!  So that was a booo!   But luckily I had gotten my run in early in the day when it was just hot and muggy!   

This is the outside at about 1PM

A few months ago when i was with my Friend in South Carolina for the Cooper River Bridge Run, I had an epiphany and then when I shared that with my friend, she and I set some goals for ourselves.  

My goals were as follows....

My Goals

1.  Beat personal record for 10K which is 1:19  (all running...no walk breaks   this is )  This pace is very close to my PR for a 5K....so it would be nice to go below that pace!   (The PR pace is 12:23 for the 5k and 12:45 for the 10K)
2.  Weight at or  below 180 pounds (51.6 pounds)
3.  Exercise consistently 3x's a week
4.  Track food each day
5.  Stay accountable all year long...checking in on Wednesdays
6.  get totally off diet sodas (again)
7.  take a picture of progress every 10 pounds
8.  large reward will be something fun (extra day, neat site seeing venture, something) at Charleston next year when we smash the 2017 Cooper River Bridge Run

I have consistently managed all of these things through different apps and programs.  But I decided to keep track of everything in one spot......so I went old fashioned.  

I still use the different programs that work for me (Mapmyfitness, myfitnesspal, etc).   But I am compiling everything into one notebook and it's working for me!   

The numbers beside the days of the week are the calorie count, the first number being the amount of calories I ate and the second number being the net calories once my exercise calories are added in.

This is working for me right now.......Next week it may be something different!   That is one thing I have learned on this journey......we are all different and what works for one person will not work for another person.  Furthermore, what works for me today may not work for me next week because of the natural fluctuations in life!   This journey requires us to roll with the punches!   I'm rolling and I'm going to ponder some more of that major epiphany that I had on that trip!   I lost track of that epiphany.......I may have to spend some time today really revisiting those thoughts and some of my reasons for this journey! (No, not at all even thinking about giving up.....just gathering my motivation up around me!)

One persons junk......

Back to the grind......another weekend in the books.   We took this weekend easy.  Jason's knee was bothering him as was the burning pain on the top of my foot.  So we took it easy.  We did some geocaching, hit up a few stores and walked some on the canal.  Nothing strenuous and nothing overly rough on the legs and feet!  

Lander Lock on the Chesapeake and Ohio canal

So the running challenge.   Jason responded to the Thursday  and Friday runs that I wrote about on Friday.  He responded with a nice run to put him 2/10ths  of a mile above me!   I knew that running in Friday night  was out.  I thought about waking up at 5 to run before work on Saturday but that didn't happen.  I then thought about leaving work and stopping at the parking lot right down from his apartment (where we were meeting right after work) and running a circle around the parking lot to get my .21 miles to take the win, hopping in my car, hitting save on the mapmyfitness app and then driving the 1 minute to his house...there would be no way for him to recover!!!  But I decided that was underhanded and that I would 'let' him win this week!  (I may have to pull out that trick in a future week!!!!)

The last few weeks or so I have been really struggling with self image.    Jason is very vocal about telling me that he loves me and that I am beautiful.  Even better his actions stand firm behind his words.  But recently I have struggled with not scoffing at his compliments.    I have laid in bed alone and just wanted to scream and shout and say 'what in the world are you looking at because it's not what I see in the mirror!'  

I have long wondered about something...and it clicked a few weeks ago.   Before I started trying to lose weight about 10-11 years ago I was happy with myself.   I looked in the mirror and I didn't have a problem with

