Down but not out!

I'm still here.   I haven't fallen off the ends of the earth or anything drastic like that.    I can honestly say that I haven't even gone off the rails in terms of my eating.   My weight is holding at that  lower post Florida weight. So for that I'm happy.   However I'm not really doing anything to keep it there.   My emotions are doing that for me.   I'm utterly void of any desire to eat. Yes, Yes, I know.  For me that is a rare occurrence.   And yes, I'm aware that this is not the way to drop weight.  And I'm not dropping weight like mad or anything.  I'm one pound down in the last week. 

Running.   What's that???    That is correct, I haven't run since I was in Florida.  I bought new running shoes though?  Does that count???

Zumba was a no go this week (instructor traveling and she couldn't find a sub). So why yes, I've been a total sluggard!!!  

So this is just basically a check in post to let my blog friends know that I'm alive.  Hopefully things will change and I can again refocus on my health very soon.  In the meantime....I'm here and I may be down, but I'm not out!!!

Fly away

Yeah yeah yeah, it's been a bit since I posted.  I have a good excuse.  Really!  I do!  Toward the end of last week I started trying to get everything squared away for a week off of work.  Yes, you read that right!  A week of freedom!   How awesome is that????

What were my plans?   I did the necessary stuff on Friday after work, hung out with a friend on Saturday and finished up what needed to be done on Saturday night.   Sunday morning I was up bright and early and ready to head out the door.  My brother picked me up at around 8AM and drove me to the airport. By lunchtime I was in the air and heading for Florida.  It was a quick trip.  Flying down on Sunday and flying back super early on Thursday morning.  I realized when I arrived that it was 24 years since I was last in Florida.  Wow....how crazy to realize it was that long.   But weirdly enough when I looked out of the window of the plane and saw the terrain of Florida, I instantaneously felt a sense of 'home'.  It was odd.    The trip was relaxing and an awesome step away from 'life' for me.  Food.  Sunday we hit up a Mexican Restaurant and I had a chicken taco salad.  There may or may not have been some queso involved in that meal too. (I'll never tell...but it sure was tasty!) We had not had lunch so at midnight we were hungry and we hit up a McDonald's for a midnight snack.  (no not healthy)

I took along my running clothes and I actually headed out for my scheduled run on Monday morning.  Ahhh it was gorgeous!   I was only scheduled for a 3 mile run but I decided to do the longer trail which turned out to be about four and a half miles.    My foot rubbed a bit on the run but nothing worrisome.   Or so I thought!   And because I'm a foodie I will share that I had a danish for breakfast. For lunch I had a buffalo Chicken Sandwich and french fries.  For dinner we had Italian.  I ordered ravioli with a tomato sauce, a salad and of course bread.    

Tuesday dawned and I decided to skip breakfast to run on an empty stomach.  I typically run on an empty stomach so this was not at all an issue.  It was actually wise as I had an interval run on the schedule.  Why yes, I ran intervals while on vacation in Florida.   I ran a pretty dang fast mile (for me) too considering the humidity was really killing me on this run.   But the worse part of this run?   That little 'rub' from the run the day before?   Yeah, it turned into huge blisters and by the time I got back to the hotel (the big building in the distance....I was on my way back when I took this picture) one of the blisters had actually already popped.  Uhhh yeah, OUCH.   Good thing I was in Florida and had flip flops to wear!  Have I mentioned that these are running shoes I've  been using...shoes that really only have maybe 75 miles on them....(the exact number escapes me at the moment and I'm too lazy to go look the number up).     Tuesday's food was another buffalo chicken sandwich and french fries (why yes, I do like french fries and why yes I did indulge a few times whilst away).  For dinner we headed out for Mexican food again.   No queso this time, but of course chips and salsa and I ordered the most delicious quesadillas!   SOOO tasty!

Wednesday. No run scheduled for me.  Honestly, even if I had a run scheduled I would have passed due to my blistered heels.  Curious about the food?  Brunch of Apple Cinnamon flapjacks and a dinner of Italian (yeah, we like what we like) where I had ravioli again...this time in a pesto sauce.  Must you ask if I had bread?   Of course!

