I'm not in a good place. I am disgusted with myself. I'm saddened by the fact that I did something that I swore I would never do (regain the weight). I'm mad at my body for the signs and symptoms that the added weight have returned to me. I'm angry at the addiction that seems to take over. But in the same breath, I feel anger at myself for not being able to control my addiction.
I think what makes it worse is that I've felt the taste of thinness. I've felt what it feels like to live without weight related aches and pains. I've tasted the the sweetness and I want it back!!!!!
My eating has actually been within my points range both on Monday and Tuesday. Admittedly, Monday while it had lots of fruits and veggies was a little heavy on carbs. Tuesday, I got in an hour of tennis and an hour of zumba.....but I had a really late dinner (9PM). But I was within my points allotment for the day. So taht's good. I'm trying! I hope that I can see some progress on the scales SOON!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Wow....it's been just about two weeks....lots to talk about
Wow, has it ever been a long time since I last wrote. What a whirlwind. On September 2, 2010 at 6PM, my vacation officially began. I relaxed that evening, but the next morning started the mad pace of activity. I had set a goal to at least maintain my weight on my vacation. I knew it was going to be difficult. But I was hoping! I just looked back...the monday before my vacation started I was at 229.0. So that was my starting point.
Friday, the first day of vacation dawned bright. Todd and I headed out early and hit up Lowes to buy supplies for our home improvement projects and then quickly headed back to the house to begin. The projects? Replace the front door (and when we replaced the front door....we actually cut away and reframed the doorway so that we could put in a standard sized door....more work, but better), replace the soft subfloor in the kitchen and entryway, put in new linoleum in the laundry room and lay the wood flooring in the entryway and kitchen. So some pretty big projects. We worked ALL day on Friday. So much so that I ended up getting a sub from the local shop (the only one in Sharpsburg) and then for dinner I went back to the same place and picked up more food (chicken tenders for me). Saturday, we cancelled our plans to go to the Rennasaince festival in order to get the front door more secure and to finish the sub floor. Breakfast...at home. Lunch (sheetz sandwiches that I picked up while out running an errend). Dinner Chinese food. So the first few days of vacation were not to stellar on eating. The only saving grace? I was up and moving from literally sun up to sun down.
Sunday rolled around and we pulled out of the house bright and early and headed South. Our first stop? Staunton, VA....and to be more specific, The Frontier Culture Museum. We were there for a few hours, walking and seeing everything that they had to offer.
We left the Frontier Culture Museum and went to eat at the restaurant "Country Cookin' I ordered the 'sides bar' and did pretty well with a salad and lots of veggies. I did indulge in desserts there. (I had said I would indulge in desserts two times on my vacation, Country Cookin' was one of them). We left the restaraunt and walked through the mall and then headed into the historic area of Staunton. We walked all around Staunton for a few hours and then finally hit up the hotel. We ate dinner (Mill Tavern Restaurant...where I had a vegetable pasta dish...but we split a cheese spinach dip appetizer) and then went back to the hotel where I worked out in the fitness center for 40 minutes and then went swimming for 40 minutes. Drinks (2 for me) in the bar and we called it a night....exhausted from all the walking.
Monday dawned and we headed out. Breakfast at a little dinner in Staunton (chocolate chip pancakes for me) and then off to Charlottesville, VA. Our first stop was Monticello (Thomas Jefferson's home). We were there from around 9Am until about 3:30.
The plan was to leave Monticello and hit up the Mitchie Tavern for a late lunch and then tour the old tavern. Sadly enough, we got to the tavern at exactly 3:30...they close the restaraunt at 3:30. So we simply toured the tavern.
After the tour we decided that we were not dying of hunger so we decided to hit up Ash Lawn Highland (Monroes Home).
On the way home, we couldn't (ok...Todd couldn't) resist hitting up an winery....Jefferson Orchards.
We ended up eating at Chili's on the way home. We split the chips and salsa as an appetizer and I got a BBQ chicken meal.
Tuesday.....right back at it with laying the flooring. Lunch was at home....I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some pasta salad that I had made early in the morning. Dinner....veggies and rice. I did make it to Zumba that evening!
