Just playin' around tonight

A picture of my baby Ethel!
Is this what smells so wonderful in my yard? I was out there sniffing trying to track it down!
A corn planter that is half buried by weeds on the edge of our property.

I've had a good day. Like I said previously, I exercised early this morning. BUT to add to that, I've thus far been able to keep my eating totally under control. As long as I can stay away from the kitchen tonight I'll be a-ok!!!!

My day.....well, we went shopping. I drug Todd back and forth across town. Well...I wanted to make sure that I was getting the best deal on things! And then we ended up going back to the first place....best salesman....and locally owned and operated business. GOTTA go with the locals if at all possible! We ran into Sam's Club....Todd actually picked out a pair of shorts. Shorts that I saw and LOVED for him...but I thought that there would be no way in H E Double hockey sticks that he would wear. He saw them and wanted them! Hot diggity...SOLD! Lets see...and DVD's for the business. OH yeah, exciting stuff. Then we went to the grocery store. More excitement. tee hee hee ANd of course the liquor store on the way home. NOT for me. I don't drink my points. First of all I HATE beer....but most importantly, I don't want to ante up the points for alcohol!

What I did ante up the points for......the new Weight Watchers chocolate Chip cookies. They weren't all that bad. Yeah, I'd prefer my homemade ones (or mom's...but that's the same as mine). BUT, then I end up with a big bowl of cookie dough staring me in the face...and then a whole batch of cookies to contend with. These are individually wrapped and it wasn't all that bad. I won't mind working on that box.....managed carefully and eaten over the next few weeks!

We were so busy with our shopping and mundane errands that we didn't go to the movies. OH well....if we get rained out of my mysterious surprise tomorrow maybe we'll end up at the movies. tee hee hee Oh yeah...one more clue. I asked Todd if I should be taking my camera....at first he was like, "yeah, I guess it wouldn't be a bad idea". This evening he was like, "definitely". HMMMMM

Woo hooo. Yesterday I was 187.2. I was a good girl yesterday....I did splurge and eat something that I really didn't need last night. I mean, seriously...did I need that toast 30 minutes after dinner? No...I probably didn't! HOWEVER, I had the points for it! SOOOO you may be wondering what the scales said this morning???? 184.8. WHAT??? What kind of drop is that? I'm not complaining though!

I woke up this morning at around 5AM (5:02 to be exact). I didn't want to move! SO, I just laid in bed, snuggling under the covers until about 5:40. Felt good to be a bum! Side note of funniness. As I was laying there I moved a little bit. Todd was laying next to me (obviously) and he rolled over practically on top of me and held me down and whispered "Do not fidget or move". Well, I couldn't because he was holding me down. I just lay there and he relaxed after a few.......I didn't fidget for a while...lol. I have no clue what he was dreaming about...but I received my instructions. Anyway, at around 5:40 I got out of bed, went to the bathroom (that's when I weighed myself...woo hooo), grabbed my headphones off my desk and onto the exercise bike I hopped. I rode for about 30 minute......yep, watched the next episode of my the biggest loser while riding. I was off the bike, in and out of the shower and ready for work at 7AM. I was productive with that time. I did a few dishes (I had forgotten my containers from my lunch box last night when I did dishes....and I cleaned a few things out of the refridge), I updated my coupon book, finished my grocery list, and organized some files of recipes. Oh yeah, exciting morning. Now here I am at work.

Todd's plans for today did get cancelled. I think we are going to go see the new Indiana Jones movie. I've heard conflicting things about it....that it's neat to see the characters from the previous movies...but the plot is a little lame. Hmmm who knows. I think we'll see it regardless. I want to walk through the mall and go into the camera store. I've been pondering a new camera for a while....I'm thinking I'm gonna go for it! (Todd's given his ok). And I'll probably get my groceries while in town. I want to run into Sam's Club also.

Candy and bad for me stuff at the movies. The popcorn I can resist from buying. The hard part will be if Todd wants it. Because if he is sitting beside me nibbling.....eii yii yii...that is when I'll find it hard to resist! BUT I will. I do not want to undo my great weight from this morning! If I can hold that weight, it will put me 4.8 pounds from being at goal at my meetings! Woah...I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I may get to lifetime SOON!

Uhhh yeah, I guess the camera will be my goal/lifetime reward. :-)

Heart Rate Information

I've spent a lot of time looking at heart rates and figuring out where mine should be. It seems as if most of the calculations are based on simply age. Every once in a while you find something that is based off of your resting heart rate. I thought to talk to my doctor about my resting heart rate. (yeah me...he gave me two thumbs up....because mine is in the 40's...which he said is the heart rate of an athlete....HA, that's not me...but at least my ticker is in shape. He said marathon runners actually can actually get their resting heart rates down into the 30's. Uhhh yeah, that's probably not gonna happen for me!)

So, I found this today...and blatantly stole it from a friend, Thanks Tom if you read this!

Maximum Heart Rate
The simple formula and one most commonly used is:

220 - your age = MHR

In may case that would be:220 - 35 = 185

However, the scientific community uses your weight and some other unknowns to get a more accurate MHR. Let's see how close the two are.

Formula: 210 - 1/2 age - (0.11 Xs personal weight + 4) = MHR

Using the same guinea pig again (me)

210 - 17.5 - (0.11 X 185 + 4) = MHR

192.5 - (20.35 + 4) = MHR

192.5 - 24.35 = MHR

168.15 = MHR

Hmmmm.........that is actually close to what my 85% goal is when I calculate and figure out the zone that I should be working using age and resting heart rate.

Which to use???? Which to use???? I don't' like decisions!

OK, one last thing that I'm going to add here...something else I have ripped off from Tom....these question and answer segments! They just about made me roll! Funny because that kinda parallel the thinking that made me fat in the first place! Anything to rationalize my weight and why I was doing such unhealthy things to my body! Regardless...read and enjoy the way out there thinking!

Maybe I should call these (not so) Healthy Tips!

Question: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

Answer: You must understand logical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay & corn. And these are? That's right, vegetables! So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetables). And pork chop can give you 100% of your RDA of vegetable products.

Question: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

Answer: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap!

Woo hoooo it's Friday!

The library.

The living room.

Me in the kitchen.

Here are some current pictures of our place. For those of you who haven't been following this saga. We own a property that a family member was living in. The family member trashed the place. I spent a YEAR cleaning and redoing pretty much everything. If it stayed, it was bleached, then primed with Kilz (that stuff is wonderful) and the painted! We installed new toilets, sinks, tubs, floors....everything. You name it! NOTHING, but nothing stayed untouched! Here are some pictures of the fruits of our labor! We moved in a few months ago. We are now working on the outside. I'll be happy when this project is complete and we are simply doing normal common upkeep!

Ok, this morning my home weight was at 187.2. I know that I get depressed if it goes up. However, I need to keep track of it. Not knowing is worse. Because if I feel or perceive that I did bad and I think that the weight is up, then my eating reflects those thoughts. Meaning I feel fatalistic. I think it would be better to know. That said, for the last 3 weeks or so I haven't' been weighing daily. My weight has gone up...and it's not going down. I've come to the conclusion that staying away from the scales does not work for me. Thus, I'm going to start weighing once a day again. Nope, I may not put my weight on here...unless it totally shocks me. But I will know! :-)

Last night I was simply exhausted. It's been this way for the last week or so. I'm just so utterly tired that I can barely function! It's absolutely crazy! I ended up going to bed at about 8:30 or 8:45. And when I say went to bed. I don't mean went to the bedroom and read, or talked to my husband or anything else that you think I may have done. I was ASLEEP...SOUNDLY by that time! I don't' remember ANYTHING at all until around 5:15 this morning when I heard a cat. Oh yeah, the cat woke me up....and once I cleaned up the hairball I was wide awake. (What is it about hairballs that wakes one up?) SOOOO I did what any questionably sane person would do. I got on the exercise bike. I rode for an hour or so! Felt good. I'm tickled that it's out of the way! :-)

With my exercise done, I decided to just continue on in the healthy vein of thought. After putting the dishes away from last night (hey, they had to totally dry didn't they?) I made myself a sandwich. The sandwich was lite bread, egg beaters (1/4 cup....to equal one egg) and a slice of fat free cheese (man, the fat free cheese has improved in recent months/years....it actually melts now!!!!). I filled my water jug (yep, I also remembered to bring it to work today...almost forgot but remembered as I was locking my house door so I was able to run back in and grab it), took my multi vitamin and I was feeling GREAT with myself. :-)

The weekend is almost upon me! Just work today and a few hours tomorrow morning and I'll be FREE! :-) Todd was supposed to be away tomorrow...but it's contingent on the weather, and the weather is not cooperating with him. SO I don't know what we are going to do! On Sunday, he has some sort of surprise activity that he is taking me to. I have utterly NO clue! He says it's outdoors. In the afternoon. We should eat a light lunch before we go (previously he had mentioned that there is no food involved, but we would go out to eat in conjunction with this activity). Uhhhhhmmmm what other clues. I think he said that it may be a county or two away. He's driving. He said I should dress casually. He thinks its funny because I told him that i think he's taking me to some beer brewery or wine tasting. And I'll admit, that I don't' like beer.....and honestly I don't' like wine much either. (yeah yeah yeah I know...no class at all......lol). I've been tempted to look in the papers and online to see what activities are happening locally this weekend...but I haven't yet. Admittedly it's killing me to not know!!!

