A New Year

A new year always gives us the motivation to reflect on where we are at, on where we want to be and what steps we need to take to get there and setting goals to get there..    I didn't do too much reflecting.  I didn't do too much goal setting.   Ok, that's a lie.  I have a couple...but I didn't set up clear cut goals..for the most part. 

The first one....I am setting a goal to REALLY work on my photography.  Take the best pictures.  Edit them in such a way that they dazzle.  Just become the best I can be.  Push myself out of my comfort zone.

The second one...and it's the biggie.  Lose this weight once and for all.  I've eaten myself into oblivion the last year or two.  Things in my life got rough and while I tried to deal with those things....I stopped taking care of myself.  In essence, I stopped caring about myself.  The more weight I gained, the worse I felt about myself....and the more I ate.   I'm regaining control. It makes me sick to think that it was 5 years ago that I started this blog....and while i had already lost some of my weight back then...I find myself ALMOST back to where I was..  Yes, I need to face the truth. Voice it.  I've gained back half of what I lost.  Most of it within the last year.  I've ducked behind the camera lens (goal one helps on that one) and avoided having to face the truth in pictures.  But the real truth is that I have gained a fair amount of weight.   At my lowest, I was 180....I'm sitting at 240 right now. Still a far cry from the 315 which is the highest I saw on the scales...but it's still a LOT of weight to regain.  

Lets look at the good side.  I know HOW to lose weight.  I've proven that in the past.  Another good fact...I didn't regain all of it!

The negative side.....I feel like a failure....and those feelings feed  my desire to shovel food (my drug) into my mouth.

SOOO what am I doing about it?   I set up my menu for the next two weeks (I usually do this).  But I went one step further.  I calculated the points values for each meal.  So each night when I glance at the menu to figure out if any prep needs done for the next days meal (or anything pulled out of the big freezers) I can also quickly say "ohhh tomorrow nights dinner will utilize 15 points...that's a little high/low so I need to adjust my lunch accordingly"   Versus eat what I want and then just damn the consequences.  I'm preparing myself for battle. 

I have a challenge with a friend.   Basically we are going through from today...until the first week of spring (actually the monday after the first day of spring as we are weighing in on Mondays).  It's nothing major...just a friendly competition...winner (biggest percentage lost) is rewarded with a small monetary reward by the loser.  Nothing to break the bank ($20) but enough to motivate.  :-)   Knowing that I work well under compatitions.....I tried to get my husband to compete with me as a second competition to movitate me...but well.....I'll just have to settle for that one competition.

Todd and I will be taking a long weekend in late April....most likely to ride in Girls With Gears (if the motivation carries me into training for it)....but either way we hope to hook up with Donna and Andy our friends.  That is just shy of 4 months.  My pie in the sky goal is to be back at 200 pounds.   But I will be happy with being back into the 'two hundred-teens'.  It's possible to reach my pie in the sky goal...or at least come close......WITH discipline. 

So moving forward....no looking back.