Success and Failure

I've decided to look back at this past year. Today I want to go back and read all my entries. That would be one year of triumphs and occaisional failures in this weight loss journey that I have undertaken. On the surface I can say that I was hoping to reach my goal weight this year. By my birthday do be exact. It would have meant that I had to lose a consistent 2 pounds per week. I was actually doing good UNTIL April. And at that point I struggled...and even gained some. I was actually staying pretty close to the 2 pounds per week once I joined weight watchers until the holidays hit. I'm hoping and praying to get back to that now that the holiday season is over. Yes, it is technically over for me. Todd and I are not partiying or anything spectacular tonight. We'll stay at home for a nice quiet evening.

I started the year 2006 weighing in at roughly 260 pounds. So for me to be at roughly 210 marks 50 pounds gone. This year of weight loss has really marked a point where I can clearly see a difference in my body. I not only wear clothes that are remarkably smaller (people can clearly see the change when they see me). BUT I can see a difference in how I act and move. Generally speaking, I have more energy and spunk that I'd had in a long time.

Overall, I would say it's been a good year for weight loss. I hope to lose the last 60 in the year 2007. And yes, that is my goal. But just as last year my goal was to lose it all and be at my goal weight (same as this year), that is just a goal. I will be tickled with a substantial loss. I know in my heart that if I end the year 2007 and can say that I didn't lose 60...BUT I lost 40 or 30, that I'll be happy because I lost. I have some BIG celebrations coming up. The first will be that when I hit 199.9, I will be in ONEDERLAND! According to most BMI calculaters...when I hit 197, I will no longer be considered obese, I will merely be overweight. (No, being overweight is not my goal...I want to be 'healthy weight'...but not being considered obese....I can't even imagine). AND third but not last, when I hit 195 I will hit the 100 pounds lost mark! HUGE HUGE HUGE stuff!
BUt, even though I'm dying to get to those spots this is not a race...this is my life! I'll get there when I get there. In the meantime, I'm going to keep plugging along at it!

What the Hell???

I've been soo good this week. I've worked out...I've eaten healthy...counted points...haven't gone over points....have lots of flex points left. So imagine my surprise when I got on the scales at the gym and find that I'm the exact same weight as I was the other day! Come now.....that's crazy! I'm trying not to let it upset me though! I need to just stay focused. If I do, even if I don't lose this week, I will lose the next week...or the week after that! It WILL come off!

At least I'm laughing!

Wow...does that weight ever come on fast! One week and I was up 3.6 pounds! Yes, as the subject line alludes to, I am laughing about it. I'm planning on getting it off pretty fast. This is the same weight that has been coming and going for the last month and a half! I don't know...looking at it realistically, I know I ate and nibbled for Christmas...and if I want to be honest with myself for a day or so before Christmas! I got back from my parents on Christmas night and I was not upset with m yself for nibbling...I was satisfied. Not happy that I did it...but willing to face the consequences. I also knew that I needed to get myself back on track. SOOOOOOOOoooooooo, I threw away all the cookies and candies at the house...well, I threw away the ones that I liked! So my house is christmas goody cleaned up! And, I've been pretty much on plan the last few days!

Now....at the risk of making excuses....I had the monthly ick during my weigh in...and I hadn't been drinking my water. Sooooo maybe the weight gain wasn't as bad as it looked. No way of knowing though...so I'm just gonna take it and run!

Crazy enough, after and even during my binge...my focus and motivation skyrocketed! Crazy! I would have though while I was eating on Christmas day that I would have been all, "yummm....I can't wait until tomorrow when I can have some more". That's not how it was! YIPPEE! I was more like, "enjoy it today...because tomorrow you will not". AND, I've not craved it...it was almost as if my body said thank you for the treat but I'm done! Ok, yes, maybe I'm the crazy one! tee hee hee

I sound like a broken record!

Yes, at the risk of sounding like a broken record I'll say it. I'm not going to have a good weigh in tonight. Nope. Not at all. I actually think I gained about 3 pounds. I had said anything under 5 pounds and I'd be a happy girl! I'm not going to be happy to lose that weight again. However, I feel like I would have been denying myself if I wouldn't have given in and allowed myself anything. The problem was, yesterday I was there in the kitchen and I nibbled and nibbled. Mom had the goodies OUT and in plan view on the table. Not her fault...I should be able to resist.

I'm very lucky though. While I was eating, I knew that on Tuesday, I would be jumping right on the wagon and going full fledged with this eating thing again. Even as I shoveled in food (ok, it wasn't that bad.......nibbled on food) I knew that it would be a different story on Tuesday and everyday thereafter. So, how has Tuesday gone thus far. GREAT! I've eaten responsibly and made it to the gym for a great workout this morning!

I think the big thing was that I realized that I could wear another pair of pants from the 'not yet' drawer! So all day yesterday I was wearing something that previously was too small. It fit...COMFORTABLY! That is such a great feeling! And it helped me mentally be ready to and looking forward to getting back on task! The other thing is that I'm getting ready to help lead this summer weight loss challenge. SO I know that I'll be thinking about weight loss a lot!

I'm going going to take this weigh in tonight, file it and come back in the next weeks and regroup, relose and get back to the losing life!

Merry Christmas!

I gave myself a free day today. I've greatly enjoyed the food that I have eaten. Yes, I've eaten more than I should have. Do I feel guilty....nope. I do however feel ready to get back up tomorrow and really work to get some more of this weight off. No, I'm not looking forward to the scales tomorrow....but I would be expecting a maintain or gain anyway...TOM Quite honestly, I'm looking foward to eating healthy. What a surprise for me.

Something that I did today to help me motivate myself...even though I was having a free day. I routed through my 'ready for you' clothes. (this is clothes that have been given to me, or that I've bought at Goodwill in the next size down). I found a pair of jeans...that I could wear...comfortably actually. And I wore them....knowing in my head that I was wearing a pair of jeans that one month ago I couldn't...and a size lower. I'm slowly fitting into more 16's!!! I'll make it to the point that I can wear ANY 16!

I've been part of a Christmas challenge. I was hoping and aiming to be in onederland (199.9 or less) by Christmas. I'm not at all upset about the fact that I didn't make my goal. I tried pretty hard...and I actually dropped more than 20 pounds during the challenge...pretty good. I am goign to be part of another challenge......which will run from January until the first day of summer June 21. This is a pretty long goal. I'm thinking about setting 40 as my goal to lose. That will put me at 170 pounds! That's roughly 1.3 pounds a week. Tough, absolutely. Doable? Yes! I'd rather aim high! I know that I won't be upset if I dont' make it. I'll be happy if I've at least made a considerable effort in getting to my goal!

Holding on!

Ahhhh Christmas cookies! I was so proud of myself the other night when I made all those cookies and yummy stuff and didn't eat any of them. I put up a mental block within and didn't eat any more of my cookies. (some of the cookie gift packages are still in my kitchen...untouched). HOWEVER, I got some gifts today from my work...cookies and goodies. YEP, I've partaken! ARRGGHHH! But, oh my word, they taste soooooooo good! I've got to mentally slap my wrists and stop this! I need to keep telling myself I'm only 9 pounds away from onederland! 9 measely pounds! This is sooo in my reach that I can taste it!

I got rid of my next size up though, so I have NOWHERE to grow into! On the otherhand, I've got a plethera of the next size down in clothes! MOTIVATION and WILLPOWER, where are you?

I did it!

I'm amazed some weeks. It seems like lately I come on a day or so after my weigh in and I'm like...somehow from somewhere I pulled a loss! Well, it happened again. 1.6 down! Yes, I'm working for it. But admitedly, I slacked a little....ate more of my flex points than I normally do.......amazing!

On that same note...I've already blown 11 flex points for this week also. That's a lot for me...I usually only use 5 per WEEK!

Made about 6 different kinds of cookies tonight. Ate about 2 cookies worth of Chocolate Chip cookie dough... (yes, I know we aren't supposed to eat raw dough anymoer...but heck, I've been doing it since I was just a wee thing...I see no reason to stop now). Anyway, only about two cookies worth of dough. No other snitches...I didn't 'test' the cookies as they came out! NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH! I saved out about 2-3 of each cookie for my husband. I saved abou 5 or 6 of the 1 point pumpkin cookie (spice cake mix, can of pumpkin, and 1/3 cup water...add 2/3 cup water and you can do muffins...but cookies are fine also..they are a very 'caky' cookie). But I saved a few one pointers for me for a snack for the next few days. AND with the rest of the cookies....I packed them up in gift packages....ready to go! The name tags and bows are on them! They are as good as out the door! (Nope...I won't cheat because each package is 'artfully' arranged and to snitch a cookie would mess up the 'prettiness' of the package!

Tickled because I was able to buy myself a pair of pants (lounging flannel pants) at an everyday overstock store ($5....really good deal)! This may not seem exciting...but for a big girl whose options are usually pretty limited as to where she can buy her clothes.....just walking through the clothes area and being able to actually find something that fits is pretty amazing. EVen more amazing...I on a whim bought the xl. I thought that they would be tight but I would 'grow' into them. Well, I tried them on...they are loose. Now don't get me wrong....not loose as in I should be wearing a large...but loose as in comfy!

Going to my work christmas party/dinner tomorrow night so I'm planning my low point breakfast and lunch!

Lately I've been really melancholy. I've just felt like crying...A LOT of the time! Don't know what's up with that. My husband freaks out because he wants to know why I'm crying...or feeling sad. I honestly can't tell him why....I'm just sad. I do think it's because right now we seem to be under a lot of stress...but that usually doesn't make me feel sad and teary! Nope...not eating like a mad woman because of it either!

Another week!

I've been really struggling this week. I've used more flex points then I have ever used. I know, I know...they are there for me to use, Use them. However, that combined with my lower exercise levels. I just don't know what's happening to me. I've had a few nights of not being able to sleep and a few other nights of nightmares. Fun fun fun.

According to my scales, I've maintained though. We'll see how it goes tonight!

Another week!

I've been really struggling this week. I've used more flex points then I have ever used. I know, I know...they are there for me to use, Use them. However, that combined with my lower exercise levels. I just don't know what's happening to me. I've had a few nights of not being able to sleep and a few other nights of nightmares. Fun fun fun.