 myself.   I was happy.....but somehow in the last 12 years or so I started to look in the mirror and see something different. A person I wasn't happy with!   I've written for years on here that losing weight is a process that starts within us...it's a deep belief that we are worth it.  Self worth is so important in this journey....because it's not an easy path to change your life!   (Some days and weeks will be easy but some will be difficult as you fight off cravings and say no to something you really want...as you fend of friends and family that mean well and as you claw your way to health!). So what happened to me to go from a gal that felt self worth to someone that looked in the mirror and said 'eewww'??   A crappy marriage happened to me.    My ex husband NEVER said anything about my weight!  I will give him credit on that front.  He was always passively supportive of me going to weight watchers and going for runs and whatever. But his disinterest in me as a woman and marital partner took its toll on my self worth.  Actions speak louder than words!   Waaaaay louder!   And I felt unworthy, ugly and yes....fat!   When things started going south in my marriage I decided to lose weight....for a man...to make my husband love me!!!!   Of course it didn't work....his problems went way deeper than a few pounds on or off of my body (if I can call 130 pounds a 'few pounds'. Hahaha)  by the time I finally stopped accepting responsibility for his actions of disinterest it was too late.   The seeds of poor self worth had already been firmly implanted in my head.    I learned this feeling....it came because someone (who is obviously stupid...I can say that now it took me years to get to that point) who was supposed to love and treasure me did not do their job that hey had vowed to do.  Through no fault of my own (well the only fault of mine was marrying him and staying married as long as I did...but that's a whole different story!) I have a skewed view of myself!

So how does one shake these feelings and beliefs?  

 I think the first part is just accepting that while some people don't see value...others will.   It's the old adage that  'one persons junk is another persons treasure'.   For me this happened through friends in my life that showed me in their actions that I was a good friend, that I was an awesome person just the way I was.   It was someone telling me that I was lovable! (And I will forever be grateful for the people in my life ...most of whom are sadly no longer in my life....their purpose in my life is over and life moved us on in differing directions....but I have thanked them!)

The second part, and much more difficult part I think is simply to 'fake it until you make it'.     When you are given a compliment, learn to (force yourself to) accept it graciously!!!!  The compliments will keep coming...accept them all!   Don't scoff and roll your eyes.   Accept them graciously!   By accepting them and actually going through the motions of at least acting like you believe them you are admitting there might be some validity!   Slowly you'll believe them more and more!!!   Retrain your mind!!!!

There will always be stupid people that won't see our value and will through their actions make us feel inferior.   There will always be cruel people that will see our value but it scares them because they see more value in us then themselves so they will do things to put us down.  

Fat....thin...chunky....string bean....pleasingly plump....model thin....it doesn't matter we are all gorgeous in our own way!!!!  And I know this is a cliche but it it absolutely correct, 'true beauty comes from within'.   The most gorgeous woman in the world becomes ugly when they start spewing filth and hatred from their mouth!   The most handsome man becomes undesirable when we see him kick a puppy!  (or whatever!!). 

I'm a work in progress....and while I have made great leaps and bounds to rediscovering my self worth, I will continue to fake it until I make it because I KNOW I am worth the effort!  (We all are!!)

  

The jury is in

So yesterday I was debating a run at the gym after work.    I hate the treadmill...but I knew that I was  3.66 miles behind Jason in the mileage challenge and that if I didn't run I very well would fall helplessly and hopelessly behind if he ran today.   But I really didn't want to do it!

I changed my clothes at work so that I didn't have any thought, excuse or even time to pause.   I wanted to drive right there and just get it over with!!!!

I did it!!!

Yes I did say that I was 3.66 behind.  It was no coincidence that I stopped running when I was one hundredth of a mile ahead of him.   

So this morning....I knew he was planning on running....I had to run!!!!   4.53 miles later and I was shot!!!!  My legs were done!!!

So I sit at 4.54 miles ahead.  Let's see if I that's enough for the win!!!

My eating is pretty well under control at the moment.   I'm just working on being 'normal' with eating.  Nothing crazy in either direction...normal!!!!

Sneaky plans to run

Running this week is just being foiled at every turn!!!!   

I got a run in on Tuesday morning at 5:15 in the morning (yes in the morning...kinda shocked  me too!!).   My foot was bothering me this last weekend so unwanted to take it slow and easy.  I only ran about 2.5 miles.    Jason went running also on Tuesday (6 miles for him) so almost immediately I found myself 3.66 miles behind!!!  Grrrrr. 

Not a problem....I would just run another 5:15 run on Wednesday morning to catch up!   Wednesday morning was wiped out because my stomach was feeling icky.  (Ok and maybe also because I had stayed up watching a movie until midnight Tuesday night!.).  