All in all it was a good trip.  I had time to hang out and visit with a friend.  I had time to sit back and read.  I had time to relax and watch tv with out the usual feeling of needing to do something (which permeates my relaxation time at home).  I did spend time outside reading on more than one occasion, just enjoying the wonderful weather.  The picture of the water fall was taken while I sat outside reading one day. (Ok ok ok, so what if I was reading, drinking a bottle of water and eating Reece's Pieces??)   We may or may not have also managed to eat a few Ghirardelli chocolate bars. I will neither confirm nor deny.  

On Thursday morning I awoke early and flew home to spend the day with Todd.  It was his birthday so he had the option for our day of entertainment and food.   He chose a really relaxed day.  After picking me up at the airport, we drove toward home and we walked through a mall and then walked around downtown Frederick where we ended up eating at Brewers Alley.  I had the macaroni and cheese.  Tasty!  :-)

It was a bit of a let down to come home.  I was so relaxed and so happy while away.  I could feel the sense of depression that has permeated my world of late settle on me almost as soon as I got into the car at the airport upon my arrival home.   It has made my mind circle as I have settled back into home life.

Today was my first full day home and I was productive.  I have done laundry, mowed the yard, and painted my kitchen cabinets.  (I had settled for painting the old cabinets white a few years back to save money when we were moving in......ughhhh.....the white was looking dingy and icky....time to repaint....and I'm toying with pinstriping the cabinet where there is a groove that was routered out....red of course) I also took the time to go out and look for a new pair of running shoes.  I bought a new pair....lets see how they work!!!  I plan on putting them to good use tomorrow! (famous last words).  Todd and I also got in a bit of a walk on the canal.  I love love love fall! (and fall is the reason that I missed living in the north when I lived in Florida all those many years ago)

While I was in Florida we spent a bit of time browsing/shopping.  I pulled the trigger on two purchases that I have been planning on making.  I bought new headphones...blue tooth so that I don't have to deal with the annoying wires when I run.  I also bought a blue tooth heart rate monitor. (the one I have croaked a while back).  

So anyway it was with fear and trepidation that I stepped onto the scales this morning.  Now I know that my eating was off yesterday (I didn't eat dinner because I just wasn't hungry and I drank next to nothing and what I did drink was diet soda...so one thing would drive my weight down and he other would drive my weight up).  I about choked on my own spit when I saw the number on the scale.  228.8.  What?????  I've been struggling with my weight and I've been stuck in the 5 pounds of hell scale vortex for the last 10 months, I go to Florida and eat food that is not at all healthy and I lose 3.5 pounds?   Really?????    We shall see what tomorrow brings on the scales.  I know that this morning my weigh in could very well have been a aberration due to circumstances (lack of dinner and lack of water).  But regardless, seeing something outside of that 5 pound range was a REALLY good thing!!!!  (and it made me chose wisely at dinner tonight!)

Torture!!!!!!

So I've been MIA a bit.   Last week was incredibly difficult for me emotionally.  My emotions were a total roller coaster.  I know I usually get that way (just want to cry...). if I'm tired (not the case last week) and on maybe one night a month in my cycle.  (Which was on target last week). But seriously?  A whole week????  Some of the emotions were serious. But there were stupid tears.  We pulled into the driveway one morning and I saw a woodpecker.  One that I've only seen once in our yard....and I've laid out there trying to capture this particular woodpecker on my camera a bunch of times.   I catch woodpeckers but not this type of woodpecker.   So what did I do when I saw it in my yard last week???  I cried because I didn't have my camera.  Hahaha. Silly, I know!  Either way, emotions galore.  What's up with that?  It better not be the new norm!!  

So I'm doing much better this week.  (Thank goodness!).   I am holding steady on the scales. That's a good thing, but I know I need to shake it up to get the weight to start dropping!  Dare I say that may mean I go back to tracking?  I've enjoyed the stress free weeks of not tracking.  But I want this excess weight gone...

I have set up my next training plan for running...focusing on speed.  I have a goal.  My personal PR for a 5k times tun is 38:20.  I want to set a new PR.  I'd like to knock off 3:20.....i want to be under 35:00!!!!   There I've said it!   I've announced to the world my goal.  (And yes I'm gunning for a sub 30 5k at some point in my future.).  So my training schedule has basic runs...longer runs and it has runs of torture....fartleks and hill repeats.  bring it on!