Thursday and a headache..what a day

I've been tagged by Debbie : Here ya' go.

The rules:1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. Share 5 facts about yourself.
3. Tag 5 people at the end of your post and list their names, linking to them.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs.

I"m not going to tag anyone, but if you are reading this and want to participate, your more then welcome!

Five Things About Me:

1. I have four cats. Lucy, Ethel, Desi and Jody (Jody was already named when I got her, I refer to her as Jod-i-fred to keep the I Love Lucy theme)

2. I tend to jump from job to job. I get bored with what I'm doing and that means it's time to change 'careers'. (Right now I'm a bank teller.....far cry from my college degree in elementary education.)

3. I'm a city girl that is slowly becoming accustomed to the life as a country girl. Amazingly, I"m finding that I love certain aspects.

4. I'm really really really afraid of mice and bats. (and other creepy crawlies)

5. I love to cook and try new recipes!


Well, there you have it.

I'm really really struggling tonight. I just can't seem to get enough food into my body! What's up with this. I want to keep eating. I know that there is no way that I can truely be hungry, yet I want to continue eating. I've eaten pretzels and some almonds! OH yeah and a piece of chocolate......just a little piece. It makes no sense. I just got good news that puts me REALLY close to making goal with weight watchers. YOu'd think that that would totally cause me to jump up and down with excitement and buckle down to get there! It's having the opposite affect. I just want to eat more! This is NOT good!!!!! I'm refusing to eat any more tonight!!!!! I'm just not going to do it!!!

So what's up with this? Is there any rhyme or reason to this? Am I afraid of reaching that magical goal? WHAT WHAT WHAT???

Todd had the bikes our and ready when I got home. I walked in the door and he was like, "lets go." I asked him how he felt......he said he was still feeling pretty bad but he wanted to go. SO go we did. WELL, after we were out on the bikes, he admitted that he didn't eat lunch....because he was afraid it would make him sick and he then wouldn't be able to ride. So not only was he feeling sick to his stomach...but he was weak from not eating! OK, I love my husband but wherein the world was his mind?????? He made it about 2.5 miles before we had to turn around. SO I got in about 5 miles. I came home and set about to ride the exercise bike to make up the difference. Well, as I've mentioned, I utilize the laptop to watch videos on Youtube while I ride. FOr some reason the interenet was really sluggish....or youtube was sluggish...somthing was sluggish. I couldn't watch my video. Well, that just blew my mind and I ended up going about 2 miles more before quiting. It is neat to see how motivated I am to watch that show...motivated to ride like a demon while I'm watching.

Exercise and onion rings?

Well, I woke up early to exercise. But my husband got up at the same time. That normally doesn't stop me from exercising. What stopped me was his idea. I get off at 3PM today. He will be home at around 2PM. He was like, "lets go for a bike ride together this afternoon". I jumped at it! I would MUCh rather be outside being active. No contest there. However, after I had putzed around and pretty much wasted that alloted time, he starts talking about how miserable he feels and how sick he is. Wait a cotton pickin' minute. How are you going to go on a ride with me if you are sick? This happens often. I'll forgo exercise in the morning (when I KNOW it will get done) to wait to exercise with him. (which I do enjoy when it happens). And then when the time comes to exercise together something comes up and we dont' do it. At that point, the newly freed time then gets sucked up leaving me with no exercise. This is not cool! So I flat out told him...."if you dont' go, I've still got to exercise...so don't plan anything else for that time". It's not that I don't want to be with him.....but I have to take care of me!



Got my water all ready this morning. (Took my vitamins also) and what did I do? I walked out the door without it! I'm like totally lost without my water jug! Yeah, I'll be able to continue using it when I get home. HOWEVER, here at work, I'm forced to use the styrofoam cups that we have beside the water cooler. At least we have them....BUT, I like my water jug?



Ok, I'm done whining about the water now! I'll move on to my weight. Well, wait, I didn't step on the scales this morning, so nothing to say about that.



And a recipe for those of you out there that loves to try new things......Baked Onion Rings.



One big sweet vidalia onion

flour

egg white (or egg substitute)

seasoned bread crumbs



Spray a baking sheet with non-stick spray and preheat oven to 400 degrees.



Place the flour, egg whites and bread crumbs in three separate bowls. Peel and slice the onion, separating the slices into individual rings. Dip each ring first in the flour, then the egg mixture and finally the bread crumbs. Making sure to coat it thoroughly. Place breaded ring flat on the baking sheet. Repeat with each ring. Bake 20 minutes or until onion rings are crispy and cooked through.



I usually do one onion for my husband and I. It gives us plenty with some left over. The amounts of flour, egg white and bread crumbs varies with the size of the onion. I usually just start with what I think looks good...and add to as I need. :-)

A gain

No surprise there! I showed an 'official' gain of 7.4 pounds. THat puts me BACK at 187.2 pounds. 7.2 pounds away from my new weight watchers goal. THEN I can focus on going lower and meeting some of my own personal goals).

I have been doing really good with my healthy habit challenge of remembering my multi-vitamin. I was a bit worried because I"ve been trying to take it as soon as I wake up in the morning....however today I waited until I came home from having my bloodwork done. BUT, I remembered! :-)

I've been busy today. I woke up at around 5:30. I started cleaning the house. At maybe 7 or so I was almost done so I sat down and answered a few emails and such. At 8 I headed off to get my bloodwork done. BY nine I was back home. I changed my clothes and headed outside. Or technically out to the screened in porch. I painted until about 1 or 2 (stopping for lunch of course). I then took the garbage from inside OUT. Pulled the garbage from the cans, put new bags in the cans, gathered some construction garbage and bagged it up...and drug the bags to the roadside. I came back in from that and Todd looked at me and was like, "Your a machine". hopped on the exercise bike and logged some mileage/time on there before finally heading to the shower. :-) Todd and I then relaxed and played a little xbox together. LIke I said..busy day. Pretty soon I have to start breading onions for some baked onion rings. Mom and dad are coming to dinner tonight. I'm having grilled chicken (it's been marinating since last night), baked onion rings, and corn. MOm is bringing a salad and some fruit. A nice healthy meal.

Last night I was a bit bothered. I was chit chatting with the receptionist at my meeting and she was fine. AND then I gave her my doctors note. OH my word....she turned cool and snippy. What the heck? THey dont' get paid on commision do they? LOL Oh well..I don't really care.

A new goal to work towards!

Ok...here is where I'm at. After my mamothly busy day yesterday I was anxious to step on the scales. I ate healthy...I worked hard. Things were gonna be ok. Maybe not as low as i wanted them to be...but ok. I saw the number on the scale and totally started to cry! WHAT THE HECK? 190.6 pounds! WHY WHY WHY! This is so totally outrageous. Ironically enough, last night my husband and I had been talking and making lists of things that we would like to get done soon. On the immediate attention list was "make a doctors appointment for MF". During this 'stuck in the 180's thing (Since last September) I've had numerous people advise me to go see the doctor. I've been told that it is possible when you lose a lot of weight to through your body systems out of whack. So this morning at 8AM i called the doctor. They gave me an appointment for TODAY. I went at 10:45 this morning. Well, I learned a few things today.

Number one: after visiting the doctor the ick arrived. A week early, uninvited..but oh well. So that will account for a few of those ten pounds that's I've gained in the last 2 weeks...ok maybe 2 of them.

Number two: I am having the bloodwork done. I'll be going tomorrow mornign first thing as this is a fasting type of bloodwork. So I won't have the results from that for a few. I'm having my cholesterol checked, my thyroid checked, something called a metabolic panel..and one other test that escapes my memory. I'll go tomorrow to have the blood work taken.

Number 3: When I told the doctor that I was frustrated about working to reach a goal..and not moving, The doctor asked me what my goal was. I looked at him and was like, "I have no clue" I've never been this weight as an adult...so I'm just working toward the recommended goal for weight watchers (which is based off of the BMI) I told him "I was wondering what you recommend as I have never been on the thin side as an adult" He did some kind of calculations on the paper and looked at me and said, "As a 35 year old female, being 5'8" tall you should weigh..." Are you ready? Betweeen 160 and 180! I looked at him in shock. Because as I've mentioned on mroe than one occaision, 160 is pretty much the high end for my height...NOT the low end. I told him that. His words were,"and not to be rude, but you are not 20 years old anymore" He did say that it woudln't be impossible for me to get under that mark...but realistically I should be aiming for between 160 and 180. HOLY crapola! I told him what weight watchers was having me shoot for. He shook his head in amazement. YES...he wrote me a note to give to weight watchers so that i can to adjust my goals to match my doctors recommendation.