Not a problem....I would run Wednesday night.....except I didn't get home until 8:20 and I was hungry!   Yes I could have run hungry and reheated my pizza up as a delicious post run meal but seriously that pizza smelled so deliciously garlicky, running stood no chance!!!

Thursday morning!!!!  I would wake up early and knock out a super long run!!!!  I didn't have to work until noon so it was perfect!!    I woke up.  I got dressed and I made it to the door.   BOOM!!!  Yeah I guess I forgot to check the weather!   Rain is one thing.....lightening is another! By the time the rain was over I was in the throes of a cat emergency.   (Ethel  is ok....but I was busy with that until literally minutes before I left for work!) 

It's supposed to rain and hail and tornado warnings for tonight...so running outside is looking spectacularly washed out.    Arrrggghh!!!   Must I go to the gym (that I pay for and rarely use) tonight to run on the treadmill to make up these miles???  

The good thing is that Jason's plans to run have also been way-laid so he hasn't added more miles to totally blow me out of the water!  However has told me that he is definitely running tomorrow!  So I really do need to make up these 3.66 miles so that tomorrow I don't sink deeper into the loser abyss!  

I hate the treadmill!  But I hate losing! Even worse, I REALLY hate to lose by a landslide!   Oh why is this decision to go to the gym so painful!!!  (It would shock him to see the mileage pop up...which admittedly does make the gym idea a bit better!!)

And just in case you are wondering, it hasn't escaped me that my motivation is winning and not any overwhelming desire to run!!!   (Actually I do want to run....just outside! Wow, don't I sound whiny?!).   But do you know what?    Whatever motivates us at any given moment is what matters.  Next week I may run mad miles because I'm motivated by a PR at my next run.  Maybe I'll run extra miles to counter act a piece of pizza.   Or maybe I will run like the wind because I'm motivated to buy a new dress (I'm not a clothes horse so not likely!).   It doesn't matter!  It's motivation!

Motivation for me is like a rolling wave on the ocean.....ever changing shape and size.  Some weeks the 'wave' is huge and carries me.  Sometimes it's a flat surface and I sit still.  It also changes appearances.   Sometimes I am motivated by winning a competition, sometimes I am motivated by intrinsic desires to lose weight, sometimes I'm motivated by a record or a streak (i.e. I have been Tracking every day for the last two hundred some days days...I don't want to mess up the streak) a dress I want to fit into or a person in my life, or whatever!  It's ever changing and evolving!!  I have learned to roll with it!!

Right now, I just know I have to run like the wind TODAY or I may be irreversibly behind in the weekly mileage challenge!   Time will tell if that is enough to motivate me enough to get to the gym!!! 

Poisonous

Last night we walked on the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal.   The weather was fabulous!!!   The squirrels were enjoying the evening.  We saw numerous pairs of them running together, jumping from tree to tree.  We enjoyed watching  the turtles in the water.   The bright red cardinals were chirping and fluttering around trying to impress their female counterparts (or maybe protecting the nests of their young...who knows...it's more romantic to say trying to impress their love interest right?).    We  even got to see a brave and bold deer drinking only a few feet away.  (He finally retreated about 5 feet and waited for us to pass by before moving back to his original position). 

Today???

The alarm went off at 5AM.  I so did NOT want to move!   Really?  Who in their right mind runs that early????  

My mind's mean and negative Mini Me  tried to talk me out of it.  "MaryFran, you've been having that burning pain on the top of your foot the last day or two...maybe you shouldn't run". (Basically a pinched or compressed nerve....and I am taking care of it).  And. "MaryFran, it's still dark....barely light". And of course the ever present "MaryFran come on now the bed is so comfortable sleep the extra hour away"

Luckily for me there was also the voice of health happiness and well maybe just a little competitivness in there too!  That voice, in a much friendlier tone said... (And imagine this as sounding something like angels singing) "MaryFran, if you don't run you will start to fall behind Jason in the mileage challenge and you hate hate hate to lose!!"   And "your doing so good with running, if you stop you will lose your momentum".   I think it even gleefully sang the words "Look MaryFran, you just wiggled your foot and didn't feel even a twinge of pain....this run is yours!!"   

