Rockin' the exercise!

The weather is absolutely fantastic!  I love love love it!  I was out on my bike today.  It felt good.  My butt was a bit sore today, and my right knee aches a but (which is odd  becuase it's been my left knee that has been bothering me most these last few months.)  Either way, it's arthritis. It's not an injury.  I'm going to keep plugging along.  Zumba in an hour!   Yes, I'm going to zumba on top of my bike ride.  Why not?  I was tempted to do a double zumba, but well......thought that might be overkill.  :-)

Now to just get my eating under control!!!!!

Friday

Feeling even better today....still a tightness in my chest but pretty good. Good enough that I hope to get some serious exercise in tonight.

My weight is holding pretty steady...12 pounds from where I was a week ago.  Go figure.  I'll take it!  I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth!

I really don't have much to say to day.....but just wanted to pop on and make it clear that weight loss is still VERY much on my mine.  I want to lose this weight for ME and I WILL lose this weight for ME.   I'm going to focus on the exercise for the time being. Still count my food, track and all that.  But my plan is to kick the exercise in high gear. Weight loss is really a balance.  Calories in versus calories out......  To lose weight you have two choices.  Cut your calories IN so that you are expending more calories.  OR you can UP your calories out so you are eating less than you are burning.  The optimum plan is to do a bit of both.  I've cut down and I really don't eat hog wild. (yeah, on occasion I splurge...ok ok ok, binge) but for the most part I do good.  So I'm going to kick the exercise into high gear!!!  In the process maybe even knock off some things on my bucket list!

I caved

Yesterday I was so stinkin' bold.  I was going to zumba no matter what.  Who cares that my knee wobbled and screamed at me every time I took a step.  Seriously, it's arthritis, it's not an injury (I'll be trying the baby asprin that was recommended!)...I'm going to push through it.   Yesterday the sinus pressure was making my head pound.  That still didn't slow me down...I was GOING.   And then about 1PM, my chest started hurting.  This wasn't a big deal.....kinda.  I went through all the tests about a year ago....I'm apparently as healthy as a horse, but I have these unexplained chest pains.  Go figure.  They have taped off over the last 6-9 months or so.  Every once in a while I feel a tightness or whatever.  But yesterday, they came back with a vengeance.  I laid my head on my desk and focused on breathing...because deep breaths seemed to appease pain.  I was not feeling good.  I am stubborn, I was still going to zumba.  And then while I was putting my stuff back into my bag I noticed it was gone.  My Kindle Fire was not in my bag.  I panicked.  Where was it???  Seriously, I'd die without it! (ok, maybe that was a bit melodramatic, but it caused a huge panic).  That was it.  Zumba was out the door.  I had to go home to search for the missing Kindle.  I did find the Kindle, it had fallen between my nightstand and my bed. (I suspect a four legged fur-baby of handing a hand in this crime!)

I caved, and skipped zumba.  In reality, it was probably good.  I went home, made dinner and ate.  I remember asking Todd if he would clean up the kitchen and start the dishwasher.  I remember watching some American Restoration on tv...but I was out cold by by 7:30  I stumbled to bed sometime around 10 and slept through until this morning.

How am I today?   Chest is still tight, but no serious pain.

I did get in a really short walk before work and I also walked on my lunch break.  So at least I got some activity in.  But just trying to take it easy....

A Pain in the...

Zumba last night was fun again.  It's always fun but of late there have been some gals there that make it hystarical.  We hoot and holler while we do it.  We probably look like retards, but oh well.  :-)

The problem....my knee is just aching.  I know that to keep pushing myself will get the weight off.  I know that getting the weight off will ease the pain in my knee.  But until then my knee ACHES.  My knee HURTS.  It's arthritis.  It's not an injury.  I know this so I'm just pushing through it.  It's unfortunate...but I did it to myself.  I just need to push through it. The first time I lost weight I pushed through it ....simply out of desire to be thin.   I didn't know that the pain would almost completely disappear with the loss of the weight.  This time I know that to lose the weight means to lose a good bit of the pain.  I'm not going to lie and say that my knee miraculously hurt no more.  But it was just a twinge every once in a while. 

So my response to my knee????????  SCREW YOU knee pain....I'm going to zumba again tonight!!!  Ohh, and I plan on walking at lunch today!!!!  That will be just a simple 30 minute walk...but every minute of exercise helps!

What the Heck???

So I'm exercising.  Getting that down.  I"m rolling with the exercise.  Eating...well.....I'm trying.  But yesterday I got on the scales (first time in a few days) and saw I had dropped considerable weight.  I jumped on again today....and dropped even more.  It's absolutely insane.  Are my scales going nuts?   Or is it that I'm in a much better state of mind and the weight is just dropping because I'm excited about what I'm doing for myself?   I think our bodies do crazy things like that.....so who knows.     I don't know...but at this rate...holy hangnail...I'd be thin and svelte within a few weeks.  Hardy har har har.  I wish it were that easy. 

This morning I made a breakfast casserole for breakfast.  I toasted some homemade bread to go with it.  I was eating and about halfway through I was like "I'm done"   I'm sad to say that I continued eating it. .....because it was SOOOO tasty.  But then I stopped and said "no, I can make this every freakin' day if I feel like it...it's not a special occasion where I only get this once every 6.5 years"  So I stopped.  I noticed last night that my body was screaming at me that I was done...and I did end up eating a bit more afterward...but did stop before I licked the plate clean.  This is HUGE progress.