I will still have to get myself past that 180 barrier. But hopefully just knowing I'm right there....next to the 'goal' will ease the tension and maybe I'll pop through that barrier. And yes, between you and me, I still think it woudl be a total lark to make it to 150. :-)

The doctor, who is a big guy himself (and whom I actually haven't seen for a while, since I don't go to the doctor all that often, and the last two times I've had to see someone else in the office) just sat there in amazement...kept asking me all sorts of questions about how I did it. Actually told me that I dont' have much of a saggy skin problem. I laughed and told him that I 'hid' it well! LOL

Todd had gone with me....and the doctor noticed Todd's weight loss also.

On the way home Todd looked at me and was like, "I will do whatever needs to be done to help you get there". He went on to say that he would be doing it because it would benefit me...but it would also really be benefiting him...to help kick start him to lose more. So hopefully things will start to work. :-)

Tired and burnt!!!!!!

Well....I started mowing at 8:30 with the stupid push mower. 6 hours of mowing later and I was done. 6 freakin' hours of plodding along, pushign a mower. IN the swealtering sun! And if that wasn't enough, I capped it off with a few hours of painting.

Uhhh needless to say, I didn't get my bike ride in today.

What did I get in today? I got in my vitamins! WOO HOOOO!

Something else I got today....a sunburn! My face is quite pink.....and my shoulders are really red! In fact, I'm wearing a sweatshirt (yeah, I"m always cold....) and the weight of the sweatshirt against my burnt skin is hurting me! Eii yii yiii. NOT good. I so need to watch the sun!

After the painting, I came in and made dinner. I had prepared some stuff in order to make a sorbet to go with dinner. OH my word, was that stuff GOOD. I've gotta look up the points....it can't be all that bad. IT's mostly fruit...with a little sugar, lemon juice and water. Put into the ice cream maker. YUMMY! I made a raspberry sorbet. Tasty tasty tasty!

Meanwhile, I'm utterly wiped out!

Emotions raging

I've got some serious emotional eating stuff going on! I know it....and I just seem powerless to stop it. Let me back up. A few weeks ago I faced up to some of my eating problems. It was liberating and felt good. However, by facing up to the problem and taking my 'crutch' or excuse away....it has now thrown me into a tailspin. Because now I have to face the situation head on and deal with it in stead of saying, "Oh, it'sbecause I'm fat." The excuse is gone, and I still totally understand taht I'm not at all at fault. HOWEVER, the situation is still looming in my life and I need to figure out how I'm goign to deal with it. I've been really down about it lately. And of course it didn't help my emotional state to see my weight rise for no reason.

Saturday was a crazy day. I was up early, my eating patterns were all screwed up. I was on the go from sunup to sun down and then some. Just crazy. And my eating got a little whacked out from all that....and maybe a bit of emotions. Then yesterday I was determined to be sooo strong. I did good through breakfast, and lunch and even dinner. But after dinner I went to the sofa to lay down. (I waas utterly exhausted yesterday. I went to my mom's in the afternoonand I could barely put a string of words together to make a coherent sentence.....it was bad enough that she called to make sure I was ok later that evening). Well, I laid on that sofa and the emotions kicked in......and before I knew it I had started eating! Dang stupid move I know! If it's any 'consolation', I'm paying for it this morning with a stomach ache.

Todd has to work a few days. He booked it, not even paying attention to the fact that it was to be memorial day. It's not a big deal to me. I am goign to get out there with the push mower and mow away. I did it all last year as the old riding mower was/is out of commission and we just never got around to getting a new riding mower until this spring when we actually moved over here. It will be four hours of pushign that beaast around the yard. (did I mention that my mower is old.....dad gave it to me....he hated it because it is like really heavy. I love it....it was FREE....music to my ears). Todd gets off around 2. The plan is to go for a bike ride together somewhere on the canal this afternoon. I can't wait! It should be fun. I'm just hoping that my stomach clears up so i can do all this. (If I have any extra time....I'll work on the painting on the screened in porch)

On to a good note. I have remembered my healthy habit for the challenge every day thus far. I almost didn't get it on one day....but thank you for the reminder!!!!!!

I fell apart!

Yes, I totally fell apart last night. I had made my plans for dinner and everything was carefully calculated. Well, it was all fine and good until I SMELLED the sausage I was cooking for my husband. It smelled so dang good, which initself is pretty amazing becuase I'm not a big fan of sausage. So I planned to have a bit. Well that's not all that bad becuase heck, I had enough points. BUT the extra two pieces of toast (they were weight watcher bread...so not as bad as it COULD have been) and then the extra half piece of Todd's toast......full fat version. ARRGGh. And I chased it all down with a weight watchers 1 point chocolate mousse ice cream bar thingy. Way too much. Then this morning, Todd and i were up and ready to go like an hour early. What did I do? Why I offered to make chipped beef gravy for breakfast! And the offer was accepted. I feel so bloated and yucky right now! I will say in defense of myself. I won't be eating much of a lunch. I work until noon...and we are then going to be picked up at sometime between noon and 12:15 to go get in the line up for the parade. I'll be in the parade until probably about 2:30 or so. The earliest I'll get home will be 3. Therefore a big breakfast was actually probably a good thing. I did pack a bag of cherries to nibble on at some point through my day. Todd and I usually do the parade thing and it's kinda a tradition for us to then go to the carnival the next town/burg over that same evening. It's my plan to eat before we go over there....so that I am not tempted with the yummy foods at a carnival. :-) I WILL pull it together again. ANd I WILL LOSE THIS WEIGHT!

Ok....healthy habit challenge. Forgot to take my multi-vitamins this morning. I will do that when I get home. Gotta remember...gotta remember...gotta remember. Vitamin, vitamin, vitamin, vitamin vitamin, vitamin. They say if you repeat something over and over, it will stick.......vitamin, vitamin, vitamin. Heck, I don't think that's working. I give up. I'll just have to hope to remember it at home! :-)

I woke up at 5:15 this morning. I laid in bed for a few...and realized taht i was awake...wide awake. I SHOULD have gotten out of bed and exercised. The thought to actualy do it did cross my mind. HOWEVER, I laid in bed and read through an old journal of mine. Not exactly conducive to my health.

WEll......maybe more conducive then I had previously mentioned. I kow that I'm struggling with some emotional eating things. I've bene a bit down lately...and I just want to eat away the issues. I intrinsically know that eating is not the solution....but it's so much easier to fall into that old comforting routine. The reason I'm going back and rereading the journals......trying to get a handle on some of these emotions and feelings that are causing me to feel down...which causes me to eat...which causes me to feel more down. It's a vicious cycle.

I'm also wondering if the stress of these emotions are not negatively affecting my weight loss efforts. They say that cortisol is a hormone that is stress related...which negatively affects a persons metabolism and all that! Just a thought.

Oh interesting. The bag pipe group that is in the parade every year is setting up right outside my window. They said that last year that they actually practised in our parking lot.....under our drive through canopy. How interesting. I'll have 'tunes' to work by! :-)

Crazy day!

I managed to avoid the scales again today. I didn't avoid the bathroom like I did yesterday. I will admit, I was sorely tempted though. BUT talked myself out of it. :-)

I woke up early this morning, and rode my bike this morning. Knocked 9.71 miles out. Felt good! Then here at work, I took a half hour break and walked about a mile and a half all around town. So I feel pretty good about that.

Lunch. Well, yes, they ordered it for us as a treat. And yes, I actually did order 'regular' food. I got a turkey and cheese pannini. It was scrumptious! I'll admit it. I used to always order sandwhiches when we went out to eat. I so rarely do anymore. A sandwhich out uses ups sooo many points....breaks the bank so to speak. So it was an absolute treat. I didn't eat the chips that came with it. OK, I'll admit, I did have a taste. But you know what....they weren't all that great....so I wasn't even tempted. I had brought along grapes and cherries today, so I had my cherries with my sandwich. I'll have my grapes as a snack sometime mid-afternoon. I've already planned out my evening food....and I've got it all under control!

Tomorrow is the day of our local parade. My branch (job) is riding in the parade. Should be interesting....lol The guy that is driving us down the parade route is plannign on having a cooler with water for us to drink. So what does dumb me say? "oh my...maybe I should bake something so that we have something to nibble on also!" What in the world? Am I insane???? Because not only do I not NEED something to nibble on while we ride in the parade.....I do NOT need to have the tempation of the baking in my house! Oh well....I may bake something and just chew my gum the whole time so that the unconcious action of putting food into my mouth will not derail me!

