MIA July 6

I just realized that I have been MIA this past week in terms of my blog and focus.  I am still really emotional.....just having difficulty shaking it this time around.  (Or maybe just something needs to change in my life......sadly most of the change is out of my control...I'm just on this roller coaster ride.)   I know that this upcoming week will be a bit more emotional for a variety of different reasons.  So I'm just going to hang on for the ride and carry a box of tissues with me.

Weight wise.  I was soooo excited because on Thursday it was looking like I was going to have a 2 pound loss.  And then on Friday...my 'official' weigh day....I only showed a loss of 6/10ths of a pound.  Oh well.

Friday and Saturday......holiday weekend.  Well.......I rode my bike for about 15 miles.  So that is good. 

 Eating...less than stellar.  Water consumption.....laughable.    My weight this morning.  Eiii Yiii Yiii.   I'm hoping it's water retention.  We won't even talk about it anymore.  I am planning a spot on day of eating (and a spot on week of eating this week)...and lots of water consumption.

I was watching a tv show the other day and a quote/sentiment stuck with me.  Weight loss is a huge mountain.  From the bottom it looks astronomical.   From the top the view is SWEET.   However, I'm half way up the hill of weight loss and stuck.   It's hard to see back down the hill to see where you've come from......but it's equally as difficult to see the top.  The easy route?   Slide back down that mountain and just accept the fact that I am fat.   The difficult route?   Push forward with the expectation that the view at the top will be grand, even though right now I can't see it through the 'trees'.

I've taken some time off from exercise.......(I only worked out three times this past week).   That's over  I've got to get back to being utterly serious and dedicated.  Exercise doesn't come easily....I have to force myself to do it.  But I like the results and how I feel when I'm done......I need to focus on that!!!!!

Pandora's Box July 2

So where to start?

I guess I will start with Monday.  I got home and had an hour or do until dinner needed to be on the table.  I putzed around prepping food and getting things ready.  I was/am still feeling saddened....and I started to think about food....and I was hungry.    A marshmallow wouldn't hurt right?   I opened the bag and voila, it was like opening the Pandora's box. The addiction...the sadness....the hunger overtook me and I literally said 'I'm going to binge and I don't really care".   Three to four marshmallows later.....followed by an individual bag of naked Cheetos (I have been buying the multi pack containers of individual bags for my husband...chips aren't my Achilles heel so no biggie...I hadn't had any of them)....and a cherry candy cane.  (Hey I bought a few boxes after Christmas for a few cents...every once on a while I have one!   One candy cane...not one box).  And I binged.   I are my dinner and I managed to 'choke down a half cup if ice  cream afterward too.   

Not proud and not happy....but I'm ok with it.   My binge could have been worse.  Much worse.   I think my binge was all of 350 calories.  So it could have been much worse!

Yesterday I got out and ran.   I enjoyed a new pair if running shoes.  Amazing to fel the traction on the shoes....we don't realize how much they are worn out until we put on a new pair. (Yes, I track my mileage...and I've actually been replacing at about 200 miles...they are pretty well worn in at that point....They say 350 miles is average....but remember I am still considered quite obese!)

It wasn't a good run.  The first mile was painful.  The second mile I cried and sobbed my way through...and the last one I gave up and walked. 

Hopefully today we can get outside and walk or ride! (Off work at noon!!)