Wash, Rinse Repeat

Well once again, I fell off the band wagon.   This is not good for me physically and it's not good for me mentally.

I was talking though to a friend.   We were talknig about grief and what it does.  This friend mentioned that their eye sight had gotten worse and that their hair had turned gray over night, it made me sit back and think.  Yes, I had been seing gray strands in my hair for a while...but it was overnight that A patch of gray popped up.  Could it be the grief and sadness that wells up inside me?   Yes, probably.  I had long thought that my stress and emotions were playing a part in the gray hair thing.  But then last night in the middle of the night I lay in bed, unable to sleep....and it all made sense.  This incredible grief and sadness that I live with on a constant basis is partly to blame for my weight.  I can't lay all blame on something else.  I am the one in charge, I am responsible for my weight.....but I allowed my focus to be skewed by my sadness. 

The problem?  I don't know how to deal with the sadness...I don't know how to not let it affect me anymore.  Isn't that nuts?   But, that said, I'm gonig to start standing up and being myself and making HEALTHY decisions for ME...beucase honestly, my eating and exercise routines are one of the only things in my life that I really and truely have control over!!!

bucket list

Well finally got off my butt and did something on my bucket list.  Yeah, amazing...because of late I've just wanted to sit around and not do anything.  So what did I do???  I entered three pics onto a photography contest.  It's not a big contest or anything.  It's a contest commemorating the 150th year of Antietam Battlefield.  It's through the local paper.  The prize is not really a big deal to me either (haa haa haa...a stay at a local bed and breakfast...which is probably one that is a mile from my house.....or a guided tour of the battlefield.....which once again is right outside my front door).  But I did it.  :-)   http://antietam.com/view-photos   Three pics of mine are on there.  :-)

These three:

So just me putting myself out there!   I thought I would put myself out there.

january report

First things first.  This morning forgot to weigh myself ...until i was ready to walk out the door.  Kicked my shoes off but didn't have time to strip down to completely au natural (which is how I normally weigh myself).   January turned out to be exactly a 10 pound month (well, actually probably a bit more than 10 pounds as I was wearing clothes!)

I don't know where yesterdays post came from.  Maybe just finally wording it.   I'm not in any dire straights.  I'm sad.....a lot.  I don't know how to get myselsf extracted from some situations. (hello I need a new job..that would solve it...but there isn't much hiring that would fit my needs/qualifications/etc) and some situations I really have no control over.  I just have learned to take care of myself. 

That said...it's WEDNESDAY!   And it's my half day wednesday.  And it's gorgeous outside!  Hoepfully I can get in a walk outside between getting off work at noon and the dentist appointment at 1:50.  :-)  (just a cleaning).  And hopefully zumba this evening.