Moving onward to Wednesday. Yesterday's eating was right on track! Zumba about kicked my butt. Oh my word the toning....one song we held a squat for the WHOLE STINKIN' SONG! while we worked out our arms, which incidentally felt like they were going to drop from my body like a lead weight....I wasn't sure what hurt worse..the legs or the arms, it went back and forth...pure torture. I'm surprised I'm able to type this morning, because I was sure that my arms dropped off my body and fell to the ground and twitched for a while after we were done. Seriously. Ok, I loved it....what helps me make it through? Mental talk.
When I'm in the middle of a particularly rough workout I have one sentence that goes through my head. And that sentence, ~~drum roll please~~ Nothing hurts worse than fat feels. Ohh I sometimes change it a bit to be a bit more personalized to the moment..but the same concept. Fat hurts sooo much. Fat physically hurts, it make my knees ache, it causes me to have stomach problems it makes me sluggish and just miserable. But fat also hurts emotionally. I lack self confidence....I realized this on Sunday (more on that in the next paragraph). That hurts. The pain of a workout is TEMPORARY. ohhh after the squat song was done and my body had a few minutes rest, I was fine. After I picked up my arms off the floor and reattached them, I was peachy fine. I knew I would be....so I kept saying "NOTHING HURTS WORSE THAN FAT FEELS.....this is only temporary, fat is forever" I pushed through it.
Sunday I figured out I really lack self confidence because of my weight. I had my camera at a concert. I actually DID get some really awesome pictures (zoom lens is an awesome thing). But there were a few people that were up and moving around and taking pictures from all over the theater. (unobtrusively..but I noticed because...well....because I like photography). I knew that I could have gotten my arse out of the seat and moved forward to take a pic or two. But I didn't...and looking closely at my motivation, or lack there of I realize that it was because I feel fat and I feel like everyone is going to look at me and say "what's that fat chick up there doing". I let my weight dictate something that I dearly love to do. No more!
Fat feels horrible.
Fat is hurting me.
Fat is no longer welcome here.
Fat, your days on my body are numbered, so live it up now......you WILL be gone.
7 comments:
Wow! This is great entry describing that horrible things about fat! I know a lot of people would think what you wrote is mean and insensitive, but they are so true.
http://musclesymmetry.blogspot.com/
That is a long time to squat! Interesting perspective today. I have often heard the quote "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" and your thought today is almost the opposite but similar, if that makes sense.
MaryFran glad you aren't going to let anything get in your way of living. Way to go on getting through the Zumba class too.
fabulous! when i was really out of shape and i started doin sweatin to the oldies i would see the enormous people on the video doin it and i got ANGRY that i was having such a difficult time, so i'd be sayin if this fat bastard can do it so can you! it's amazing how that fueled my workouts.
just keep at it darlin, you're doin great!
I can't tell you how much this post reflects me as well. There's so many things that my man wants me to wear and I just can't do it thinking that I'm too big as a woman. I won't go into a Victoria's Secret...the most feminine of all places where a woman is supposed to feel welcome and embrace her womanhood because of my size. You're right though...nothing hurts more than fat feels. I'm cheering for you. Just wish someone would do the same for me. OK...of my soapbox now.
wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Yhis hit me hard , and I needed to read it.
Thank you so very much...
have a pretty day!
Kristin
Great post! It reminded me of a story in the new show Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition (Monday nights on ABC at 10pm/9c) where the woman's family has to "wear" her weight to see what it feels like...pretty incredible, thought you might enjoy it:
http://abc.go.com/watch/extreme-makeover-weight-loss-edition/SH55124938/VD55128922/rachel
Anyway...great post & good luck! You're doing great!
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