According to my scales, I've maintained though. We'll see how it goes tonight!

Somehow!

Somehow, from somewhere, I pulled out a 2.8 loss. This puts me at the exact weight that I went into my thanksgiving vacation at.....before I temporarily lost control!

Meanwhile, today at work I was so bored that I literally fell asleep! Uhhh, I'm a boredom eater! I ate 16 points EXTRA in mindless eating at work alone! Yes, that was 16 points! Luckily I did have 5 points extra (I was saving it to have a weight watchers dessert cup during The Biggest Loser tonight) and I was able to change my 12 point dinner into a 5 point dinner (yay zero point veggies!). I had already planned to go to the gym...I just did more cardio than weights and earned 6 points.....so I evened myself out at least. But I can't be doing that!

Better luck tomorrow!

Waiting to see the damage!

Yes, I'm waiting to see the damage. Last week I gained 2.2 pounds. Which means in the last two weigh ins combined I've gaiend 2.8 pounds. Not life ending...but still something I DON'T want to happen. So I set myself on a course to get back to where I'm need to be. I feel as if I've done pretty good this week. I stayed on task. I journalled everything...even the bad stuff that I ate. And yes, I did eat bad stuff. I celebrated my birthday this week. I didn't eat cake, instead I chose to have ice cream. I'm not talking about run of the mill boring ice cream. I'm talking about an icecream shop where they make EVERYTHING from scratch.....using all natural ingredients. Eating this ice cream is darn near orgasmic. I totally enjoyed it....it was WELL worth the points. The good thing...this fabulous ice cream shop is about 1.5 hours away...and in a place where we usually do a heck of a lot of walking! (3-4 hours). SOOOOO Hopefully the walking negated the icecream.

I'm thinking that I actually may have lowered my numbers a little bit. I was originally aiming to lose the whole 2.8 pounds this week...I'll be happy with 2.....(according to the gym scales, that may be what I did too). I don't know!

Back on Track

Yes, I'm back on track. Really what it boils down to is I'm actually journalling and not just saying...'oops, I'm over'. I decided one of the big things I would do would be to write down EVERYTHING....and count EVERYTHING...even if I know that I went over. First, knowing that I'm going to write it down anyway makes me be good. And, I'm finding it is not too overly difficult to actually get it back under control. What I'm struggling with is the "bites, licks and tastes". But, yes, I'm adding those in also!

I also think that I needed a 'bad week' to really refocus myself. I mean, the week before I had gained .6 pounds. That's pretty much nothing. In all honesty, to me that is the difference in clothes....or maybe a trip to the bathroom. So it was way to easy to overlook as a gain. Not so for a 2.2 pound gain. I can't over look it. Yes, I know that I was probably retaining water (I hadn't been drinking properly) but that is an excuse and I know the other part of it is that I ate poorly that week. I could have kept overlooking .6 pounds week after week. And eventually I would have found that I had slowly gained back the weight. I needed that shot in the arm of a 'big' weight gain to get me back on track! :-)

Weigh In Results

Ok, I'm up 2.2 pounds. I want to scream in frustration. However, I refuse to. I know I did it to myself. I didn't watch what I was eating.....I didn't watch portion sizes....and thereby, I didn't journal. I am 100% at fault!

I'm recommitted though. I have done pretty good thus far today. I actually will have enough for a Weight Watchers fudge bar. Yes,I've had stuff like that in the past week...however I never had the points for it. Today, I actually have the points to really allow to eat it! So, I'm not doing too badly. AND, my water intake is where it needs to be today!

Struggling

I'm so struggling with this 'eating/lifestyle' change thing. As I said, I made better choices on my vacation...but still ate too much and some choices that were not the best. I came home and I am 100% determined to stay with this and do it. It was working so well for me before the vacation. AND I had a friend give me some clothes while I was on vacation (she is also losing weight and has outgrown the clothes...so she passed them on to me). Some of the clothes are too small, there are a few that are just a little tight and then I have some that are just right. I was wearing some and I noticed last night that they are actualy a size LARGE! There was no x in front of that word. Let alone 2X. I was pretty tickled. SO I know what I've done is working. However, my willpower after vacation just seems to have vanished! I forced myself to get up and exercise first thing in the morning. I'm hoping that if I have in the back of my mind that I already exercised, that it will help me 'remember' that I should turn some of the bad stuff down! I know I can do it. I want it. I just need to get my head back into sync with my heart!

vacation

Well, vacation/holiday has come and gone. We spent about 12 days visiting friends and family (away from home the whole time). I started the time with some rough eating experiences (eating too much) but exercised my heart out. I was pretty religious about exercising while I was away...but just ate way too much. I did chose some healthier options.....and only once felt stuffed. BUT, I know I didn't chose as wisely as I could have! The end result.......I gained .6 pounds. Not too shabby...especially since knowing that the 'ick' (TOM) is just departing!

Now to just make it through all the birthdays and Christmas!

A mixture of Happiness and Stress

I'm ecstatic....thrilled...even tickled pink. I had my weigh in last night. I am utterly proud to announce that I lost 3.2 pounds! I am now 211.2 pounds! That is such a huge difference from where I started. Amazing to know that at one point I weighed 295 pounds (on my scales which weighed me 10 pounds lighter than everywhere else...). So I am excited beyond belief to have posted a big loss.....especially knowing that as long as I can post consistent 2 pound losses, then I will make my goal by Christmas. (and if I don't..well, I'll make it by mid-January...or the beginning of February...or whenever).

I'm utterly stressed. A dog recently came under my care. He came under my care becuase the person that we entrusted to take care of him didn't do a good job. (well, I don't know..but the dog got sick and he didn't do anything to help the dog.....the dog is my husbands grandmothers, she is in a nursing home). SOOO I've been trying to nurse this poor dog (big German Shepherd....previous police/prison dog) back to health. I went over there on Monday and "THOUGHT" I saw the dog fall down. I wasn't sure though...I thought he may have slipped. ON Tuesday I was back, to entice him with more treats and good things. The dog was laying against the kennel door....immobile. I actually had to shove (gently of course) to get the kennel door open and shut. I was in tears, it was terrible. I called around and could find NO-ONE to help me with the dog that late at night....I couldn't move the dog...even though he had lost a lot of weight, he still was pretty big and heavy. SOOO, I tried to make the dog as comfortable as possible (blankets and such) and made an appointment for this morning. Yes, the dog is no longer suffering. I hate making the decision to have to 'put an animal down'. It's just way to heartwrenching!

Soooo, I go to work. I'm stressed, very emotional and just plain icky from all that had happened. I just wanted to eat and eat! I didn't want to stop. I actually didnt' do too badly...only 5 points over my daily allotment. AND I exercised my tail end off this evening...and earned 5 points to make up for it. BUT, today was a total struggle!

Hopeful!

Well, I'm pretty hopeful. I went to the doctor with my husband. He was happy to announce that the scales at the gym...and the scales at home are all pretty accurate (with the scales at home being the known 5 pounds less). So, I knew what I weighed at the gym...(the same as I weighed at weight watchers). SOOOO I hopped on the scales when the doctor and nurse weren't in the room. They weighed me at 210 pounds. Now..I'm not saying that I lost four pounds since my weigh in...but I'm hoping that maybe..somehow I've dropped big. It would definitely put me back in the running! Maybe I need to sneak a peak at the home scales tomorrow morning!

Had to go out and buy a new wedding band...the old one was way to loose....along with my engagment ring and other rings. I bought a simple band...but one with a little texture since that's the only ring I plan on wearning for a while!

Chugging along

I've come to the conclusion that I may not reach my own little mini goal. I had set in my head that I would like to be under 200 pounds by Christmas/New Years. It was atually a doable goal. I figured it out (fitday.com is a wonderful site because you can put in your weigh and your goal and target date...and it will tell you exactly what you need to lose each week in order to reach that goal) I had to lose 1.5 pounds each week...and that was to make the goal by Christmas (it was obviously a bit less to do it by New Years!) Well....that one week of a gain really blew my target out of the water...it is actually possible for me to do it. I would need to have one week of a huge loss though...and then the rest of the weeks would have to be slow and steady..with no gains! Possible..yes. REalistic...not really. I'm not worried...because I fully expect to be within a few pounds of my goal by the target time...and that will be huge!

Why this 200 goal is so big for me? Well, Just under 200 pounds will mark 100 pounds gone! For good....never to be seen again! (I didn't weigh myself much at that point...but do know at one point the scales read 198) Reason number two why this goal is so immensly huge for me. 197 marks the point where according to the BMI index, that I will go from being Obese...to simply being overweight. Imagine that? And the third reason.....I will be in onederland! WOOOOOOO I can't imagine that either!

Soooo, all that said, I'm refocusing this week. I want to see if I am very disciplined not only with my exercise but with my eating, if I can post a big number on the scales to possibly beat the odds and put me back in the running for my Christmas/New Years goal! I'm not doing anything stupid...I'm simply being more disciplined than I have been in recent weeks. :-) I'm also pushing my exercise into more intense workouts and if not more intense...than longer!

On a positive note....my jeans are starting to get loose AGAIN!..that means that I'll soon be moving down another size! Oh yeah, I also can't wear my rings anymore...they are too loose and are falling off! Never thought I would be excited about the fact that I can't wear my rings anymore! YIPPEE!!

The Hot Seat!

I've been good lately. I haven't been hopping on my home scales all the time. I will admit that I did get on the gym scales yesterday though. BUT the only thing bad is that it means I have no utter idea what my weigh in will be. I don't know if I gained or lost.

Well.....after a week of eating so so. (So, so meaning that I made healthier choses than I originally would have...however I still ate too much and I could have done better.) I actually somehow posted a 1.6 pound loss!

Wooo hooO!

I'm tickled pink though because my new exercise stuff came in the mail today. I've set aside today as my 'off' day from exercise....and I've exercised the last 6 days...so I know I need it. Otherwise I'd be in the living room exercising!

Am I digressing?

