Success and Failure

I've decided to look back at this past year. Today I want to go back and read all my entries. That would be one year of triumphs and occaisional failures in this weight loss journey that I have undertaken. On the surface I can say that I was hoping to reach my goal weight this year. By my birthday do be exact. It would have meant that I had to lose a consistent 2 pounds per week. I was actually doing good UNTIL April. And at that point I struggled...and even gained some. I was actually staying pretty close to the 2 pounds per week once I joined weight watchers until the holidays hit. I'm hoping and praying to get back to that now that the holiday season is over. Yes, it is technically over for me. Todd and I are not partiying or anything spectacular tonight. We'll stay at home for a nice quiet evening.

I started the year 2006 weighing in at roughly 260 pounds. So for me to be at roughly 210 marks 50 pounds gone. This year of weight loss has really marked a point where I can clearly see a difference in my body. I not only wear clothes that are remarkably smaller (people can clearly see the change when they see me). BUT I can see a difference in how I act and move. Generally speaking, I have more energy and spunk that I'd had in a long time.

Overall, I would say it's been a good year for weight loss. I hope to lose the last 60 in the year 2007. And yes, that is my goal. But just as last year my goal was to lose it all and be at my goal weight (same as this year), that is just a goal. I will be tickled with a substantial loss. I know in my heart that if I end the year 2007 and can say that I didn't lose 60...BUT I lost 40 or 30, that I'll be happy because I lost. I have some BIG celebrations coming up. The first will be that when I hit 199.9, I will be in ONEDERLAND! According to most BMI calculaters...when I hit 197, I will no longer be considered obese, I will merely be overweight. (No, being overweight is not my goal...I want to be 'healthy weight'...but not being considered obese....I can't even imagine). AND third but not last, when I hit 195 I will hit the 100 pounds lost mark! HUGE HUGE HUGE stuff!
BUt, even though I'm dying to get to those spots this is not a race...this is my life! I'll get there when I get there. In the meantime, I'm going to keep plugging along at it!

What the Hell???

I've been soo good this week. I've worked out...I've eaten healthy...counted points...haven't gone over points....have lots of flex points left. So imagine my surprise when I got on the scales at the gym and find that I'm the exact same weight as I was the other day! Come now.....that's crazy! I'm trying not to let it upset me though! I need to just stay focused. If I do, even if I don't lose this week, I will lose the next week...or the week after that! It WILL come off!

At least I'm laughing!

Wow...does that weight ever come on fast! One week and I was up 3.6 pounds! Yes, as the subject line alludes to, I am laughing about it. I'm planning on getting it off pretty fast. This is the same weight that has been coming and going for the last month and a half! I don't know...looking at it realistically, I know I ate and nibbled for Christmas...and if I want to be honest with myself for a day or so before Christmas! I got back from my parents on Christmas night and I was not upset with m yself for nibbling...I was satisfied. Not happy that I did it...but willing to face the consequences. I also knew that I needed to get myself back on track. SOOOOOOOOoooooooo, I threw away all the cookies and candies at the house...well, I threw away the ones that I liked! So my house is christmas goody cleaned up! And, I've been pretty much on plan the last few days!

Now....at the risk of making excuses....I had the monthly ick during my weigh in...and I hadn't been drinking my water. Sooooo maybe the weight gain wasn't as bad as it looked. No way of knowing though...so I'm just gonna take it and run!

Crazy enough, after and even during my binge...my focus and motivation skyrocketed! Crazy! I would have though while I was eating on Christmas day that I would have been all, "yummm....I can't wait until tomorrow when I can have some more". That's not how it was! YIPPEE! I was more like, "enjoy it today...because tomorrow you will not". AND, I've not craved it...it was almost as if my body said thank you for the treat but I'm done! Ok, yes, maybe I'm the crazy one! tee hee hee

I sound like a broken record!

Yes, at the risk of sounding like a broken record I'll say it. I'm not going to have a good weigh in tonight. Nope. Not at all. I actually think I gained about 3 pounds. I had said anything under 5 pounds and I'd be a happy girl! I'm not going to be happy to lose that weight again. However, I feel like I would have been denying myself if I wouldn't have given in and allowed myself anything. The problem was, yesterday I was there in the kitchen and I nibbled and nibbled. Mom had the goodies OUT and in plan view on the table. Not her fault...I should be able to resist.

I'm very lucky though. While I was eating, I knew that on Tuesday, I would be jumping right on the wagon and going full fledged with this eating thing again. Even as I shoveled in food (ok, it wasn't that bad.......nibbled on food) I knew that it would be a different story on Tuesday and everyday thereafter. So, how has Tuesday gone thus far. GREAT! I've eaten responsibly and made it to the gym for a great workout this morning!

