I have reached the end of my rope. I had a great week. I got to spend time with the guy I'm seeing. I got to go to Hershey Park with my family. I got to hang out and watch movies. I got to go out with my friend Paula. A good week. But I have reached the end of my rope.
I have gone to Hershey park over the years. I had gone years ago with my friend Julie and Todd. I struggled because with my weight I struggled with riding some of the rides. NOT because I didn't want to ride them. NOT because I don't like to ride them. BUt because my weight made riding the rides difficult. The constraints that keep the riders safe are difficult for an overweight person. A few years later, when I was right around my lowest weight, we went back again and it was FANTASTIC. There was no fear there was no struggle, it was just good plain fun! I went back this past week. It was a great fun day. But it was rough.. As we waited in lines for the rides I worried. I stood there in fear that I would get to the front of the ride and they would go to check my restraints and/or put me in the restraints and I wouldn't fit and I would have to do the walk of shame because I couldn't ride. However, the restraints were so tight that I couldn't take a full deep breath. I wasn't in any danger at all, I could breath just fine, but I couldn't get a full lung of air. Not a biggie, but eye opening. I did fit...each and every time. Yet the fear persisted each time I rode a ride. I didn't notice the next issue until just today. I had noticed a bruise but didn't pay attention until today when I actually got a good look at myself without a shirt in the mirror. BOTH of my shoulders bear bruises where the restraints went across my shoulders. Yes, the shoulder harnesses had to be pushed down until they clicked and I was THAT close that I bruised. I am NOT doing this again. I want to ride and enjoy and not have to worry about my fatness. This has GOT to change.
My second wake up call? I went out and lounged in the pool today. I was on a float and fell asleep. I apparently was out there for an hour and a half and my thighs ended up a bit burnt. My fat gut overlaps my thighs.....yes, I have a tan line from the overhang of my gut. HOW WRONG IS THAT????????
I did not run on Thursday or Friday. But I did get a run in on both Saturday and Sunday. Running is still rough, but I am pushing through!