Zumba is going well.  This week has really kicked my tail end.  I am usually tired and can feel that tiredness in my body, but very rarely am I sore.  Holy cow this week is kicking my hiney!!!   My abs are screaming at me!!!!  Even laughing hurts!  Hahaha.  (Ouch!).  But I'll be back for another round this evening!

Monday I set out for a run.  Only 2.5 to 3 miles...but intervals the whole time.  Todd and I had eaten lunch and had a dessert of chocolate chip peanut butter bars.  I waited two hours before I went out running.   I made it a mile  before I started to feel it.  What is it?   Before that chocolate chip peanut butter bar began making its presence known.   I kept running...and I made it about 1 3/4 miles before I gave up and walked the rest of the way back to the car.   I have no desire for that dessert any time soon!!!

Lessons and reinforcement

This past weekend I had to confront my slow running pace.  I know I'm slow as a turtle in peanut butter.  I accept that.  However I obsess about it!   I worry about it and I downplay my running because of it.   

This past weekend I had to confront the very real possibility that out of the 68 participants in this small 10k that I could very well be last.  I won't lie.  Part of me wanted to walk away and not even try.   I didn't!   I decided to run this and if I came in last across that line I would cross it victorius!!!     Victorious in the fact that this former 315 pound girl could actually run (jog?) for 6.2 continuous miles!  I'm doing it and not many people can!!!

I faced my fear and I won!    

And then on Monday I got another reaffirmation.   Early this year I decided to participate in a running challenge.  I agreed and committed to run a virtual 5k each month.  The organizer has drawings each month from finishers.  I didn't do it for that though.  I did it for the challenge!   There was one month where I had to sit back and walk my 5k.  I felt like a loser.  I had wanted to run it and it just wasn't happening.   I have run every other month though.  Ironically enough the month that I walked it...my slowest 5k of this challenge I won the drawing.   I even made a comment to the organizer about how I felt guilty because I didn't even run it.  She immediately wrote back that it didn't matter how fast or how slow I did it in, I DID it.   She and I talked a bit about my prize...a hand painted mini canvas.  I got to chose the subject.  I saw it on fb while she was working on it, But it didn't arrive until yesterday.  How perfect after my struggle this past weekend.   Thank you!!!!   I'm on my phone writing this so I can't post an actual link to her page but here is her address!!!   http://thefitadventure.blogspot.com

This painting will be my reminder that as long as I'm doing my best I am a winner.

And of course a picture of my painting!!!  I put a grape beside them to show  how adorably tiny this is...and so you can appreciate the details in the painting!!   

Thank you Kyra for hosting this challenge and for having a part of my awakening!!!  :-)

I forgot to announce my progress.   I had vowed to lose 10 pounds before my 10k (5 weeks).    I lost 5 pounds.   Not what I vowed but victorious none-the-less!!!

I am still consumed with thoughts about stuff that's happening in my life.   I know that I have some major decisions to make in my life.  I know it.   I know that I have to make changes.  I'm just waiting for some kind of divine intervention (hahahaha) to direct me upon the path I need to take.  I pray for courage, knowledge and direction to make a course correction in my life. 

And I will leave you with a picture of Paula and I running on Sunday.  Maybe it was the lucky green underwear she was wearing that got us through this race in fine form!!!  She's smiling I look utterly focused and intense!!!!  (Green underwear I tell ya!!).  This was at about mile 4.5 in the run.  And yes, my legs do look fantastic if I do say so myself!!!

Leesburg 10K

This was my big weekend. Why yes, it was the weekend that I had my 10k.  My longest run to date and the longest (by double) race I've ever run in.  I had been absolutely religious about my training.  Until a week ago that is.  And then I fell off the rails.  I only ran once in the last week and a half.  It was a four miler, but only once.  Uhhhhhh....why does this seem to happen to me each time.

I was nervous about certain things.  I am always afraid that I'm going to be last across the finish line.  Huge fear of mine. (stupid I'm sure)   But regardless I packed for my short trip with my friend Paula and we headed out yesterday at about noon.   We made the trip to Leesburg, VA in fine time.  The first stop was the store where they were holding packet pick up.  We picked up our bags and perused the store.  Stop one complete we headed to the outlets in Leesburg.  A few hours of shopping later. (I bought new lids for some of my damaged and old Pyrex storage containers.....and otherwise I was a window shopper).  We did find a perfect bag.....we didn't buy just posed for a picture with it.