It's been a crazy day of highs and lows for me. Things were good when I got off the bike. They took a huge nose dive during a serious conversation with Todd. I got myself under control at work. And then things went belly up crazy. I had two customers at the drive through BEFORE we even opened....not to mention the rush I had right after we opened. We had 3 classes of first graders come in for a tour. They came in and have been working on removing some old lock boxes out of our vault (takes a while to do apparently as they have been doing here now for at least three hours.). Oh yes, and our downstairs bathroom here at work has been acting funny. The plumber has been here since about 9AM...it's 1:39 right now. He's been snaking it, they have had the sanitation department here snakign it past the pump into the city sewer lines. It's absolutely nutty. We are having to go next door to ask to use the restroom. Crazy. Everyone here is in a decent mood...so we've been laughing and carrying on about the 'poop' issues that we are having. I didn't know they could snake the lines for so long!!! I'm ready for some peace and quiet! My time at work is "MaryFran's" personal time. LOL It's my time to write my blog, read a book and all this stuff (between customers of course). This noise is infringing upon my peace. LOL My...what a rough job I have...tee hee hee

Proud of me!

I held firm. I do not know my weight for today. Was it difficult to not step on the scales? Well, I took the temptation away. You see, I'm rather anal. I try to weigh myself under the same conditions each morning. Immediately upon rising, after my morning bathroom trip, before I take anything to drink and I absolutely positively weigh myself before any bite of food passes my lips. So I knew if I could 'ruin' the ideal conditions, I would not weigh myself. Thus, this morning when I woke up, I walked to the other bathroom and bypassed the master bathroom and it's scale. And of course I had breakfast before I had any need to go into that bathroom again. So that when I did go into the bathroom, there was no temptation whatsoever. Has it been easy not knowing where I am on the scales? NOOOOO it's killing me! I want to know. I had pasta last night for dinner.....did it affect me negatively. Honestly it shouldn't have. I knew I was having pasta for dinner...so I watched my carbs all day...and my points...managed my eating so to speak. Yep, I'm having pasta again tonight. Last night was spaghetti...tonight is pesto . I'll grill a chicken breast for Todd. I'm not too overly enthralled with the meat...so I'd rather use my points on fruits of veggies. :-) I've managed my eating again today to accommodate for this.

The manager at work yesterday told me that they are ordering out for us tomorrow to thank us for our long work hours this week. So I'll be eating lunch here. I will have a little control. But I kinda panicked about the fact that I normally a lighter meal for lunch, I'll be eating heavier than normal and Still have to go home and cook for Todd. BUT, I finally came up with a solution. Todd is wanting me to cook some sausage that he got. I had offered to make pancakes ...but realized that we are almost out of syrup (note to self...put syrup on grocery list). He was like, No problem, you can do eggs and toast. SOOOOO since I'm not a big fan of meat....and well, eggs also. I'll be able to make his (which I'll enjoy doing for him) and then eat what I want. Sounds like a perfect plan to me. Crisis averted!

Rode the exercise bike for about 40 minutes this morning. Didn't feel like I was doing well. Clocked about 12.7 miles. So I guess I didn't do all that badly. But I definitely feel as if I could have done better. I was almost tempted to stay on and watch the next episode of my show...but then I remembered the kitchen that needed my attention (I wanted to move the microwave to a different location...where it was was just KILLING the counter space in a place that I need it most!) and some other chores completed around the house before coming to work.

ARRGGGHHH the stupid mower saga. Well, it was the chipper that was giving us problems way back when we got the two stupid machines 2 months ago. Well...after like 3 or 4 swap outs, the chipper problem is solved. I've been using the mower about once a week.....and last time clatter clatter clatter clatter, every time I lifted the blade. Todd went out the other day to check it out.....he heard the noise and saw smoke, so he turned it off. This morning, since I'm the one that has used it the most, I went out to look. Oh my word, it was smoking great big puffs of black smoke! I drove it a bit around the yard...the power is like non-existent...I could barely make it move on the flat areas...much less the sloping parts of the yard. And it clattered and clanked something fierce...with the blade up or down! DANG! What it is with our luck! This is a stinking new lawn mower! LUCKILY it is warrantied through an extended service plan for 3 years......all except stupid stuff that the operator could do to damage it and general maintenance stuff. :-) I always panic though when they come under a service plan....because oh my word...what if it's something stupid I did and I end up having to pay for the service call!!! Not to mention that the grass is growing up around my arm pits from all this blasted rain! (yeah yeah, I know...come mid summer I'll be begging for rain.....) OH yeah, and did I tell you that i ran over a part on our old mower rendering it useless until it's fixed??????? STRESS city! Take deep breathes MaryFran. Breathing in......breathing out!

Day two of the healthy habit challenge! I almost forgot to take my vitamins...but I did remember and the multi and the calcium are down the hatch! Heading into day three strong! :-)

The eventual death of a scale

One of these days I'm going to do it. I swear, I will! I am goign to pick up those darn pesky MEAN scales and whip them across the room. Hopefully Todd will pick up on my anger and duck in time! I know I wrote yesterday that I seriously contemplating not stepping onto the cursed things today. What in the world happened then? Well, I woke up early, even before the alarm. It was about 5:45 or so. I went into the bathroom and the little babies all followed me in for their first pet of the morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah...tis very disconcerting to have 4 cats follow you into the bathroom and want lovin'. It's even worse when they sit and stare at you while you are in the the shower, crying for you to get out so they can lick the water droplets from the bottom of the tub. AND YES, they have plenty of water at their disposal at all times! But anyway, I digress. I was in there and that square gray platform was just visible out of the corner of my eye. I ate healthy yesterday. My thoughts warred wtih each other. Part of me was saying, "Stay away" but the other half of me was saying, "Let me look and see if it shows on the scales!" I succumbed. I stepped on with a smile.....and a short bit later stepped off with a scowl! Crapolla! Yesterday i was at 183.8...today I'd managed to hit 184.4. Hot diggity dog! A deep sigh of resignation later and I moved through the house to grab my headphones from my desk. You see, my exercise bike is in my bedroom and I had a husband that was sleeping. I hooked up my headphones...flipped on the computer, pulled up youtube and found the episode that I'm on. And I peddled away. I decided to up the resistance today. And I had a realistic goal in my head of how far I wanted to go in my 25 minutes. I made it. 8.18 miles. Forgot to put on my heart rate monitor...and I don't like the bikes heart rate monitor...so I don't know where I was with that. :-)

What do I watch on youtube. I'm working my way through the Austrailian, season 1 The biggest loser...which are all on youtube I will NOT let myself watch any episode unless I'm on the bike and peddling to beat the band. There have been one or two days where I'm dying to see the next episode so I keep biking. :-) every fifth workout is an hour long episode....so it changes up the routine a bit. PLUS, I'm riding and Bob and Jillian are there pushing the contestants on to work harder and it does cause me to dig a little deeper while riding. To go a bit further. To try harder. So I guess it's good for me!

So anyway, very proud of myself for pushing through it and still getting on the exercise bike! I've done good thus far today with my eating. All is under control. I am planning on having spaghetti tonight for dinner...but one, I have the points for it. And two I'm going to make sure i actually measure out my pasta!

My last words for this entry. I'm not gonna do. No indeed, I'm not gonna do it. Tomorrow I will NOT step on those scales.

Skipped Meeting

I noticed something on Monday. Last summer when I bought my clothes for this job I purposefully bought everything tight. The shirts were not exactly gaping tight but they were right on the cusp of gaping, especially at my bustline. Well, yesterday I wore one of those shirts to work. I was working the drivethrough and couldn't help but notice my reflection in the window. The shirt was lose. As in I could pull the shirt about 2 inches (so 4 inches of fabric) to put it back to the fit that I had last year in the shirt. It looks more frumpy now..but it's REALLY lose.



Something else happened. Tuesday morning I put on my work clothes. I'm wearing another shirt that I've had for a while and that is a bit loose. Todd looked at me and was like, "Damn, in the last month you have become really curvy and your shape is becoming more defined." He was like, is it the clothes you are wearing? I could honestly look at him and say..NOPE, these are clothes that I've been wearing for a year or so!



SO, even though I've not been losing weight, at least it's showing somewhere! The problem, we are a society that is based upon concrete things. A weight, a number on the scale, those are concrete. Something I can announce and it's all good. It's harder to measure, loose clothing, or the occaisional compliment. Yet, it's those things, the compliments the loose clothing, the reduced inches....THOSE are the things that really matter. I need to focus less on the scale and more on the physical changes in my body. OK, ok, ok, easier said then done. Especially since I'm trying get to that magical goal weight!



As for the scales. Do I weigh? Or do I not weigh throughout this week? It really is a dilema for me. I know that to weigh in every day keeps me on track and focused. However, when the scales just do stupid things its so frustrating. Oh well, I'll just play it by ear.


