Well once again, I fell off the band wagon. This is not good for me physically and it's not good for me mentally.
I was talking though to a friend. We were talknig about grief and what it does. This friend mentioned that their eye sight had gotten worse and that their hair had turned gray over night, it made me sit back and think. Yes, I had been seing gray strands in my hair for a while...but it was overnight that A patch of gray popped up. Could it be the grief and sadness that wells up inside me? Yes, probably. I had long thought that my stress and emotions were playing a part in the gray hair thing. But then last night in the middle of the night I lay in bed, unable to sleep....and it all made sense. This incredible grief and sadness that I live with on a constant basis is partly to blame for my weight. I can't lay all blame on something else. I am the one in charge, I am responsible for my weight.....but I allowed my focus to be skewed by my sadness.
The problem? I don't know how to deal with the sadness...I don't know how to not let it affect me anymore. Isn't that nuts? But, that said, I'm gonig to start standing up and being myself and making HEALTHY decisions for ME...beucase honestly, my eating and exercise routines are one of the only things in my life that I really and truely have control over!!!
Writing about it helps. At least, it does me.
ReplyDeleteI color my hair so I don't know if I have grays or not. I just don't want to know. My hair changed color over time and that was traumatic enough.
I wonder what toll depression has taken on my body. There is weight but the depression is there for me whether the weight is or not.
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ReplyDeleteboy oh boy do i understand. my battle of the bulge started when i was 8 and my mama died. it's been 36 years and i still have times when i am desolte. her birthday was april 1 and i start getting moody oh lets see around now. we're all in this together so feel free to vent or scream , anything that you need to do for you. just know you're not alone and you're in my prayers always! xoxoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteTotally! I found out in December that I'm gluten intolerant and have been doing very well off gluten. But then my doggy died last week and the FIRST thing I wanted to do was overdose on bread. But since I couldn't I just had to sit and breath through my sad discomfort. Really opened my eyes to all the ways I use food to self medicate.
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