So earlier I asked 'Who in their right mind runs at 5AM?'     Apparently I'm not in my right mind...because I was done with my run by shortly after 6!

It wasn't an easy run.  Things went awry on this run!   

I went slow because of my foot.  (Which didn't hurt until after the run was completed).   That not really awry but I don't like the higher numbers!

About a half mile into my run my headphones began to speak to me.  That's not a good sign....because the only thing they ever say is 'charge me'.   From that first warning you only get about 5 -10 more minutes before they shut down completely.   So yeah.  I ran more than half of my run without music (they are on the charger now!!!)

And well....I went to the bathroom before I left the house but I really had to go starting at about the mile mark!   It's not fun running and clenching your muscles tight!!!

Physically I felt well enough to continue....but with everything happening (and I did have to get ready for work so my time was short) I called it a completed victory after about 2.5 miles!

As I ran today....in silence... I was pondering my father and what he is going through.  I know I've alluded to some stress and worry about my dad.  He was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks back.   He started chemotherapy yesterday.  (Trying to halt the growth and shrink the tumor and the spots that have metatastasized to make any eventual surgery more successful.) 

What kept going through my head was the 'poison' that they are pumping into him.  Because yes, that's exactly what chemo is....a poison that kills ...hopefully attacking primarily the cancer cells.  It is a necessary poison that we hope and pray keeps him alive! 

   But what kept going through my head was that I frequently find myself putting non nutritious food (poison I might say) into my body on a daily basis and don't think twice about it!    A little harsh?  Yeah definitely.....because eating a Reece's cup isn't considered poison....and a piece of cake isn't alone going to kill me. But all put together and ingested with no control and no care about my health, they could kill me.  Obesity kills.  Diabetes kills.  The unhealthy food choices are not building my body up...they are tearing me down.   It's just as poisonous...just oh so much more subtle!

Rambunctious Reptile

Monday and back to the grind!!!  It was a busy weekend.  :-)

I didn't come out of the weekend weighing less.  That disappoints me.  We were active and my eating wasn't  too far out of whack!  So it should have been less!!

And when I added in my exercise for a net ...it's pretty good!!

So I feel as if I did good....but the weight just didn't fall. It could be TOM. Or it could be a touch of dehydration.   Saturday was HOT!!!   I know I didn't pee anywhere near what I usually do!!!   And I know on both Sunday and today I woke up thirsty which is a bad sign.   So I'm not going to panic.   I am just going to drink up and keep moving on and trust that the activity and on target eating will level out and I will see results!    This journey is not a fast one....it is one that requires patience!   Patience is not a strong trait of mine....guess it is time to learn!!!

So this weekend, I already said that I was pretty good with my food.  I was also pretty active!

On Friday I got off work and we headed up for a late afternoon/early evening hike at Caledonia Stare Park. We checked out the furnace...

And hit a few trails.... Some easy ones like a history trail, but also some that were rated more difficult 

On Saturday we headed south to the Front Royal area.   We hit up the trail leading to Buzzard Rock. 

It was hot hot hot!!!

Drenched with sweat!!

I had a great trauma on this hike!   We were heading up the mountain and a huge snake jumped out and slithered across my foot!   I screamed!  The snake slithered away back to the relative safety of the side of the trail!   It was huge!!!!   Ok...it was not really huge....

It was probably more scared than I!  Jason's comment, "I'm glad you didn't step on him...it would have killed the little thing."    

Great trauma!!!

We also did some swimming at the hotel pool on Saturday!

On Sunday we got up and headed out. We explored an old graveyard!   I loved this undated stone.

"Mammy". Emily Early Faithful servant and friend  for four generations

I wish I could find out more about this mammy!!   It totally sparked my interest!  Jason wants to go back to get a charcoal  tracing so that we can try to make out the words on the bottom!

After our adventure in the graveyard we headed to Bluemont, VA and hopped onto the Appalachian Trail.    We just enjoyed the sights!   And the Bears Den Rocks are pretty cool and gave nice views!!

After our hike, we did a bit of geocaching on our way home.    Another great weekend!!!

Mileage for the weekend was right at about 20-25 miles.  Not amazingly tons of miles but respectable nonetheless!!!

