Last night was one of those nights where I had a vivid dream, one that I remembered clear as a bell when I woke up.
I walked into the gym. (not my own gym weirdly enough) There were people everywhere. I looked around for an empty machine to hop upon. I had originally planned to hop on an elliptical, but it really didn't matter what I used. I would be just as content on the treadmill or a bike, I could adjust. I weaved through the people toward an empty elliptical (which turned out to be a stair climber instead). I hopped on and started to workout. I listened to the chatter around me. They were holding a fat-to-fit boot camp (Is there even such a thing?) and lucky me, I was working out right in the midst of the first workout. I tried to focus on myself but I couldn't help but see the overweight gal standing next to me. (I won't bore you with the details of what she was wearing, the color of her hair) She was on a treadmill and she was cranking away. Her face was beat red. She was pushing herself to the utter max. I started to worry about her. Seriously, she looked like she was going to have a heart attack at any minute. I glanced at the fit to fat instructor that was supposed to be watching the group and he was preoccupied. I looked back at this woman and she wasn't there anymore. She was kneeling and bent over on the floor at the end of the treadmill crying and sobbing. When I hopped off and went to her, she sobbed out her frustration. She was frustrated with exercise already after only a minute or two. "I can't even make it a minute, there is no way" I talked to her for a few minutes (the instructor never showed up through that) and figured out that she was frustrated because she wanted to do it and do it 'right' and she couldn't. She told me that she wanted to do what everyone else was doing so that she didn't stick out like a sore thumb. She wanted to follow the fit-to-fat instructions. After talking to her and listening and remembering what I saw while she was on the treadmill I knew that she indeed COULD exercise, that it was just a simple problem of she wanted to be fit right at that moment. She looked at me and said "you are doing it". I laughed and said, I'm a big girl, still but I've worked my butt off to get to the level of physical fitness that I am at and I still have a long way to go. I instructed her to get on the treadmill She was hesitant but did it. And then I started the treadmill so that she was walking at a snails pace. She did it and she immediately pushed the buttons until the treadmill was flying by at warp speed, in the dream it was set at speed 43 (ha ha ha,, as if a treadmill cold go that fast). Yes, she flew backwards (ok ok ok , that didn't happen but I wish it would have..that would have added some comic relief to my dream). I pushed her back to a slower pace. She kept looking around and wanting to go faster (back to that speed of 43) I had to work to keep her going at a slow pace. She had to see that she could do it. We slowly added more speed until she was at a comfortable pace. I was in the middle of reminding her that we all have to start somewhere and we can't push ourselves too fast. At this point the very hot looking instructor arrived and without butting in just started to listen in. The dream did go on..but well, that involves the instructor and I and some private....... (Dang, once again that didn't happen......DRAT! Or did it????? ha ha ha)
I woke up from my dream and I remembered how far I've come. Not just in my running, but in my whole physical fitness. I've had some major ups and downs in my physical fitness in the last few years. But I have come SOOOO far. I have been the girl on the treadmill trying to do what they say is the 'thing' to do, the 'speed' to go, the 'incline' to achieve. Years back I had to come to the realization that exercise is immensely personal. My abilities lie within myself, not within what someone else tells me I SHOULD be doing. It is not contingent upon what the person on the next treadmill is doing. It is contingent upon what my body says it can do (notice I didn't say what my brain says I can do...that's a totally different story). Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and start small. Slow as a snail on the treadmill was a victory for the gal in the dream. Slow as a slug running (but improving each time I run) is a victory for ME!
So any other deep thoughts about my dream? Should I take anything else from this dream???? Analyze me!
Today is my day of rest. Goodness, I love the day of rest....ok, my BODY loves my day of rest. But my mind is just itching to get out there and do something! What a quandary! (and heck, where did the old MaryFran go!) My eating is planned for today. I made a nice breakfast for Todd and I and I have packed my lunch and snacks. Yes, I am still trying to adhere to this new 'habit' of eating a snack between my meals. One snack for today is carrots and dip and the other snack is grapes. I'm doing pretty good with the whole thing though. The first couple days of the snacks, I would pack my snacks but forget to eat them, but I've got that regulated now...I think. :-) So food for today is ready to roll and I'm in charge! I like the feeling of being in charge. A food addiction leaves one feeling so out of control...and this in charge feeling feels dang good!!!!