Chicago!

Chicago!, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Not the city....not the musical....the band. Yes, we went to see them last night in Lancaster, PA. Good show, although the crowd was a bit sluggish (very old, actually....I felt positively like a baby.....definitely one of the youngest in the crowd).

So eating yesterday...ughhh For that matter, eating this week.....uggghhhh. I've totally lost control. Ok, wait, not totally. I haven't eaten tons of cake and tons of sugar. I've eaten too many carbs. meals for the last few days.......sandwiches. I've been sorely lacking in my fruits and veggies.

Drinking? Water...what's that? I actually was doing ok through Tuesday...and then started to slip on Wednesday.....and yesterday....well, I did buy one bottle of water in our travels....not that I drank it. I did however drink a FREAKIN' TON of diet soda yesterday!

Exercise? Lets say non-existent. I've done some active things.....and I did go to Zumba the other night. I fell into the trap of "I don't feel well....definitely not 100%, so I"m not going to exercise". So I haven't really exercised much. Not cool.

Extenuating circumstances.....a concert, some light traveling, the first time in 2 weeks that I've had any time off with my husband. (the last few weeks have been me waking up and leaving for work while he's stlil asleep......I get home from work and he's gone and doesn't get home until midnight or later......and by then I'm either already asleep or halfway threre.) , being sick. have I had valid excuses as to why my behavior has gone haywire? Well absolutely. BUT are there these excuses usable? NO NO NO.....I could have and should have kept it under control. Those situations are really no reason to eat. No reason to not exercise. No reason to skip my water drinking or veggies. But at least I know WHY I will be posting a bad week on the scales at my meeting tomorrow.

Soooo how does one actually make it to string 2 good weigh in weeks back to back. I seem to do one good one and then fall apart. What's up with this? It's something I want soooo darn badly, yet I'm failing miserable....through no fault buy my own!

Missing...but still kickin'

I haven't fallen off the bandwagon. I thought I had a really bad case of allergy/pollen problems. But it turns out that it was the start of a miserable cold/flu. So I've spent the last few days literally sleeping it off on the couch. I sleep for 2-3 hours and then am awake for about an hour...then back to sleep. And yes, I'm sleepign the night through also. I drug myself out of bed early this morning to hit up my weight watcher meeting AND to get some groceries (we were woefully out of some of the staples in life that couldn't be ignored any longer). I came home wiped totally out and then whadya know...I slept the afternoon away. I've actually been awake since 7PM (it's 9:30) and I'm about ready to drop.

The good news...all this sleeping has kept me from wanting to eat (and when I'm awake I'm was so weak and dizzy that I just laid on the couch and didn't want to move). So I posted a 2.8 pound loss. This puts my weight loss total back at 90 pounds! Watch out 100 pounds gone!!! I'm gathering speed and I"ll knock you over soon!!!

Learning

Had two nice workouts yesterday. I rode the bike for an hour yesterday morning and then yesterday evening I hit up my zumba class. Whew....zumba is a great workout! :-)

I stepped onto the scales with fear and trepidation this morning. I was really shocked. My weight is hanging right in the same general place that it was last week on my weigh in day (possibly up a half pound or so). I was thinking it was going to be a whole lot worse!

This weight loss journey for myself has been one with lots of learning. I've had to learn to accept responsibility for everything in my life. I can't blame my weight on all the bad stuff that happens. I've had to learn what is healthy. I've hard to learn how to motivate myself. And honestly, I'd had to learn about my body. I am still learning. It's not as simple as finding the 'magic solution' and then sticking with it. It is an evolution of learning. What works this week may not work next week. A lesson that I learned 2 years ago may have sat idle uneeded for the last two years...but it will resurface. Learning........the learning is making me stronger.

What have you learned?

Last night I got home at around 7:30 and I hit the kitchen full steam ahead. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.....then some homemade fat free chocolate ice cream......then some mini marshmallows......a handful of almonds......and I washed it all down with a dark chocolate candy bar. Can we say SUGAR? I felt physically ill afterwards. When I finally came to my sense (I claim temporary insanity) I just wanted to cry. WHY? Why did I do that. I didn't want that food. I didn't need that food. Pure outright disgust with myself....

To add to the disgust that I feel over my behavior and actions last night.....this morning I went to turn on my computer....problems. My new hard drive (I've only had this one a few months ago...I had run out of space on my other one) went kaput. And stupid me.......I haven't backed up anything since last November. I've just lost 6 months of my life. 6 months of pictures. Six months of writing. Six months of EVERYTHING ARRGGGHHH

This is not a good week...especially if you add in the other stressors that I'm dealing with.