Zzzzzzz

I am sooo happy to announce that Panera Bread has brought back their summer menu!   

For me, that means the Strawberry chicken poppyseed salad!  It's always a sad sad day when it goes away for the fall....especially since nothing as good replaces it!!

I am trying to eat more fruits and veggies so this salad being one of my favs in terms of salad combinations is a welcome addition to have back!!!!

I am enjoying the increase of fruits and veggies.   Not every day is perfect yet...but I am actually enjoying the increase!   

I'm tired today!!!!!  I kept waking up last night....I fell right back to sleep but maybe that's the reason!   Who knows!  I'm not going to let it bother me.  I'm tough I'll power through!

On Wednesday I did get out on my lunch break and walked.   It was gorgeous....but a bit windy....my skirt wanted to fly!!!!    I usually walk a circuit around this little town....but on Wednesday I headed up the hill toward the cemeteries!  

Here is the old Lutheren Cemetery....

And the entrance to the Antietam National Cemetery...

 I had a purpose for going toward the cemeteries....A geocache of course! 

A nice mile and a half on my legs!

After work, Jason and I went to a local park and walked 3 more miles.   Being in the woods is just refreshing and rejuvenating!  (When I was married I hit the canal a lot for that same reason!)

Yesterday I ended up taking a sick day from work in order to drive my dad to Baltimore for a test at a hospital down there.   Since I had the morning off too...I ran 4.22 miles, mowed all the properties, trimmed some trees, Went to sam's club and did some laundry....all before leaving for the hospital in Baltimore at around lunchtime.    All in all I put 8 miles on my legs.   Not a bad day.

My weight is up a bit today.   Could be water retention or any number of things! Who knows.  I'm not going to worry about it...my eating wasn't that far off yesterday!!!  (I ate 1634 calories but still had leftover 'earned calories left at the end of the day!)

Hoping to get some good walking and hiking in this weekend.   We don't know where yet....but if we have much say it will be some place pretty!!!

Where to begin!!!!

So much to say......

Part 1

My weekly official weigh in was this morning.   I am happy to announce that I lost 2.4 pounds!  Weeeeee!!!!!   

My week wasn't perfect.   I was far from perfect with my eating!

 I was however pretty active!!!   So when I  added in my activity calories I did pretty good!!!

It wasn't a spot on week but it was pretty good!!

I ran a few times.  I walked a lot. 

I'm not looking for perfection.  I'm looking for a sustainable lifestyle!!! 

So this past week.... I am going to call it a success!!!   

Part 2

Hair hair everywhere

About 6-9 months ago I started noticing some mad hair loss.....at first I wasn't concerned.  It happens. I went out and got my hair cut/trimmed because that typically helps.   It didn't help.   I've been concerned because at the rate of hair I feel I'm losing I fear that I will be bald in another 6 months!

I have tried vitamins.  (A woman's one a day)...and still take the vitamins!

Was it the hair coloring I use to cover my gray??  (Yeah yeah...I'm going gray!!!).  I color as infrequently as possible!   (Last time was right around April 1)

I have never been high maintenance so blow dryers and whatnot rarely come near my head anyway so it's not that!!!

I switched to sulfate free shampoo and conditioner

I have tried medicated shampoos.  (Pee euuuu my head smelled like a hospital)

Was it because I wore my hair up in a twist and/or a pony tail 90% of the time??  I switched to wearing my hair down as much as possible for a while (and still do...besides Jason likes it down!)

I've wondered if it was the stress (delayed a while) of my marriage breaking up.

Whatever the reason, It has been concerning.

Maybe it's the simplest solution of all! I have long written that eating healthy in my current living conditions is difficult.  Before my separation it was typical for me to eat well over my 5 servings of fruits and veggies each day.  I realized the other day/week that I'm lucky to get one or two servings a day...and that's being generous...I probably average less than 1 serving a day.   

That's bad on a whole bunch of levels!  But that said....I'm going to try to up the intake....maybe that is affecting the hair falling out. (Not breaking...falling out!)

It makes sense though....proper nutrition is important!!!!!!

