The Odd Couple

I have once again recommitted.  There are 10 weeks until Christmas.  I am committed to losing 15 pounds in those 10 weeks.  I thought that was a good goal.  Doable.  I am tracking.  I am watching.  I am committed to exercise at LEAST 3 times a week.  I can't go on this path.  It only leads to destruction.  It leads to the destruction of my body but it also leads to the destruction of my mind.  It is not a healthy place for me to be mentally and I refuse to live that way any longer.  Todd and I have a 4 day weekend upcoming.  Will it be difficult to do this and eat out so much?  Absolutely.  Can I do it?   Absolutely.  The first and easiest change that I plan on making at restaurants?   Water with lemon please.....instead of a diet soda.  I'm not knocking diet soda but seriously, it's not what my body needs.  Plus...they charge like 2 bucks for those things...so if I don't get a diet soda for breakfast, lunch and dinner (not that we would eat out all three meals all four days...but for the sake of argument, lets say that we do) that 6 bucks a day  6 times 4 is twenty four bucks!  That's a breakfast out!  That's a souvenir or an extra museum....all because I gave up something that I really don't need!   The other thing.  yeah, we do go to breakfast...do I REALLY need three honkin' big pancakes?  No, one pancake is sufficient.  If I order the three that is a typical order at a restaurant,  I eat them.....but I don't need them.  I order one and I'm satisfied....so by ordering ONE, I order what my body NEEDS and oh oh oh...I saved more money!  :-)

So I was talking to a friend about my issues.  She has tried to lose weight but she went into a bad realm.  She stopped eating all together.  TO the point that she became deathly ill.  Eating to her almost turns her stomach.  She doesn't want to eat.  It is a chore for her.  She's afraid if she starts to eat that she will start to regain.  She struggles to get enough calories.  SOOOOO  she and I have paired up.  Me, encouraging her to EAT...her encouraging me to NOT eat.  We are both tracking on myfitnesspal.com.  Her to make sure that she IS getting enough calories (and also for her ease of mind so that she knows that she is not eating too much...because yes, anorexia is a mental disease in the mind all centered around weight..and she isn't yet at her goal, she figured out this anorexic behavior before she lost all her weight....so she has to try to lose the last 25 of her pounds in a HEALTHY manner) and me to make sure that I'm not eating too many calories (and to ensure that I'm not error in the side of not eating enough).  It's an odd match.  It's a very odd match, but you know what?  It may work.

I have also reinstituted the daily emails to my three friends Julie, Donna and Sherry!   Thanks gals...YOU ROCK!

addictions

I'm an addict.  My addiction is food. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad.  I eat to celebrate and I eat to forget.   Last week I totally succumbed to the addiction....I tried to feed my sadness away.  I tried to eat so much that I would forget the pain I feel inside me.  I finally came up for air and then I hated myself even more for the abuse that I did.  In reality, I didn't eat 4 cakes, 6 dozen cookies, or other crazy things.  I just made poor choices.  I'm embarrassed to say how many times I ate at Burger King.  yes, Burger King...and I don't eat fast food.  Poor choices.....but still feeding an addiction that burns brightly in me.

How will I overcome.  How will I beat this sadness that is threatening to take over me, lock stock and barrel?   I don't know.   But I do know that food is NOT the answer.  Now if I can just convince myself of that each time I go to the kitchen!