Addiction

I have known for some time that I have an addiction to food.  I eat for that blissful high. You know it, that moment when you take that first bite of something utterly delicious...when you close your eyes and allow the flavors of the food wash over you.  Orgasmic bliss brought on by food.  (Ok, maybe not orgasmic bliss...but pretty darn close!)   I've known this for a while.  This is not shocking.   What IS shocking is the revelation I had the other day while in Hagerstown running errands.

As I was running into a few stores (I was looking for bags for a Bissell vacuum cleaner that Todd has at the studio..who know it would be that hard to find!) I realized that I hadn't been in some of these stores for ages.  It was like visiting old friends.  That is when I realized.  I had at one point traded my love of food and tried to substitute it with shopping and filling my 'void' with purchases. (lots of them crafts....LOL)

I started to try to lose weight shortly after I got married.  I started because I wanted to have a baby and I didn't want to have a baby at 300 plus pounds.   (Not that it made a hill of beans difference....no baby for me).   I never had financial problems before I got married.  After I got married they fell down upon me.  My husband doesn't handle money well at all (he spends like it's growing on trees) and I tried to bury my food addiction with purchases...this was a bad combination for us.   Circumstances has caused me to quit the mindless spending cold turkey.  Some days I miss it, but it's not bad. 

So that brings me to current day.  I've been filling my 'empty void' with exercise.  I've actually laughed about it and made the comment that "at least it's something healthy"  and that is true.  But I need balance in my life.  Do I plan on curbing my exercise at this point?  NO, it makes me feel good.  I like seeing what my body is capable of.  I like conquering the unimaginable (for a former 300 plus girl a lot of the stuff that I'm doing was previously unimaginable) .  I like the way it clears my mind and gives me energy.  I'm not curbing that.  

What I am committing myself to is to find balance in my life.

  Last fall I became appalled at the unfinished (and un-started) projects I had laying around (this harkens back to the indiscriminate buying days).  I decided that projects needed to be finished.  I had to finish projects.  I had to finish stuff I started.  Leaving things half finished was no longer and option.  This brought me to my weight loss journey..  My weight loss was a half finished project. 

So back to the balance.  Balance means that I have to find the time to work on these craft projects.  It means that I have to find time to get out with my camera and do the style of photography that makes me happy.   It means that I have to find balance.

Today I should have ridden my bike.  My heel is still bothering me, so running is not an option.  I woke up early and lounged all morning reading a book.  I then did  few things around the house and started working on two craft projects (a baby quilt for a friend and then since the machine was out, another project that I'm close to completing).  I feel slightly guilty for not exercising.  But I think I needed the time working on these projects to come to terms with the balance.  It's not all or nothing.  I can do multiple things in my life and not drown myself in one thing. 

I WILL be exercising tomorrow.   The foot thing has thrown me for a loop, but I'm not going to let one little speed bump keep me from my goals. (although admittedly food has been a horrible temptation for me today!)

I had assistance on my projects today!