Part 3

Stupid weather yesterday kept me from walking on my lunch break!   It turned black....then rained for 5 minutes.  It started to look clear again so I started to think about going back out.   Before I could enact upon it it turned black and threatening again...and eventually rained again for 5 minutes or so.  It repeated this over and over throughout the day!!   No lunch break walk for me!!!     Jason and I walked at the city park though!!!!   Better luck today!!!!  (Although we just had a wee little rain and storm blow through.)

Maybe...

Mighty I actually see a bit of success tomorrow on my official weigh in????  This morning's sneak peak looked good!!!!   That would be fantastic and go a LONG way to keeping me motivated to get this weight off!  (As if being able to shop for cool clothes and gear isn't motivation enough!!).  

Moving, activity and exercise is the key for me at this juncture in my life.   I know it!!  The first time I lost weight I was so focused on food.  I was regimented and totally like a drill sergeant with what went into my mouth!  And I often talked about how I missed the innocence of being able to order a milkshake. Or eat a French fry or whatever!  So consequentially when I reached my goal (and yes maintained long enough to be a lifetime member at weight watchers) I tasted the fries...the cakes...the milkshakes.   And I gained.   And gained.   And gained.

This time around I am trying to not be so regimented!   I eat the greasy pizza when Jason and I order it. And yes I eat 2-3 slices!!!   Sometimes I get a milkshake!  In fact, I ate a slice of cake for breakfast today after my run (I had a banana earlier so it wasn't a total unhealthy breakfast!) . The difference?  Well there are a few things that have shifted in my thinking...

1.  I'm more active.  I am trying to make being active my new lifestyle!   We walk, we hike, I run (and we have our challenge thing). and I hope to get out my bikes soon!!!!   The activity counter balances those special indulgences!

2.  It's not an all or nothing deal.  For me to say I'll never eat a greasy  pizza...or never have a milkshake..or never have a slice of cake is asinine and just setting myself up for failure!   I know myself and eating 100% on target for the rest of my life is not a viable long term solution.   Maybe 80% though!  

3.  It's not about the number on the scale any longer it's about my overall health!  I want to be healthy as I start to get older.  I want to be an old person that is hiking and running marathons.  I want to live my life to the fullest and not be sitting as an invalid in a nursing home!  

Eating is important.....very important...but exercise is the key!!!!  :-)

So my last 24 hours...

Let me backtrack to yesterday and start where I left off.    I decided to walk on my lunch break at work.   The reasoning is twofold.   There are some things happening that are stressing me out big time at my work.  (Enough that I have on a few occasions arrived to spend the evening with Jason after work...he greets me with a hug and I just start to bawl!  Poor guy, what a greeting!!). So with that stress it's a good thing to get out of the building for my allotted 30 minutes!   Plus, it may only be a mile to a mile and a half but it's movement in an otherwise sedentary 8 hours!!!  

It was a gorgeous day to walk!   

The one alley I was walking...

And an ivy covered historic house mixed in with some patriotism....

It really helped to break up the day!

After work I met up with Jason and we went to Tayamentasachta (I think the spelling is correct).  The Greencastle, PA school farm.   We walked about 2 miles there.   It was the first time Jason had been back in years and it was interesting to have him verbalize his memories and compare them with the current place...how much trees had grown and whatnot!  

A nice huge old tree.  According to the monument it is over 350 years old and the second largest/oldest in the state of PA. 

And some fungus that caught our eye!!

We also found the geocache that I couldn't find to save my soul last summer!!  Jason found it in seconds! 

I got home at about 7 and spent a bit of time with my family.

This morning I got up and ran 2.55 miles.  Slooooow miles but I ran!!   I'm planning on walking again on my lunch break even though it will be warm....I liked how it broke up my day!!   And Jason and I are supposed to meet when I get off work tonight so we will probably find another park somewhere to walk (or the canal).   

Mental shifting in my thoughts?  Maybe....but I think I'm in a better place with where I am.   My eating still isn't spot on but I'm on a positive path!!!

Another one bites the dust

I have managed to keep my eating relatively controlled this past week.  I was a bit high early last week but I got it somewhat regulated!  It wasn't a perfect week but it was somewhat better!