 We hit up a local park for a nice little walk.  We lounged a bit in our hotel and we had dinner.  Let e add that I had breakfast and a diet coke with breakfast and we had dinner really late at about 8:30 and I had a diet soda with dinner.  Dinner I was so hungry that when I started to eat I gobbled my food and my stomach started to hurt so I only ate half my meal.  That was ALL I ate and drank the whole day on Saturday.  Yes, I know....not exactly the healthiest and wisest food and drinking choices.

Sunday morning we were up bright and early.  It was COLD outside.  Brrrr.   We got ready to roll.   I typically run on an empty stomach (ha ha ha...once again probably not the wisest but hey, it's what has worked for me).   So we headed out. 

The run was VERY small.  Only about 50 people or so.   I decided to not worry about being the last person.  Who else can say that they once weighed over 300 pounds and are now running a 10K???   And doing it on arthritic knees and a few other feet issues???  

 We started to run and I kept my pace steady.   I have been consistently running a 13:00 to a 13:40 mile pace. I knew if I stayed at that (slow) that I could finish it no problem.   I ran where I felt comfortable...or rather edgy comfortable.  It went well.  It was an out and back route, so at the turn around I grabbed a water and walked for maybe a minute and then picked back up running.  (my stats showed that I lost about a minute on that mile from what I was running so that's why I assume I walked about a minute.)  I was fine...getting tired but fine.  (And admittedly I saw I wasn't last....and I even passed a few people on the return trip! My fear of being last vanished and by that time I had decided I DIDN'T CARE Anyway!)   And then about midway through mile six I began to struggle.  Oh yes, I struggled.  I started to get physically ill.  My stomach and head started to hurt.  My legs felt like they were so heavy that I couldn't even pull them up to walk.  It was BAD.  At about mile 5.70 I waved Paula on (so as to not ruin her run) and I began to walk.   

And then a lady, a skirt wearing lady came up beside me...literally less then 10 paces after I started walking and she looked at me and said "You've got this, the finish line is just ahead."    She ran on and before she was even 3 feet in front of me I knew that she was right.  I felt like dog doo but I knew that I could do it.   I started running.  I stayed on her tail the rest of the way in.  

I can't find the official times posted yet..it was not a chipped run (go figure....it was a small small run...maybe 50 people doing the 10k...if that).  Luckily since Paula had gone on ahead she was able to grab a pic. Yes, that is me in the glaring sun but I have my time!  Slow but you know what?  Who the heck cares!

So I got across the finish line and I had something important to do.  I had to talk to the skirted lady.  I needed to tell her what her words meant to me.  I found her easily (remember she was only a bit ahead of me....although she pulled further ahead in the last 100 feet or so).  I told her that her words are what pushed me to run. I told her that I had decided to just walk the rest of it and call it a good deal, but her words gave me the courage and spunk to run the rest of the way.   Her face glowed when I told her and then she turned to me and said "Thanks is due to you too though"   I looked at her and she giggled a bit and said "I was on your tail the whole run and I decided that I was not going to let you pull ahead of me.  You didn't walk so I had to run the whole time also!  Thank you for unofficially pacing me."   :-)

I grabbed a water and headed over to Paula.  That water tasted so dang good.  And then I remembered to turn off the mapmy app.  Oops  I got it turned off.   My last 3/10ths of a mile look slow....partly because I didn't get that turned off immediately and partly because I was STRUGGLING!

Wow.....so my pace was much better than my average for most of the run.  My turn around mile was slower and  mile 6 were I hit that wall was slower...but still 'average' pace.  Go figure.

 I took another drink.  Holy cow that water tasted good and I drained that water bottle in a few seconds.  And that is when I knew it.  What did I know?  I had to sit down or I was in danger of falling down.  Yes, I KNEW that that horrible feeling of being sick that I had encountered back at mile 5.7 had reached its pinnacle. Oh yes....I was ready to drop.  I sat down for a few moments and answered some well wish texts and knew I was ok.   I stood up, grabbed another water bottle and Paula and I headed back to the car.  Yes, we stopped along the way for another picture.  Come on now...it's us!

10K done!!!!!  I've got my starting base line numbers and now I can improve upon that!

So upon further reflection.  I realize that I had totally dehydrated myself on Saturday and since I hadn't drank anything in the morning before running it was carrying over to Sunday.  I was suffering from total dehydration.  Ooops.