I don't know what came over me today. Maybe it was something in the air. I dont' know. But, this morning Todd and I had an early morning appointment. We stopped at the Waffle House for Breakfast on the way home. I knew what I was goign to get. I had previously measured the size of their waffles...I knew exactly what I wanted. One waffle....I knew the points...etc etc etc. Well, we sat down and I saw the sign. "We now have Chocolate Chip Waffles". Mmmmm doesn't that sound good. I debated. I finally decided to go ahead, take the knock and live on the edge. I was getting the chocolate chip waffles. As I was waiting for the waitress, I made the mistake of actually looking at the menu. Wow...did you know that you pay 2.35 for one waffle and you can get a double for 99 cents extra??? Wow...99 cents. Before I knew it, I had ordered a double! No....it's not just a little bigger....it is TWO waffles! NO.....I didn't put one aside and eat two. I enjoyed every dang bite of those waffles! Well, at the end I was finding the chocolate and accompanying syrup too sweet, but I still enjoyed each and every bite!

It just goes to show me that I still really don't have control over what i am doing. I honestly don't know what happened to me. I saw it and before I could think, I blurted out that I wanted it. I really didn't want it...and I know that! However, I do know that I need to get this weird urge that just washed over me under control. I need to if I am going to win the war. I may have lost that battle...but I'll refight it over and over again during my lifetime I am sure! I need to win!

Looking for the Rabbit in the Magicians Hat!

Yep, I pulled another one out of the proverbial hat. I was not expecting great things at this weigh in. The ick arrived a few days ago. I've actually felt bloated and icky. So I just thought that this weigh in wouldn't be that great. SOMEHOW, from somewhere, I pulled a 1.8 pound loss! Yes, a loss and a pretty decent sized one! How, I don't know. I do know that I ate decently. I'm not going to say that I ate well....I cheated a few times. However, since I really don't use my flex points each week (officially that is.....I'm sure I use them for all those BLT ~~bites licks and tastes~~ and all those things that I miscalculate or the portion sizes that I get wrong...). The other thing that I did right was exercise. I exercised 6 days out of the last 7 days. (And even on my day off from exercise I did a heck of a lot of walking).

I'm facing the reality that there is a good chance that I won't make my Christmas Goal of being under 200 pounds by Christmas or at least New Years. I do however think I'll be extemely close to my goal by that time. I think I may only need a week or so longer to reach that goal...therefore I'm leaving it stand. To actually reach the goal by Christmas I would need to lose 2.05 pounds. To reach it by New Years it was something like 1.79 pounds.

Another Weigh in!

I debated long and hard about whether to go to my weight watchers meeting tonight. No, I wasn't contemplating quitting, I was worried about this weigh in. I thought about going and taking my free pass so I wouldn't have to be weighed in. I finally did chose to just bite the bullet, pay the piper and weigh in.

You see, this week was stressful. At the beginning my husband and I were frantic because we bought something sight unseen that we were responsible for picking up and moving from a second floor loft in NYC (greenwich village to be exact) and getting it down to our recording studio. Stress was running just a tad bit high, let me tell you. On Thursday we jumped in our car with a few friends and caravaned up to NYC with a van full of some more friends. It is a 5 hour trip. We were in the city for about 2-3 hours getting this monster (8 feet long and weighing about 800-1000 pounds) out of this second story loft and into the van that we had brought to haul it. Then a 5 hour trip home...one that was stretched longer due to the driving rain that we had to travel through. Once home, we then had to unload the monster. It was just a joy. Why I mention it....I ate convience store food during that whole trip! I actually didn't do too badly though. I would have preferred more fruits and veggies but I didn't do to bad considering!

FOllowing that trip, we had a 2 day rest and then back in the car to go on a little mini vacation that we had planned months ago. We went to Lancaster Co PA....land of good, yummy, heavy, comfort style foods. I am proud of myself. I made healthier choices than I have during previous visits to that area. HOwever, I know I still could have done better in the eating department. I also had made sure that we were staying in a hotel that had an indoor pool and a fitness center. I utilized both fo them. I swam for exercise in the pool and went to the fitness center every day! AND worked out hard in the fitness center!

I would say my biggest problem of the week....I didn't get my water. I aim for 1/2 my body weight in ounces each day. But, I'm happy if I reach the 64 ounce mark! For probably mroe than half of this week....and most specifically these last 3-4 days before the weigh in (oh yes, we got back from vacation and my weigh in was literally 2 hours after we got home). BUt the biggest problem was the lack of water....these last few days I've probably not even hit the 30 ounce mark of water. Can we say water retention. I also was stupid and ordered chipped beef gravy for breakfast. Not the greatest thing point wise...but managable. However, I wasn't even thinking of the sodium.....can we say water retention again???

So, how did I do. I know you are dying to know! Well, I went and I told myself that I was expecting to gain. I was thinking about 5 pounds! I had decided that I would be ok with anywhere up to a 5 pound gain. Well, I actually started to cheer when I heard my weight. I only gained 1 pound! That should be easily corrected with just getting my water/sodium consumption back in line! Woo hoooo!

So there you have it.....I am actually cheering over a gain!

Weigh In

I did it! I got my 25 pounds lost magnet! Yep, I lost 1.4 pounds! I'm excited. I'm happy that I am still losing decent weight each week! ALthough, I'm exercising pretty religiously!

In fact, yesterday was my off day for exercise...meaning I wasn't going to exercise at all. Well, I ate my dinner and I sat here at the computer...feeling awful. Just full (not sick) but just yucky. I knew what my body was demanding.....activity! So, up I got and I exercised for an hour. Felt great when I was done! That's kinda weird for me..the queen of not exercising.

The other thing that happened this week. Todd and I met mom outside of her work and dropped off some clothes for her to go through (they are too big for me..and whatever she doesn't want she is goign to take to The Rescue mission or goodwill.) Well, I was waiting for her and was doing a bit of a hop/sashay or something. I didn't think anything of it. APparently mom did. She told me last night that she went home and told dad that they are getting their daughter back...the daughter that they remembered from years ago. She told me that and I just looked at her and said, "It's hard to do those things and be peppy when you weigh just shy of 300 pounds". This 75-80 pounds really does make a difference. AND...just watch out when I hit my goal!!!! WOo hooo...who knows what i'm gonna be like then!

Worried

Yes, I'm worried. I'm worried because I peeked at the scales this morning and they don't seem to be moving at all! I That worries me. I'm doing everything I should be doing. I'm exercising and eating right. I keep telling myself not to stress about it at all. Give it time. I actually still have almost 4 whole days until my next weigh in, so it isn't as if I'm giving it a lot of time. I've thought about getting a GOOD digital scale. That way I could see those .? pounds. Not just the rough "oh the dial is somewhere around..." Oh who knows! Meanwhile, I've gotta stop stressing.

FIgured it out though. I have to lose an average of 1.55 pounds to be in onederland by Christmas. If I want to do it by Thanksgiving it would be roughly 3 pounds a week (6 weigh ins left). Yes, I know the Thanksgiving goal would be a pretty difficult one to beat! But, it is there in the back of my mind. I would at least like to be below 210 pounds by Thanksgiving. That is 8 pounds down. Like I said..there are 6 weigh ins so that would be really nice.

Todd and I are planning on going to the MD Rennaisance Festival tomorrow. I"m looking forward to it. We haven't been able to attend in a couple years. BOOO HOooo. So it will be lots of fun. HOwever, I'm a bit concerned about the food. THe food there is SOOOOO good. Turkey legs.....soup in bread bowls...shall I continue? My tenative plan is to take my backpack purse and have some snacks in my purse to eat. (100 cal pack and grapes and whatever else I can think of). Then I will 'splurge' on one food item at the fair! We'll see. At least we will be doing a ton of walking while we are there!

Oh well!

I'm pretty happy with my weigh in this week. Obviously, a loss is excellent. However, after my previous weeks gain I just wasn't sure how I had done when I entered that room. Even better, I weigh myself in the morning and yesterday morning my home scales showed one thing and then this morning they were another two pounds less! Woooo.. I don't know about this. But I'll take whatever I can get!

I'm so looking forward to The Biggest Loser tv show tonight! It helps keep me focused on what I am doing I think!

Loss

Yes, I've been quiet. That doesn't mean that I haven't been working on this weight loss thing. Quite the quantrary. I've been working hard. So hard in fact that I posted a 2.2 pound loss this week. That takes my loss to 24.4 pounds! In fact, I made my 10% goal tonight! I was quite excited about it!


I haven't done anything differently this week. Simply eating right and lots of activity! Even though some days I may have eaten more or not the right foods. I feel that I have made healthier choices for myself....healthier than I would have previously made!

Weekly Weigh In

Well, if you hadn't noticed...I've not jumped on to dance and announce my great weigh in. I was so close to my 10% goal...I wanted it so bad! Have you picked up on the doom and gloom yet??? Well, I gained .2 pounds. Thank heavens there was a decimal point before that two! I'm not overly upset about the virtual maintain. And yes, even though it showed a gain, can .2 really be considered a gain. That could be the difference between a pair of socks...or a pair of pants. Maybe I was wearing an extra ring or necklace. Yes, it is technially a gain. But I'm not upset.

I am upset that I didn't make my goal. I think it was the montly water gain that messed me up (which prompted me to eat all the good yummy fattening foods that one day). But, regardless of what caused my small gain, I'm upset because I was so determined to get to that goal. I worked out. I ate right. I did all the things correct. And it just wasn't good enough.

Well...that said. I'm not letting it bother me (too much). I'm just refocusing and working on this week. I can only take one day at a time. I can't stress about what is already done. I know I ate well (with the exception of that one day). I'm just continuing to eat in that fashion!

That said.....I've been exercising in the morning AND the evening. Trying to get at least one hour in!

The Biggest Loser! I just wanted to beat those girls upside the head during the 'voting session'. Yes, I know this is a game...but to call Ken a Bastard because he didn't bend to their wishes. They also made it abundantly clear during that session that they don't care about him...they only care that a girl loses it. Have they not gotten the concept of teamwork. Teamwork is the only way that ANY of the red team will make it to the final!