Luckily for me...I took a sneak peak on the scales this morning and it is looking like my weight has held steady ( 0.4 down actually).  Hopefully I can knock it to a full pound by my official weigh in day!!

We didn't hike this weekend.  They were calling for mad thunderstorms.  We Strokled through some stores and visited some cool old towns, and examined the bargains (and not so much bargains) at some flea markets and we geocached a bit!   And frustratingly enough we somehow managed to avoid almost every drop of rain!!!  Right place and right time, I guess.  But we commented so many times, 'we should have just taken our rain gear and gone out and risked it!!!'   Oh well.  It was a good day regardless!!!!

You can see how muddy the river was in Harper's Ferry...attesting to the mad rain that occurred just prior to our arrival (by the time we left the area the water was once again bluish black like normal). 

Here is an old shed we found while geocaching!

And of course in the trail outfitters stores we tried ok hats!  

Another good weekend.   And shopping (window shopping for the most part) in these trail outfitter stores (and other stores) really made me want to lose weight....so much easier to shop and get some of the most awesome clothes if I were a size or so smaller!!!!  The smaller really cool stores seem to only carry up to size 12.   So my size 16 behind just gets to drool right now at those places!!!

Motivation!!!!

Boiling quicksand

It has been two weeks exactly since my last run.  Yes...I didn't run for two weeks!  That is NOT the consistency that I was aiming for.  But I got back on track today!  I went out this morning and ran!  I was scared!  I was nervous.  I was kinda dreading how it was going to go!  Yeah, yeah yeah....I was also kind of looking forward to the euphoric feeling when I was done also.

You see, I was totally expecting my pace to have disintegrated by a full minute or two.  Not that it matters.....because I'm doing this for fun and health....but admittedly I do want to set a PR at my next run.  I was seeing progress on my PR while I was running consistently....slow but steady progress.  So I was fully expecting to see that just fall apart.  I also knew that getting out there to run was the only way to halt any further loss of what I had accomplished!

I didn't have to work until 12 today so I fiddled around and didn't head out the door until about 7:30. I had absolutely no plans as to how far I was going to run.  ANY run would be a good one at this point. I started to run and wow.......my breathing immediately went wonky, my knees hurt and it just didn't feel good.  

I pushed on.  I knew that the only way to get past it was to run.  I crossed my fingers, hoped and prayed that it would pass and that it would get easier as I ran.  

I felt like I was a turtle slogging through peanut butter!

After the first half of a mile I ran by some honeysuckle.  Ohhhhh it smelled so good.  I almost wanted to lay down and sniff to my hearts content...but I was HOT!   I ran on and I decided my blog title for today would be Heated Honeysuckle.   Oh yes...what a good title!

At the mile mark I was pleasantly surprised to get my progress.  I ran my first mile  in 13:11 minutes.  Not anything fabulous for some runners out there.  But that is roughly where I've been running my miles.....even before the two weeks off.  (I was averaging low 13's the last week or two.....and my last run came in with an average of 12:45)   I was shocked!   I ran on, determined!

Have I mentioned it was hot?  It had to have been 90 degrees out there.  Seriously!  My hands felt like they were swelling with the humid heat.  I just wanted my ring off my finger.  In my mind I felt like it was cutting off the circulation in my hand.  I was sure my finger was turning blue and in danger of falling off!   Yeah....rings of blue was a good blog title.  Yeah, I would use that title for today's blog!  Much better than Heated Honeysuckle!

I ran on.  Dang it was hot!   Mile two passed and my pace actually improved by a few seconds.  I kept running.  I decided to do the short loop and call it a victory for the day.  It seemed like a wise plan.

I kept running....I knew that I was running at a pretty consistent pace and right where I have been running so I was happy but my word it felt like I was going slow!  It felt like I was going through quicksand.  My sweaty body kept running.  It was now not just quicksand...I was running through boiling quicksand!

I did it!  I arrived home, 2.5 miles done.  Decent pace.   And most importantly, back on track!!!!

Oh and the temperature when I checked?  74°.  I swear it was hotter!!!!!!  Humidity grabbed me today I guess!