I’m Maryfran, a down to earth, open and honest writer who has had incredible success with weight loss (150 pounds) and also a regain. I’m currently on a weight loss journey and working to lose my weight. I write a little about everything....life is so interconnected and all encompassing! Belief is the key to success in life and how I came up with my name for my sites! Believe!
Well, I'm home. My Indianapolis trip is over. I am already thinking about where to go next. I soon do want to plan a trip to see and spend time with my friend Donna. I also know that I will be going to Philly for the Rock and Roll half marathon in October (Lord Willing and the Creek don't rise....and I keep running...and no injuries). But I think I need something before then...... Oh wait, I need to recoup some money in my play savings account......the $3.50 that's left won't get me far I imagine. Hmmmmmm That won't even cover my metro fare into the city......or the entrance fee to a local park/lake. Well shucks!
I had a lot of fun visiting my friend Julie. She and I have been friends since we both taught school in PG county about 15 years ago. She has two young kids so I had fun playing and spending time with them. We did hit up the Indianapolis zoo on one of our days there. So that was a day of walking (and running when the torrential downpour rain hit!)
Eating? Lets not talk about it....lets just move on and plan for this upcoming week!
I packed my running gear! I swear I did!!! However my first morning in Indianapolis and it is thunder, lightening and raining. No run for me today. It's actually supposed to be rainy the whole way through my visit. Well then.....
I've already decided that if I don't get many/any runs in this week that I will complete all of week five of the couch to 5 k program again. I honestly did not just fly through the first two days when I completed them. Don't get me wrong, I did them in their entirety and I didn't cheat...but at one or two points it took some willpower to not stop walking before the program told me to stop running!!! So repeating will not be a big deal (the program recommends repeating a week of you feel as if you are struggling anyway!).
So all of that to say that my four running outfits may be going home pristine and clean.
Why yes, I am in Indianapolis through the weekend! I am visiting a good friend (julie) for a few days. Her kids are adorable and are already warming up to me. So even with the rain it will be fun just maybe a bit more relaxing than we thought. Hahaha.
I got here an hour or so before julie got off of work. I was planning on hitting up a museum that I had researched online. It was supposed to be open Wednesday, Thursday and Fridays. Alas, when I arrived at the museum the hand printed sign on the door said 'appointment only on Wednesdays'. Nice. (Not). So I headed to a nice shopping area and when I saw a Dicks Sporting Goods store I knew I had to do it!!! So what??? A friend had sent me a picture of a shirt she saw at dicks and said it was something I needed because of the title of my blog. Well sherry, I did it!
This little gem is no longer on a rack in the store but in a bag sitting in my luggage! Yay!!
There were some Nike tees that I wanted, but finances say otherwise. :-).
My food intake remains spotty at best. My tracking of said food remains sporadic. Coincidence? I think not. I know that this is a large part of my problem. Tracking for me is a chore but when I am tracking my food intake is just a teeny tiny bit better than when I'm not tracking!
There has been some consistency in my life the last week. I've consistently run. I was going to take yesterday as a rest day and ended up running with Paula in the evening after work. Week 1 and day 5 of the couch to 5k is in the books. It was hot it was hard. But it is done!
Yup..stopped on the cool down portion of the workout to check out the Lilly!
Paula and I then went out for a quick bite to eat. I was hot and sweaty.
Paula enjoyed her sangria...and used that to help her cool down!
This upcoming week I will be heading to Indianapolis to visit a good friend. It is going to be a cheap trip (I have notified my friend of my budget constraints) due to some unexpected bills and expenses recently and upcoming in the horizon. Gah, this grown up stuff isn't any fun!!!
Well, I have managed two runs and no selfies. AMAZING! It almost feels as if I didn't run at all those days! :-) Ok, I so I just forgot to do it because I had other things on my mind. Oh well...I'll get there sooner or later.
