How in the world is this happening?

I woke up yesterday morning and low and hehold, my weight had dropped some??? Go figure! I had my bit of temptation that I gave into on Thursday and my weight still dropped???? Last night after work I went over and worked cleaning out the mess for about 2-3 hours. I came home and made dinner. I had a snack between work and the couple hours of cleaning, but I was really hungry for a 'real' meal. So when I was cooking for our dinner (Todd was working late...thus it was later than normal for us to be eating), I just kept snitching foods.....mainly grated parmesian cheese.....craziness! HOW IN THE WORLD THEN, are the scales showing me lower yet this morning? I just don't understand it. Ohh yes, did I mention that I haven't exercised ONCE this week????? It truly is a mystery!

YUCK!

Even after just posting how good I feel when I'm in control and all that stuff, I blew it today. I woke up and just felt blah. I was short tempered with my husband (the poor guy...guess I'll have to make it up to him later tonight), I felt like just curling up and doing nothing! I didn't give in though. I went to work. My boss was running late, so it was just me at work. Now, in case you don't know...I work at a deli. Lots of food....lots of temptation. I set about getting the deli set up for another day of business and the temptation got the best of me. Yes, the salami was calling my name. I had a slice. I washed my hands and went back to work. It still called out to me. I repeated that process. Oh yes, I repeated the process a few more times! BAD, bad bad! Even while I was doing it I knew that I was blowing my day! I didn't stop! I even thought about how I would feel....the confidence thing would not be there. Did it stop me??? Absolutely not! I don't expect to be perfect...at least not every day. BUT, it still rankles when I mess up!

After work Todd and I went to our property to clean up some more of the mess that was left there by his step father. Nasty dirty mess! We are trying to salvage what we can....sending stuff to goodwill. While also saving some memories of his grandmother and mother (both of whom have passed away in the last year) and whose stuff was there. We got held up there and ended up eating dinner out. We live in the ountry and we had limited time before Todd had clients booked at the studio. So our options were few. It was either Battleview (convience store from hell) or The Red Byrd.....a diner. Yes, we ate at the diner. I didn't do too badly...until you remember that I had ohhhh 8 slices of salami earlier. I should have eaten only zero point items!!!

No use crying over spilled milk! Tomorrow is another day!

I've sents some feelers and applications out for a new job tonight. Hopefully something that I will enjoy and that pays somewhat decently will come my way soon! I'm still very interested in waitressing...it'd be good for activity! :-)

I had a fair day.....I stayed on plan and did pretty good eating wise. I didn't however get any exercise in. I did however walk more than 10K steps today. I so need to get back into the exercise hardcore! I know that it truely is the key to losing consistently...and decent amounts each week. At least I have the food thing down!

I am amazed though at how much my confidence takes a boost when I feel like I have control of my eating. I really have seen a difference in how I feel about myself and how I act. I am proud of myself for conquering this problem. Likewise, when things are not going, I really don't feel too good about myself. I feel like I've let myself down......in essence I guess I have...I've lost control!

I'm back in onederland! I'm so happy to be back! I lost 2.8 pounds this week. We had our normal 'big/comfort' meal tonight after my weigh in...but otherwise, I'm back and ready to roar through another week and lose some more!

Amazing!

It is simply amazing how differently I feel when I am actually doing well and staying OP. I feel proud of myself. I can tell that I hold my head higher, my confidence is totally there! Totally amazing to me.

We rode our bikes this morning. We were out about 2 hours....actually just shy of two hours! It felt so great to be outside and exercising. We had lunch (I did good), came home and we worked out in the garden all afternoon! I'm so tired I can't see straight! I'm only hoping that it pays off for me on the scales tomorrow night!

HUGE NSV

Tonight while out to dinner with my parents, my dad's aunt came in and sat down at the next table to my parents. I hadn't seen her in a while, BUT, during the conversation she actually had to ask who I was. She didn't recognize me with the weight loss! I can't tell you how good I felt!

The other thing.....it actually hit me that I can go pretty much anywhere to shop for clothes! Even though I've never looked at clothes at Sam's club before, I decided to peruse the aisles. Oh my word.....I could actually fit into those clothes!!!!!!! Amazing!

BIG day for me...discoveries and NSV's!

The weekend is finally here!

