Deep thoughts and reflections

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Val! Your generosity has really touched my soul! I can't even express how much! Thank you!

I was reading blogs this morning and got to thinking about my weight and what caused me to start losing. I thought I would list them here...as a reminder to myself. You see, after losing a significant amount of weight, those ailments and reasons are pushed aside or have disappeared (some fully, some for the most part) and it's easy to forget why I'm doing this. So here goes.

1. My weight was going to kill me sooner or later. It would have been a miracle if I did not end up with diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and every other weight related illness known to man. I had already been diagnosed with high cholesterol and had had a few instances where my blood pressure was elevated...nothing regular thank the Lord!

2. I was sick constantly. It was not abnormal for my stomach to hurt and to spend half of the night clutching my stomach and rushing to the bathroom.

3. Knees. At the tender young age of 28 I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my knees. The doctor bluntly told me that the only thing that would really help was to remove as much weight as possible from my knees. I didn't really pay attention and do anything about it....and then I started feeling the pain in my hips. (apparently when the knees go, the hips sometimes follow)

4. To be able to dress how I want and not in whatever clothes I find that fit me without looking terrible.

5. It hurt to watch family member struggle with their weight and illnesses...and I knew I was following in their footsteps!

*************

A long time ago I realized that I lose more weight when I am completely focused on losing. Almost as if losing weight is my sole purpose in life and all else is secondary. I noticed that when that focus slipped, I started to not lose weight. ohhhh I may have maintained some weeks, but eventually I would gain.

In September I started a 365 project in which I take a picture a day for a year. I made it 6 months....it became my focus. I thought constantly about what I was going to take a picture of...I thought about what I could do to that picture in photoshop. I spent hours playing around with the camera...on the computer... I read books...etc etc etc. Not that that was a bad thing....but my focus was on my photography. Is it a coincidence that my weight started spiralling out of control in October? I even started doing a monthly scavenger hunt with my camera....taking my attention even further into photography. Once again, not a bad thing......unless that focus could be better spent on something else......me.

In the last week I've been thinking. While I don't want to really stop the 365 project...I know that I need to readjust my priorities and make losing weight my primary goal. That has to be my focus...even above my training for this ride. Losing weight is number one. Luckily, the training should enhance my weight loss. :-) But my main focus needs to go back to losing the weight!

Way to go to the contestants on The Biggest loser for persevering through and completing their own half marathon! It reminds me of something that my brother talked about when I called him for training advice. He told me that distance biking (the advice is the same for running) is more of a mental battle than anything else. You have to have your mind wrapped around the objective (finishing what you set out to do) and then go for it and don't look back! He talked about how he has gone on 100 rides with people that have had little or no training (in fact he has done it some years) and how they push through the pain and focus on their objective and they do it! The contestants talked about how Tara and Sione could do it because they run 6 miles at the ranch. 6 miles is NOT 13 miles. Yeah, they may be more conditioned and better prepared than someone that doesn't run at all (yeah, some of them looked really awkward running...but hey, not all are runners and even though they looked awkward, they finished. Like I was saying 6 miles is not a half marathon...they were not prepared and conditioned to run a half marathon. So how did they finish? What pushed them to continue through the pain. Ohhh yeah, it was that mental training. They had their mind wrapped into their mission. They were focused on the goal.

I had a really difficult time holding in my emotions when the contestants went home. I hope that at some point on the show they actually come back and say (or I can find out somehow) that Ron's son (not mike...the one at home) has started to lose and that he is getting healthy. Tore my heart out! Yeah to Kirsten's sisters for taking control and losing weight in conjunction to their mother and sister being on the shoe! While my heart aches for Aubry's father (who wouldn't be bothered by a 500 pound man). I wanted to shake Aubrey. She went on the attack I think with her father. Come on...he's 500 pounds! He can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. He doesn't know where to start to change! Don't preach at him....teach him!!!! Show him where he needs to start. Hounding someone is not going to make them change!

Ok, enough of my thoughts on The biggest loser!