Society

I received an email from a friend this morning. In it, she talked about her day and then remarked about a program/challenge that her company was doing. It was one of the 10,000 step challenges. She mentioned that she was going to have to say goodbye, so she could go to the 'kick off breakfast'. She also mentioned how worried she was...because a company supplied breakfast could and many times DOES mean an eating landmine! She mentioned how she was going to have to remain strong if the choices were not good. She, and I...both thought that a breakfast kickoff for a HEALTH challenge was kinda ironic. From this email I realized how society is so programmed to feed feed feed. If you have a meeting around breakfast time..you either get breakfast...or at least donuts. Even a mid afternoon big meeting will net a cookie or two. In a company that I recently worked for. If the employees did something that the company deemed good....they catered in lunch. The thank us for working overtime to help through hurricane season (when all other sites were closed) they feed us pizza. They gave out candy as a thank you. Our society is programed to reward with food. I need to get out of this mental programming.

Sad Sunday

Well...the ick (TOM) came and went this week. I wisely stayed away from the scales during that time. This morning I awoke and knowing the ick was past...I jumped on the scales....ready to see how my week had been. I was excited...afterall, I had been totally on target with everthing that I had done this week. I'd eaten within my allowance of foods...I'd exercised religiously...I was doing great. UNTIL I looked at the scales........2 pounds up! ARRGGHHHH I told myself that it could be my scales...afterall, I know that they are not the most reliable scales....I also told myself that it could have been residual fluid retention from the ick. Who knows. I swallowed my disappointment and headed off for my day. After church Todd and I had an hour and a half before we needed to be somewhere. The end of town that we were in didn't boast too many options for lunch. I decided to go for broke. I was craving pizza...and since my numbers were already blown...why the heck not! So, Pizza we had. I am proud to say that I was able to pass up the buffet (I'm a sucker for the cinnamon bread sticks...I can eat them by the pound...not to mention slice of pizza after slice of pizza). So getting the dinner for two...AND thin crust was/is actually a step in the right direction. I also didn't put cheese on my salad! :-) BUT...the half pizza that I did eat...uhhh,mm...not good. :-) I didn't eat until I was sick though. SOooo off we went on our day. We spent a good deal of time at the nursing home with Todd's grandmother...went to Lowes and Sam's Club. The original plan had been to come home and eat a nice light meal (I was planning on a salad topped with grilled chicken...nice, easy and light!). Well...it was late when we got done at the last place....so we stopped at this phenominal little roadside joint (the owner has been a client of ours at the studio)...Red Neck Ribs. I can happily say that at least I didn't eat the bread/roll. But I had a beef brisket sandwich. It came with a bag of chips...UTZ, which I sadly did eat. And I had half an order of baked beans. NOt exactly weight watchers friendly.

So I come home...exercise for 45 minutes. I actually stopped because I dont' feel so well. I don't know if it is the guilt that is eating me up...or something else! Probably guilt.....poor Todd....in the middle of my workout, I dissoved into tears. Not so much that I ate poorly but that and the combination of the scales showing a weight gain. It's just frustrating!

Who knows how my Tuesday night weigh in will go!

Wednesday!

It's been a pretty good day. I was a little worried when I started the day. I woke up and felt like actually cooking a breakfast. (We usually do breakfasts on our own...and I usually do cereal). So making chipped beef gravy was not a good way to start the day. I plugged my recipe into the recipe builder to see where it would fall. I was actually shocked....it wasn't too bad. (Of course I use skim milk, and a while back I had already started making it with a heck of a lot less butter anyway). So, we had breakfast and only spent 7 points total (Man, gotta love Weight Watchers/Natures Own bread lines...low fat/low calories/high fiber)! For lunch I ate healthy, mostly fruits and veggies and one lite string cheese. My mid-afternoon snack was my yogurt (fat free of course) and strawberries. I was trying to be oh so careful because Todd had asked me to prepare Chicken Enchiladas. OUCH....can we say nice rich comfort food??? Once again, quite a while ago I had switched to the low fat versions of whatever ingredients I could. I figured out that with the adjustments it would be 5 points per enchilada. I figured I would be happy with 2 enchiladas. (I was.) But, because I knew I would use 10 points just for that, I knew I had to be careful. I managed. I also made some No Pudge brownies. Yum...they are excellent! I would highly recommend them...we actually had the Raspberry Brownies! Yum yum! I cut the brownies into 6 instead of 12...and that made the point value 4 for each brownie. So...when all was said and done. I was only one point over. I'm happy with that...especially since I exercised and earned 4 APS!

I'm so close to my 10% goal! I am determined to make it at my next weigh in. In fact, I'm so determined that I want to not only lose the 1.6 pounds to make my 10%, I want to lose 2.6 to make my 25 pounds lost goal!

I've noticed that I've been apologizing to Todd lately for being so single mindedly focused on losing weight and exercising. He seems to be ok with it. However I do worry that I'm focused that other things will suffer. And my marriage is one thing that I am not willing to sacrifice!

I actually enjoy cooking at home.....why we eat out so much is actually a mystery to me. I know I do enjoy eating out sometimes...but the rate that we do it...it's way too much. I'm really going to make a concerted effort to cook more at home. I know that if I stand firm and don't waver on eating at home, that TOdd will not mind. Oh yeah, there will be days where he just wants to get out (He works from home.....or technically we live at his business...lol) but for the most part, I want to eat at home!


Oh one HUGE exciting thing that happened to me in conjunction with the wedding this past weekend. About a month or so ago, I went through my closet and cleared out everything that was super big on me. I at that time was a solid 20....with the 20's being loose but not yet into the 18's. Well, I got rid of all my 'fat' clothes (that's my term for the clothes that are on the way out because they are too big.) I was all tickled. It left me with 4 pairs of casual/dress pants. Lucky for me I only need jeans and tee shirts so I don't need to have dress clothes for work...and then casual clothes for everyday living stuff. Anyway, I knew I had that wedding to go to. So I was ok...afterall I had these dress pants in the closet. Saturday rolled around and I pulled them out of the closet and LUCKILY tried them on early to decide which to wear. Does the word CLOWN pants bring anything to mind? These pants were huge on me...they literally made my bottom half look like a big round ball (the hem rested on the floor and the legs ballooned out). I was in a panic!
I had nothing to wear for a wedding that was in 2 hours! Luckily I
remembered a plastic bin full of stored clothes from COLLEGE that I just
couldn't bear to part with...and found a pair of pants....unfortunately they
weren't too dressy. But at least I founds something other than blue jeans!

Weigh IN...week 8

Well...the big weigh in was tonight. I'm very pleased to announce that I
lost 2.8 pounds! That makes my weight 220.2 pounds. I'm tickled because
that puts me 1.6 pounds away from my 10% goal! I'm hoping for next week on
that one! Maybe that will keep me really on track! I'm so close to this goal that I can taste it!

A wedding!

Well yesterday I went to a wedding of a young girl who met her husband while teaching at a mission school in the Phillipines. How exciting! Although it really made me feel old as I babysat her! Eii yii yiii I tried to do as good as I could with the food. It helped that they had some seemingly healthier options there! They had an appetizer table, which contained the normal appetizers but also a lot of fruit! I was also pleased that they had two options of cake to eat....one of which was angel food. (it made an easier option for me, instead of the ultra bad choice of red velvet cake with the wonderful icing!...which yes, the old me ...or maybe the internal me...would have loved!) I was worried last night though. Because I did step on the scale before I went to bed. Yes, I know...weigh yourself at the same time during the day...and I usually do it in the morning! Well, it looked as if I was back where I was about a week or so ago. But this mornign it was pretty much back in line. I plan on doing a pretty big workout today after church! I do know that I have to watch carefully the next two days...especially since my weigh in is on Tuesday! I also know that I can't have two days like this a week on a regular basis!

Chinese

I had every intention of cooking and eating at home. EVERY intention. My intentions were so good that I have my little meal plan tucked into my daily tracker! I was goign to have grilled chicken, roasted potatoes sprinkled with olive oil and rosemary, green beans, and fresh kiwi. It's all on my little sheet. So what the heck happened when I talked to Todd and one of my first words was "Lets go to Chinese". I actually knew I had the points to manage Chicken and Brocolli. I was all set. I got there, glanced at the menu and laid the menu aside. I knew what I was getting. It was all good. Well, Todd was perusing the menu and must have felt weird about me just sitting there quietly so he suggested I try something new (I'm not a big chinese fan...I don't have a big repoitoire of foods that I eat a chinese places). I don't know why I didn't just say. "I know but I also know the points on my chicken and brocolli" NO...I just had to pick up the menu and found a dish that did sound REALLY good. It didn't sound too bad. The description actually sounded a lot like chicken and brocolli...instead of brocolli it was mixed veggies and water chesnuts. Sounds yummy. So I switched. When they sat the plate down in front of me I just looked at it. To my credit after the waitress left I did look at Todd and say, "I can't eat this" It was the deep fried chicken in the sauce mixed with the veggies. Todd was understanding (trying to take the blame..but it was ultimately MY decision. I'm the one that didn't stick to my guns). I smiled and said, "I'll just eat a small portion and we can take the rest home for your lunch tomorrow. The problem? Well, I tasted it and it was FABULOUS! I uh....ate the portion on my plate. Uhhh...ate a little more...and a little more...until it was all gone. Heck, I practically licked that plate clean!

I did come home and exercise a good bit to try to at least counteract those many points I devoured!

The Biggest Loser started last night. THat is motivational for me. I see other people goign through what I've gone through and it does help to know that I'm not alone!

Weigh IN!

Well, just got back from my weigh in. I was tickled to see/hear that I lost 3.8 pounds! Woo hooo! That brings my total weight loss since I joined weight watchers to 19.6 pounds!

Snuck a peek!

I know, I know, I know. I need to stop obsessing about the scales! I was doing pretty good there for a while, not checking at home. But I took a sneak peek the other day and didn't see much of a change, although as I mentioned earlier it was pretty close to my WI. I got on the scales this morning and although I'm not going to break out the party balloons or anything...I THINK I may be dropping. Woo hooo. It's so difficult to tell on my scales. Whether it's the scales fault or the old uneven floors in my house, who knows!