I have pulled myself together.....I've got my healthy eating hat back on and i'm working on it. I've already ridden the exercise bike for an hour this morning...and I'm heading to Zumba after work....so 2 hours of exercise today. I'm trying.

snickerdoodle bars

snickerdoodle bars, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

The snickerdoodle bars were just the icing on the cake to my eating extravaganza for the weekend. Arrrgghhhh why can't I just keep it under control on the weekend.

Saturday started out just fine. I knew what I was doing. I had my food plan made and it was actually already entered in....life was good. Until we ended up going out to eat.....I went a few points over my daily limit. I have the weekly points so not too much of an issue.

Sunday. I had a healthy breakfast...and then we had to run to Charlestown....we ended up eating at Pizza Hut. Uhhh yeah, I ate my half of the pizza. I had my new stove delivered this weekend so I just HAD to make something in it. I baked snickerdoodle bars. Yes, I tried one (it was a new recipe also). THEN mom and dad took me out to eat. I had a turkey sandwich and hashbrown casserole. All in all for th eweekend I used roughly 13 weekly points.

Not too bad when you look a it that way. However I know that when I eat those weekly points, I usually don't have too good of a weight loss for that week. So we'll see. I'm going to think positively. I did NOT overeat over the weekend...I was never full to the point of being sick...so there is good things.

SOOO my weekly challenge for exercise is to earn 50 Activitiy POints. Right now I'm at roughly 12 (soewhere around there). I really ahve to step it up. I've got 4 more days! Of cousre Zumba is tomorrow night and that's mad points earned. But I'm goign to have to kick up the intensity and/or the time! But I'm going to do it...if I don't, I will have to pay my pennance.....(that's in the form of money........money speaks to me)

auto-pilot

I'm sitting here staring at the blank computer screen....wondering what to write. I've got nothing to say. I'm basically on auto-pilot with my eating and exercise...I'm struggling with some issues right now that are just making it hard to concentrate on anything...and thus auto-pilot. I know that that is a dangerous place to be. Complacency breeds failure. This journey takes almost constant vigilence. I cannot relax my gaurd. But yet I have to say that right now, I'm on auto-pilot. I'm relying on the good habits that I have spent the last few years developing to outsmart the fat MF habits. And I'm hangin' on.

The ups and downs of weight loss are enough to drive on to madness. Those scales. Oh those scales have the power to make me happy. They have the power to excite me. And those same scales have the power to drive me into a depression. Some people don't weigh themselves and I say "Good for you". For me though, I need to know where I'm at. How well (or not well) I'm doing. I need to know. So I used to weigh daily. Right now I weigh roughly 3-5 times a week. I stepped onto the scales this morning and after staying the course over the weekend, I found myself 4 tenths of a pound UP. What the heck? Can I not get a break????

I was feeling blue before I weighed in over various situations and things (I'm looking for a a different job and it's depressing to not find anything........I'm working 12 hours today at a job that bores me to tears....12 hours of intense boredom!....just to name a few)....so the results on the scales just makes me want to scream!

Will I give up? No. I STILL got onto the exercise bike and rode. Only 9.55 miles today (14.11 yesterday) I still had a nice healthy breakfast and packed a nutritious lunch. I"m still workin' it...but it just makes me sad. But that's one of the things about this journey.....it's not always fun and games and easy. We need to roll with the good and roll with the bad in order to get where we are going....which is 'thindom!

Yesterday evening we finally pulled out our existing stove to check the plug to make sure that we have the proper one when they bring my new stove! T minus 6 days until I have a new stove! Under the stove was about a billion of those cat toys...the bizzy balls. (the plastic balls with a jingle bell inside). Ok, maybe not a million, in reality we counted and there were 16 of them. We didn't think about it and just threw them over our shoulder into the living room. The cats went nuts because voila...new toys! We didn't think anything of it until we went to bed shortly thereafter. Lil' Mertz LOVES LOVES LOVES the bizzy balls and can play with the same one for HOURS, or until she loses it under a piece of furniture (or stove haa haa haa). In the past, I've actually had to get up in the middle of the night to remove a bizzy ball from Lil' Mertz' playful attack, simple because she rips through the house like a lunatic, with that stupid little bell jingling merrily. Last night, I didn't even attempt...because she had 15 of them. And she played ALL night. Jingle jingle jingle! In and out of the bedroom, into the bathroom, in the kitchen. The cat was EVERYWHERE. JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE! Finally at around 6AM, she must have succeeded in either losing the last one OR strategically hiding the last one and she was ready to relax. Of course that was when my day started. BOOOOOO

BUT, against the odds of sleepiness, I got on the exercise bike and rode for 60 minutes. It wasn't a fast ride...or even all that strenuous. I did 14.11 miles.