I think the big thing was that I realized that I could wear another pair of pants from the 'not yet' drawer! So all day yesterday I was wearing something that previously was too small. It fit...COMFORTABLY! That is such a great feeling! And it helped me mentally be ready to and looking forward to getting back on task! The other thing is that I'm getting ready to help lead this summer weight loss challenge. SO I know that I'll be thinking about weight loss a lot!

I'm going going to take this weigh in tonight, file it and come back in the next weeks and regroup, relose and get back to the losing life!

Merry Christmas!

I gave myself a free day today. I've greatly enjoyed the food that I have eaten. Yes, I've eaten more than I should have. Do I feel guilty....nope. I do however feel ready to get back up tomorrow and really work to get some more of this weight off. No, I'm not looking forward to the scales tomorrow....but I would be expecting a maintain or gain anyway...TOM Quite honestly, I'm looking foward to eating healthy. What a surprise for me.

Something that I did today to help me motivate myself...even though I was having a free day. I routed through my 'ready for you' clothes. (this is clothes that have been given to me, or that I've bought at Goodwill in the next size down). I found a pair of jeans...that I could wear...comfortably actually. And I wore them....knowing in my head that I was wearing a pair of jeans that one month ago I couldn't...and a size lower. I'm slowly fitting into more 16's!!! I'll make it to the point that I can wear ANY 16!

I've been part of a Christmas challenge. I was hoping and aiming to be in onederland (199.9 or less) by Christmas. I'm not at all upset about the fact that I didn't make my goal. I tried pretty hard...and I actually dropped more than 20 pounds during the challenge...pretty good. I am goign to be part of another challenge......which will run from January until the first day of summer June 21. This is a pretty long goal. I'm thinking about setting 40 as my goal to lose. That will put me at 170 pounds! That's roughly 1.3 pounds a week. Tough, absolutely. Doable? Yes! I'd rather aim high! I know that I won't be upset if I dont' make it. I'll be happy if I've at least made a considerable effort in getting to my goal!

Holding on!

Ahhhh Christmas cookies! I was so proud of myself the other night when I made all those cookies and yummy stuff and didn't eat any of them. I put up a mental block within and didn't eat any more of my cookies. (some of the cookie gift packages are still in my kitchen...untouched). HOWEVER, I got some gifts today from my work...cookies and goodies. YEP, I've partaken! ARRGGHHH! But, oh my word, they taste soooooooo good! I've got to mentally slap my wrists and stop this! I need to keep telling myself I'm only 9 pounds away from onederland! 9 measely pounds! This is sooo in my reach that I can taste it!

I got rid of my next size up though, so I have NOWHERE to grow into! On the otherhand, I've got a plethera of the next size down in clothes! MOTIVATION and WILLPOWER, where are you?

I did it!

I'm amazed some weeks. It seems like lately I come on a day or so after my weigh in and I'm like...somehow from somewhere I pulled a loss! Well, it happened again. 1.6 down! Yes, I'm working for it. But admitedly, I slacked a little....ate more of my flex points than I normally do.......amazing!

On that same note...I've already blown 11 flex points for this week also. That's a lot for me...I usually only use 5 per WEEK!

Made about 6 different kinds of cookies tonight. Ate about 2 cookies worth of Chocolate Chip cookie dough... (yes, I know we aren't supposed to eat raw dough anymoer...but heck, I've been doing it since I was just a wee thing...I see no reason to stop now). Anyway, only about two cookies worth of dough. No other snitches...I didn't 'test' the cookies as they came out! NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH! I saved out about 2-3 of each cookie for my husband. I saved abou 5 or 6 of the 1 point pumpkin cookie (spice cake mix, can of pumpkin, and 1/3 cup water...add 2/3 cup water and you can do muffins...but cookies are fine also..they are a very 'caky' cookie). But I saved a few one pointers for me for a snack for the next few days. AND with the rest of the cookies....I packed them up in gift packages....ready to go! The name tags and bows are on them! They are as good as out the door! (Nope...I won't cheat because each package is 'artfully' arranged and to snitch a cookie would mess up the 'prettiness' of the package!

Tickled because I was able to buy myself a pair of pants (lounging flannel pants) at an everyday overstock store ($5....really good deal)! This may not seem exciting...but for a big girl whose options are usually pretty limited as to where she can buy her clothes.....just walking through the clothes area and being able to actually find something that fits is pretty amazing. EVen more amazing...I on a whim bought the xl. I thought that they would be tight but I would 'grow' into them. Well, I tried them on...they are loose. Now don't get me wrong....not loose as in I should be wearing a large...but loose as in comfy!

