I guess I will start with Monday. I got home and had an hour or do until dinner needed to be on the table. I putzed around prepping food and getting things ready. I was/am still feeling saddened....and I started to think about food....and I was hungry. A marshmallow wouldn't hurt right? I opened the bag and voila, it was like opening the Pandora's box. The addiction...the sadness....the hunger overtook me and I literally said 'I'm going to binge and I don't really care". Three to four marshmallows later.....followed by an individual bag of naked Cheetos (I have been buying the multi pack containers of individual bags for my husband...chips aren't my Achilles heel so no biggie...I hadn't had any of them)....and a cherry candy cane. (Hey I bought a few boxes after Christmas for a few cents...every once on a while I have one! One candy cane...not one box). And I binged. I are my dinner and I managed to 'choke down a half cup if ice cream afterward too.
Not proud and not happy....but I'm ok with it. My binge could have been worse. Much worse. I think my binge was all of 350 calories. So it could have been much worse!
Yesterday I got out and ran. I enjoyed a new pair if running shoes. Amazing to fel the traction on the shoes....we don't realize how much they are worn out until we put on a new pair. (Yes, I track my mileage...and I've actually been replacing at about 200 miles...they are pretty well worn in at that point....They say 350 miles is average....but remember I am still considered quite obese!)
It wasn't a good run. The first mile was painful. The second mile I cried and sobbed my way through...and the last one I gave up and walked.
Hopefully today we can get outside and walk or ride! (Off work at noon!!)
Try to think of the mini binge as progress. It wasn't a binge of epic proportion and smaller than previous binges. Don't discount that.
ReplyDeleteBabies don't go from crawling to running. It is a slow process. You have made at least one step in the right direction. Don't let discouragement push you the wrong way.
It seems as though you are working through some emotions. As hard as that is, it is a good thing. Feeling those feelings and getting them out is far better than stuffing them down with food.
You are on the right track. You need to recognize that and keep moving forward - no matter how slowly.
Lori
it was a "small" binge all things considered but I understand the loss of control is scary . I'm just happy you pulled out of it quickly and that you finished the run even if it was at a walk. hang in darlin you KNOW it gets better it always does and these slips and slides are character building exercises and will help you in the long run.
ReplyDeleteI am learning that binges are as much part of this weight loss journey as the healthy eating and exercising. Discarding those outdated programs we have been running for years and decades takes time. Mind you, this is easier said than done when you are in the thick of a binge! I love how you gave yourself permission to binge and the day after you went back to your running. I firmly believe that getting back up when we fall is one of the key ingredients to success on this journey. One that I am still learning to handle myself.
ReplyDeleteI usually read and don't comment.. I guess you could call me a stalker. ... I'm curios if you made it through your weepyness. I'm stuck there and can't seem to get ahold. This weight loss journey stinks...
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