Ohhh so that brings me to my challenge for this week. I am to take an outdoor bike ride for 12.5 miles OR an exercise bike ride for 20-25 miles. If I do not complete one or the other of these tasks, I will need to send my 'penance' to my weight loss buddy. My penance? MOney. Cold hard cash! $20 bucks. Not enough to break me...but I don't like to part with my moldy money!!!!!

The updated stats for my yearly Activity Points goal......487!!! (65 this last week)

Water retention.....tis a funny thing. Sadly enough for women, it happens like clockwork once a month. But even beyond that......I drank diet soda all day yesterday. I may have had one or two sips of water throughout the day.....but mostly soda. By yesterday evening, my rings were so stinkin' tight.....water retention. I didn't weigh myself this morning, but I know that the number would not be a true depiction of my weekend efforts because of my water consumption, or lack thereof. So I'm drinkin' up today! All of these healthy habits really do go hand in hand! :-)

Running escapades

Yesterday while I was jogging (and dying) I had all sorts of thoughts about what I was going to write about and then that car issue just really blew me away. Oh well.

I was soooo super excited to complete that 3.1 miles to make a 5K. And when I reached that 5K mark, all I could think about was that episode on TBL that I wrote about a few weeks ago. I put myself in Michaels shoes and I heard Bob's voice echoing through my head "4 miles! Do four miles." So I DID! I just kept pushing myself a little further than I thought I could go...and surprisingly, my body stepped up and did it!

Sooo my pace is really slow. I'm doing a 14.19 mile. That's SLOW. haa haa haa....barely above a fast walk, but you know what....it will increase. (that's another thing I did...at the end of my run, when I was desperate to make 4 miles, but running out of time at the gym, I knocked the speed up a bit and you know what...I made it!)

My problem with running the 8 minutes. By the end of each 8 minute segment (usually around minute 6 or 7, I found that my breathing got really choppy and 'disorganized'. It felt as if my lungs were not getting enough air. I didn't let it stop me...and instead at that point I would focus on my breathing. Deep breath in for three (or four) steps.....breathe out for three or four steps. I honestly had to FOCUS on breathing. It was almost as if my body started to panic and forgot how to properly breath. The focusing on my breaths helped. I don't know if it just took the focus away or if it really helped...but it helped me push through. I just need to start focusing on that breathing technique the whole way through....so that I don't get to that choppy can't get a lung full at all!

My exercise will probably be garden work today. We'll have to see. :-)

Run-a-way Day

I made it to the gym this morning....and let me tell you. I got on the treadmill and got ready to do my walk/jog combo. I walked 2 minutes and then started to jog. I jogged for 8 stinkin' minutes. Then I walked for 2 and I figured, well heck, if I just did 8 minutes, I can do it again! So I did. I walked another two minutes and thought I'd go for broke......so another 8 minute stint. At that point I looked at the mileage and saw that it was about 2.3 miles. Well hey....a 5K is 3.1 miles. I gathered up my determination and after a brief 2 minute walk I was off for another 8 minutes of jogging. At 40 minutes in I was at 32 minutes of jogging and 8 minutes of walking! I finished my 5K at 44 minutes (and in the middle of another stint of jogging). I stopped jogging at that 44 minutes but then started to think and decided to go for 4 miles. So I started jogging again. I hit my 4 miles at roughly 53 minutes. I walked just a bit more and ended up at 55 minutes on the treadmill.....at 4.23 miles 45 minutes and 10 minutes walked!