Going to my work christmas party/dinner tomorrow night so I'm planning my low point breakfast and lunch!

Lately I've been really melancholy. I've just felt like crying...A LOT of the time! Don't know what's up with that. My husband freaks out because he wants to know why I'm crying...or feeling sad. I honestly can't tell him why....I'm just sad. I do think it's because right now we seem to be under a lot of stress...but that usually doesn't make me feel sad and teary! Nope...not eating like a mad woman because of it either!

Another week!

I've been really struggling this week. I've used more flex points then I have ever used. I know, I know...they are there for me to use, Use them. However, that combined with my lower exercise levels. I just don't know what's happening to me. I've had a few nights of not being able to sleep and a few other nights of nightmares. Fun fun fun.

According to my scales, I've maintained though. We'll see how it goes tonight!

Another week!

I've been really struggling this week. I've used more flex points then I have ever used. I know, I know...they are there for me to use, Use them. However, that combined with my lower exercise levels. I just don't know what's happening to me. I've had a few nights of not being able to sleep and a few other nights of nightmares. Fun fun fun.

According to my scales, I've maintained though. We'll see how it goes tonight!

Somehow!

Somehow, from somewhere, I pulled out a 2.8 loss. This puts me at the exact weight that I went into my thanksgiving vacation at.....before I temporarily lost control!

Meanwhile, today at work I was so bored that I literally fell asleep! Uhhh, I'm a boredom eater! I ate 16 points EXTRA in mindless eating at work alone! Yes, that was 16 points! Luckily I did have 5 points extra (I was saving it to have a weight watchers dessert cup during The Biggest Loser tonight) and I was able to change my 12 point dinner into a 5 point dinner (yay zero point veggies!). I had already planned to go to the gym...I just did more cardio than weights and earned 6 points.....so I evened myself out at least. But I can't be doing that!

Better luck tomorrow!

Waiting to see the damage!

Yes, I'm waiting to see the damage. Last week I gained 2.2 pounds. Which means in the last two weigh ins combined I've gaiend 2.8 pounds. Not life ending...but still something I DON'T want to happen. So I set myself on a course to get back to where I'm need to be. I feel as if I've done pretty good this week. I stayed on task. I journalled everything...even the bad stuff that I ate. And yes, I did eat bad stuff. I celebrated my birthday this week. I didn't eat cake, instead I chose to have ice cream. I'm not talking about run of the mill boring ice cream. I'm talking about an icecream shop where they make EVERYTHING from scratch.....using all natural ingredients. Eating this ice cream is darn near orgasmic. I totally enjoyed it....it was WELL worth the points. The good thing...this fabulous ice cream shop is about 1.5 hours away...and in a place where we usually do a heck of a lot of walking! (3-4 hours). SOOOOO Hopefully the walking negated the icecream.

I'm thinking that I actually may have lowered my numbers a little bit. I was originally aiming to lose the whole 2.8 pounds this week...I'll be happy with 2.....(according to the gym scales, that may be what I did too). I don't know!

Back on Track

Yes, I'm back on track. Really what it boils down to is I'm actually journalling and not just saying...'oops, I'm over'. I decided one of the big things I would do would be to write down EVERYTHING....and count EVERYTHING...even if I know that I went over. First, knowing that I'm going to write it down anyway makes me be good. And, I'm finding it is not too overly difficult to actually get it back under control. What I'm struggling with is the "bites, licks and tastes". But, yes, I'm adding those in also!

I also think that I needed a 'bad week' to really refocus myself. I mean, the week before I had gained .6 pounds. That's pretty much nothing. In all honesty, to me that is the difference in clothes....or maybe a trip to the bathroom. So it was way to easy to overlook as a gain. Not so for a 2.2 pound gain. I can't over look it. Yes, I know that I was probably retaining water (I hadn't been drinking properly) but that is an excuse and I know the other part of it is that I ate poorly that week. I could have kept overlooking .6 pounds week after week. And eventually I would have found that I had slowly gained back the weight. I needed that shot in the arm of a 'big' weight gain to get me back on track! :-)

Weigh In Results

Ok, I'm up 2.2 pounds. I want to scream in frustration. However, I refuse to. I know I did it to myself. I didn't watch what I was eating.....I didn't watch portion sizes....and thereby, I didn't journal. I am 100% at fault!

I'm recommitted though. I have done pretty good thus far today. I actually will have enough for a Weight Watchers fudge bar. Yes,I've had stuff like that in the past week...however I never had the points for it. Today, I actually have the points to really allow to eat it! So, I'm not doing too badly. AND, my water intake is where it needs to be today!