We ate late last night. I know it's not good, however with Todd's schedule, sometimes I hvae no choice. I do know that because of that, my weight this morning is probably skewed. I weighed myself at 7AM and was 200 even. I laid back down for about an hour or so....got up and showered. As I got out of the shower I decided to weigh myself again....even though I had wet hair (weighed me down a bit wouldn't you think). The hour difference...no food in between.....and I weighed 199 even. SO a pound difference.

I was so tired last night. I ran at work....a lot! We were busy. It was a good thing. I like to be busy, but yesterday, because of the fact that the gal I worked with hasn't been trained yet....means that I did a lions share of the work! Oh well...more running means more activity points earned! Haa haa haa. NOPE, I don't count work movement toward activity points! I came home and thought that I blew my points though...because waiting until 9PM to eat was rough. I knew it would be difficult so when I got home at 5PM I had a light snack. LIke 2 points. Then I got into the Laughing Cow light cheese. ARRGGHHH......and then I had a WW Strawberries and Cream muffin (yummy). That held me off until dinner. (Dinner was chicken and rice...8 points, green beans...0 points, and fruit....1 point) I had mostly fruits and veggies for lunch and my normal oatmeal for breakfast. I had already entered my breakfast and lunch into my journal and kinda just threw caution into the wind with the after work snacks and dinner. After it was done, cleaned up and eaten I came with fear and trepidation to the computer desk. I entered my food. Much to my surprise, I was only 2 points over for the day! Not bad, especially considering I had spent over an hour on my bike that morning and didn't include the AP's in my points. (Not to mention the busy day at work....and the quiz to find out how many points I need a day, I counted my work as 'somewhat sitting with some standing/ 50-50.....well yesterday...and the day before were 100% on my feet moving...which would have netted me an extra point or two if I took the quiz based on my activity at work the last few days......that's not how it works though!)

I'm planning on spending the afternoon with my mom. Todd has clients in, and this is Dad's sunday to work long hours....so we'll do something together. I'm thinking about heading to goodwill (I think they are open on Sundays). I also have to run to sam's and the grocery store. Not for much though...thank heavens! I'm hoping that mom and I can go walking or do something somewhat active. It will help mom out too!

Tomorrow we are planning on going for a nice bike ride up on the western section of the C&O Canal! Woo hoooo....I'm looking forward to it! It really amazed me the other day. The first year I went biking, that first trip of the year...wooooo I couldn't even make it a mile! This year I started with a 5 mile trip....didn't faze me. The next day we did a 7 mile trip...NO problem. Now we are planning a longer trip the third trip! Shows how much the constant exercise does to keep us in shape!

On the bike again!

Oh, it feels heavenly to be on the bike again...outside! Woo hooo! Last night after work Todd and I went out for a small ride. About a half hour ride...just to see how our bodies would handle it and all that. This morning we went out for about an hour. So far so good! HOpefully on Monday we can go somewhere nice to do a nice ride! I'm tickled! This morning was a bit cold, but otherwise a great ride!

I'm down to 198.8...still up from my lowest...but down from my last official weigh in. So, I'm happy and yet wishing I could see more progress! :-)

One more day of work and then I have two days off! Woo hooO! I go in at 11 today instead of 10. :-) (OBviously, as I look at the time on my computer...it is already 10:30!) I need to remember to put on my pedometer. Yesterday at work alone, I walked my 10,000 steps! That is good! :-)

It's working

I was 202.4 at my weigh in! My home scales are very close to the 'official' scales that I use for my weight. So I'm pretty darn tickled that my home scales are showing me at 198.8 today! That's really good. If I can at least hold onto a 198 pound weigh in for next Tuesday's weigh in, I'll be happy! Because it would at least take me within a pound or so of where I was 3 weeks ago! BUT, I'm not going to slack off......I'm gonna work hard at staying OP and try to get exercise and such in my routine this week! It would be REALLY awesome to recoup ALL the weight that I gained these last three weeks! Big goal...yeah, doable...yeah, that would be 4.8 pounds! But lets look at it realistically. I've already dropped 3.6 of them according to my scales here at the house. So that's 1.2 pounds more to go. Today is Friday (early in the day) So that means that I have 4 full days until my weigh in day...and my weigh in is later on Tuesday so I can count that as almost 5 days until my weigh in! I think I can do this!