So now are you ready for the MF is stupid story?
This morning we got back from the gym. I pulled into the driveway and waited to make sure that the gear caught and then hopped out. (I admit to not using my parking break religiously). We got inside and then I remembered that we had stopped at Sav A Lot and picked up a few things (bananas for 29cents a pound and a 20 pound bag of potatoes for 2.98...and since sav a lot is by the gym, it makes sense to run in and get those things when I'm right there anyway). So we went back out to the car..opened the truck (with the key...not from inside the car) and got the stuff out. We walked around the yard and I checked my strawberry patch (they are green!). I went in and hopped into the shower. I was just getting out of the shower when Todd starts yelling "Your car!!! YOUR CAR!!!". I wrap my towel around me (thank goodness for bath sheets!) and ran out to the door and onto the front porch. my car was not where I parked it....I looked down the hill....my car was sitting in the middle of the woods.......I wasn't sure if it had hit a tree and bounced enough that the tree was beside it...or if it had just missed the tree by mere inches. I went in and threw on clothes as fast as I could and trucked down into the woods (probably at LEAST 100 feet). It was quickly obvious that the car had only stopped because of tree that had been cut down and was laying on it's side....and acted as a stopper. We looked....the car had literally missed the tree by inches! I hopped in the car and pulled it back up onto the driveway........we checked the car.....just a few minor scratches (which will actually be able to be buffed out with a towel)....and we had to pull some brush out from underneath....but the car is fine. WHEW.

So....how is your day???? (And it can't be worse than a run-a-way car can it????)

Hump Day!

Week 2 of Zumba is done. I was starting to really get the steps down.....except for the one salsa move. I would be ok...but when she started to turn I woudl lose it and have no clue what my feet were supposed to be doing! But I pushed myself. I didn't do the modified. When there was a hop, I hopped....when there was a jump, I jumped. I tried to push myself fully! Good workout!

This morning....I woke up with the alarm clock. I laid in bed, my eyes felt as if they were glued shut! But after laying there for a few minutes, I groaned and pushed the covers back. I won't say that I bounded out of bed.....I moved SLOWLY. But I got on that pesky exercise bike and got a ride in this morning. It wasn't a long ride. It was only 35 minutes...but I did it. I also got a load of laundry through the washing machine and onto the line. I went through the pantry. The pantry had gotten really jumbled...so I organized and wrote down what we have. :-) I'll be able to sit down now and figure out what we are eating the next two weeks and make up my grocery list! I showered, drank a smoothie and headed off to work. I work 9 hours today. Tonight Todd and I are planning on spending the evening outside working in the yard and garden!!!

Do you round up or down in your figures? I was just writing how many minutes I rode. 35 sounded so lame so I literally backed it up and changed it to 40. But then I was like. Wait...that is cheating MYSELF! I find myself wanting to round down on my food intake. I have to stop myself and say.....I'm only cheating myself if I do that!

Shame

I'm so freakin' ashamed. I was at work and I was just dragging. I KNEW I didn't want to go to the gym. I was hungry and my legs just felt HEAVY! SO what did I do??? I went home and ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (ok, not so much ashamed at that one...my stomach had literally been growling for a few hours) and when my husband got home a few minutes after me, I promptly talked him out of going to the gym. ME, the one that babbled about how I hoped he wouldn't wimp out on going to the gym. I swore that we would run our errends and I would ride the exercise bike at home for at least an hour in lieu of the gym. I had such good intentions. I made dinner....and washed the dishes and got on that bike. My legs felt like dead weight. I made it 10 minutes before I gave it up.

I'm a loser!

I am packed and ready for Zumba tonight though. I'm at work...I have my workout clothes, my dinner and my water bottle ready to fill up! No excuses tonight!

This running dialogue in my head....I call it the fat mini me that's in my mind feeding me all of these excuses. And honestly, it's difficult because the excuses are SOOO easy to succumb to!

Lots on my mind

So what is really on my mind.......food. I just put some new recipes onto my food blog. That of course makes me think about food. It makes me think about the yummy stuff that I shouldn't eat....WAIT, in moderation...I'm allowed in moderation. Of course moderation is a problem for me. So anyway, it got me to thinkin' about yummy foods. . But mainly, my mouth just salivated at the thought of dinner. Dinner tonight is Chicken Pot Pie. I actually made it last night and it's in the stove waiting to be baked. Why did I take this method did I ask? Well, it would be becausee I get off of work at 4PM and the plan is to go to the gym at 4...then come home and have dinner. I knew that if I din't have dinner planned and actually even partially prepared that I would be really tempted to say "lets go out to eat'. We've been so busy and working such opposite schedules thave I haven't cooked much....I wanted home cooked meal!

Lunch today was a Summer Salad. Super yummy!


I feel as if I did pretty good this weekend. I didn't stray too far from the plan....actually all still within the plan. And I cut down on my carbs...which is REALLY good for me! :-)

Counted my new recipes for this year........26....so I'm more than half way through my recipe goal for this year (52 new recipes tried for the year....granted some of them are not at all healthy.....such as the Irish cream Cake.....I am not even going to put a link to it here...because it's NOT HEALTHY!).