Last night zumba was a riot.  I started and immediately my legs felt like dead weight.  Mind over matter though...I kept going.  There are two songs that are particularly brutal on the legs.  The jumping jack song from hell and the galloping song from Gehenna.  I looked at my friend who was beside me and when the jumping jacks kicked in started going "ho ho ho" really loudly with each one.  I was singing and grunting and making all sorts of crazy ass noises....and you know what??????  The song flew by....we were cracking up...but you know what...we did it!  Hopefully my legs will not be so 'heavy' and sore from the get go tonight.  And if they are...well.....I'll push through it and do it.  No question about it.  And if I have to sing.....well by all means, I'll sing.  If I have to make crazy noises to get us laughing, I'll do it.  MIND OVER MATTER!!!

Working on ME

Stepped on the scales.  I think my scales are broke.  I am showing down A LOT from where I was a few days ago.  Not sure about that.  But I'm just gonna keep plodding along and hope it is correct and not some aberration.  tee hee hee   My eating is what I really  need to focus on.  I'm not where I want my calorie count to be.

Zumba tonight!!!!

My  mind is in a good place mentally right now.  I'm working on a project.  Actually I have a few projects floating around in my head.    One I'm so anxious to start, but there just isn't enough time in the day...and I haven't started it other than write a few ideas down.   The one project I started, it's a web-based project and I'm finding it is taking a lot more time than I thought it would. I've also got a bunch more things I need to write in my memoirs, a series of stories or vignettes from my life.  I started it shortly after college on a whim with my friend Rachel.  I've written and added to it periodically.  It makes me smile to go back and reread.  That is more a project for ME.

Meanwhile, I haven't picked up my camera much in the last few months.  Winter is SOOOO hard for me.  I work 10-6 most days.  So it's cold and icky out in the morning....and it's dark when I get home.  (which I think severely impacts my emotions.)  My camera becomes lonesome.  Well I pulled it out for the first time in almost a month on Saturday..and snapped one or two pics.  And then on Sunday I went and shot a birthday party for a 1 year old.   It reminded me how alive I feel when I have a camera in my hand.  I need to remember that...and not let so much time pass before I pick up the camera again.  (the time changing this upcoming weekend should help!).

So I'm working on projects and things that make ME happy.  That are expanding and stretching  my  mind and possibly in long term make me a few bucks. 

A few picks from yesterday.....

A mental fight

I was in a mental fight with myself all morning.  I could have gone for a bike ride, but however, my limit on the bike is usually 45 degrees, nothing lower.  It was definitely lower, so no bike ride.  A jog!  I'm wanting to get back into jogging.  My knees hurt, but isn't it really mind over matter?   But it was so cold out there.  I allowed myself to get sidetracked here in the house with any number of mundane things.  I mean, seriously playing my rounds of words with friends is important right?   I looked out the window.  Brrr, it looked cold.  I guess I'll wait a little bit longer.  But I'm DEFINITELY exercising.   I wasted more time.  Looked out the window again.  Well, maybe I'll go when I get back from the birthday party this afternoon.  Yeah, that's a good plan right?  I honestly thought it was...for a few minutes.  But then reality returned.  I know that if I wait to come home I'm not going to want to exercise.  Not to mention when I get home, I'm going to have a gazillion pics on the camera.  Pictures that I'm going to want to edit.  Pictures that the mother of the birthday girl will be anxious to see....afterall, that's why I'm going to the party. (ok, I would have been invited as a friend anyway...but before that, I was hired on to take the pics).   So no, exercising afterwards was not goign to work.  The mental battle continued.  I never did make it outside.........but I did make it onto the exercise bike here at the house!   It wasn't long.  It wasn't a vicious workout.  But I worked up a sweat!  And I did it! 

True failure is not even trying!

I've been sitting around here, just whining in my head about how I am 'fat' and how miserable I am and how much I wish I would never have regained this weight and how much I hate myself for where I'm at.  Yes, how much I hate myself.  Seriously.  I hate myself more NOW than I did when I weighed my highest ever weight.  So I sit in my self induced pity party.  I sit there and don't do anything.  I've been saying over and over and over again that I am going to FINALLY change the innertube on my bike.   I got a flat on my bike last memorial day.  Yes, Memorial day of 2011.   I will say that most of last summer was horrible with my back that was not in any shape to do ANYTHING.    But while that was a valid reason last summer......it quickly became an excuse.  We've had a MILD winter.  Every nice day I would look at my bike and say "well if I just had my tire fixed I'd go out..but oh well it's not!"  EXCUSE.

Today I got home from work.  It was somewhere near 60 degrees outside today.  But my bike of course had a flat tire.  I sat here on my computer.  I didn't want to mess with it.  But then I started thinking.  I'm failing....and the real shame of it is that I'm sitting back and not even fighting!  That is the failure. 

Sooooo...I pulled out the spare tube, the bike, the pump, the tools.  And I changed my tube.  I degreased my chains and I relubed it. 

That wasn't enough.......I took the bike out and rode too!

No excuses!