Monday was rainy but we had a bit of clear skies around 2. So I carted myself off of my desk chair at work and went for a walk. It wasn't fast and it wasn't long (25 minutes) but it got me out and gave me a bit of exercise in the middle of the day. It was HOT! GRRRR Anyway. I walked and moved. I don't plan on doing it everyday, but if I can do it here and there it would be good.
So no selfie on my walk....but a cool old dilapidated barn counts right???
Monday evening I hit up zumba. With the extra weight I have added I can feel every step, jump and hop in zumba. Regaining this weight has shown me how much the weight really affects me. Life is HARD with the extra pounds!
Tuesday started early with a run outside. I am doing week 4 and it was day three of my couch to 5k (yeah, remember I skipped ahead to where I thought was a good start since I KNEW that running 60 seconds and walking 3 minutes while sounding fabulous was not where I needed to start!). I started off and did my 5 minute warm up. I heard some static come on with my music and since I knew that was where I typically start to run I started running......and that was the last I heard from the couch to 5k program. Yes, I had a bit of a malfunction (later I realized that I have to have my ringer on for c25k to work properly on my phone). This was day three of the same run so I knew roughly where I needed to walk and where I needed to run...but remember...my rule is I don't stop until the little voice tells me to....so I ran....and ran....and ran. It was slow. Ok....I didn't make it home. I did half of my run and when I hit the turn around I decided that I couldn't do it...and I intervalled it back...but defaulting to the 'run until I feel like I need a bit of a break' (and we all know our mind tells us to stop sooner than we need to!) I'm proud of myself though. By the turn around I should have been on my third walk segment..and I made that my FIRST walk.
This morning I headed out....and remembered to turn on my ringer so that the c25K app would work correctly. Utterly amazing at how well it really did work with that little thing changed. I decided that since I technically didn't do week 4 day three that I would redo it. It was a rough run. There was one time in the last 5 minute run segment that I wanted to stop. I felt my self falter in my stride as I prepared to stop....but then I told myself . NO! Keep going! I did...and well.....I did it. Sometimes what my body is capable of amazes me.
I've told myself to not worry about my times and my pace while I am doing he c25k program.....but we all know me.....and I have to say that while today's run was rough, I managed to do it and knock roughly a half minute off of each mile.. Not shabby....if I were counting that is.
My weight is up. I'm not happy about it. But I know what the problem is....my eating is off the cuff. Last night it was a Chinese Buffet with Paula. Yeah yeah yeah.....another eat out. (and tonight will probably be another one....don't be a hater!) We had our fun and we had our deep conversations. We had to laugh because there was a guy dining alone at the table beside us...and he was OBVIOUSLY listening to everything we said. Hope he enjoyed the conversations about our boyfriends, my ex, our work and running.
Of course we opened our fortunes and I about fell off my chair because for the first time I got a fortune that really spoke to me. And lets remember that for a while I would open my fortune cookie and there would either be a blank slip of paper or there wouldn't be any slip of paper....and you wonder why I was praying to die to get out of the situation I was in....even the fortune cookies picked up on my desperation. ha ha ha Anyway, I digress.......the fortune cookie that spoke to me. (because aren't fortunes really more words of wisdom???)
My eyes literally got huge. Wow...this one is something I need to remember. For so many reasons!
No, no, no.....I don't pine after my soon to be ex. (very soon if I'm lucky!) So I am not wasting time wondering and thinking about him. BUT, it's hard to not sit and feel crappy because of the FAILURE. I obsess over the fact that I'm going to be a divorce'. I grew up in a culture where divorce was really looked down upon and while I know my family and my friends don't give a hoot because they love me.....I still have those memories of 'the bad divorced person' in my mind. So this fortune/words of wisdom are good on me. The divorce is happening. In my mind it is a done deal...I just have to wait for our government to recognize what I already know with absolute certainty! So I need to stop wasting my time worrying and thinking about the negative stuff...I need to stop worrying about being the 'big bad divorced lady' and I need to stop thinking that this is a failure on my part. (Heck, my ex flat out tells me that he knows that 99% of the marital break up was him......so why do I feel like a failure!) Well....I think it's time to follow the advice of this fortune.