Last night we were going to go outside and walk or ride bikes. It was overcast though so we didn't. Sadly enough though, I didn't exercise in the morning because I as expecting to do that in the evening. When my evening plans were shot out of the water, I SHOULD have exercised in the house. DId I?? NOPE. So I missed out on exercise yesterday (and consequentially, my weight was the same this morning as it was yesterday morning). We are planning again to work out after I get off work tonight......I'm hoping the plans hold! If not, I HAVE to work out!!! No ifs ands or buts!

The Blame Ultimately Lies with ME!

I can babble on endlessly about how stressful my week was with everything breaking down. Or about how I had no choice with eating out so darn many times. I can also talk about the fact that on my normal weigh in days I eat really lightly...lots of fruits and veggies. That wasn't true of yesterday. I ate at the Waffle House. I ate healthier than I normally would have (I forwent the potatoes). However I still ate a sandwich.....I also ate more during the day then I normally would have. So I think that skewed my results a bit also. However, I know that the blame ultimately lies with me. Other people can get through situations like that just fine without gaining. My willpower was what was lacking...nothing else! I am the one responsible for my actions. Situations and things in my life need to dealt with in positive manners. Not by eating and nibbling and all kinds of stuff like that! That is not healthy. I may be able to eventually make it to my goal weight with that mentality...but I won't be able to keep it off. To keep it off, I need to really learn how to deal with these situations. Easier said than done.

Meanwhile, I had also stopped exercising. Last week i was going to start....did it for two days and then fell by the wayside. So I'm starting again today. I already exercised this morning! One day down! :-)

Sometimes I wonder where my mind is!

Yes, I wonder where in the world my mind is when I'm thinking about food and my choices before and while I'm eating. It is so easy to slip into the old MaryFran and eat what I want with no regard to my new lifestyle, my weight or even how what I'm eating is going to make me feel! Last night I overindulged. No, I didn't eat awfully bad. I had a veggie plate and a side salad at the restaurant we went to. I know your thinking what's the problem. The problem is that I had the salad with the full fat salad dressing (used every last drop that they give). I had my 4 veggies.......sweet potato, baked beans, mashed potatoes and green beans. Ok, so at least the green beans were good...however I'll be the first to admit that they were swimming in grease! Can we say Carb City for my meal???? Oh yeah....3 rolls! Uhhh yeah....that would be three.....3....yes not one, not two but three rolls. WITH butter! OUCH.

I've cooked at home today for lunch.....just a small meal. I have 9 points for dinner! I can do that. I just checked and my dinner is actually 7 points for the dinner...which gives me a point for a piece of fruit with my dinner! AND a point to spare! :-)

I was so determined to get back to the exercise......uhhhhhh I was really good for about 2-3 days.....then it went down the tubes! I'm hoping that it only happened that way because our week was so crazy and wild. (company here for two days.....my brother visitning others.....etc etc etc). I know that exercise plays such and integral part of weight loss for me!

Today is a quiet day for me. Todd's working...and I've got to be somewhat quiet. So I'll be reading or playing on the computer all day. Normally I would be able to watch tv quietly...however last night our sattelite receiver blew up...literally smoking! (it wasn't even on!) So Tv is out until we can get that replaced! Now that I think about it.....this week is also a weeek to have things just break down! The dryer is on the blink (we are waiting for a call from the repair company that the extended warranty people put in a call to...at least this one is covered by the extended warranty). THEN, the screen door.....litterally the hinges broke....first the top and we didn't realize it...and that pulled the bottom ones out of whack...so after church, in the pouring rain we had to try to fix the screen door and ended up removing it. My kitchen sink....it's porcelin (how the heck to do you spell that?) ...and the porcilin literally is falling off! ARRGGHHHH We are going to try to patch it for now.....until we decide what we are going to do...how much longer we are going to live here! Lets see....I think that's it. NOPE....Todd's car is in the garage! It's been rough.

Yeah...speaking of Todd's car. Last Thursday he had my car for the day. SO he dropped me off at work and was supposed to pick me up at 5 when I got off. Well, I know he sometimes gets involved in things so I tried to call him at 4:30 and every 10 minutes thereafter. At 5PM, he still hadn't shown up. So at 5:15 or so, my boss offered to take me home. I accepted....I would have walked the 2 miles but it was rainy. I walked in the door and Todd mentioned how I was late....I asked him, "Did you forget something?" He looked at me blankly and said, "I don't think so". I looked at him and said, "ME"! HE still didn't get it...because he still looked very confused. It wasn't until I actually said, "You have my car...you were supposed to pick me up" That he realized what he did! Nope..I'm not mad...but it sure has been fun to tease him!