Just recently I read on someones blog (sorry, I can't for the life of me remember whom or even where) about a movie called Touching the Void. It struck a chord because this person mentioned a bit about the story (a mountain climber gets hurt and has to climb down with a broken leg....beating incredible odds). SHe mentioned that this guy did it by focusing on one object and reaching that object. I do this when I'm pushing myself either biking or jogging, so it really struck me. SOOOO I rushed to netflix and put it at the top of my list. It came today. Watched it....INCREDIBLE story! Yes, his focusing on the next goal and setting a time limit to help him remain focused is just amazing. HOWEVER, he knew he had to do something....beat incredible odds...no matter the cost. He ignored the pain. (as best he could) He overcame his fatalistic attitude. And he just did it. My word.....can't that be compared to weight loss. To most people to lose weight is to beat incredible odds. It hurts, physically, mentally and emotionally. And it's so easy to adopt a fatalistic attitude (yeah read my last few posts). The end is worth it. I started this because I knew that my weight was going to kill me. That makes me no different than the main character in the movie....he knew he had to do something or die. Same place I'm at mentally. Or where I was at when I started this journey. Because I knew that I had to do something because my weight was slowly killing me!
That reminds me of something that I read that was written by Lance Armstrong (the biker that battled cancer and came back to win the tour de france many times over. He said taht while training after cancer, the pain of training paled in comparison to the pain of battling cancer. He had stared death in the face and intense training had NOTHING on it.
Beating the odds is truely mental.

I faced the scales and what did I get????

YOu know...that is the worst part of this healthy lifestyle/weight loss journey. You can be doing sooo dang good, and then you have a day where you eat what you want which in itself is not all that bad. The bad part comes around the following days...because that eating has sparked memories in our body. Memories of all sorts of foods. ANd it seems like for me, once I get started, I hvae such a difficult time stopping the eating pattern. I know that this is true for most people also! ARRGGGHHHHHH

I haven't weighed myself yet this morning. I have tried to stay away from the scales for the last few days. It was actually becoming counter-productive. It was dragging me down. I"m really worried about what the results may be. I haven't been crazy out of control, however I know that I haven't eaten as WELL as I Could have. I know that the eating not quite as well as I could have has stemmed from two things. Number one, I weighed myself one day and the scales just jumped up with no cause....I fought the urge to become all fatalistic and just say screw it all. and Number two...I'm still down about a situation in my life. So I"m fighting emotional eating! Lovely! Ohhh and something else that is making my weight a bit skewed and off kilter I"m sure (or will be when I hop on the scales)...my body is all whacked out.....things are not being eliminated regularly.....and that can seriously affect weight. OH well.....we take the good and we take the bad. (dang, can I just keep singing the Facts of LIfe theme song? Remember that show???)

Well, TOdd and I were going to go for a walk this morning. HOwever, it's raining. AGAIN. I know I know I know. Come the middle of summer we will be BEGGING for rain, and I'll be writing stuff like, "If it would just rain!" I'm never happy..tee hee hee. OH yeah, and the cold. This is the coldest May. We are literally what...two weeks? from June and it's dang cold out there! What's up with this????? I want warm weather. I'm so tired of being cold. I'm cold all the time. 60 degree weather makes me cold. Heck, I"m cold in my house, I"m cold outside. I"m just dang cold! The hot weather has seemed to be the only time that my appendages (fingers and toes especially) are not icicles! That is the only negative about losing weight that I have found. (I lost weight and now I"m ALWAYS cold. I've talked to a few other people that have also experienced this phenominan) Anyway, that long ramble to say that I guess I"ll have to ride the exercise bike.

OK, I just did it. I went to weigh myself. I didn't want to leave myself hanging about my weight (tee hee hee) Last Teusday I weighed in at 180.8 on my home scales. ~which equated to 179.8 on the weight watchers scales~~ This morning......183.8. That is a three pound gain! THREE FREAKIN POUNDS! What is it about the 180 pound barrier. I can get myself to 180 point...briefly...and then my weight just pops back up. Absolutely devastating to my morale.

Which brings me to my next subject. I have been debating about going to my meeting tonight. My first debate was because of all the hours that I"m working this week....it's a crazy week at work. MF do overtime? RARE RARE RARE...but not this week! we are talking like LOTS of hours extra..first to get me to a fulltime status (I only work part time normally) and then tons more to push me into the overtime bracket. Means a nice paycheck...but it means that MF's life is crazy. I"m used to having all sorts of time to do things around the house and to help my husband. ANd it does take time to log the mileage that I"ve been putting up on my exercise log. SO I debated about going from that standpoint....timewise. BUT the main thing is the weight. I honestly don't want to go....I'm disgusted.

Struggling

RIght now I am struggling so dang hard! I want to eat! I came home from work and I had my dinner all planned out. I had left over points! I ate my dinner that I had planned...and kept eating. I'm now 3 points in the hole!!! What the heck! I know part of my issues that I have with food currently is the resurgance of the feelings that are causing me to feel down in the dumps. I was so energized adn recharged a few weeks (or was it only a week?) ago when I wrote the 'soul searching' entry. How quickly things crumble.

I'm not sure what the scales will hold for me tomorrow! I am going to weigh myself tomorrow regardless. I'll admit that if it's really bad I may not go to my weight watcher meeting. I know that is bad. REally bad. If it's somewhat close, I'll probably go. Oh heck, I need to face up to it either way. I guess it will depend on my mood tomorrow.

Got up this morning. And before I even left the bed I had decided that I would ride the exercise bike in the morning and then peddle to work. SO I did a more leisurly ride on the exercise bike ....just 6.61 miles. And yes, I did follow through and ride to work. Dang it was cold and windy! Luckily I had planned ahead and wore pants, a teeshirt and a sweatshirt! Changed into work clothes when I arrived at work and then back into my riding clothes at the end of the day. All was good! :-)

Nothing else exciting happening here. Oh wait...yes....our NEW lawn mower is making funky noises!!!!! What the heck....are we cursed? At least we bought the extended warranty...but still....waiting for it to get fixed the grass will grow up around my ears!

Friday victory!

Well, I was so utterly proud of myself yesterday. I feel as if I manuevered and managed that potluck so good! I ate a little bit of baked beans and the rest of my meal...FRUIT! I did go back mid afternoon to grab another strawberry (actually two) but I stayed away from all the yummy looking fattening foods. I didn't have any going away cake, no punch..nuttin! I came home and ate healthy for dinner.

Today looking at my eating I have to look at it relatively. I don't feel as if I've been bad. Especially when I look at what I would have 'previously' before this new lifestyle would have eaten. We went out to Hoss's. I ate probably more than I normally do now...but soooo much better than previously. OK...I just wrote it down in my journal. With my dinner....I am actually only 1 point over for today. That's not bad! And knowing that I didnt blow my whole day, will make it that much easier for me to not eat poorly tonight and snack away! I was actually proud of myself. I had picked up a piece of garlic bread to eat. It looked sooooo good...all buttery and toasty. BUT, when I tasted it..they had put too much garlic on it......it wasnt bad..but it didn't taste good. I ate a bite..and put it aside and didn't touch it again. Likewise, I had gotten some applesauce for my dessert (off the salad bar). I tasted it...and it tasted like crap. (OK, it also wasn't bad...but I'm used to my own homemade applesauec..and nothing compares to homemade/home canned applesauce). I took one bite and decided that even though it was a fruit...it wasn't worth it! I put that aside.

Todd and I walked through the mall after lunch. I bought two more skirts today. They are really cute. I can't wait to wear them. :-) Theywere on sale at JcPenney's....but one get one for a dollar. Not too bad. So I basically got them about $15 a piece. They are adorable. I actually saw them last week when I was shopping with mom...but I Couldn't find them when we first walked through the store. I saw them on the way out of hte mall (we had parked outside of Penney's)...but by that time I had spent my money and I was tired. I didn't feel like trying anything else on! I'll admit...I went into the mall with the thought of getting the skirt today. And I went ahead and just got two....I'd be a fool to pay full price for one and ignore the second one that I could get for a buck! :-) Straight up size 12! It seems as if I'm a solid size 12. WOO HOOO!

Ohhh yeah, then we walked by B MOss. I saw the most adorable sundress in the window. It was a white background with red flowers all over it. ABSOLUTELY adorable. I went in to try it on. They had a size 10 and a size 14. The 14 was too big...the 10 was too small. It was 50% off also. Shucks! Oh well...that still woul dhave been $40. And I haven't even worn this last sundress that I bought! LOL

Todd and I went into the dreaded yucky walmart. Got a few things in there....and hightailed it out of there as quickly as possible. After walmart we headed to Martins to get our groceries. Nope, I don't do groceries at walmart. I won't lie and say that I"ve never done it...but we go mostly organic and natural. In our area, Martins is pretty much the best mainstream grocery store for buying that kind of product. Groceries bought, we came home...I put everything away, cleaned my produce/fruit (this week it's bananas, apples, grapes, cherries, and strawberries...yummy) and whipped up a batch of watergate salad for Todd. I sat around a bit talking to todd....adn now here I am. YEp, my day has just been super exciting hasn't it? Woo hooo. It was nice to get out though.