I have also been mired in a different situation. I have been dreaming about the 'what if'. The what if has been there for some time now...but it was a total long shot so it was just a good thought. But in the last few weeks the what if has become a greater possibility for the future. It is still a total long shot...but it has caused my mind to spin more wildly. And this fortune/advice was for me....because I need to stop worrying about the what if's that might have been and might be. I need to live my life day by day and if the what if's happen then I an be happy.
How does this pertain to a weight loss blog? Lots of ways! .Emotions affect my eating and my life. I can't let that happen...not for the negative at least.
I also obsess about the past. If only I had not stopped running consistently, then I wouldn't be back redoing the c25k! If only I had not regained the weight. If only I had not....... It is self destructive! I can't change the past. Today and tomorrow are the days that I can change. So lets do it!
On Friday afternoon I went out to lunch. We have fallen into the routine of appetizers (pretzel sticks on Friday) and I got a buffalo chicken sandwich and fries. I was so full that come dinner I was still stuffed to the point of being sick. Really? Why do I do it to myself. I thought about it long and hard and decided that I need to stop ordering my food out of long ago habits. I need to make new habits and return to my weight loss lifestyle habits!
You see, what I ordered is what the old maryfran would have ordered. The 300 plus pound MaryFran would have ordered that (ok at least I didn't order dessert too!!). My life is in an upheaval and I have just automatically slipped back into the habits, roles and routine that last felt comfortable. Where did the 'no thank you, I don't want fries' girl go? Where did the 'no appetizer today but thank you all the same' girl on a mission disappear to? We can call her Elvis, because she definitely left the building!!!! As I lay in bed thinking about it I knew that I was totally satisfied when I was eating the meals without fries....and the meals without appetizers. 100% satisfied and I felt great...none of this stuffed so full that I'm afraid a cat will scratch me and set free an explosion of pent up food. The path I'm on is not a good one!!
So I am proud to say that when I went out to eat with a good friend of mine on Saturday at lunch that I ordered a salad. Ok, so it had crispy deep fried chicken in it....it was still a salad. (Was a time that I would have not ordered the crispy chicken and instead gotten grilled chicken or no chicken at all!) I also was so happy to see my friend that I ate slow and ended up not licking my plate clean. (I actually left food...unheard of lately!) And I felt fabulous after eating...none of the stuffed feeling for me on Saturday!!!
Sunday morning...another run. Still happy with my decision to bump up one more week in the couch to 5k training. It is hard but I can do it...a challenge is good!!!
And on the note of running....why is it that I feel I must take a picture of myself while running...or rather at the end of my run??? It's almost like in my mind the run is not complete without the obligatory selfie! Yeah, I'm bonkers!!
While talking to my friend on Saturday I realized (with his kind words of encouragement) that I NEED to figure out the food thing. I get home much later...most days after my parents have eaten. I don't want to cook anything major for myself. Thus I default to a pb&j or make a box of macaroni and cheese for myself. (I can say that most of the time at least the box of Mac-n-cheese works as two meals!). Not horrible choices but not awesome. (Ok they are horrible..the Mac-n-cheese at least) So I tend to end up grabbing food on the way home...more horrible choices! Both weight wise and financially speaking. I've gotta figure this out!!!!
I really pondered what to do with my couch to 5k run the other day. Where I started was not exactly easy but it really wasn't that difficult either. I couldn't decide if I should stay on that week of the training or if I should bump it up a week. I waffled back and forth for the last two days. But today I decided to go for broke. If it wasn't difficult then I was starting too easy. So I bumped it up to the next week. GOOD CHOICE!
My run this morning was hard. There were some times during the run portions that I was just begging myself to stop running and walk a bit. I however stuck with it and did not walk until the program told me to walk and when it told me to run.....I ran again. No questions asked. I just did it.