Wednesday was a day of errands in town.....I weighed myself in the morning and found that I was at 235 pounds. YIKES. not good...I was so active with all that walking...I was shocked and worried. Lunch....A veggie burrito at Southwestern Moe's.....dinner....can't remember. We played an hour of tennis in the afternoon...and I went to zumba.
Thursday, I did groceries in the morning... and in the afternoon we unloaded the van, reorganized our sound equipment and reloaded the van.....lunch was at Quizno's (pesto turkey torpedo) and dinner was a sub from battleview.
Friday....off again. We headed to Lancaster County, PA. We did all the normal things like headed to Wilburs for a piece of chocolate (we ate in Lititz beside Wilburs ...i had a turkey croissant sandwich and a cup of soup), and Intercourse for the canning company and the kettle kitchen. We took a buggy ride and then headed to The Green Dragon. After the Green Dragon, we checked into our hotel and relaxed before heading out to dinner at Stoudts (a restaraunt/brewery) I had a salad, stuffed chicken (all marinated in the octoberfest beer) mashed potatoes and steamed veggies. We took a drive and ended up visiting a small towns festival where we stayed to hear a bit of live music before heading back to the hotel.
Saturday we were up and running. After breakfast at a local diner (chipped beef gravy and home fries) Our first stop was the Ephrata Cloisters. We walked and toured that for a few hours...then headed to Bird-in-hand where we went to the farmers market there. We had a little time to kill so we headed to Strasburg and enjoyed the steam engine a bit before heading to the American Music Theater to see the house band's current show. We ate Dinner at Jakey's BBQ...where I had BBQ'd chicken, some chicken corn soup, macaroni salad and corn fritters. I had said that I WOULD have a piece of shoofly pie as my second dessert...so I also had some pie. We drove home and that day was over.
Sunday started at 5AM. We were running sound for a fundraiser for the fallen heros organization. It was a long day. Unloading the van, setting up gear....running the sound...tearing down. But for a good cause. :-)
Monday...back to work......boooo But I weighed myself yesterday morning 229.4. So for two weeks...of which 10 days I was on vacation, I only gained .4....I conside that a victory. I know that my weight will flucuate greatly the next few days as I get myself back onto a good routine....drinking my water and eating right. I didn't exercise yesterday. But this morning I have already played tennis for an hour....and tonight is my zumba night. WOO HOOO!
Friday, the first day of vacation dawned bright. Todd and I headed out early and hit up Lowes to buy supplies for our home improvement projects and then quickly headed back to the house to begin. The projects? Replace the front door (and when we replaced the front door....we actually cut away and reframed the doorway so that we could put in a standard sized door....more work, but better), replace the soft subfloor in the kitchen and entryway, put in new linoleum in the laundry room and lay the wood flooring in the entryway and kitchen. So some pretty big projects. We worked ALL day on Friday. So much so that I ended up getting a sub from the local shop (the only one in Sharpsburg) and then for dinner I went back to the same place and picked up more food (chicken tenders for me). Saturday, we cancelled our plans to go to the Rennasaince festival in order to get the front door more secure and to finish the sub floor. Breakfast...at home. Lunch (sheetz sandwiches that I picked up while out running an errend). Dinner Chinese food. So the first few days of vacation were not to stellar on eating. The only saving grace? I was up and moving from literally sun up to sun down.
Sunday rolled around and we pulled out of the house bright and early and headed South. Our first stop? Staunton, VA....and to be more specific, The Frontier Culture Museum. We were there for a few hours, walking and seeing everything that they had to offer.
We left the Frontier Culture Museum and went to eat at the restaurant "Country Cookin' I ordered the 'sides bar' and did pretty well with a salad and lots of veggies. I did indulge in desserts there. (I had said I would indulge in desserts two times on my vacation, Country Cookin' was one of them). We left the restaraunt and walked through the mall and then headed into the historic area of Staunton. We walked all around Staunton for a few hours and then finally hit up the hotel. We ate dinner (Mill Tavern Restaurant...where I had a vegetable pasta dish...but we split a cheese spinach dip appetizer) and then went back to the hotel where I worked out in the fitness center for 40 minutes and then went swimming for 40 minutes. Drinks (2 for me) in the bar and we called it a night....exhausted from all the walking.