I really should get on the exercise bike tonight. But I think I'm going to skip it tonight. I've ridden like a demon this week. I will get back on tomorrow...without fail! :-)

Emotionally, I'm feeling really blue. Nothing too much about my weight. Yeah, I'm disgusted that my weight is flucuating...but I'm not too worried about it...I'm going to muscle through the 180 wall that is before me. It's just life in general. HOnestly I'll also admit that my mind is stuck and dwelling on a problem that I face in my daily life. ANd that just sucks the joy from me. I know it happens...and I know that just recognizing it should make it easier to shake these feelings from me......but it's so much easier said than done.

Even though I'm blue and down though...I refuse to let it suck my self confidence again!!!!

The excuse for my weight issues!!!

What perfect timing to get this cartoon in my email. I've found the excuse for my weight woes!

The 'weight god's' are smiling upon me (haa haa haa...the weight gods...that's so nutty and sacrilegious) BUT, I came to work with my fruit tray, I walked into the back door and hallelujah the pot luck was set up in the back hallway! Normally we set it up on the counter right behind the teller line. AND to make matters better, I am not at the drive through window...which is RIGHT BESIDE the food today! I was a bit worried about having to sit here and actually look at the food all day. So I'm one happy camper! I am however getting hungry.....fruit fruit, here I come! :-) And if I'm lucky there will something else that I can possibly eat. I'm not doing it if it's not healthy though. SO it may just be fruit for me to eat. AND, I'm going to only use the dip minimally. :-)

I will beat this!

Come on 10AM...so I can go to work!

I'm bored this morning. I woke up early and got everything that needed to be done completed and finished by 7AM....including a 9.87 mile ride, preparing a fruit tray, dinner in the crockpot, dishes washed, showered, dressed, bed made. Dang I was good. SO here I sit, waiting to go to work at 10AM...bored. SO I started playing with my digital camera and the timer. HEre is a not so bad picture of me....although my teeth look kinda weird and as you can tell, I'm letting my hair dry naturally, so it's still a bit wet. OH well

What the..... This morning my weight was up like two pounds! IT's the same pattern. I dip into the 170's and then boom, I jump back up! I DO know that I had a heavier meal...lots of carbs last night. AND this mornings weigh in was earlier than I normally weigh in and just before some normal morning routines. HOwever.....damn. I think I'm going to focus for the next few days and pretty much ignore the scales here at home. It's just going to frustrate me to no end.

Maybe this little spike was what I needed to help me stay focused at the pot luck today. I know that honestly it makes me want to give in and eat like a pig because I feel that 'I may as well...the weight is gonna sky rocket anyway'. BUT, I can't adopt that fatalistic attitude!

Thursday evening check in

My legs are tired today after my workout. I can feel some muscle soreness in my calves. I dont' normally feel that after a ride...so it's kinda cool. I guess it's a combo of the big ride today...the small ride yesterday and HOURS of climbing up and down a ladder yesterday. WHatever it is...I"m good with it.

We had pancakes for dinner tonight. I had a huge portion. However, I'm not too worried. I had the points for them. AND, knowing that I was going to have pancakes tonight, I watched my carb intake today. NO toast for me. :-)

Tomorrow is a pot luck at work. I am a bit worried. I was goign to forgo it totally. I mean, I was goign to take something...just not eat. And the teller supervisor had a fit saying things like, "You ARE going to eat" and stuff like that. SHe was like, "You can have a little of everything" The problem being...I know me..I can't just stop with a 'little' of everything. That is the problem. If I start, I will not be able to stop. SOOOOOO to appease everyone, I'm taking a fruit tray and a fruit dip. As long as I stay away from the fruit dip, I"ll be ok! I plan on having ONE serving of fruit dip. :-) I am losing weight. There is NO way I want to mess that up! NO way! It's taken me soooo long to get the weight going down.

Just a thought!

SOme quotes that hit me today..paraphrased

It's all about rebuilding a self image. I need to take a look at my achievments and feel a sense of accomplishment in them. I need to be the girl that CAN and I need to be the girl that DOES! NOt the girl that quits because it's hard. I need to change my perspective!

That just totally hit me.....That is something that just hit me within the last few weeks. SO to hear it coming at me (from the biggest loser austrailian season 1...episode 31) was a good reminder that I'm on track.

Meanwhile, my weight is going down a bit! WOO HOOO! I actually rode the bike this morning. 18.3 miles! INstead of doing two separate rides...I just did a long one! :-) THus far this week, two days in; my mileage is at 37.62 miles! Awesome!

A day off well spent....now I"m well spent

BUSY BUSY BUSY day....and it was/is my day off of work! I got up at around 6Am. I did some work here at my desk, such as organizing my 'dump it in' bin, payed a few bills, copied a few dvd's, took my measurements for the month of May, updated my weight loss charts, that kind of thing. I then took off on a mad cleaning dash through the house. Toilets, floors, tables, nothing was untouched! I was a cleaning machine. I was outside by 9Am. I painted. And I painted. I did take a break for lunch. BUt immediately following that I painted. Then I painted some more. ANd then, just because that wasn't enough, I painted. FINALLY, I decided to call it quits for the day. I came inside and hopped onto the exercise bike and rode! I didn't ride too overly far or too overly long. BUt I rode. 7.38 miles. I ran out to the kitchen and put dinner in the oven. AND then FINALLY jumped into the shower. THe hot water felt soooo good. THe only problem. I had already done a few loads of laundry, washed some dishes and Todd had been i the shower. THe hot water didn't last all that long. ARRGGHH Oh well...it was good while it lasted.

Dinner...what the heck. I made scalloped potatoes. I've made this recipe a million ga-jillion times. ANd I was soooo hungry. SO when it was time to eat and I served them up....ick...they were still hard. Ok, they weren't hard...they just weren't totally soft. What's up with that. They were in the oven the full length of time...actually even longer than should be. ARRGGHHH OH well...everything else was tasty.

Hopefully my day of activity will show pleasant results on the scales tomorrow! This morning, I was only down .2 pounds from my yesterday morning home weight (yesterday was 180.6.....today was 180.4) I can't wait until I actually see the 170's on my home scales also! THen I will KNOW that I"m there.

Talking to Todd about my reward that I set for myself for the 170's. It was to go away on a day trip. I still want to do it. But we have soooo much dang work around the house here. And we have a self imposed deadline to get it done. SO all our time off gets sucked into these projects. I'm going to reward my self with the clothes taht I bought on Sunday. And give myself a little shopping trip every 5 pounds as a reward. :-) ONce we get some of these projects off our plates, then I"ll revisit the idea of going on a day trip! We'll see. The car stero is still my 164 goal though!

I'm planning on making pancakes and canadian bacon for a meal tomorrow. That sounds SOO Good to me. MY mouth is watering just thinkign about it. Yes, I'll eat healthy the rest of the day to compensate for it! AND exercise to beat the band. I"m actually hoping to get two rides in tomorrow. I watch the biggest loser austrailian season one while riding on the indoor bike currently. Tomorrow should be a normal 30 minute episode. And that would put me in line for an hour long episode on Friday. HOWEVER, with my work...it would be best for me to do a shorter ride on Friday. SOOO I"m going to try to ride twice tomorrow 1.5 hours. :-) We'll see. Honestly, like normal, I"ll be happy with one ride :-)

Tuesday update

Ok...got home from work at about two-thirty. I sat around and talked to Todd a bit until he left at about three. I motivated myself to get outside and mow the yard. I was out on the mower until about 4. I came in and putzed around for the next half hour to 45 minutes which is when I left to go to my weight watchers meeting. TOdd and I had decided for me to go to the early weight watcher meeting while he was volunteering at the soup kitchen. I would then stick around and chit chat with my normal meeting mates when the came in until he was done...and then we would meet up for dinner. We went to Corsi's. IT was very good!

SOOOOOO now that I have wasted all this time......lets cut to the chase. My most unrealistic (yet still plausible with a long stretch of my imagination...hopes and dresams) was for me to make it to the 170's. I thought that after the icing incident that it was shot. This morning I kinda hoped, but I didn't want to think about it too overly much. Well, tonight I weighed in at 179.8. I squeeked into the 170's! I made it. Now I've just got to STAY here! I can do it! And I will do it! These last two weeks have been collosal weeks of weight loss for me. I know and fully expect my weight loss to slow down a bit. I'm ok with that...as long as it remains going down nice and steady! This also puts me at 15 pounds from my weight watchers goal!!! Woo hooo! I'm rolling now! :-)

First we'll talk about something that I just found...then we'll get to my weight and how I'm doing.