It was hot outside!!!!!! Even at 7/7:30 in the morning! But I did it. And I even took time to stop and smell the roses. No worries...it was during the cool down walk. :-)
Last night I mowed the yards here....and then I moved furniture. Once again it was HOT! Summer is definitely here.
So I've been moving.....now to get the food back in line and I'll be rolling!
And this is definitely my cat's mode of operation!!!!
Wow.....running. I've been so lax. Running has been non existent yet I still have plans for running the donut alley rally (not to self....register for that puppy). And I still have the grandiose plan for running this half marathon in October (the rock and roll half in Philly). I had sat down and looked at training plans and had realized that if I could consistently run 3 miles by the beginning of August that I would be right in line to start a half training. I've been lazy and realize that I need to run NOW and not later. And by consistently running I mean running regularly and also running and not wimping out and walk-running.
So I have been a struggling with running and decided that maybe I need to redo the couch to 5k program. I knew I probably wouldn't need to start at the beginning. Today I jumped in and did it. I decided to try week 3. I managed it pretty well. I am torn between completing week three or pushing forward to week four...just finding my starting point since I'm not exactly a beginner. Lol
So today I started.
As I was running I realized that this was probably the best thing. The voice on the program tells me when to walk and when to run. I follow it diligently. No deviations. When I'm just interval running on my own trying to build up my endurance I just run until I feel the need to stop. And I probably cut myself short of what I am capable of! I know for a fact that if I follow the couch to 5k program that it works and I will be running straight lengths of time...I just need to do it!!
I listened to the Andy Crammer album this morning as I ran. I finally downloaded it based on the song honey I'm good (catchy good song) I was listening and running my little heart out (or walking depending on the instructions at the moment) and the song masterpiece came on... Nice song. We are in the drivers seat...we can create the masterpiece of our lives...it's up to us!!!!!!
and the lyrics
"Masterpiece"
Life is a canvas you paint in the mind Colors dance, spill outside the lines I refuse to settle, never the black and white Rock the neons until the day I die
I’m on a constant search to make my heart swell Bite off too much, chew like hell Half my nights spent in a hotel Price I paid to escape the conveyor belt
One, you get one heartbeat so, take it seriously This is your masterpiece, don’t forget to dream And taste the colors in the air you breathe It’s your masterpiece, go ahead and feel it all Don’t stop till it is beautiful (Oh whoa) Don’t stop till it is beautiful (Oh whoa) Don’t stop till it is beautiful
Close my eyelids, take a deep breath Feel the lightening down to my chest I’m just a piece of art, and the paints fresh Cuz I’m not yet finished yet I’ve got a pregnant mind that wants to give birth Breathe life into these big words I can hear the universe in my ear
She whispers, you get one, one heartbeat so take it seriously This is your masterpiece, don’t forget to dream And taste the colors in the air you breathe It’s your masterpiece, go ahead and feel it all Don’t stop till it is beautiful Oh whoa) Don’t stop till it is beautiful (Oh whoa) Don’t stop till it is beautiful And you can settle for a normal life Said that your afraid of heights But you were meant to light the sky
This is your masterpiece Don’t forget to breathe and taste the colors in the air you breathe This is your masterpiece go ahead and feel it all Don’t stop till it is beautiful Oh whoa) Don’t stop till it is beautiful (Oh whoa) Don’t stop till it is beautiful (Oh whoa..) Don’t stop till it is beautiful
Fighting for all I'm worth. I have gotten lost along the way. In more ways than I really WANT to admit.....but because I am always brutally honest on my blog I will make the confessions.
I have gained 30 pounds since I moved in with my parents. Why yes. 30 pounds. I'm struggling. I say I'm going to work on getting it under control and I actually start and then it falls apart. For whatever reason. Sometimes it falls apart because I a go away (like the weekend at the ocean) sometimes it falls apart because emotions get to me. Sometimes it falls apart because I am a social eater.. So many reasons. But the end result is the same. I've gained weight and it's not pretty.