I've been pretty consistent with working out. I'm proud of myself. I purposely didn't exercise on Saturday. I decided to take that as off. But, I've been working out about 45 minutes a day. Some nights it kicks my butt though. I'm trying to shake it up and do varied exercises and routines. Not just always the gym...or always on my bike. Lately I've been doing a lot of exercise DVD's. My favorites right now is one Step Aerobics, The Biggest Loser Workout, and The new Weight Watchers Workout DVD (I really like the Cardio Dance). I can't wait to get to the post office tomorrow though..because I bought the XBOX game Dance Dance Revolution and two floor control pads. It always looks like fun when you see the game in the arcades. And when you see these kids playing it, they have worked up a sweat. I have a friend that bought it and confirmed that it can be a pretty good workout....so I bought it. I can't wait! :-) The other thing I'm anxiously awaiting is my exercise DVD...80's Blast....it's a Richard Simmons DVD....woo hooo! :-)

I'm very excited about "the Biggest Loser" season starting this Wednesday night! I know when I was able to watch it last season, it helped me stay motivated! Motivation is something I need to keep going!

Wondering how my week has been!

Yes, I'm wondering if I've lost any weight. After my last weigh in, I'm just not sure. Ok, honestly, I sneaked on the scale on Thursday...and nothing. However, Thursday was only 1 1/2 days after my 'official' weigh in. I've stayed pretty much on plan. I've maybe gone a point or so over a day...but haven't touched my flex points (except for those loose points...like one or two points at most....on maybe 2 days...so we are talking like tops 5 points).

It was an extremely stressful day for me. My boss was upset at some things going on in our town and concerning her business and that made her quirky and irritated at everything and everyone. Can you say VERY stressed! I coulnd't wait to get out of there today! I came home and I just want to eat and eat and eat. I'm out of points....in fact, today I've already gone over about 3 points (it's all ok, I have only used those 3-5 flex points...so now I guess it's 8...)! ARRGGHHH So, I have to resist! (or find a no point snack...hmmmmm...no theres a thought!) Yes, I'm a stress eater. I want to eat to make myself feel better. Eat to 'drown my sorrows'. I know this and really have to gaurd against it. Course, knowing isn't making it any easier!

I just know that I HAVE to do this for my health!

I am taking today off from exercise. I worked out pretty hard yesterday. I know that I have to give my body a break here and there. So I chose today to do that!

Wondering how my week has been!

Yes, I'm wondering if I've lost any weight. After my last weigh in, I'm just not sure. Ok, honestly, I sneaked on the scale on Thursday...and nothing. However, Thursday was only 1 1/2 days after my 'official' weigh in. I've stayed pretty much on plan. I've maybe gone a point or so over a day...but haven't touched my flex points (except for those loose points...like one or two points at most....on maybe 2 days...so we are talking like tops 5 points).

It was an extremely stressful day for me. My boss was upset at some things going on in our town and concerning her business and that made her quirky and irritated at everything and everyone. Can you say VERY stressed! I coulnd't wait to get out of there today! I came home and I just want to eat and eat and eat. I'm out of points....in fact, today I've already gone over about 3 points (it's all ok, I have only used those 3-5 flex points...so now I guess it's 8...)! ARRGGHHH So, I have to resist! (or find a no point snack...hmmmmm...no theres a thought!) Yes, I'm a stress eater. I want to eat to make myself feel better. Eat to 'drown my sorrows'. I know this and really have to gaurd against it. Course, knowing isn't making it any easier!

I just know that I HAVE to do this for my health!

I am taking today off from exercise. I worked out pretty hard yesterday. I know that I have to give my body a break here and there. So I chose today to do that!

At least it's a loss!

Well....the weight loss for this week was .2 pounds. Yes, that wasn't POINT TWO pounds. I'm happy because at least it was a negative...I didn't gain. However, I worked my tail end off and only lost .2 pounds. COurse, I also had pizza and fat free frozen yogurt one night....oh yeah and the day before my weigh in had two wonderful buttery biscuits (one at Red Lobster and the other from Popeyes). The one from Popeyes I had a a carry in meal/picnic. ALl good and dandy..but I ate worse then I should have the night before a weigh in. HOwever, each of these days...and for the whole week, in fact, I stayed within my points allowance! I guess that may be a lesson in what the carb type foods do to me! :-) Mom thinks it is because I worked out so much that I gained muscle..which we all know weighs more. Whatever happened, I'm hoping for a nice weight loss this coming week! (yes, staying away from pizza and stuff like that)

Looking at the big picture

I can proudly say that I've lost 15.6 pounds since I started weight watchers. That in itself is pretty exciting. But Sallie, my boss was talking the other day and she was like, "MaryFran, you really need to use the TOTAL number of pounds that you hvae lost." I started thinking about it. Yes, the 15.6 is nice to announce. BUt yes, to date, I've lost 68 pounds from my very highest weight! That is pretty darn amazing! That makes me step back and say..."woah, I've actually accomplished something that I can be REALLY proud of!"

Loss

Well.... 2.4 is the magic figure of weight loss for this last week. I was pretty darn tickled with my loss....especially since I made the wild leap from shorts to jeans! (I weighed them because everyone online was talking about it soooo much.....it was 1 pound more). So I can be satisfied that I had that weight loss...AND know that it probably would have been more if I had only worn shorts! Now that I am in jeans though..unless we have an utter hot heat wave...I'm not going back to shorts until next summer for my weigh ins!

We ate at Pizza Hut tonight. I do not feel guilty. I hate (ok, used to hate) thin crust pizza. I have always referred to it as pizza on a cracker...or cracker crust pizza. Well......it is much more point efficent to eat thin crust (although I do honestly love pan and really don't like thin crust). Well...I ate the thin crust...and a small salad. I was actually only 3 points over my daily allowance. I knew I could let the flex points catch those points...however I came home and exercised for an hour and fifeteen minutes! :-) Wooo hooo! :-)

Cheated a bit with the scales!

Ok, yes, I cheated with the scales. I know, I know, I know, I said I wasn't going to get on the scales at all. Well, we were at the gym yesterday and I hopped on the scales. It looks as if I have lost SOMETHING! I'll take any loss I can get though!

Tonight is the big weigh in though.....eii yii yiii.....still nervous!

Feelin Guilty

Ok, I was so sore on Saturday morning. I could have worked out in the evening though because even though I was still a bit stiff, I wasn't overly sore. But you always hear about overdoing it and giving your muscles a break. SOOO I decided to forgo the exercise video yesterday. I felt slightly bad about not doing anything but knew that I had been sooo on target with my exercise that it would be ok. (I was also way on target with eating....a good combination if you need to take a day off...). Well, I had the best plans today to get to the gym. ANd when the gym idea was scrubbed, I had every intention on working out with the dvd. However, I had a bushel of pears to can. WE got home at around 4 and I am STILL working on the pears. TOdd did help me (bless him) with the peeling, which saved me a ton of time. I also used both canners on the stove to expedite matters. However that last batch is still in the canners almost ready to come out (thank goodness). It is 10:45 PM. THere is no way that I am up to jumping around and exercising right now. Standing in the kitchen for over 6 hours kinda takes any kind of umph out of you. Thus we reach my guilt. I haven't exercised for two days! The guilt is thick and palatable.

I've also got to get over this excited fear that I get every week about this time...waiting for the weigh in! Did I mention that it is Sunday and I don't get weighed in until Tuesday night? Wooooo...maybe I need some help....mental help....like the little men all dressed in white...carrying a straight jacket. Haa haa haa. No seriously though, I do get this excited fear. I have been good with the scales....meaning I'm not a slave to the scales by hopping on all the time (ok even once a day and then obssessing). So I truely have no utter clue how I did this week. It will truely be a surprise! :-)

Still Sore!

Man, in that last post, I didn't even know what sore meant! The other night I got home and Todd and seen that we had a chef boy ar dee pizza kit in the pantry. Ooops. You know it. I switched from beef stroganoff to pizza. Not bad you may say, except that I had calculated all my points around the beef stroganoff. I luckily had kept a few spare points for a 'treat' before I went to bed. But, I still went over with the pizza. I didn't eat a half of pizza. I ate three slices. I should have kept it at two. That is my goal for next time I guess. LOL SOOOO after dinner I popped open my new exercise DVD and went to town. I was sore while doing it....but I made it through the low and high intensity work outs and the toning segment. So yesterday I get home and Todd was tired and didn't want to go to the gym. So in went the dvd. I did it all again. I could feel my muscles...eii yii yii. This morning, man do I feel it. The hot shower helped quite a bit..but I am still sore.

It's raining today....hurricane Ernesto is making its mark on us. (it rained yesterday also). Because of this, work should be pretty slow....I mean the battlefield is not going to get many tourists in this weather....and that directly reflects on our business.

Todd is talking about goign to the gym tonight also. Although, he is running errends today and took his gym bag today (he said he needs to catch up with me, since I'm working out so much...lol). So I'm not sure we will really make it tonight. I do definitely want to make it to the gym tomorrow though!

SORE!

Well after my high intensity work out yesterday, coupled with all the walking that Todd and I did. FOLLOWED by making and canning applesauce until late last night, I slept like the dead and woke up tired and just worn out. I didn't even manage to get any exercise in. I made my breakfast, took a shower and here I sit. I did at least plan what we are having for dinner tonight. (Beef Stroganoff...7 points for the whole shebang). I haven't even packed my lunch for work yet...arrggghhhh. Lazy day!

I bought "The Biggest Loser" workout DVD yesterday. I thought it would be a neat one....especially since it doesn't need anything special (hand weights are optional...but I have them...and an exercise mat..which I have). What sparked this you may ask? Well, I am trying to shake up my workouts and try to stay out of getting in ruts (ie riding the exercise bike all the time...or hiking every day..etc etc etc). So I pulled out "The FIRM" Dvd's. I had them..never used them. I turned them on and low and behold...you need a Step. How did I miss that they use a step? Oh well. So yesterday I shopped...looking for a step. COME ON NOW! How hard can it be to find one? Well, apparently I didn't look in the right places. (I'm gonna eventually try Dicks Sporting Goods next time I am in Hagerstown...but we were in Martinsburg). So walking by the electronics section I thought it would be funny to see if they had "The Firm" dvds.....I mean to sell the DVD's but not the step...haa haa haa. I never got that far though. I saw "The Biggest Loser" dvd...which I've always been intrigued with, and bought it! I didn't have time last night...and I was too tired (having a hard time waking up this morning....remember) this morning. I'm planning on popping it in tonight and seeing how it goes!