Slow slow work

Why in the world does the weight come on so easily...but take so long to be eradicated??? I literally gained 5 pounds for the two days we were in Lancaster....yet it's been more than a week and I haven't dropped those 5 pounds! I have to keep telling myself that it is slow work and I don't want to rush it...I want to do it healthy and the correct way! But it really is food for thought.....oops no pun intended on the 'food' comment!

Last night got to visit with a great friend of mine from my teen years! I hadn't seen this girl in 17 years. That's soooo long! So it was very interesting.

We've eaten out WAY Too much this week! WAY TOO MUCH! It is so much more difficult to lose weight when you are eating out every meal! I'm determined to cook at home most of this coming week! First of all I have the food....second of all it is easier for me to manage food at home!!!!!

Struggling!

I'm so struggling tonight! I'm just plain and simple hungry! I can't stop eating! What to do...what to do? Ok, I know in my head to stay away from the kitchen. But that is so much easier said than done! I need strength!!!!!! Come on willpower! Come on something!

I can deal with the weight gain. HOwever, I'm having some difficulty dealing with the fact that I'm no longer in onederland! Yes...I totally and royally screwed it up! ARRGGHHHH I'm 201! I know it will come off! I'm not concerned. I'm not giving up. I'm not anything...except PO'd at myself! How could I have been stupid enough to let it happen? Anything but losing my foothold in onederland!

I haven't been exercising regularly. I got out of the habit when I had the cold while my brother's family was in town. I never got back in the habit. I'm starting that tomorrow. No ifs ands or buts! I know that is a big part of my success. I have to get all the spokes in this wheel moving in the same direction. Until then, I'm not going anywhere...at least not fast!

I think I can, I think I can!

I set a goal for myself to be at least back under 200 by my official weigh in. That weigh in is tonight. According to my scales this morning...as long as I don't mess it up....I should be under....BARELY under...but under. That is if it holds to the pattern that my home scales weigh me about a half of a pound heavier than the official meeting scales! 200.4 on the home scales! Ahhhhh soo close! But I'm letting this be a lesson to myself. I fought to get under 200.....it was a long hard battle....and after only 2-3 weeks I messed it up! NO WAY...not again!

I've been terrible with exercising. I just plain and simple haven't done it lately! I think I've exercised twice in the last three weeks! That's pitiful! While we were travelling I did at least walk a good bit....but it's just not the same! I need to make that a focus...getting back in the exercise routine! As much as I dread doing it.....it needs to be done! For me, starting the exercise routine is the worst. Once I get back in it...then I don't mind it...but the first few times, I just dread the sore legs...sore arms.....and general tiredness!

Well...it's back to work for me today. My vacation is over...boo hooo!

Results of a vacation and family visit!

Yes, the unofficial results are in. I've gained.....I've uhhh gained a fair amount. Uhhhh I'm no longer in onederland! I'm pretty bummed about it. I never wanted to see that 2 as my first number in my weight again. NEVER. ANd here I am just a few weeks later back in twooterville! ARGHHHH! I'm determined to get rid of it as quickly as possible....... nothing drastic or unhealthy of course! I'm hoping to at least hold onto onederland for my official weigh in. I'm not that far off of onederland so it is possible! I"m hoping that a lot of it is water retention....from not drinking enough and from more salty food! I can hope eh? I actually feel that I didn't eat too poorly. Yes, I did have my much coveted and dreamed about piece of Shoo Fly Pie...but I ate complete veggie meals. I ate fruit cups for breakfast...etc etc etc! Soooo that is where I stand.

It has showed me that I really don't have total control over my food yet! I've still got a long ways to go in my mental journey to losing weight!

Satisfied

I'm sitting here satisfied in more than one way. We ate dinner and I'm physically satisfied from what I ate (it's my splurge night.......after my weigh in). BUt I'm also satisfied with my weigh in results. I actually gained .4 pounds. Yes, I'm satisfied with a half pound gain. We travelled......I made better choices that I previously would have...however I do know that I made some more poor choices! My aim was to actually maintain. I didn't quite do that...but close enough that I can kinda consider it a maintain.

We are going away again on Thursday.....this time to Lancaster CO, PA. I'm nervous about that also. But I'm determined to do it!