I'm at work today and I'm just killing time. I decided to go online and take an IQ test. I'm always fascinated to see if the results are close to where they should be (yeah, I've had my IQ officially tested a few times in the past). Well, I got bored taking IQ tests online (yeah, they tested me relatively close to my official iq...one was 10-15 points lower (this one also timed how long it took me for my responses.....and since I'm at work having to stop to attend to customers, that would account for that). The other one put me at about 6-7 points low...so that's not too bad). OK...anyway...I moved on to personality tests, talents tests and all sorts of things like that. I'm apparently very verbal (duh) and very creative and adventurous. Well, I took a temptation test. And I actually answered the food temptation questions really good....because right now I'm hot on the eating scene. This was my results:

Maryfran, when it comes to temptation you're a Hedonist
It has become apparent that the word "no" is not one you use too often. In fact, it seems you just might have replaced it with "sure," "pour it on," and "I'll take it." As a Hedonist, you probably see no reason to put limits on pleasure. When the little angel of your conscience arrives on your shoulder to challenge your indulgent side, it's usually knocked off by that little devil who's never too far away from your decisions.It seems that extravagance to you is a way of life, not an isolated event. And discipline is a punishment that you choose not to employ — it's overrated anyway. All this good stuff is here for a reason, right? Someone's gotta have fun with it and you only live once!

Woah, does that explain why I was able to eat my way up to 300 plus pounds? And that's kinda scary that I apparently have no control over my temptations! woah doggie!

On to my weight. I weighed myself this morning. I was 180.6. So I'm ok. I was hoping to make it to the 170's this week. BUt you know...there is always next week! (Not to mention that the official weigh in hasn't occured yet...not that I expect a miracle..but you never know...sometimes it does weigh me less at my meeting!) I think I'm going to go to the early meeting. I work until 2 today...so I can make an earlier meeting. Todd volunteers at the soup kitchen tonight. SO since we will both be in town, we are thinking about meeting up afterwards and going out to dinner. It means that tomorrow on our day off that we will stay closer to home.....and eat at home...thus saving a extra trip to town! Which isn't a problem. But since we are already both going to be in town tonight, it just makes sense! :-)

I've been doing very good with the weight thing. Other than the other day, I've managed to pull myself together and keep it under control. :-) WOo hooo. Haven't exercised today...but then I wasn't plannign on it...a I do need a day of rest. SOOOOO anyway!

I woke up this morning, and saw my new dress hanging where I had placed it yesterday (yep, too lazy to put it the 'whole' way into the closet..lol). I stretched and simply smiled. You know...I'm NOT a ten. I know it. Probably if you looked at me, you'd know it. But I bought a size ten article of clothing. ME! Mom was talking and she thinks I"ll end up being around a size then when this is all over. That has honestly been my thought from day one. I"m not sure though. I've stll got about 20 pounds to go to get to my weight watchers goal. And then i want to go 10-15 pounds further for my own personal goal. But yeah, I expect to be about an 8 -10. Like I said...absolutely crazy.



Meanwhile, I think I"m becoming addicted to shopping. What's up with this? And I'm buying more feminine clothes...which is not the 'old me'. I know that part of it is that I can actually fit into nice looking clothes and I actually look pretty good in them. (well, better than I did before...lol). It is a rush to be able to walk into any store at the mall and pick up something off the rack and try it on. AND, not have to sort through rack after rack of granny looking clothes to find something that looks somewhat youthful in the fat womens clothing stores/areas. It is a rush to be able to look at a size on a tag and go...woah, that's me! I'm not sure my mind is in total belief yet...but it's coming around.



Meanwhile, it's POURING down rain! It's coming down in buckets! NOt that I'm complaining. No, quite the contrary, I like the rain. HOWEVER, I am not at all happy with the drop in temperature that has accompanied this rain. EWWWWW

TEN

Another recent pic of me. I realized that I have next to no pictures of me. That is not cool!

Well....today was a BLOCKBUSTER day. I went shopping again. I found the most adorable sundress. I was absolutely adorable. And on sale. I tried on the 12. That's the size that I wear right now. Well....I tried it on and it just didn'tseem to fit quite right...a bit loose. LOOSE???? Well, for a giggle I decided to try on the next lower size. I had no hope of it fitting...but I thought it would be neat to see how close I was to actually wearing a 10. Well, I got it into the fitting room and tried it on. It fit PERFECTLY! A TEN! 10! Neun! Diez! Dix! X!!! Amazing! I was goign to buy it even as a 12. BUT to be able to buy a ten!!!! WOAH Doggie!!!!!! Unbelievable

!

Reflections on the icing incident

Now that I am sufficiently awake and able to really reflect upon the icing squirting incident I just want to kick myself. WHY in the world would I act like such a pig. Yeah, that is such a piggish thing to do. As previously mentioned, I am not going to weight myself today. I thought about it...but decided against it! I'm going to simply be good and work to eradicate any badness that the icing incident did to my body.

BUT that brings me to my thoughts this morning. What brought this on. I was so determined to make it through this with flying colors! I can definitely say that if Todd were at home and in the living room, visible from where I was. HEck even the threat of him walking in, I probably would not have done it! THat's not too shocking, I know that I have a tendency to be a closet eater. I don't want anyone seeing me make a total hog of myself. (so I blog about it for anyone to see...there's reason eh?). Number two, I know that I was doing really good until I accidentally licked a bit of icing off my finger while I was cleaning up. The taste got in my mouth and I just literally went crazy. A momentary lapse of judgement. OR whatever you want to call it. This is something new I'm learning. Once I get my first taste of something...I just can't stop. Woah...isn't that like an alcoholic...they are ok, maybe tempted but ok until they actually START..and then they can't stop! Ironically I could have stopped the spiral if I had immediately gotten a drink and popped a piece of gum in my mouth to take away the taste. Which brings me to another thought. This incident happened really quickly. I"d say it happened i less than 3 minutes. Yeah, less than three minutes! Honestly, by the time my mind had figured out what my body was doing and eating, it was already done.

LEssons learned:
1. don't do these tempting food activities unless someone is nearby.
2. Don't start...because once the taste is in my mouth, I go crazy!
3. It's quick!

NOt that any of these lessons are particularly fantastic, but you know every little bit I know about myself, the better off I am!

I had someone just recently say that they were in awe of how intuned I am to my body. I know how my body reacts to all sorts of situations. I know what my body needs and craves. And it made me think......yeah, it's all due to these little lessons and thoughts in this blog!

Well, I'm hoping to ride the indoor bike this morning before trucking off to church. I"m also hoping to maybe go for a walk with mom this afternoon. It will help me...but it will also be really good for her! If I have the gumption when I get home I would LOVE to ride again this evening. However, looking at it realistically speaking, I don't expect that to happen. BUt it is a good thought! :-)

squirting the icing into my mouth!

Well, I was feeling sick today. I came home from work and was still feeling a bit peakish. SO I decided to decorate the cake. Well, I got sidetracked by the Kirby salesman that came to the door. YEAH YEAH YEAH>..I"m a sucker and let them in to give me a demo. NO, I did NOT buy. HOwever, I'll admit to being quit impressed with the machine! AND, I got my living room carpet not only vacumned but also shampooed! BUT, it put me behind in my cake decorating. I didn't get done until right around 4pm. No lunch. Yeah yeah yeah...bad thing. Yeah, I kinda squeezed a 'bit' of the icing into my mouth. Uhhh a good bit! Well, I was cleaning up and taking pictures of the cake and all that. Todd came home and I was talking to him. We were hungry and TOdd wanted tacos....nothing like a bad meal! ARRGGHH

I'm going to have to be super good tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday!!!!! I have also decided that I'm not weighing myself tomorrow and maybe not monday. That way I can recoup a little without the disappointing gain. Tuesday I'll face it! :-)

Meanwhile, as you can see the cake turned out fairly well. I"m happy with it. I'm still not a big fan of the confederate flag....er the naval confed flag...and the second or third one at that. Oh well. BUt apparently it's a big southern rock thing...lynard skinner and the free bird or something. LOL

Did get on the bike and rode for just under 10 miles. SO at least I have that. I've also started doing some weight with my arms during the first 5-10 minutes of my ride on the exercise bike. I can feel it in my arms...boy are they sore!

Sick...but maintaining

I woke up about 15 minutes before the alarm went off this morning, sick. Now, when I was larger, I would wake up many times in the middle of the night sick to my stomach. This doesn't happen often, so that when it does I'm just kinda shocked. I've been queasy all morning. Just can't get rid of the quesiness. I don't know why. Is it because of the cake batter that I ate...my body just rebelling? Do I have a touch of something? Todd's comment was 'maybe you're pregnant. Nope, well it's possible I guess...but I highly doubt it as the ick was just here last weekend. Who knows!? But, meanwhile, I'll sit here queasy and just hope it goes the heck away.

I did step onto the scales. 181.4. Exactly the same as yesterday morning. I'm pretty tickled...because after the cake batter...you never know! I was halfways expecting my weight to go up a bit. WHEW! What a relief to not. Like I said last night. I actually DID have 6 points that I didn't eat...so the cake batter was actually probably washed out by that and by my activity points for the day.

