Dissapointment

I'm relatively positive that I will not show a maintain or a loss tonight. I'm kinda sad about that. I've come close. But, at least (hopefully) I won't show a massive gain. (Honestly, I'm thinking maybe 2 pounds....which is better than the 8-9 pounds that it truely was after my binge week). Oh well...I need to go, suck it up, face the music and get my tail end into gear.

Yesterday at work the gals were tearing down the Christmas decorations. They called me out from my desk (I was at Drive through) because they needed a "skinny" person to climb up on a window ledge (not very high) to take down the garland and pull the staples. Uhhh they were asking me???? Who in the world do you think you are speaking to...i'm fat! But then I had to remember that I am a RECOVERING Fatty! I know I shouldn't say that about myself, but you know, it's the truth. I was fat. I was obese. Heck I was morbidly obese....it was bad. There is no way that I can put my previous weight that is in a good light!

Just recently I was either reading about somehting...or talking to someone and they mentioned that they just don't see themselves as thin. Will I ever feel thin? Or will I always have the 'fat girl' mentality. I still struggle with going into certain stores. I just feel crazy going into them....afterall, a fat girl doesn't need to shop (or can shop) at a lot of stores. It's not that I feel inferior....but I just feel crazy...like I'm trying to stuff a fat body into thin clothes...even though I now that they will and do fit me. It's crazy I know! I'm just wondering if I'll ever get over that feeling...or if those feelings of still being big will be with me forever...seared in my memory!

Another though....skin. I'm still concerned about the saggy skin!!!!! ARRRGGHHH

Well, today Todd and I planned on getting up at a decent hour to go over to the other place to continue to work on our remodelling project (more painting today). I actually set that alarm for 1 hour earlier than need be in order to exercise beforehand. Man, that is soooooo motivating eh? Well, I set up the step and turned on the step aerobic dvd. My back was really stiff...but I started anyway. I know from experience that my back will really loosen up while I exercise and in reality will feel better when I'm through with my exercise. SOOOOOO I trudged on. UNTIL I stepped back off the step and when I came down I twisted my ankle but good. I didn't fall...but I couldn't put weight on it for a few. I limped to the sofa and waited...usually the pain tapers off after a few minutes.. but it didn't seem to be hapening. I finally flipped off the dvd (there is nothing more annoying than hearing an exercise dvd play when you are not exercising). My foot hurt to beat the band...but after a few minutes I was up walking. I knew that it was tender and woudl be tender for a while so i stopped exercising...put everything away and used that time to be productive...I folded the 3 baskets of laundry that I had completed the previous night but just hadn't gotten around to folding. We did still make it over and painted for about 3-4 hours. Got a lot done. The kitchen cabinets are fully primed, the kitchen ceiling is DONE and the kitchen cabinets are halfway painted! Woo hoo! My foot is still a bit tender if I step on it wrong...or if I move it incorrectly (a weird way) but overall its doing pretty good.