Oh well...off to work I go!

copy of lost 8-27-06 post

Sunday 8-27-06

Slow Sunday Morning

Our church starts late so it has been a lazy Sunday morning. I woke up and laid in bed a while reading. Pretty much between sentences (or at least every time I turned the page), I told myself to get out of bed and read while riding the exercise bike. Uhhhh, never happened.

Todd and I went to my bosses pool last night (she is out of town and offered the pool to us while they are gone). I tried to remain active the whole time I was in the pool by swimming and jumping around. I at first got angry at Todd because he was hanging on me and wanting to play in the pool. I quickly realized though that it doubled my weight and resistance in the pool...making my work out much more intense. We are planning on going to the gym this afternoon after church. We really need to get in a routine of visiting the gym again! That is the only way that I am going to get this weight off...and that is to exercise it off...while I am eating healthy!

I'm doing ok with the eating portion. I haven't really weighed myself. I'm trying to stay away from my scales...they flucuate way too much. Plus when I don't see drastic movement (yes, I know..slow weight loss is better) then I get all depressed and worried about it. I am thinking that I need to forget my scales and just weigh in at weight watchers. Well...maybe at the gym to see how they weigh me!

Very Exciting!

I am very excited! I went to my weigh in last night. I weighed in at 3.8 pounds down! Yeppers! That makes a total of 13.2 pounds gone in three weeks. Even better, I started my period this morning. I usually weigh in a bit higher right before that! Soooo, I'm trying not to be too optimistic but it is very hard not to!

Slow Sunday Morning

Our church starts late so it has been a lazy Sunday morning. I woke up and laid in bed a while reading. Pretty much between sentences (or at least every time I turned the page), I told myself to get out of bed and read while riding the exercise bike. Uhhhh, never happened.

Todd and I went to my bosses pool last night (she is out of town and offered the pool to us while they are gone). I tried to remain active the whole time I was in the pool by swimming and jumping around. I at first got angry at Todd because he was hanging on me and wanting to play in the pool. I quickly realized though that it doubled my weight and resistance in the pool...making my work out much more intense. We are planning on going to the gym this afternoon after church. We really need to get in a routine of visiting the gym again! That is the only way that I am going to get this weight off...and that is to exercise it off...while I am eating healthy!

I'm doing ok with the eating portion. I haven't really weighed myself. I'm trying to stay away from my scales...they flucuate way too much. Plus when I don't see drastic movement (yes, I know..slow weight loss is better) then I get all depressed and worried about it. I am thinking that I need to forget my scales and just weigh in at weight watchers. Well...maybe at the gym to see how they weigh me!

Slow Sunday Morning

Our church starts late so it has been a lazy Sunday morning. I woke up and laid in bed a while reading. Pretty much between sentences (or at least every time I turned the page), I told myself to get out of bed and read while riding the exercise bike. Uhhhh, never happened.

Todd and I went to my bosses pool last night (she is out of town and offered the pool to us while they are gone). I tried to remain active the whole time I was in the pool by swimming and jumping around. I at first got angry at Todd because he was hanging on me and wanting to play in the pool. I quickly realized though that it doubled my weight and resistance in the pool...making my work out much more intense. We are planning on going to the gym this afternoon after church. We really need to get in a routine of visiting the gym again! That is the only way that I am going to get this weight off...and that is to exercise it off...while I am eating healthy!

I'm doing ok with the eating portion. I haven't really weighed myself. I'm trying to stay away from my scales...they flucuate way too much. Plus when I don't see drastic movement (yes, I know..slow weight loss is better) then I get all depressed and worried about it. I am thinking that I need to forget my scales and just weigh in at weight watchers. Well...maybe at the gym to see how they weigh me!

Slow Sunday Morning

I woke up realtively early and read a little bit. I laid in bed, thinking (between sentences) that I should really motivate myself out of bed and read while riding the exercise bike. But, alas...bad me....I didn't do it. I did eventually get up and have been reading the boards on Weight Watchers. This for me is quite motivational. I know when I am losing the most weight, I am also focused on the weight loss. Almost obsessive abou it. Oh well, whatever it takes!

Last night after work Todd and I went to my bosses pool. (She is out of town and offered it to us to swim in while she was gone.) I swam or jumped around in the water for the whole 45 minutes we were there (would have stayed longer but a storm blew in..arrgghh). I actually had a pretty good work out. Plus, Todd was hanging all over me while I was trying to swim and jump around. It would have made me mad, except that it doubled my weight...and the work that I had to do to move.

Today after church, TOdd and I are planning on hitting the gym. We sooo have to get back into going to the gym on a regular basis. This not going has got to stop. I've got to get incredibly active. THat is the only way that I am going to get this weight off! Maybe I should also start wearing my pedometer on a regular basis. Working at the deli has got to be good for me in the aspect that I am on my feet and moving more than I would be if I had a desk job! Twould be interesting to see how many steps I do take a day.

I'm starting some challenges on the weight watchers boards. I am looking forward to getting as much motivation as possible!

I'm really trying to stay away from the scales. It is incredibly difficult now knowing where I am. But my home scales simply flucuate way too much! I will probably weigh myself today at the gym though. :-)

Another Week

Another week down and at my weigh in this past Tuesday, I found myself down another 3.2 pounds. This brings my total since starting weight watchers to 9.4 pounds. Yippee! My first goal is 24 pounds so I'm almost half way there!

I'm actually not having too much difficulty working with the point system. I am finding that I can eat quite a bit of food within my allotment, without using my flex points. Well, as long as I make a few minor adjustments! It also helps me if I have planned what we are having for dinner...or what I am eating wherever we are going. I can plan my breakfast and lunch better. I've been eating a lot of fruit. I need to kick up my vegetable consumption though!

I'm trying to be a whole lot more active. I am riding the exercise bike more, riding my 'regular' bike more and walking a whole lot more. I'm dragging Todd along for a lot of this also. So I can be happy and know that it is helping him also.

This process is so difficult for someone with no patience!

Last night we went to an Italian restaurant with my
brother, his family and my parents. I was looking
at the menu and KNEW the points value for the spagetti
and the lasagna. I saw manicotti and THOUGHT that it
would be similar to lasagna. Come on now..it's
pretty close isn't it? WELLLLLLLLL I enjoyed it
greatly. Got home and went to the points menu in my
weight watchers books and low and behold it was
DOUBLE what I expected. I didn't blow my day too
badly. I was only 2 points over my daily limit.
I'm not worried because of the fact that we have those
35 extra weekly allowance points that I try not to
use..just for these occaisions... technically I
guess I now have 32 left. PLUS, apparently week
three I will learn about how exercise can add on points
to my daily allowance. For example someone told me
that walking like 15 minutes gives you one extra point
to eat a day. Well...no problem. I rode my bike for
30 minutes. So that 'probably' negated those two extra
points. :-)

Had some revelations yesterday. Went to the Waffle
House for breakfast. I was scanning the menu, ready
to face defeat and admit that I could get two eggs
and two pieces of toast and blow like 1/2 of my
daily allowance of points, when Todd mentioned a
waffle. I ran to the car and found it was only 5
points with a point extra for a teaspoon of butter
and one point for the syrup. SO I ate that. Much
less food than I would have normally eaten. Well I
got to work about an hour or so later and just had
an apple from my lunch, planning on eating my lunch
around 2 or 3. After all, I had gone to Waffle
house and had a 'big' breakfast (well, I used to
have big breakfasts at the waffle house). Round
about 2 I started feeling sick, My stomach was
feeling really weird. I was all worried. Then I
noticed that when I took a drink of water the feeling
would go away for about 10 minutes before it
returned. It got me thinking. WOW....the light
bulb clicked....I was actually HUNGRY. My body was
demanding food. I ate and I was ok. Ok, I know
this doesn't seem like a great revelation. However
to me it is. For years and years I have been eating
for the sake of eating, not really thinking about
the fact that my body really needs this food for
nurishment and to sustain my life. Since I was
simply shovelling food in, I so rarely got to the
point that my body was demanding food. Like I said,
yesterday was a huge revelation....actually allowing
my body to talk to me instead of my addiction to food!
Yes, I do have an addiction to food!


I've been exercising a whole lot this week. I woke up on Thursday and Todd didn't seem motivated to go out, so I hopped on the exercise bike. I was 15 minutes into it when he came into the living room and asked if I wanted to hike some. SURE...I would much rather go outside versus the exercise bike. So I quickly got dressed and headed out, we walked for 30 minutes. I then ALSO rode my bike to and from work!(15 minutes each way on the bike...so riding to and from work totals 30 mintues)
Friday I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes and rode to and from work. Saturday I took it a bit easier and only did the exercise bike for 30 minutes. TOday, I dont' plan on riding the bike. I have already been out in the garden for about an hour picking. I'll spend a good deal of time in the kitchen today canning what I picked! Afterwards I need to clean the house. So even on my off day I'll be active. On monday we plan on going for a longer bike ride. I'm pretty excited!

First week down

Well, my first week of weight watchers is past me. And 6.2 pounds are gone! Woo hooo. I'm pretty excited because it has been quite some time since I've been able to celebrate a movement downward on the scale. SO this is pretty big for me.

I did quite a bit of exercising thus far this week. I rode the exercise bike yesterday morning for a half hour and then walked/alternately ran for about 30 minutes yesterday. Today I got up and we walked for 45plus minutes. Then I biked to work and biked home. I'm going to try to exercise AT LEAST 30 minutes a day this week...and see how that goes!

