One more skipped

Yes, I skipped my weight watchers meeting tonight. IT was.....uhhhhh...raining. That's why! Seriously, I KNOW that I gained big time this past week. I'm talking about 5 pounds of gainage! That is so uncool. I find myself once again at 187 pounds. NOT COOL! This past week is totally me. I did it to myself. I can place the blame nowhere but squarely on my shoulders. THe only thing...it's made me look back some at the last few months. My standard MO seems to be that I lose and get to the low 180's....and then hit a brick wall. I work at it for a few weeks or so and get frustrated...so i have a crazy eating week and gain back to the mid to upper 180's......and then start again...lose until I"m in the lower 180's (or even high 170's) and then hit that brick wall again. Knowing this...I've got to perservere through that period and break through that wall.

The other thing I've been thinking about....am I subconciously sabataging myself in this weight loss thing. I'm so close.....relatively speaking! And all of a sudden I'm stalled dead in the water. Being this close I should be so super motivated to finish this off....but I'm not....I lay really good plans...and then don't follow through. My willpower...well, my lack of willpower is what needs to be discussed!

Speaking of plans. I had the most wonderful idea for dinner tonight. I was making pizza. So I decided to put the toppings tha Todd likes on 3/4 of the pizza. I hate those toppings and won't touch a piece of pizza that has those toppings cluttering it up and messing up the taste (mushrooms and green peppers). Todd would then have leftovers for lunch on some upcoming day...and I wouldn't eat more than what I shoudl have. I had this plan set.......did I do it???? NO, when the time came, I made it 1/2 and 1/2.....and I ate my half! ARRGGHHHH WHY? Why do I do this. WHen I think about it, I think that I did it because "I love pizza" and I want to have as much as I can. I need to keep reminding myself that if I learn to control my intake, I can have pizza a heck of a lot more than I do now.....I can't have it a lot now because I have no control over my portion size...or intake!

So, you may be wondering how I was able to gain 5 pounds in a week. Well....last Wednesday I didn't do too badly, a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. The problems began on Thursday with the baking of a cake int he morning (and the batter.....big temptation for me)....and the decorating of the cake in the evening (icing.....big temptation). On Friday at work I had a piece of said cake and also participated in the potluck. Friday evening it was cookie making (from 6PM until about 10PM....ahh yummy cookie dough). Saturday was cookie day. Sunday...well....Sunday was sample day at Sam's Club and mudslides in the evening. Monday.....a co-worker brought taco dip into work....super yummy and another one brought in a lime cake (surprisingly tasty). Oh yes, and I treated my husband by making a raspberry cobbler for dinner. Tuesday...I was able to resist all the tempation at work (leftovers) but that last piece of cobbler reached out and grabbed me! I HAVE to stop this trend. I'm noticing that once I start with the sweet things, that stopping the 'habit' or trend or whatever I want to call it is just really difficult!

Watched The Biggest Loser tonight. These people are doing it.....and Ali did it at home for quite a while...I can do this also!

I'm pushing to go to the gym tomorrow! That would help kick start my workouts! I've been so lax on those also! Yes, I've literally fallen apart!

Meanwhile, I hadn't been reading peoples blogs online...and one in particular I had stopped reading because there were no new entries. Well, I decided to clean out my 'fav's and checked hers to make sure that it truely was a dead blog. Well, she had posted a message giving the information for her new blog site. Well..this lady had originally been 300 some pounds...and lost quite a bit of weight...had been down below 200. I haven't checked out her blog for MONTHS......and like I said I just found her. I about fell off my chair when I opened up the blog....she's gained it all back...or almost all. She is hovering right at 300 pounds. How easilly and quickly she gained it back (we are talking 6 months.....100 pounds!) That scares me! Will that happen to me?

NOw that I've spouted my doom and gloom and bad stuff I'm going to go surf the net. It's 11:30...and I"m wide awake. I tried to go to bed and sleep after The BIggest Loser...and it just wasn't happening. TOdd has suffered from some insomnia lately...he's snoring away tonight and here I am...wide awake! ANd really thirsty for some reason. Ususally when I go to bed I don't need anything to drink. Not tonight.....I've had about 3 glasses of water since 9PM...weird! Which means when I do fall asleep...I'll be up every hour thereafter in the bathroom! Joy Joy!