So I've been pondering dreams a lot lately. Yes....I have. I've had quite a few dreams of mine that have been blown to smithereens. It hurts. It is demoralizing. It has left me shifting in the wind. I've been helpless to save these dreams. (believe me, I've tried) But right now I find myself dreamless. I am not sure where I want to go in life. (ok I have some idea of where I would LIKE to go and LOVE to be...but those thoughts are way beyond my control....I'm not in control of those things...) What do I want in my career? What do I want for my life?
That is the question that I find myself asking. My friend Sherry recommended that I literally put my 'old dreams' down on paper and burn those bad boys. She says that I need to actually physically let go of those dreams. I've let go of teaching......but have I really? Do I not still feel a squeak of jealousy when I hear about teachers going back to work after the summer? Do I not still feel a spark of envy when I hear about other people that have realized the dreams that I longed for? Yes, I do. Would burning them help? I don't know.
She also said to sit down and actually think about where I want to be in 10 years. It's difficult. So many things are out of my control. I'm trying to teach myself to dream again or rather to dream new dreams, and things about things that I actually have control over. (not that it's bad to dream about the things that I don't have utter control over....love, health, etc etc etc) But I have a a few things out there that I'm going to try to achieve.......we shall see.