The moment of truth is almost upon me. I go to my second week of weight watchers.....so I can see if I have lost any weight. The question is, is this diet working for me? I think it is one that I can stick with. It is really not much different than the calorie watching that I had been previously doing. This somehow seems more simple and consise. It seems easier to remember the point values than having to remember calories. We'll see though!

Moving Again

I've been tenatively watching the scales. I am happy to say that the numbers are going DOWN again! I know that this is because it is my first week back in the diet saddle again. However, at least I am moving! I'm still trying to be cautious in my excitement though....I know it isn't all going to be this easy!

It is just way too depressing sometimes to look at the foods I love and realize that to eat them would be to blow half of my food budget/allowance for the day. That depresses me. It also helps me realize exactly how I got to this position!

Weight Watchers

I desperately needed to do something. My weight has been sitting idle for some time. It is discouraging because I watch what I eat and don't see any change, which causes me to stop watching and therefore eat bad stuff, in bad quantities. So I up and did it. I went to a Weight Watchers meeting on Tuesday night and joined. I don't know if it is what I need. But I'm willing to give it a shot. I'm hoping kicks me into high gear and motivates me to actually stay true to the diet and not 'cheat'. So far it's a whole lot easier than I thought it would be. I'm actually not having any problems maintaining the point limit. I'm not tempted to really cheat either....as this is still new! We'll see how this goes! I'm hoping to at least start losing instead of sitting at a standstill on the weight thing!

Random Thoughts

I got an email from a friend the other day. In it she was talking about some thought that she had about her weight loss. It really made me think. Why is this weight thing a huge problem. I've been stalled for the LONGEST time. I say I'm determined to do this. But why do I fall so easily. My friend talked about how she doesn't feel pretty so subconsciously she has no desire to lose the weight...why bother. She mentioned that she doesn't bother with make up or the frilly girl things because she feels it would be worthless....I know I definitely fit that bill! I'm wondering how much of the rest is true with me. My husband tells me that I'm pretty as do my parents. But I don't feel pretty. I often wonder what I'll look like when I'm thin. I wonder if I'll be pretty. I dont' know..... Maybe I'm afraid to look in the mirror and see what I'll look like without these pounds to hide behind.

Things are going so slow for me. I'm not losing....I'm struggling with the eating...and I struggle with the exercise! ARRGGHHHH

Coke or Water?

Saw this on someone elses Blog.....interesting that at the moment of reading it I was literally taking a sip of Diet Pepsi. It immediately turned yucky tasting in my mouth!




Water or Coke?


WATER

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated

2. In 37% of Americans, the thrist mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.

3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%

4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study

5. Lact of water: The #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page

8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.

And Now for the properties of COKE

1. In many states ( in the USA) the highway patrol carries 2 gallons of coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hours, then flush clean. The citric acid in Cike removes stains from Vitreous China.

4. To remove rust spots from Chromecar bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of aluminum foil diped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion brom car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

6. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the coke for a sumptuous borwn gravy. (not on my eating plan!)

7. To loosen a rusted bolt; applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola for several minutes

8. To remove grease from clothes; Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola helps loosen grease stains.

9. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

For Your Info

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup ( the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Hightly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years.

Now the question is, would you like a coke or a glass of water?

I think I will drink more water but buy coke for my cleaning closet!

We made it through a VERY HOT carnival sound job. It was 100 plus degrees outside (yes, literally.....with a 'feels like' temp of like 115...in the shade!) I felt bad for the fire company that was putting on the carnival.....the heat kept so many people away. I was talking to one of the guys and he was talking about how sparsly attended it was. But, it was hotter than hades to work and unload and reload and set up and all that stuff! Let me tell you ....if a person could lose weight
based on how much they sweated...I'd have lost a few pounds in sweat alone!
I changed my clothes (everything...underwear, socks and bra included)
three times....when i was sorting laundry this morning I pulled the clothes
out ofthe bag that they were in....DRENCHED with sweat. But, happily we drank and made it through ok. :-)

Mom and I (and Karla) are thinking about starting weight watchers together. I'm not sure. I have been watching the calories....maybe I need something a little more structured though. Something that watches the everything....all combined into the point value. So I'm really thinking seriously about doing it!

The weekend has arrived

I should have known that if I didn't exercise yesterday morning that it wasn't gonna happen. I'm always beat on Saturday nights...after a full week of work. Especially yesterday.....we were slammed. For about two or three hours I barely had time to breathe. (Ok ok ok...that's when work is fun for me!) Todd and I went out to eat after work. I stayed on target with what I ate. Part of this is because I knew we were going to go out before I went to work and I was able to think about it and actually check on my calorie counter if it would fit into my daily plan. So I knew BEFORE I went what to order. But, when I got home....the house was hot and I just couldn't get the energy to go exercise!

Todd and I are talking about going to the gym today. We are also going to try to get a ride in on the exercise bike tomorrow! Getting re-motivated is so difficult!

Staying on Target

Well, yesterday I didn't exercise. I had every intention of riding my bike when I got home. BUt when I got home I wanted to clean the kitchen. So I decided to ride the exercise bike when I got done. Well, best laid intentions..... I didn't ride. I kept pushing it off because I was tired. Stupidly thinking I would do it later. However, when later came, I was more tired! I was planning on riding to work this morning but there is a chance of rain...arrggghhhh. And Todd and I are going out after work...which means I have to rely on getting myself on the exercise bike..LATE. I've got no choice. I need to make it no choice. I just have to do it...regardless!

Eating wise, I'm doing ok. Last night, I made chicken nuggets. (healthy version to boot) I also made Todd roasted potatoes. I did not eat even one slice of potato. I decided instead to have the healthy veggies in place of the potates. Today I've got a healthy meal planned for my lunch also! We'll see how it goes. It is so difficult to NOT eat when I am at work.....during the afternoon when the duldrums hit! It is plain and simple boredom eating that I struggle with at my job! (Course it isn't helped by the fact that I work around food...lol)

But, so far....so good.

Long time in coming

As has been shown in the recent, distantly spaced entries; I haven't been doing good. I KNEW what I needed to do, however my will power was totally gone. In doing that, I had no desire to write in this journal. In fact, this journal was something I didn't even think about! That's not good. It shows me how far from my plan I really was! Every once in a while I would think about losing weight...and I would wake up every morning with the good intentioned plan to 'do it', however as soon as something bad passed my lips (doughnuts, cake, etc etc etc) I gave up and made the vow that "tomorrow I would start".

A bad thing occured during this same slump. Summer came and with the garden (planting, weeding and harvesting....berries also) and my new job, it became much more difficult to go to the gym.

Thoughout that period of diet sluggishness I was maintaining my weight loss. That made me happy even throughout my disappointment in not losing more. We had a weigh in for the group of us that are trying to lose weight together. (However this group is not big on encouragement...basically we have a weigh in every few months......well, take that back...Suzy and I do a lot of encouragement) About a month ago we had our last weigh in. I weighed in at 221. I knew that this was very close to where I was about two months previously at that weigh in so I was happy. I didn't weigh myself for a few weeks. About a week and a half ago I weighed myself....I was up. I was up consistently for a few days. I also noted that I felt bloated and fat. It really scared me! SOOOOO This week, I've actually gotten off my butt. I've been on my bike every day this week. I've been watching what I eat. Within 3-4 days I have lost that bloated fat feeling...for the most part (as much as possible for someone that is overweight!) So I'm back on task. Now, to just stay there!

I have absolutely no will power. None at all. Yesterday I was at work and one of the girls that I work with mentioned that she was hungry for doughnuts. I jumped up, grabbed my money and was off to buy a dozen doughnuts. I couldn't just stop at eating one. I couldn't just stop at eating two. Three you may be asking. I WISH! I ate four doughnuts through the course of the day. I'm ashamed to write that, but four doughnuts. I simply forewent lunch....ate a doughnut instead. eii yii yii

Then I had leftover doughnuts that I brought home. This morning I was only going to eat one......oops two down the hatch before I could remember that.... "Oh yeah, I'm dieting". I threw the rest in the garbage before I could tally up the same number today as I did yesterday!

I've decided that my goal for this week....along with eating better (Stand away from the doughnuts), is to actually try to exercise each day. Even if it is just twenty minutes on the exercise bike. I'm actually thinking 20 minutes on the exercise bike each day....and then whatever other exercise comes up in the natural progression of the day!

Excuses

Pure and unadultered truth. I have had the best intentions to get back into the swing of things. HOWEVER, one case of food poisioning...and one sinus infection later pretty much sums up my last two weeks. Sounds like excuses...but they are the absolute truth.

Frustration

Ok, it's been a month. A LONG month of disappointment!I have not lost any weight and continue to flucuate at the same weight. I find this so utterly disappointing and discouraging! I just want to do this. I still haven't measured myself and was thinking this morning that I am goign to make sure that I get that done this weekend.

The past month has brought a lot of changes in my life. I quit my old job, a job where I sat on my butt for 10 hours a day, and spent an hour in the car a day. I got a job only 2 miles from my house at a local deli. I am on my feet for most of my day. The first few weeks were horrendous. While I found that I loved my new job, my legs just ached somethine fierce. Because of this, the biking kinda went by the wayside. Actually everything went by the wayside, I would come home and sit doing nothing. I am happy because I am almost through a work week and this is the first week that my legs haven't felt as if they weighed 10 tons! SOOOO, now I'm itching to get back on the bike and get back to the gym!

My grand plan for this job is to actually start to bike to work! It is only two miles and the road has a pretty wide shoulder to ride on. I haven't done it yet, but if my legs continue to fill good, I just may start soon!

So, in essence, this last month has been one frustration after another! The only good thing......that leaves lots of room for improvement!

Progress....sometimes is harder to find, but it is there!

I really need to measure myself...it's been probably a month and a half since I measured....poundage-wise...seem to be sitting still. :-( The doctor was actually pleased though today....I was 30 pounds lighter than when I was last there a while back.