I've already admitted to the marriage falling apart. I am struggling. I am over my ex husband but I struggle with the failure of my marriage. I struggle with failing. I struggle with the label of divorcee (which I am not one yet....VERY soon hopefully). I struggle. It's hard to walk away from the life that I had created.....even if it was a life created upon his lies and deeds. Life is different and I've not found my stride yet.
My job has been a bit of a trial lately. I won't go into it, but it's not a great situation. A small part of it is that it is a small town of 800 people and my soon to be ex husband lives there. So as all small towns are, everyone knows everything and that's not good for me right now.
Somedays I just want to give up. It's overwhelming to have pretty much every aspect of your life crumble around you. I try to tell myself that if everything is in a pile of rubble around me then I have the opportunity to rise from the ashes and create something fabulous. But most days it feels like an insurmountable pile of rubble to climb over.
And then tonight, I was driving home from dinner and I heard this song and this is MY song! It was written for me. Ironically enough, a few weeks ago my youngest nephew talked about this song and I listened to it with him. And I remember saying "cool song" but it wasn't until I heard it tonight that it really hit me. Powerful......and what a message to hear and to turn into my words. So here it is......Rachel Platten, "Fight Song" in video form and also in lyric form.
Like a small boat On the ocean Sending big waves Into motion Like how a single word Can make a heart open I might only have one match But I can make an explosion
And all those things I didn't say Wrecking balls inside my brain I will scream them loud tonight Can you hear my voice this time
This is my fight song Take back my life song Prove I'm alright song My power's turned on (Starting right now) I'll be strong I'll play my fight song And I don't really care if nobody else believes 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me
Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep Everybody's worried about me In too deep Say I'm in too deep (I'm in too deep) And it's been two years I miss my home But there's a fire burning in my bones And I still believe Yeah I still believe
And all those things I didn't say Wrecking balls inside my brain I will scream them loud tonight Can you hear my voice this time
This is my fight song Take back my life song Prove I'm alright song My power's turned on (Starting right now) I'll be strong I'll play my fight song And I don't really care if nobody else believes 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me
A lot of fight left in me
Like a small boat On the ocean Sending big waves Into motion Like how a single word Can make a heart open I might only have one match But I can make an explosion
This is my fight song Take back my life song Prove I'm alright song My power's turned on (Starting right now) I'll be strong I'll play my fight song And I don't really care if nobody else believes 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me
Why yes I ate out...just a tad. Two waffle house meals (in one day), Texas Roadhouse, Bob Evans, Papa Johns, Jimmy Johns, Buffalo Wild Wings, Battleview and Nutters Ice Cream shop. It was not a stellar week.
I'm holding my own weight wise. Does that count for ANYTHING?
My week was ABSOLUTELY NUTS. It started on Monday when my soon to be ex ran into my car. I do believe you read that right. He ran into my parked car. The damage wasn't TOO bad.
Luckily I was able to pound/pop it out pretty easily only leaving a tiny ding. (ok, thank you to my father and brother for doing it). Ohhh, why didn't I turn it into insurance? The car he was driving....still in my name and on my insurance! Believe me.....that was switched THIS WEEK!
I was busy.....I had to say goodbye to a person in my life that I care about but it was for the best to let go. So lots of tears.
I had to deal with my soon to be ex more than I preferred!
Zumba is knocked down for the summer to two classes a week. I had to miss the Monday night class because I had a nice dent in my car that I wanted looked at. I did make it to Wednesdays class. Running??? That didn't happen. My excuse (I'm so good at excuses) was that the cut/wound on my foot from when I was walking the beach last Sunday morning is still not healed and still hurts like heck! I have to get cracking on this running thing. Speaking of running, I am contemplating going through the couch to 5k running program again. I think it will be easier (and I an probably start a few weeks into the program...but that it would be a great way to ease back in and maybe pick up some speed!)
I took my camera out with me again this morning. I enjoyed my time with my camera in my hand again. It feels good. For so long it was my source of happiness and then it just bothered me to use my camera.......so it was refreshing for the second time to just enjoy.