Monday dawned and we headed out. Breakfast at a little dinner in Staunton (chocolate chip pancakes for me) and then off to Charlottesville, VA. Our first stop was Monticello (Thomas Jefferson's home). We were there from around 9Am until about 3:30.
The plan was to leave Monticello and hit up the Mitchie Tavern for a late lunch and then tour the old tavern. Sadly enough, we got to the tavern at exactly 3:30...they close the restaraunt at 3:30. So we simply toured the tavern.
After the tour we decided that we were not dying of hunger so we decided to hit up Ash Lawn Highland (Monroes Home).
On the way home, we couldn't (ok...Todd couldn't) resist hitting up an winery....Jefferson Orchards.
We ended up eating at Chili's on the way home. We split the chips and salsa as an appetizer and I got a BBQ chicken meal.
Tuesday.....right back at it with laying the flooring. Lunch was at home....I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some pasta salad that I had made early in the morning. Dinner....veggies and rice. I did make it to Zumba that evening!
Wednesday was a day of errands in town.....I weighed myself in the morning and found that I was at 235 pounds. YIKES. not good...I was so active with all that walking...I was shocked and worried. Lunch....A veggie burrito at Southwestern Moe's.....dinner....can't remember. We played an hour of tennis in the afternoon...and I went to zumba.
Thursday, I did groceries in the morning... and in the afternoon we unloaded the van, reorganized our sound equipment and reloaded the van.....lunch was at Quizno's (pesto turkey torpedo) and dinner was a sub from battleview.
Friday....off again. We headed to Lancaster County, PA. We did all the normal things like headed to Wilburs for a piece of chocolate (we ate in Lititz beside Wilburs ...i had a turkey croissant sandwich and a cup of soup), and Intercourse for the canning company and the kettle kitchen. We took a buggy ride and then headed to The Green Dragon. After the Green Dragon, we checked into our hotel and relaxed before heading out to dinner at Stoudts (a restaraunt/brewery) I had a salad, stuffed chicken (all marinated in the octoberfest beer) mashed potatoes and steamed veggies. We took a drive and ended up visiting a small towns festival where we stayed to hear a bit of live music before heading back to the hotel.
Saturday we were up and running. After breakfast at a local diner (chipped beef gravy and home fries) Our first stop was the Ephrata Cloisters. We walked and toured that for a few hours...then headed to Bird-in-hand where we went to the farmers market there. We had a little time to kill so we headed to Strasburg and enjoyed the steam engine a bit before heading to the American Music Theater to see the house band's current show. We ate Dinner at Jakey's BBQ...where I had BBQ'd chicken, some chicken corn soup, macaroni salad and corn fritters. I had said that I WOULD have a piece of shoofly pie as my second dessert...so I also had some pie. We drove home and that day was over.
Sunday started at 5AM. We were running sound for a fundraiser for the fallen heros organization. It was a long day. Unloading the van, setting up gear....running the sound...tearing down. But for a good cause. :-)
Monday...back to work......boooo But I weighed myself yesterday morning 229.4. So for two weeks...of which 10 days I was on vacation, I only gained .4....I conside that a victory. I know that my weight will flucuate greatly the next few days as I get myself back onto a good routine....drinking my water and eating right. I didn't exercise yesterday. But this morning I have already played tennis for an hour....and tonight is my zumba night. WOO HOOO!
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Peace
I have not given up. I"m still trying to eat healthy. It's difficult sometimes. I'm also making a real effort to get exercise back into my daily routine. I went walking on monday, on Wednesday I rode the exercise bike and this morning I drug myself (and my husband) out of bed for trip to the tennis courts.
But mostly, of late, I'm trying to find peace within myself. Peace with everything that's going on.....most of which I have little or no control over. Peace.......HIGHLY UNDERRATED!