Well, even though I haven't been seeing a great loss of weight, I did see a difference in SOMETHING this week. We have been working in the garden a lot this week. Previous years, I do something for 15 minutes and I was wiped out.......sore...tired, etc etc etc. Not this year. I noticed that my stamina is much better for active tasks. THe other thing....I've started riding my bike on HILLS.....I have been riding a lot on the canal in previous years...FLAT. I've started riding on the battlefield roads...VERY hilly! It KILLS me, and I am panting and gasping for breath when I get to the top of these hills...BUT the good thing. I recover within a minute or so.....last time I had tried to ride on the battlefield, I couldn't catch my breath...and we actually had to stop for about 15 minutes or so for my heart to stop racing. Now, I keep biking but still recover much faster!

I'm surprised that I'm not eating everything under the sun. Why, because I'm stressed out about my job. But so far today, I've been a pretty good girl. I ate wisely...leaving me enough calories to actually be able to eat dinner and not being able to only eat vegetables or risk going over my calorie count. I walked on my breaks today...so that equaled to an hour of walking. AND, they left me go early from work...and I went to the gym. I didn't do a complete LONG workout at the gym. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes on the weights. BUT, it was a start...and oh boy, let me tell you. The weights whoopped up on me today! It's been a bit and I can really tell!

Today

Today so far I've done pretty good. I think once I am back in the routine of actually notating my foods I'll do better. I was looking at my book today and I would write my foods on one day...but the next day would 'forget'. So nothing consistent. Honestly, one day I "forgot" because I was eating poor choices! I can't do that anymore. I NEED to do this consistently!

I dread going back to work because I hate my job. But, on the other hand, going back to work will force me back into a routine. I plan on walking on my breaks again like I was doing before and of course want to continue to go to the gym!

Still Struggling

Ok.......more than a week later and I'm still struggling. When I first started this, I was gung ho and didn't have any problems starting. I'm still gung ho, however I'm really struggling with getting back on track. I will say that in the last few days, I've started to eat healthier again....even if it is not where I want to be calorie and fat content wise, at least it's healthier.

I have to just do this!

Starting Again

Well let me tell you. Once you fall off the bandwagon, it isn't easy to pick it back up. I'm determined to do it though! I said this yesterday morning and just didn't do it. In fact, I was craving potato chips...and I'm almost too ashamed to say it...but ate the whole bag. NO, not an individual serving size...the WHOLE BIG bag of chips. Man, did they ever taste good...but I can't do that! I know it was a mental war within myself. I knew I shouldn't be eating the chips...but I was battling inside my head, "just one more". I would eat that one more...and already, before I could even close the bag, my mind was saying "only a handful more". I was no match for this mental game! I caved......oh boy did I cave!

Today, I'm not doing soo bad. The only problem is that since I've been eating the bad things....my body is wanting those bad things. I rarely suffer from cravings....but boy oh boy I'm suffering now!

But, I've got to regain my control and start again. I didn't make my end of month goal...and in fact lost a little ground over the last week (well, maybe not, I'm still within that, 'it's ok it could be water retention weight range).

I just need to use this week as a lesson to help me in future times of difficulty!

bad week

This was a bad week for my diet. On one hand I'm actually tickled that my weight has remained in the same range. BUT, this was a very stressful week, Todd and I were getting ready to go on vacation and stopped by to say goodbye to his mom. We found her in bed, delirious. APparently, the cancer in her bones was not only eating the bones, but releasing all that calcium into her bloodstream...causing delirium. From research and from what Hospice said, I knew that this was going to lead to her death. We cancelled our vaction and we started spendign 20 hours out of the day over there. It was a rough week. When we did find time to eat, it was really bad food. We live in the country...restaurants are not plentiful so we ate where we could catch a bite. AND to make matters worse, even when we were at home, there was no food....remember we were leaving for vacation so we had no food at the house...ok we had food but the basics that you need to prepare that food was/is missing. So, eating bad and exhaustion was my week. I didn't drink my water like I should be doing. Last night was the first night I slept in my bed, she passed yesterday and I weighed myself this morning. I was sad to see 2 pounds up...but tickled because that could really be water retention or something......it could have been a lot worse! But what an interesting lesson to see what happens when things get bad in my life.

End of Month Goal

I set up small mini goals for the end of each month. I knew that some months I probably wouldn't reach the goal, but it is giving me something to strive for. So, for the month of March, I have my goal set. Well, I knew that we were leaving for vacation the evening of March 27th. I will not be weighing myself while I am away. (OK, I'll be weighing myself...but no official weight recorded as I will be utilizing different scales). So I knew in my head that I may not even know if I reached my goal. WELL...I'm happy because I am three pounds from the goal. I know that I have only really 3 days left at home....and that is near impossible to lose a pound a day but, I am happy that I am that close! :-)

Slowly

After sitting at a dead stand still with my weight, I am finally starting to see the weight drop. Ever so slowly, but it the weight is dropping! For the last like 4 days, I've been down. None of this hectic all over the scales weight going on!

Todd and I are leaving for vacation in a week. I am trying to make plans to be as active as possible. I don't want to stall my weight again! Realistically, I would like to come home from vacation, weigh myself and find that I have maintained my weight while I was out there. I am debating on if I want to try to go withoug weighing myself the whole time I am out there. My fear is, if I do that, I will come home and find I have gained weight...... HOWEVER, my GOAL is to actually lose while I am on vacation. Like I said, we are planning a more active vacation this year. We are planning on walking, and we are trying to get into a gym out there for the two weeks, and we are debating taking our bikes (depends on the weather forecast), etc etc etc.

I am so ready for vacation. Just to get away from it all and relax!

Waiting

Waiting. That is what I am doing. I'm trying not to be disappointed about the fact that I am sitting at the same weight! TRYING....but if I am honest with myself, I would admit that I'm getting disgusted. No, I am in no way quitting this. I am more determined then ever to see this to the end. I'm GOING to do it! I KNOW that if I continue on this path...watching carefully what I eat and working out at the pace that I am working out at...that the weight will eventually drop. The only bright light is that I AM seeing my clothes fitting better... and looser!

Great Workout

Well, first of all....got on the scales today and found that I was 1 pound heavier than yesterday. Now that can be water. So I'm not stressing. However, unless I do a massive drop like I did the other week, I'm not going to make my end of month goal. I'm not stressin' over it though. Slow and easy is the ONLY way to do this in order for it to be a 'life' altering experience. My goal of 2 pounds a week...is pretty bold...but managable...AND healthy! I'm still pretty much on target...even with having sat for the last few weeks without moving the scales!

OK....my workout! Yesterday we went to the gym. I started on the elliptical trainer. I was on it and even though I wasn't exactly lazing, I decided that I was going to push it up a notch. Every five minutes I reversed it for one minute before going back to foward. Reverse just about kills me...so this was pushing me. I felt VERY good when I got off the elliptical. I then went and did the weights...I pushed my weights up a notch....5-10 pounds more in some cases. Just enough to REALLY feel the burn! :-) So today we went back to the gym. I did the treadmill today......I pushed my speed up to the point where I could walk but just barely....and every five minutes I pushed it up to a point that it was either jog or fall off the back of the treadmill. My lungs were sucking in air for that minute before I pushed it back down. SO....I did like 8 total minutes jogging out of 45. May not seem like much....but it is monumental for me. I haven't run anywhere for YEARS!

Dissapointment

Well..... After my wonderful news from last week, yeah that big weight loss, my week turned sour in the diet department! The next day I woke up and jumped on the scales....excited! I didn't expect to lose anymore...but hey, I'm addicted to the scales. Low and behold, I was like right back where I was the two days previously. I swallowed deeply and waited for the next day......I was even five pounds heavier. I was now back to 15 pounds heavier than my wonderful day on Tuesday! I tried to not let myself get disappointed. After all, the monthly 'ick' was expected to arrive late in the week. It was a long week. I don't allow myself to weigh in more than once a day. Each day roughly the same.....hovering around 232-235. Then the ick arrived and it slowly has started to receed. This morning I was down to 228.

This is so hard for someone that really wants things to be done ten minutes ago. What a lesson in patience!

Meanwhile, within the last week or so I had a revelation. Why eat something that doesn't taste REALLY good? Wait and eat something that tastes spectacular! Why do I shove food down if it isn't the greatest? Todd and I were out, eating at a salad bar (HOss's). I was getting my salad (healthily I might add....salad dressing on the side...to dip and low on the cheese and other fatty substances). Well, I saw they had Mac and cheese.....yum. SoOOOOOO I decided to get just a half cup. I figured that would be roughly 200 calaries. A Lot, but I decided to make the adjustments and manage my food intake to allow for it. (Ok, that was a revalation in itself!) So, I get the mac and cheese back to the table and couldn't wait to dig into my 'treat'. I took one bite. Now don't get me wrong, the mac and cheese wasn't bad. However it wasn't GREAT. And suddenly I decided that it wasn't worth cutting other things out in order to have that mac and cheese. I would rather manage and cut corners in order to have something SPECTACULAR!

That combined with my revalation from a few years back....the concept of only eating what I am hungry for and ignoring those messages that my body is sending saying that I have to eat it all...because I may never get it again. I WILL eat the good stuff again.....and I learned that I enjoy it ever so much more if I don't shovel so much in!

BIG LOSS

OK, yesterday I got on the scales and was roughly 229-230. Today, I get on the scales I and my first weight was 219. YES, I about fell of the scales. I got off and jumped back on...sure that there was a mistake. It weighed me the same. Off....on...off on. It was dead on (ok, I don't have the most expensive scales.....but still not dollar store variety...paid about 60 for them...so actually it was like one time it was 220 the next time 219. Back and forth). Todd told me not to look a gift horse in the mouth. :-) I think it is due to the fact that I was stalled in February.....REALLY stalled. I was eating ultra healthy and exercising daily. The only thing that I had stopped doing was drinking my water. When I got sick I fell off the bandwagon and never jumped back on. Well about a week or so ago, I started drinking TONS again. The only thing I can think of is, my body is now used to and expects to get that 64 plus ounces of water so it is not retaining as much water. In essence, it's not afraid that it is going to dehydrate because I am giving it plenty of fluids. So all I can think of is that my body finished shucking that extra water weight! I went through all Feb. with no weight loss (well, i would lose it and then gain that pound back the next day). Then all of a sudden it dropped!

Wooo hooo!