I just pulled fitday.com up ....for me to make 150 pound personal goal by my birthday (Dec. 10th) I have to lose 1.14 pounds a week. SO that is a totally doable goal! :-) If I can do the average of 2 pounds a week....I would be at 150 by September 10th. :-) FOr the 163 goal.....which is my weight watchers goal...at 2 pounds a week.....I could do it by the end of the July. Not much happening here. I'm at work. Queasy for some reason. Actually woke up this morning sick. Oh well....I'm sure it will pass. :-) At noon, I'll be able to leave this joint (I'm at work). I'll be then making the icing and decorating that darn cake. :-) And then I so desperately have to clean the house! Since I was feeling icky this morning I didn't exercise. So I have to do that yet today.

crapola

YES, crapola! I was so set to not even taste the cake batter. THen I caved. EII YIII YIII! My only consolation. I actually had 6 points left for the day to utilize for something special. SOOOO..I guess my points just went there. BUT I"m still not happy with myself!

Friday morning chit chat

I heard the best statement this morning. It was made by someone who was working out...and feeling the pain of it as she pushed herself. Her comment... "I've learned that I need to welcome pain, for it is through pain that I learn, grow and mature and succeed". How true is that. It's true in exercise. We can't get further until we push ourselves into that realm of pain. Into that realm where things are uncomfortable. But also, in our lives....the pain helps us grow and mature. Really....how profound is that statement?

Just a review. Last Sunday I weighed in at 184.4 pounds. On Monday I was 185.4 (most likely water retention). I didn't weigh myself at home anymore since then (official weigh in ws 183 at my meeting). Well, this morning I weighed myself. I weighed in at a fantastic 181.4 pounds! that's like incredible! And including today I've still got 4 days to go until my official weigh in day!!!! It just seems as if the weight is dropping off of me. I know that it is in large part due to the mental shift that has occured within me. But I hope that whatever plateau that I kept hitting at around 180 is BEHIND me! FOR GOOD. I so want to power into the 170's SOON! At the rate I've been losing......next week maybe???? :-)

I'm going to so kill Todd's mothers cat. Ok...maybe not kill it...because she can't help it. You see...she's getting old....I think she is still mourning over the loss of Judy (todd's mother)..and well....she's old. BUT does she have to puke EVERY morning at 4:45???? BESIDE ME! This morning it was on the floor...yesterday I heard her 'gearing' up while she laid on the pillow beside my head (yeah, I threw her on the floor pretty darn fast!). The problem.....5 is just too close to when I typically wake up...so then I lay there awake..unable to sleep. Yesterday i went out and made the biscotti early. This morning because i had to work, I got up and rode the exercise bike for 45 minutes....i was slow and sluggish though...only made it 12.1 miles....oh well. I was showered and dressed and ready for work by 6AM. Ohhh....I don't have to leave for work until 7:40. What do do with time like that? Yeah, I could have cleaned my house...but oh well....that wasn't going to happen this morning! :-)

I'm planning on a thorough cleaning tomorrow afternoon. I work until noon...and when I get home I have to decorate a cake (which I'm baking tonight) and then I'll clean the house. Ohhh the cake I'm decorating..Here's a laugh. It's a guitar shaped cake (borrowed the pan from my mom)....but it's for a guy who is totally into southern rock music...and apparently the confederate flag....with a white bird is a big deal (ok...displaying my southern rock innocence right about now). SOOOO I'm decorating this guitar cake as a confederate flag (and i have a little white bird to put on it...) crazy isn't it? Oh well...twill be a challenge. My mom and one of her friends that decorates cakes thinks I'm utterly insane to even attempt it. We'll see how it goes! :-)

It is pouring rain here right now!!! Utterly ugly outside! My consolation...I'm working open to close here today....so I wouldn't be outside anyway...and most likely after 10.5 hours, I would go home and veg out anyway...wait, I've got dinner to make and a cake to bake (make, bake cake...haa haa haaa) so I wouldn't be able to be outside anyway..I guess it all works out for the best doesn't it?

Got my points all planned out for today. As long as I can hold firm and not eat any crumbs from the cake...or any cake batter, i'll be good. Oh well...if I could do it yesterday, I can do it today. And you know what.....It's purely a thing of pride now......I don't want to do succumb...simply to prove to myself that I can do it! the biggest problem.....is not refraining from eating, ie making that concious decision to not eat it....it's the mindless stuff....I caught myself a few times yesterday just picking up a piece or bite of something and getting ready to pop it into my mouth! EII YII YII But yesterday I was able to stop myself. I will today also!

I was hoping to walk on my lunch break today, as i did last week. however, with the rain that will not be happening. Oh well. At least I got some exercise in this morning! I think Todd has to be up and out of the house tomorrow morning at by 7am...so I may ride super early in the morning. Then if I want, I can get a double ride in by riding after I clean and decorate the cake. Yep..I'm going to do everything i can to help power this weight off!

Soul searching

I was emailing yesterday with a friend. We were talking about some super deep issues in our lives. Stuff I will not share on here in a public forum. I'm not putting that stuff on here....not about her or not about myself!

What I will say is that although I've been overweight since I was right at around 12 I just recently realized that there was a point in my life when I packed on about 100 pounds...quickly. I never sat back and realized that. All of a sudden it just clicked into place. I didn't care that I was gaining weight because of a situation in my life that I was trying to 'live up to'. OR should I say live down to. I felt inadequate...and I allowed my body to reflect that feeling. There were reasons that I felt inadequate and not worthy. ANd I let the weight pack on...and in some weird twisted way, I then used the weight as the 'reason' that I was inadequte. I started losing weight because of my health. I've lost about 120 pounds or so to date. As everyone that has read my blog knows, I've been struggling. Well, in the last few weeks I've learned some lessons. I thank a few good friends...some in person, some friends that I know only via the interent that have helped to set me straight. I've learned that these inadequate feelings were based on something that was through no fault of mine! I was not at fault for anything that caused me to feel this way.

I think that is part of why I was having such a difficult time wrapping my mind around losing more weight. I had shed that protective layer of fat.....the layer of fat that I had put on to use as my excuse. Without that layer I no longer have the excuses........I had/have to face the issues head on.

Yes, this is totally rambling and probably incoherent....but to me it's HUGE.

****a side note for myself should I ever not understand what in the world I was dancing around trying to say without saying it.....go read my personal journal....it will all make sense!!!******

ON fire!!!!

Todays pictures of me. None are particularly great...but hey...they are from today!

I'm on fire with my eating. Amazing what a difference this mental shift has made in my control I've been totally on the program with my eating now for about a whole week. Even more so amazing...this morning I was up early. I made a batch of chocolate chip biscotti. I did not even take a bite of the snow. NOT EVEN A LICK! I didn't eat the ends as I cut the biscotti up...or the crumbs that inevetably fall off. NOTHING. NOt one iota. They cooled and I had them bagged and put away without eating ANYTHING! TONIGHT, I made snickerdoodles. (yeah, I"m a glutton for punishment...but it's for a work crew that is dong community service...Todd is the chair of the community service committee). ONce again...NO LICKS, bites or tastes! I told myself that I would allow myself to eat the LAST little bite of cookie dough. The last because I knew that once I tasted that I woudl continue eating until they were all either eaten or baked. Well....half way through baking all of a sudden it hit me....won't I be so proud of myself if I don't partake of any? And quite honestly...do I really need that? Honestely, I probably have the points. But you know what......I'm fine....and I feel so much more proud of myself for having control over the situation!!!!!

This afternoon, I rode the exercise bike. This challenge that I'm doing is an amazing way to keep myself on target with exericisng. I SOO didn't want to exercise today.

Two of my newer outfits that I have purchased recently!

Today I ate well....and actually because of myschedule, ended up with a LOT Of points left over. I ate mostly fruits and veggies today...and you just don't rack up the points very fast with all fruist and veggies. :-) SOOOOOO I treated myself. I treated myself to a Wendy's Frosty. (it was on the way home...and not much is on the way home so my options were limited) Did you know that Wendy's has vanilla frosty's. I had heard about it.......and would you believe that they were 'out' of chocolate...forcing me to get a vanilla??????? IT wasn't bad...a bit too vanilla-y for me though. But I did enjoy it regardless.

I'm off tomorrow. I have to make some chocolate chip biscotti tomorrow morning for mom. Then Todd and I have a meeting to attend. A trip to Lowes. Mowing at mom and dad's and Todd has something to nail using the nail gun. Then we are going to eat with mom and dad. I will need to get some mileage in there somewhere. EIther in the morning...or evening. Although we have mentioned possibly going to the gym. We'll have to see. That woudl be a nice break from the routine mundane for me!

Should I weigh in tomorrow??? That is the question. At home of course! That is the question of the hour. I guess I"ll figure that out in the morning! :-)