It's no secret that I'm not happy with where life has led me. No secret at all. It's also no secret that I would like things to change, but in many ways feel powerless to make he change. (Means to change, knowledge to know how to make the change and yes, guts to do it). But that's neither hide nor hare but it does explain why I had this thought in my head , because it's in my mind...a LOT.
What would you do differently were you given a chance to redo your life?
I of course have a handful of answers. It's easy to roll out the answers, choosing to change the aspects of life that didn't work out as planned. OF course I would change my college education, probably to journalism and then of course the subsequent career path because we all know how that turned out. (Poorly!!!!) But it's easy to say that I would do things differently with the glasses of hindsight firmly affixed to my eyes. I know how that turned out and of course I'd change it.
But then I started to think totally open and honest about it and I know that I had thought about Journalism before I hit college. (It's in my journals...and they don't lie!). Yet I still picked Elementary Education because that was my dream and we SHOULD follow our dreams. So how WOULD I do my life over if given the chance.In terms of education I would NOT pigeon hole myself into an education and career path that is so narrow. I have a degree in elementary education. Not exactly a degree that offers tons of choices in terms of a career should one choose to not teach. (Especially in this job market.) In a redo I would still pursue the education degree but I would opt for a dual major. Open up my options. Give myself some room for opportunity. Yes, probably journalism. (although I did end up with a LOT of history classes...probably enough for a minor had the school I went to offered it...ha ha ha). The career would follow... based on variables at the time...but my options would have been more open for sure.
Ha...notice I would still choose fields of education that would offer me a passion....and not lots of money. Money is nice, but it's not everything. I would far choose happiness over money. That said, I would take greater steps to insure that my savings was intact and my home what I wanted.However, I am blessed with a roof over my head. Our place is mortgage free, so I can't complain too much.
I would make some interpersonal relationships that I have. I would hold the people that I ask into my life to be the kind of friend and person that I try to be . I would stand up for myself more and not wait until I've been used to the point that I'm so thoroughly disgusted and hurt before I turn away. (And yes, I reached that point today with a friend just today. I've made plans to go to dinner with this friend..I arrive at the restaurant and she's already eaten..I agree to do her a favor and she shows up 2.5 hours late leaving me sitting in a parking lot for that time.....and today, just another broken promise.....i'm done). I would......well enough on interpersonal....that's a biggie and well...this is not the forum.
But would I redo everything? NO, I would adjust and adapt what I did...because at the time I thought I was making the best possible decisions for me. The really there is only ONE thing that I would change and redo TOTALLY...........
But the big change????? The HUGE change???? The biggest thing that I wish I had done differently. I wish I would have lost weight so much younger. Instead of thinking about it and vowing to do it....vowing to start right after I finish my HO HO (do they still make Ho Ho's?) And yes I've still got a ways to go, but I know that i'm on he right track. Furthermore, I would say that I would have wanted to change that couch potato girl into an exercise girl so much sooner. You see, I realized it yesterday morning during my run and it was reinforced tonight at Zumba. Exercise is emotionally liberating. I may have cried on my run yesterday as I thought about something that's happening in my life. I may have been quiet tonight at Zumba while I thought about this blog post. But I sweated it out of my system both times......I cleaned out the old and opened my lungs and breathed in the fresh healing air. (oh hell, that was so utterly corny, but I'm leaving it there!!!!) But yes, exercise is liberating. Exercise is also amazing. I have to say I'm finding that it is absolutely amazing to watch my body and see what it is really capable of. (really? did I really run 5.9 miles yesterday?? And I still went shopping and walking with Todd in the afternoon? And I'm walking and zumba'ing today? After running? ME?????? And I'm planning on running in the AM? HA...no, not Maryfran!!!!!!! Amazing!!! Maybe it's not out there for me to say I may someday run a half marathon or a full marathon.......because you know what....if I want to do it, by golly I think my body is capable of it!)
A redo isn't possible........but an adaption to my life is. I'm starting. I'm starting with the friend that has taken advantage of me one too may times. I'm worth more than her treatment. I'm starting. (the weight started when I put down the Ho Ho's). I may not have the answers.....the means.....the guts to make some changes. But I"m going to do what I can. Even if it means I have to pass up the Ho Ho's.....dang now I really want a HO HO! (I can't even begin to tell you how long it's been since I had a Ho HO!....I have no clue why I chose Ho Ho's as my focus 'bad food' for today's post....it very well could have been a Twinkie, or a Little Debbie cake or a maybe a milkshake, ooooohhhh or an Oreo!!!!...ha ha ha)