Ok....I need to earn about 60 activity points a week for the rest of the year to make my goal. Now I know that come summer outdoor activity that I'll earn mad points while working in the garden and with the preservation of the produce. So I will probably make some headway in the summer. Meanwhile.....I USUALLY net between 4-10 points a day. So I really will have to step it up!!! (of course there are some days where I earn upwards to 20....such as last tuesday when I worked out at the gym and then also did Zumba!)

Well, I thought 2500 sounded like a challenge but not out of the ball park. I figured that I would have had lots of AP's wracked up already this year. Uhhhhhh......the year is already more than a quarter of the way through......a quarter of the way would/SHOULD having me at 625 points. So where I am???? 422 as of yesterday! Ok, so I've got my work cut out for me!

Ok, had a question about the ice cream that I talked about the other day.


Yes, it is reduced sugar and yes, it is reduced fat. Does it taste differently. Honestly, I dont' miss it while I"m eating it. Every once in a while I'll splurge and get 'regular' ice cream and THEN I notice how creamy it is. I have the biggest problem with the fat free frozen yogurts that you can get in the tubs.....they taste to ice crystally for me. But back to the reduced fat ice creams......I like them and buy them pretty regularly. I guess for me it still tastes really good and any taste difference is so minute that the 'real' stuff is not worth it to me. I'm sure there are people out there that differ with my thought....but to each his own. (I have things that I refuse to drop down and eat low fat/fat free versions of....ice cream is not one of them). That said, there are some brands that do a better job of the low fat/sf versions of ice cream. So test some out. (Bryers does a great job...and actually nutrition label wise, some of the best choices....but their flavors are somewhat limited. This is the first time I had Blue Bunny....I will buy again!)

And like always...just because it's low fat/sugar free....portion control is VERY important! I usually follow this rule of thumb/tip when buying ice cream to make sure that our portions are correct. :-)

New Goals

Whew....what a day! It started at the crack of dawn and it just continued.....busy busy busy. After work, I made a quick lunch and then Todd and I hopped onto our bikes and headed out for an hour long ride. We got back and had a bit of my new favorite ice cream (it was dang hot out there today). Todd jumped in the shower and left shortly thereafter. I began work. I started at one end of our abode and worked my way across to the other end. Furniture was moved. Floors were scrubbed (hands and knees). Toilets were swished. Carpets were not just vacuumed, carpets were cleaned with my new steam cleaner. Laundry was done. I worked until 7PM...and I'm utterly exhausted! Sore too!

SO while I was doing all this work I was thinking (well, and singing as I was listening to music the whole time)....I fell apart on my mileage goals. Basically I set a goal that was so darn high that it was near impossible. SOOOOO I came up with a new goal. I am a weight watchers....I count points. SO this year, I'm aiming to earn at LEAST 2500 Activity points. For those of you that don't know how activity points work.....for me walking for 15 minutes is roughly 1 activity point. However, if I jog (up the intensity) it goes to 2 points. It is also based on how much I weigh...as I lose.....I'll earn less for the same amount of work. :-) This goal is better for me......for those days when I'm out in the garden shovelling and working REALLY hard....I am still earning activity points. ANd no, I dont' count a simple house clean (1 hour job) in my activity points. Today when I did it for 5 hours without a break...yeah, that is a 'special' occaision and that is counted.

Tonight at some point I'm going to go back through my daily tracker and figure out how many AP's I have already earned this year. :-) I'm always religious about counting them. :-) I'll post my progress up to date tomorrow!

Had my weigh in this morning. I dropped 1.4 pounds. So that pretty much recoups my weight gain from last week.

I'm very determined to NOT splurge and eat like a starving pig this weekend. I will NOT NOT NOT have to step on the scales on Monday and see a gain of 3 pounds (that happened last week) only to spend the next few days working my tail end off to try to at least show a maintain!! That is just so not cool. Sooo if I was showing myself up 3 pounds on MOnday...but still managed to lose after 5 days of being on plan....what the heck can I do if I'm on plan EVERY day!!! I can't wait to find out!

I've got a busy day planned. Already I've been to town and went to City Market for a bit and then went to my weight watcher meeting. I left there and made it work by 7:45. (yes, AM). I work until noon...then off to the house to eat a quick lunch and then I plan on heading out on my bike. Todd works at 3 and that will be my cue to crank up the stereo and do a REALLY good house cleaning. We bought a steam cleaner last night...so I'll be checking that out also tonight. So I've got a busy day planned. :-)

Tomorrow......nothing planned. :-)